walkingwithgod

Day 49 today. My parents, sister, and brother in law came to visit this weekend. I had a few urges, but worked through them. We just got back from a Mother's Day meal with my wife and daughter. Happy Mother's Day to all you Super Moms.

nel68

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers here♥ ...Grace, its funny you made a reference to my mom and a twinkling special star, this past Christmas my step daughter gave me a certificate to name/register a star. Yep I named it after my momma... She had such a hard life her mom was sick and lost both of her legs to diabetes so they pulled mom out of school to care for her. She barely knew how to read or write/spell and was always self conscious about it, it made for a hard life,of course. She always worked hard and was so full of love. She was with my dad for several years and he was a abusive a$$ and tried to keep her down by breaking her down but she had a plan to get away, it took her along time to save money to get away but she did it. We hide out for about 4 months after we left until we felt safe. I remember the night we left...My dad left the house and didn't take the car which was unusual we thought for sure he knew we were going to leave that night. Soon as he left we packed a few cloths, we went from the front door to the back door a million times, we were afraid to leave thinking he was out there. He was a evil abusive man... After a couple hours of literally going back and forth between the two doors.....Fear is a powerful thing when it has you in its claws.... We opened the door and went straight across the street to a neighbor and my Aunt picked us up...That was the best day ever! Looking back on the little money she made I really don't know how she did it. We knew how to live poor and didn't expect much... She was loved by everybody, when she hugged you, you just felt love coming from her and could call her anytime day and night. When I think all she been through it breaks my heart and how she had such low self esteem but I'm glad I was always right there helping her has much has I could. I would of moved heaven and earth for her. I know it sounds silly the way I go on but we truly had a wonderful mother daughter relationship....Okay enough of my reminiscing of my mom♥♥.........The weather is cool and windy here but the sun is out!!! I hope all the Undies had a soberlicious Sunday!

HappyDestiny3

nel..

Amen for Moms..

Grace2

8.50 Monday

Good morning Monday F'undies

I'm home today and all is well on in Graceville, I had a good sleep, O.H has gone to work and it's just me and O for most of the day. It's not raining this morning ( yet) but it is cold and very blowy. I had a bit of a black cloud moment last night, I was fine and then this black mood descended on me like a ton of bricks. I gave myself a good talking to and made myself think about all the good things in my life and how much more fortunate I am than some, I have two arms, two legs, my health, my own teeth and my eyesight, everything works, so what do I have to be depressed about? I do feel better this morning, thank goodness.

You are more than welcome here Melvin so please keep reading and posting.

Steve, I meant 15 hours shifts in my last post, not 25!! Though I'm sure if you could do , you would, lol.

Hi Nicky, it takes some catching up when we've missed a day, I'm with you on the trying to slow down and the difficulty we have in actually doing it, I find it a bit of a challenge to say the least. There just needs to be more hours in a day, though maybe not, thinking about Steve and work, lol.

Hi Matthew, good to hear you had an enjoyable week end and you did yourself proud working through the urges. Are you finding it easier to do that now as time passes? Having the support of your wife must be a help.

Nel please don't ever stop reminiscing about your lovely Mum. She was obviously a wonderful, strong, loving lady and I would have named a star after her too, if she was mine. I think that's a lovely idea. I send my love to you. xxxxxx

Amen indead HD3

It's quiet yet here so I'll go and check my other threads out, those that I keep meaning to cut down on but never quite manage to do, lol!

Stay safe and sober and be clean Undies.

Gxxx

Just for Today: I accept that I don't have all the answers to life's questions. Nonetheless, I will have faith in the God of my understanding and continue on the journey of recovery.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Undies. Sorry, here's me again with my ranting and self-pity. I can't even explain why I feel like that, somewhere beyond my understanding. Tomorrow's my birthday, and I feel awful about that. I can't believe I will turn...Ok, let's face the fact, I will turn 36. I'll be officially kicked out of "young people league". And I feel dreadful because I feel like all my life, all my youth I spent trying to please everyone, to bring less trouble as possible regardless of my own feelings. And now, here I am - completely lost in life. Such a disguisting feeling -as if I've wasted my soul by small pieces and left with a huge emptiness inside. As if everyone appreciates me only in terms of that I am "unproblematic person", and so I constantly sabotage myself trying to find a proof that I can be loved just for who I am. As if I'm trying to test - will I still be loved if I make a mistake and fail?

Ok, Undies. Sorry again, just needed to get if off my chest, because I feel that bad I want to scream. I have no idea what I'do without you, friends.

I'll go look for some better mood.

See you later).

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel low MB.

I have a decade on you - I discovered who I really was at 40.

I spent a lot of years looking for validation from others, because my self hatred would not let me find it in myself.

When I got sober and I got to know myself I found I wasn't the horrible person I thought I was...I fixed the things I could fix in me and I accepted the rest.

I learned to love myself. I learned to look at the years I spent lost as still part of the journey that led me to today - nothing is wasted if we can glean value from it.

Maybe it's time you did the same thing MB?

I know from your posts you're a fine, thoughtful loving person with a good soul - let yourself have some of that love, MB

D

MidnightBlue

Thank yo so much, Dee. You words warmed my heart. I am happy to be here, and sober. Thank you again.

walkingwithgod

Good Morning Undies, day 50 for me. I hope you feel better Midnight, and happy early Birthday. I have had a really hard time sleeping lately. I hope the new workout program will help. Every time I think of drinking I know I don't want to. Life is better at home, work, and I prefer life sober and hangover free. God Bless all of you.

Grace2

Oh Midnight, I'm so sorry you feel that way but 34yrs old! What I would give to be 34 and know what I know now. I hadn't even started my drinking career at 34, I was always a late developer, I could give you 20 years on your 34 and I didn't start drinking until my early 40's, so what a massive head start you have on me!!! I spent my 40's in a time bubble. I'm loving life now and age stops me from doing nothing, lack of time does that but hey ho. I've got a lot of catching up to do. Age is but a number, or so I keep telling myself.
You should see my Mum, she's 80 next month, fit as a fiddle, wears jeans and trendy trainers, walks everywhere, does her own painting and decorating, keeps her huge garden beautiful and always wears her lipstick and looks good! Puts me to shame, she does. Shame my poor old Dad has lost it along the way!
Seriously though too, have you spoken to your Doctor about this depression you suffer from, maybe some therapy or likewise would help. Just saying.

Dee and I've got a decade on you and still learning. Thank you for that post, it explains a lot of how I feel about myself.

Lots of love

Gxxxx

MidnightBlue

Thank you, WWG and Grace.

Grace, I like you call my age 34) It's actually crossing borderline between 35 and 36 that freaks me out. And not even this but all the "supposed" that go with this, I think. And I think I will finally go to see a doctor about depression - I am tired of fighting it.

Matthew - congrats on 50 days!! Workouts help a lot with insomnia. Best of luck to you)

nel68

**{Hugs to you Midnight}} I think you are feeling this way because you are newly sober(I feel anyone under a one year is) your recovering, healing and finding yourself and no its not easy it usually comes out in our moods. When I was 36 I think I started to change hormonally. I remember someone saying maybe your starting perimenopause, I thought no way!! But looking back I think I was, so maybe that can be some of it??....Midnight, I think you have been doing great and you have been truly a inspiration for me, here in the Undies thread and Healthy Eaters. I hope you will have a lovely birthday♥ Your avatar reflects how I picture you, a strong gal! .... I hope your day gets better, just keep in mind all the wonderful work you have done over the last several months and all the wonderful helpful support you have giving people/us♥.....Chin up girlie

nel68

Good happy Monday morning Undies♥ Hope you all have a great day!

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Nel. Thanks a lot)

I am not that strong..yet. Lol

DrakeCKC

A month and a week for me! Still just amazed how clear my mind is. The clear mind is also letting me see some other serious issues I need to deal with. But instead of drowning them in brew, I will start to face them.

Hang in there with me, ok?

BoozeFree

Welcome melivinsober!

Nel your mom sounds like a real neat person, very strong to go thru all of that.

Grace I will gladly take your weather!

MD maybe make a list of things you would like to so instead of dwelling on stuff you didn't do in the past. And enjoy your bday tomorrow.

I have today off. Still have school tonight though. Felt like a lazy morning and didnt walk my dog, she's sleeping on my bed.

Caledonia1

Hey Midnightblue. That dreaded feeling of turning 36 is perfectly normal to me, the wrong side of the 30's. I felt exactly the same but believe me it's painless.
Have a little faith and confidence in yourself. You so thoughtful to others here and feel free to rant anytime at all.
Hugs
x

tanja

((MidnightBlue)) - I do hope that you know that you are loved here - no matter what. We can all see how kind, loving and supportive you are. As they say in AA, "We will love you, until you love yourself".

sober1ck

Hang in there Midnight. My dad wanted to get my friends together for my fortieth. I would not have it. I was a real brat about it! I will be 43 this summer, if I can stay alive, and I like my generation today. Of course, I will miss being young and having more choices... life, I guess.

bloss

The mid 30's to late 30's were a difficult time, realizing one is getting older. When I first signed up on SR, I posted asking how old people were when they became sober. There were many varied responses. The one constant was everyone kept repeating:

It is never the wrong time to become sober and work on living life, facing our sober self. Once we are sober for a time, we can work on our issues that we avoided with alcohol.

M.B.: you seem to be an accomplished, caring person. We all make mistakes, right? Those who truly care will accept you for who you are. Some people, once we are sober, no longer mesh with the way we choose to live and that's not a bad thing, just reality.

I'm sending positive, accepting thoughts to you today.

You are who you are today and all is well
Bloss

MidnightBlue

Hi, I'm back, with better mood, as promised)

Thank you so much my dear friends, your posts really brought tears to my eyes - you brought me the love I needed so much.

I finally dragged myself to the gym, spent regular two hours, and feel more balanced now. Luckily my mind is quiet and not pushing me a long list of my liabilities)

I've been thinking these days - what to give myself as a BD present considering that I don't drink any more, and my budget is tight? On my way back from the gym I've decided that I'll give myself a day of peace. I will stop the race of thoughts. I will stop sweating over small staff and big as well. Because what is big and what is small? Life is big but it's built of small precious moments which are slipping away.

I will watch some nice movie. I will wake up and have coffee watching sunrise. It's a gergeous warm evening, sky is full of stars, and bird-cherry is in bloom and it's delicious smell fills the air.

And, heck, I'll be 36. I'm still young, but not a fool any more (at least I hope so).

And I am sober, and I love the life.

And I have SR -it's gift of destiny to me.

Thank you so much, Undies.

Have a great day)