Hi all hope had a good day congrats serene on 150 DAYZZXxxx love IT had bad day :( husbaaaaand grrrrrrrrr over IT what's harder sobriety or marriage hmmmmmmm :)

hmmm.....not married liss. So I don't know.
But I'd venture that both have their challenges!

Bad day for me too.

Love V xx

(( venus ))
(( liss ))

Hi ub3 I see that you have deleted your account, but just in case you ever peek in, I have something I'd like to share.

First of all, as I read through the February posts, I see that your February classmates care very much for you and your well being. I don't know what the incident was that sparked your departure, and it's really none of my business, but I felt compelled to share something I've learned about perception, because this knowledge has been monumental in my recovery.

It took a while for me to really grasp the idea that my mental functioning had been compromised by years of abuse. When I was drinking, I was told that I didn't see things correctly....that my thinking was clouded with negativity and depression. This angered me, and fueled my fires at times. The way that I perceived things was all that I had, and I think that a part of me needed to see things in a negative light in order to justify some of my behaviors. But I did not like the way that I thought or felt, and I knew that I had to make a change because even the terrifying "unknown" had to be better than the hell I was going through.

We really do create brain damage when we use, and just as with any injury, our brain needs time to heal from our self-inflicted wounds. This is very important, and has helped me in my recovery. If I had a broken arm that was being repaired, it would be foolish to choose to break it while it was still healing in a cast. It would not make sense, right? My brain is recovering from a major injury....I cannot choose to compromise a full recovery by doing anything that will throw my healing off-course. I cannot drink if I am to heal.

As time has passed (4 months plus), I have learned just how broken my mind truly was. People were right, I was seeing things through a film of negativity and depression. My mind was stuck in a simple loop, ruminating in a negative cycle, filled with anxiety, thoughts of persecution, and hopelessness. I could not see or recognize this at the time because my perception of what was happening had been injured. Now, I see things differently, and this has been the greatest gift in my recovery.

I never would have believed that my thinking would have changed four months ago because I was not capable of it. I could not grasp the concept that we choose how to perceive things because I didn't know that I was capable of a choice. This has been empowering to me....I can choose how I perceive anything. Right or wrong is of no consequence, it is how I choose to experience any given situation.

I hope that this makes sense, as I still find it challenging to get my thoughts into words sometimes. My message is pretty simple...I perceive things differently with a little sobriety time than I did when I was using. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to look at the world in a different light, and I wish the same opportunity for you too ub3.

Much love,

MV

Thank you MV. Yes, every word made sense.

((Hugs))

Venus xx

(((liss)))
(((venus)))

beautiful words MV, truly beautiful. Yes, I can feel my perspective continuing to change - even now!

Fantail - Thank you! Your comment about brain recovery peaking at 6 months is super inspirational for me to maintain my healthy behaviors. Want to make sure that I give my brain the best shot at healing & I can feel myself at the '60 day motivation lull'.

I too, like to read the threads so that I can process the scenarios in a reflective way. Well said!

hilarious - I had a dream last night about drinking (using) soda!

I see you brain. I know what you're doing!

Hi guys just checking in on you all, im doing ok, still early days but slowly starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

MV, that light seems all the more brighter after reading you're truly inspiring post, your words and message of hope, although not directed at me, it has helped me understand and realise that my muddled brain WILL get better given enough sobriety time, and that has given me so much hope and optimism for the future- thank you. x

Glad to see everyone doing SO well, you guys are all heroes to me! Love and best wishes to you all.

Goooood morning have a great day :) I havnt got out of bed so lay and pray its going to b a rippa Rita :) mv that was awesome identify with it so much :)

Hope you day is better ((v))

MV! You always say you have trouble articulating things, but you should know that whenever you do, you knock it out of the park. So well said and so appropriate to the situation. Thank you.

congrats on 150 days Liss - and LOL at Ripper Rita - I hope we all have a ripper and bonza day and weekend, mates :D

D

G'day mates from me then I guess, if we're going all Aussie! ;)

1stepup ~ so glad to hear from you, and to know that you're doing better.
I have been following you in the June thread...would be sad though if you left us.
Your Feb buddies love you!!

I'm a bit miserable. Have a very hard few days ahead with massive family stuff including my mother's consecration, stone ceremony at her grave, on Sunday.

My older sister, (who I always fought so badly with and lost last year over this) is a wreck, and her stress is not helping anyone else.

I will not get drunk. But I don't know how to deal with this pain. It's just too big.

I would appreciate any advice.... :)

Love to everyone,

Venus xx

For years I saw feeling sad or feeling pain as something wrong, something to be avoided.
Of course that was not only unrealistic it was unhealthy.

I think it's normal for things like this to be painful.
There'd be something seriously wrong if it wasn't.

It's a part of the process - a crappy one, but a necessary one too.

We get through it best we can, leaning on others for support and having them lean on us.

I posted this for someone else recently but I hope it might be useful here too...

:hug:

D

Thank you so much Dee.

That helps. A lot. Trying to run or hide from the pain is causing me distress.
I need to sit with it. Let it wash over me...and move through it until I get to the other side.

I don't know The Painted Drum... I want to read it now as well.

And did you notice, I have that Hemingway quote in my signature?

I feel better. It's OK to bend, even to break ~ I will go on.

Love Venus xx

LOL sorry - I knew I read it somewhere :D
but it's a great quote :)

D

Hey venus, wishing you strength and peace for the upcoming days. You're already 10 steps ahead by not drinking. For me true grief was able to begin only after I stopped drinking, and that grief has been able to mature into healing, with time. I have gone to a grief group and individual counseling specifically for grief, advising the counselor of how long I've been sober.

I too have a difficult situation with my one sibling. I had to let a lot go the day of my mother's ceremony. I was numb and had to rely on people who knew the situation. I was aware they had their own grief to address, and yes that included my sibling. Be gentle with yourself. The word should has no place in your vocabulary that day, it is about you and your mother. It is big. Breath by breath you will get through it. I'm sure I'm missing some things. PM me if you'd like too.

Thank you upandup ~ like you, my grief could only truly begin after I stopped living in a continual state of drunkenness
...but it still feels so fresh. Almost 10 months.

An old friend of mine from NA always says "family is hard". So is life sometimes.

I will PM you; I appreciate this very much.
So much love to you; your mum would be very proud of you now.

Venus xx

sorry to break in now but I need to start the new thread in case I don't get back here today

we continue here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-8-a.html
D