Class of April 2013 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 42
Would like to share. Feeling pretty down on this Day 16. I'm proud of myself, and am not sorely tempted to drink. But I'm feeling very empty. I realize how much time I've spent drinking or recovering from drinking, and I'm sad. I just don't know who I am anymore, if I ever did know. In my mind, I know I should pick up a hobby, exercise, volunteer, whatever. But I have inertia and feel a little sorry for myself. I have quit drinking, but what for? To keep from hating myself, that's why. But sober I don't seem to like myself much either. Now that's a bummer! Here's hoping for a brighter outlook tomorrow. Thanks foe listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
HML - Sorry you're having a rough day. I can totally relate. I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to be doing either. I guess step one is just learning how to be a human without booze? The rest will come in time. At least I hope so. Hang in there!
Well, at least now that I have the drama I was so desperately craving yesterday, I now know I really didn't want it after all. I can't believe I forgot that stupid appointment or that I'm bawling my eyes out over it. My poor husband just doesn't know what to do with me, and I think I am scaring my children. I really need to snap out of this!
Well, at least now that I have the drama I was so desperately craving yesterday, I now know I really didn't want it after all. I can't believe I forgot that stupid appointment or that I'm bawling my eyes out over it. My poor husband just doesn't know what to do with me, and I think I am scaring my children. I really need to snap out of this!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
Dee - Yeah, it was totally fine. My son and I actually see the same therapist, I in fact saw him this morning, and he reminded me of this appointment for my son, and I just couldn't get it into my head and keep it there. Fortunately, we had a good talk this morning and he knows the space my mind was/is in, and was very compassionate. I have a hard time accepting compassion from others. But I'm actually in a much better space now. 
I keep all my stuff in google calendar that sync's with my phone and my computer. I just didn't think to look at any of them...oh well.
As my hubby reminded me, he forgot to check on our friends cats while they were away over vacation. A much larger infraction, and more of a need for a melt down, which didn't happen, because it happened, and melt downs don't help. I'll get there. Of course, he never told our friends this, and the therapist told me we missed. It's more the embarrassment and the feeling that I let people down. But my son said "don't worry mom, everyone makes mistakes" and the therapist wasn't upset, so I guess it's all in my head.
I keep all my stuff in google calendar that sync's with my phone and my computer. I just didn't think to look at any of them...oh well. As my hubby reminded me, he forgot to check on our friends cats while they were away over vacation. A much larger infraction, and more of a need for a melt down, which didn't happen, because it happened, and melt downs don't help. I'll get there. Of course, he never told our friends this, and the therapist told me we missed. It's more the embarrassment and the feeling that I let people down. But my son said "don't worry mom, everyone makes mistakes" and the therapist wasn't upset, so I guess it's all in my head.
Last edited by MustLoveCoffee; 05-07-2013 at 05:11 PM. Reason: wanted to add stuff
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi all, had a better day today. Still struggling a bit from the weekend. Not hungover anymore, but just mentally wiped. No one to blame but myself though.
So many have made it to 30+ days or are so close and that is awesome! Keep going, it gives me hope.
MLC, so sorry for not responding and giving you support. Honestly, I guess I was too wrapped in myself and having a pity party over my slip. Sorry, I think a lot of us are struggling right now. You are doing so great and 40 days ....wow! Really impressed. I have never made that long, except for when I was pregnant, so I don't feel like I give you any helpful advice, except to say please don't be so hard on yourself. From what I have read on here, it sounds like it can take many months of riding s roller coaster before we can truly enjoy sobriety. I do have faith and believe everyone when they say it is all worth it. Chin up girlfriend
We are all proud of you.
Very tired tonight, but no desire to drink. This very thought of vodka or wine makes me nauseas right now. Wouldn't it be great if that would last? I think I just need to reread all of my posts the next time AV rears its ugly head.
Good night, friends. Stay strong and be proud of yourselves. We are all doing a good thing here
So many have made it to 30+ days or are so close and that is awesome! Keep going, it gives me hope.
MLC, so sorry for not responding and giving you support. Honestly, I guess I was too wrapped in myself and having a pity party over my slip. Sorry, I think a lot of us are struggling right now. You are doing so great and 40 days ....wow! Really impressed. I have never made that long, except for when I was pregnant, so I don't feel like I give you any helpful advice, except to say please don't be so hard on yourself. From what I have read on here, it sounds like it can take many months of riding s roller coaster before we can truly enjoy sobriety. I do have faith and believe everyone when they say it is all worth it. Chin up girlfriend
We are all proud of you.Very tired tonight, but no desire to drink. This very thought of vodka or wine makes me nauseas right now. Wouldn't it be great if that would last? I think I just need to reread all of my posts the next time AV rears its ugly head.
Good night, friends. Stay strong and be proud of yourselves. We are all doing a good thing here
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by MustLoveCoffee 
I have nothing to give right now. I'm putting the pom-poms down for the night and that's ok. I was about to apologize for being a Debbie Downer, but on the Marcher board we have a no apology clause, and I think it's a good one. I'm having a rough day, and I need support. I shouldn't feel the need to apologize for it. Obviously if you're a jerk you can apologize, but not for your feelings.
Later bandicoots!
Later bandicoots!
Hugs all around!
NL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Coffee, I'm sorry I didn't see your original post. I hope things get better. Family stuff is the worst! You missed the appointment because you are really stressed out. It happens. Maybe posting to brand new people in the Newcomers forum would help. I think it helps me.
Well, moving on to 2 weeks. It feels like A LOT longer. I am a bit strung out. The psychiatrist called today to see how I was. He is happy with what I am doing and my attitude. That is good.
I need to post in newcomers about how to start doing things. I normally would have a drink to begin anything, make a major purchase, clean up my apartment, write a new piece, or create a piece of artwork. I feel better, but I cannot do anything yet.
The psychiatrist said to think of one thing, like showing up to the gym and remove all of the other goals from my mind. Once I can do that, then I can think of something else. I think I am terrified of my potential, and terrified of success.
I need to start embracing my talents, and stop drowning them. There is a lot here.
Well, moving on to 2 weeks. It feels like A LOT longer. I am a bit strung out. The psychiatrist called today to see how I was. He is happy with what I am doing and my attitude. That is good.
I need to post in newcomers about how to start doing things. I normally would have a drink to begin anything, make a major purchase, clean up my apartment, write a new piece, or create a piece of artwork. I feel better, but I cannot do anything yet.
The psychiatrist said to think of one thing, like showing up to the gym and remove all of the other goals from my mind. Once I can do that, then I can think of something else. I think I am terrified of my potential, and terrified of success.
I need to start embracing my talents, and stop drowning them. There is a lot here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Originally Posted by HML
Would like to share. Feeling pretty down on this Day 16. I'm proud of myself, and am not sorely tempted to drink. But I'm feeling very empty. I realize how much time I've spent drinking or recovering from drinking, and I'm sad. I just don't know who I am anymore, if I ever did know. In my mind, I know I should pick up a hobby, exercise, volunteer, whatever. But I have inertia and feel a little sorry for myself. I have quit drinking, but what for? To keep from hating myself, that's why. But sober I don't seem to like myself much either. Now that's a bummer! Here's hoping for a brighter outlook tomorrow. Thanks foe listening.
I just focus on taking little steps to do a little more each day (on rougher days I just hold on though) and that seems to help.
16 days IS super. You should be proud of yourself.
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Geez it's hard to keep up with this thread when i'm working all day! We had some new additions and some folks having a hard time and I feel like a bit of a heel for not responding to everyone. I will catch up when I'm done with this week.
I'm done in New Hampshire and now I'm in Boston for my next round of client meetings. I'm presenting a major project tomorrow. I'm psyched... I kinda like being the center of attention all day
I've managed to fit in at least one aa meeting a day out here (except yesterday when the local meeting website was *wrong* about the locations of the two meetings I tried to go to). I enjoy out of town meetings with their interestingly different traditions. Lotta new-agey types out here... I fit in a little better than I do in Ohio. Too bad about the cold winters though -- I won't be moving here!
21 days without a drink and I'm feeling comfortable (but not overconfident! -- I've made that mistake before!) with my sobriety. Not comfortable with the prospect of 20 days in jail that's still hanging over my head, but I am doing my best to accept that if it happens.
I'm done in New Hampshire and now I'm in Boston for my next round of client meetings. I'm presenting a major project tomorrow. I'm psyched... I kinda like being the center of attention all day
I've managed to fit in at least one aa meeting a day out here (except yesterday when the local meeting website was *wrong* about the locations of the two meetings I tried to go to). I enjoy out of town meetings with their interestingly different traditions. Lotta new-agey types out here... I fit in a little better than I do in Ohio. Too bad about the cold winters though -- I won't be moving here!
21 days without a drink and I'm feeling comfortable (but not overconfident! -- I've made that mistake before!) with my sobriety. Not comfortable with the prospect of 20 days in jail that's still hanging over my head, but I am doing my best to accept that if it happens.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by fruitymarzipan
,
Coffee sorry you had a tough day but good on you for not drinking ..go bandicoot!
Coffee sorry you had a tough day but good on you for not drinking ..go bandicoot!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 31
MLC I hope your day will be better today. You did the right thing with calling your sponsor, I think.
The feelings of "not knowing who we are" are normal, addicts define a lot who they are through their addictions, and many psychiatrist say that as soon as we become addicts we stop growing emotionally, so I guess we're a big bunch of emotional teenagers, here, so we have lots of work to do to figure who and what we are and what we want and need from life. That's the difficult part.
Scout, thank you very much for the support! When I resisted the initial craving I managed to spend the evening without a drink. I was watching stupid reality TV and reading on here, so I didn't get anything done, though, but I'm not feeling bad about it. I know it was necessary. We might do another working night tonight, so we'll see if I'm any more productive.
This week end is going to be quite intense again, tomorrow a friend is coming to stay for the week end; she's very recently widowed from one of our friends (he died last summer) so sometimes there are lots of emotions going on when she's there. But at least she doesn't drink much.
On Friday we are having a RPG session, yay!! there will be drinking around (of course...) but since everybody is pretty serious about gaming they won't drink much, and I never drink when gaming (and never did even at my worst) so it won't be triggering for me.
Saturday will be harder, we are going to a mini pagan-metal fest and they will have home-brewed beer (which is really really good...) but we are allowed to bring anything we want besides industrial beer so I guess I'm gonna pack the cars with diet soda, sparkling water and ginger juice (I love ginger juice with lemon) and I'm gonna be ok. And I won't be spending any money at the bar, so that will be good. And of course there will be music, people and my ecig.
I wish you a great sober day, day 19 here, I'm excited to be in the 20s soon! (I don't think I've spent that much time without a drink for the last 10 to 15 years...)
The feelings of "not knowing who we are" are normal, addicts define a lot who they are through their addictions, and many psychiatrist say that as soon as we become addicts we stop growing emotionally, so I guess we're a big bunch of emotional teenagers, here, so we have lots of work to do to figure who and what we are and what we want and need from life. That's the difficult part.
Scout, thank you very much for the support! When I resisted the initial craving I managed to spend the evening without a drink. I was watching stupid reality TV and reading on here, so I didn't get anything done, though, but I'm not feeling bad about it. I know it was necessary. We might do another working night tonight, so we'll see if I'm any more productive.
This week end is going to be quite intense again, tomorrow a friend is coming to stay for the week end; she's very recently widowed from one of our friends (he died last summer) so sometimes there are lots of emotions going on when she's there. But at least she doesn't drink much.
On Friday we are having a RPG session, yay!! there will be drinking around (of course...) but since everybody is pretty serious about gaming they won't drink much, and I never drink when gaming (and never did even at my worst) so it won't be triggering for me.
Saturday will be harder, we are going to a mini pagan-metal fest and they will have home-brewed beer (which is really really good...) but we are allowed to bring anything we want besides industrial beer so I guess I'm gonna pack the cars with diet soda, sparkling water and ginger juice (I love ginger juice with lemon) and I'm gonna be ok. And I won't be spending any money at the bar, so that will be good. And of course there will be music, people and my ecig.
I wish you a great sober day, day 19 here, I'm excited to be in the 20s soon! (I don't think I've spent that much time without a drink for the last 10 to 15 years...)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The South Pacific
Posts: 306
Hello there, Class!
Day wasn't quite as shite as I thought it would be. In a lot of ways it was comforting. I was thinking it'd be quite a lot worse...but about the most evil thing was I cut my foot on some Lava rock. Haven't had a good gash in a long time...and trying to make my way to the water to toss a lei in the water, I hack it to pieces. Go figure.
I am not hocus pocusy, overly spiritual, or believe in ghosts. But some things really stood out to me...the waves today were incredible, and got more intense as we sat quietly...a father and his very small boy were catching waves together very near where we remembered Dad. They were the only ones in the entire bay. As I sat watching them surf...my mom just about knocked me over with and elbow shove and a gasp. Now, let me remind you I generally don't believe in "signs", or miracles, you get my drift...I'm doing my best to discredit this kind of stuff...but no more than ten minutes after we had put the ashes to sea, and placed the lei in the water, a humpback whale breached, and crashed back, with a huge splash. And the dang thing didn't quit. He thrashed his tail against the water for a solid 3-4 minutes. It's not even whale season. It was the most incredible display of whale behavior I have ever seen...and felt close enough to feel the spray from his flukes as they hit the water. It was honestly one of the coolest things I've ever seen. If that isn't some kind of sign/miracle/spiritual thing...I don't know what is. I'm still a bit shaken (in a good way) about the whole thing.
It is late here..and my eyes are drooping. I had planned to get home tonight, steal some MLC thunder, and step in with a big, fantastic April Class post. I promise you all, there is nothing to be gained from imagining me putting forth my best cheerleader impression.
Lest you think I was teasing, or meaning anything disparaging about the cheerleader comment MLC, I assure you I meant it in the purest, most complimentary way as you have an ease with your writing that certainly cheers me up. I can feel your smiles.
Be well guys. You really do help me stay on this path.
Off to dreaming of whales...
-sB
Day wasn't quite as shite as I thought it would be. In a lot of ways it was comforting. I was thinking it'd be quite a lot worse...but about the most evil thing was I cut my foot on some Lava rock. Haven't had a good gash in a long time...and trying to make my way to the water to toss a lei in the water, I hack it to pieces. Go figure.
I am not hocus pocusy, overly spiritual, or believe in ghosts. But some things really stood out to me...the waves today were incredible, and got more intense as we sat quietly...a father and his very small boy were catching waves together very near where we remembered Dad. They were the only ones in the entire bay. As I sat watching them surf...my mom just about knocked me over with and elbow shove and a gasp. Now, let me remind you I generally don't believe in "signs", or miracles, you get my drift...I'm doing my best to discredit this kind of stuff...but no more than ten minutes after we had put the ashes to sea, and placed the lei in the water, a humpback whale breached, and crashed back, with a huge splash. And the dang thing didn't quit. He thrashed his tail against the water for a solid 3-4 minutes. It's not even whale season. It was the most incredible display of whale behavior I have ever seen...and felt close enough to feel the spray from his flukes as they hit the water. It was honestly one of the coolest things I've ever seen. If that isn't some kind of sign/miracle/spiritual thing...I don't know what is. I'm still a bit shaken (in a good way) about the whole thing.
It is late here..and my eyes are drooping. I had planned to get home tonight, steal some MLC thunder, and step in with a big, fantastic April Class post. I promise you all, there is nothing to be gained from imagining me putting forth my best cheerleader impression.
Lest you think I was teasing, or meaning anything disparaging about the cheerleader comment MLC, I assure you I meant it in the purest, most complimentary way as you have an ease with your writing that certainly cheers me up. I can feel your smiles.
Be well guys. You really do help me stay on this path.
Off to dreaming of whales...
-sB
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Somewhere USA
Posts: 238
Good Morning Everyone. Day 31 for me! Yay. Court date tomorrow for my DUI. Wish me luck. I'm hoping I don't get a hard suspension and can get driving priv's. That's my biggest concern and one that's keeping my thoughts tied up. Work is so busy, and I've new responsibility, and if I can't get to work I don't know what I'll do.
Wish I'd been sober and smart enough to think about that before I decided to drive drunk.
Well, off to work. Have a great day all.
Wish I'd been sober and smart enough to think about that before I decided to drive drunk.
Well, off to work. Have a great day all.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 205
Hello everyone. I am on day 16 today. Everything is pretty good. My wife and I had a great talk the other night. I really hurt her with my drinking, and its going to be some time until she can trust me, but that's OK. I just need to keep doing the right thing (go to meeting, pray, talk to my sponsor) and not pick up a drink.
Anyway, just wanted to touch base here on SR. This site is helping me too. Its becoming part of my morning routine, and that is a very good thing.
Anyway, just wanted to touch base here on SR. This site is helping me too. Its becoming part of my morning routine, and that is a very good thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Congrats, DG & BikerAcct on 30 days!! 
BikerAcct, wishing you luck at your court hearing. Whatever happens you will be able to face it better sober.
Busy this week getting ready for our upcoming vacation. We are taking our 3 yr old to Disney World for the first time. Just the 3 of us so really looking forward to some family time together. I won't be tempted to drink since my husband and daughter will be with me the whole time, plus I want to enjoy the days and not be hungover or in a fog. We leave early this Sat so if I am MIA for a few you will know why
Hope everyone has a great day!
BikerAcct, wishing you luck at your court hearing. Whatever happens you will be able to face it better sober.
Busy this week getting ready for our upcoming vacation. We are taking our 3 yr old to Disney World for the first time. Just the 3 of us so really looking forward to some family time together. I won't be tempted to drink since my husband and daughter will be with me the whole time, plus I want to enjoy the days and not be hungover or in a fog. We leave early this Sat so if I am MIA for a few you will know why
Hope everyone has a great day!
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