sober1ck

I'm disoriented. I've been so troubled with alcohol issues. This time around I want to be real about what it is I can expect from staying away from wine. My fall back is "knowing what the f is going on." That will have to do, I think. I can't pretend the "if...thens" of the past, that tell me if I stop drinking life will deliver in a way that I like. But I still want to know what the f is going on! I guess I was hoping for a sweeter guarantee!

Ladybug2

Welcome sober1ck, I understand how you are feeling. Sadly, alcohol has been such an big part of my life that, even though I so want to quit, I still find myself thinking about it and obsessing about it everyday. I think it is because we have to make changes to old routines & habits and make new memories that don't include alcohol. From what I have read this takes time. It really gives me hope to read posts from those who have been sober for a long time and hear them say that it does get better and that they love their new sober life so much better. That's what keeps me coming back. I never thought it would be this hard, though

Goat

Wekcome sober ick! (hehe, sorry, I always thought it was Sober Rick until I read your post about what your name means in the cafe... now, sober ick makes me smile). I'm glad you're here, all back of the bus and stuff... I hope you stick around on our thread

Hey Ladybug! You're hangin' in there! You can come hang out with us for strength while the hub's away and we'll never lose respect for you!

I got maybe two hours of sleep last night. I did the annual "campout in the gym" with the cub scouts. Sleeping outside on the ground is great. I would do that anytime..... but sleeping on the gym floor just isn't my thing. We usually do this campout a little earlier in the year 'cause it's a little too chilly for the younger kids to sleep outside. I can't remember how we arrived at doing it at the end of April this year. If I had had more foresight I would have brought my tent and slept out in front of the school. That would have been very nice

Today is full of soccer and baseball. Maybe some yard work when I get home... I love the beginning of the yard work season

Mallard666

Going to be three weeks today but bye I feel so cranky

amandaw

Day one for me. I was active on this site in late 2011. After that, I got pregnant, stopped drinking through the duration of the pregnancy, and thought I was cured. At first, after the baby was born, I felt like I was able to manage the alcohol. I only drank a glass of wine every 3-4 days, but now I'm at the point (my son is 7 months) where I'm drunk 4 nights a week after the kids go to bed. I missed work yesterday due to a hangover and then continued drinking to make myself "feel better." My husband is at his wit's end. He said if I continue doing this, the day will come that I'll be forced to choose between alcohol and my family. He's very supportive, so I'm going to start going back to meetings today. Good Luck to everyone else!

Ladybug2

Hi and welcome amandaw! Same thing happened to me. I got pregnant with my daughter in 2009 and didn't drink for 9 months. About 3 months after she was born I tried drinking again, in moderation. I was OK for awhile, but then found myself drinking more and more and waking up miserable with hangovers. She just turned 3 and I am finally serious about quitting. It's good you are getting help now. We don't want to miss these precious baby/toddler years. That is my motivation

Mallard666

Another case of am I cured thanks for sharing some of us need reminding of this

NapsteR1

Hi All

sorry to hear about your yr slip LadyB, jump straight back on the wagon and face today rather than beat yourself up about it.

Took the Triumph out for a spin to meet up with my "sponsor" had an egg and bacon bap and a couple of cups of tea whilst bike and people watching and generally setting the world to rights. Rode back through a flipping hailstorm, sounded like someone was firing a stream of gravel at my helmet. Did some work on Mrs Ns bike to keep it running sweet, basically filled the day with stuff to avoid getting some booze in and enjoying a lazy Saturday, job done

amandaw

Thanks for the welcome! I have an almost 4 year old and a 7 month old. It's really getting to the point with my 4 year old, that she will start understanding that I have a problem. I do NOT want her to remember me being a lush throughout her childhood. I want to be a better mommy! I plan on going to a meeting either today or tomorrow. I work today, but am off tomorrow. We'll see how I feel after work. Right now I'm going to take my daughter swimming. It's only April and temps are in the 90s here in Fresno, Ca

NotSoIvory

Thanks Dee. Not that I thought I had defeated it or anything. Just highly amused at the way my brain is working.

2 weeks strong! Hurrah! Longest duration of sobriety in maybe a year and a half. If I get 2 more it will be the longest duration in about 10 years. No more starting over, it's too difficult, and it never gets easier. In fact, I think it gets harder just because of the loss of faith in myself I suffer from it.

Not looking forward to spending the weekend at home. Sigh. I need to get out of here somehow. I was going to go to a meeting this morning but didn't wake up in time to walk over there. Tick tock. Tick tock. (No longer the sound of a clock, but a bomb waiting to go off if I sit here and listen to it in my head.)

Hope everyone has a well and sober Saturday!

Mallard666

Sober I am but almost willing to fall of the waggon just one day but will it lead to more there is nobody here tonight, first weekend a been in this position three weeks today and cravings hant been bad, mainly just been in a pi,,ed off mood that I can no longer drink. But tonight I no I can get away with it, and now the cravings have dicided to come along in full force

Ladybug2

I fell off the wagon for 1 day and couldn't regret it more. Had worked hard to get to 18 days and then it was back to Day 1. Awful feeling, stay strong, you will be so glad you did

Mallard666

Yeah it's time time I have went am holding onto just a bad day thanks

bookpunk

Feeling the same way Mall666. Having the same thought process. "Hell, I'll just start on day one again tomorrow or soon thereafter." But see one drink is never just one drink, it all kicks in again -- it's like the switch is broken, there is no off until I cut the power in four or five days feeling like complete crap, more depressed than ever. We gotta remember that part... it's never one or even two drinks anymore. It's an insatiable demon, and our switches are broken forever, there is only ON and OFF, and I'm going to keep it OFF at least for another day. One day at a time. Right? We'll make it until tomorrow together.

Mallard666

Am in bed now so a didn't drink but was so close joe you were ok to.

Trubbled

I'm still in. Day 7. Went to get a few groceries last night realized when I got home I had not even thought about going into the wine boutique just beside the store. Did buy some foods I would not normally eat (frozen pizza and dark choc with chili) so I had pizza and a top chef marathon on tv . Woke up late again, didn't feel like doing much of anything. So did the necessities and settled down to watch a movie with cold pizza for brunch. Took a break from watching the movie and took a four hour nap. how exhausting can watching a movie be???? Now already tired again. Just feeling blah, no wish to drink but feeling tired and blah. Don't see how I can be so tired.

Will try to stay awake another couple of hours anyway and then sleep. Hoping to finish up some yard work tomorrow working outside always makes me feel good, I just couldn't get up and at it today. For now I am just giving into tiredness and lack of initiative. I'm lucky that I have the luxury of being able to do that the only thing I NEED to do is make sure the dog and the cats are fed etc. Everything else can wait.

DG0409

Day 19 done for me soon.

It's been a long day for me, but no drinking.

I feel a little worn out from the day- so time to relax and take care of myself a little so I get back to feeling a little better. Maybe read some SR or something and remember why I quit.

muskrats21

Day 6 is in the books for me! It has been a rough week to say the least. Day 5 & 6 for some reason hit me hard. Just now was debating whether or not I wanted to take my ativan before I go to bed or skip it so it could be out of my system tommorow night so I can drink! WTH?!?!?! Anyway... I took it and off to bed. It will be one week tommorow. Keep pushing away the thoughts of caving in and get support through this site has got me to day 6.

sober1ck

I feel like I could go down in flames because I fell for someone who is addicted to alcohol. I got to this place where I care enough about myself to try and save me, but I can't easily walk away from her. This just really sucks. I've been where she is, so I want to be nice about it, but it's risky to go down a road like that.

fruitymarzipan

Day 26 for me. Had an interesting night last night, which I will share because it will resonate with many. Had a lovely quiet evening with hubby. My daughter who is 14 was dropped at a friends house in the afternoon as she was going to a birthday party and the best friends parents were dropping them in the evening. Got my 3 year old to bed and enjoyed a quiet night followed by an early night! Woken by the phone ringing at 2am, husband isnt on call so am thinking what any mother thinks, & feel total hysterical panic. Yes its my daughter sobbing hysterically and making no sense. Finally I manage to ascertain that the birthday girl who's house her & her best friend were sleeping at is paralytic drunk as are all her friends bar 2. 1 girl has been throwing up contiuously after drinking a litre of vodka and wet herself and is semi-concious. My daughter had rolled her on her side and said she was calling an ambulance. Birthday girl & another girl went mental & said she couldnt as they would get her and her parents in trouble (apparently the parents bought them the alcohol and were in bed asleep???) My daughter paid no attention & started to dial for an ambulance, got ambushed by a load of driunk girls so her & her best friend had to leg it out of the house & up the country lane. So she's phoning me from a country lane in the middle of nowhere as they had decided they would try & walk into the villiage and got lost as its pitch black with no street lights, this girl lives literally in the middle of nowhere. So my daughter is screaming about being kidnapped by paedo's or hacked to death by an axe murderer (arnt teenagers melodramatic) I am telling her not to be ridiculous (but really thinking please God dont let some psycho come accross them) whilst hubby is flying out of the house with car keys to go look for them. Hubby finally manages to find them using some miraculous gps type app btw his iphone and her iphone (thanku apple!) and brings them safely home....in their pyjamas covered in other peoples vomit. Meantime I have phoned ambulance control to check they have gone to attend to the unconcious girl and the cops to go and sort the parents out.
So at 4am I am sitting on the end of my daughters bed, her and her best friend are showered and snuggled up with hot chocolate. I tell her how proud I am that she isnt drunk, acted responsibly in calling the ambulance and we have a talk about the state of the youth of today and how people didnt start drinking so young in my day. My daughter tells me what a mess they all looked, how the 'nice' boys were all laughing at them and how she would never want viewed like that. Her & her friend spent all evening cleaning up vomit and pulling girls away from the swimming pool as they were worried they would fall in and drown. I beat myself up as a mother, worrying that I do a good job because of my addiction, but I sat looking at my beautiful (she is very pretty) sensible and sober daughter and realised that I am doing a good job!! And to finish this post, someone tell me, what kind of stupid stupid parents buy other peoples 14 year olds, who have been entrusted into their care, alcohol. Im furious