Hi Sokil,

Way to go on not drinking! Try not to worry too much about your brother, just focus on you and keep at it one day at a time.

12 days is awesome, you should be proud of it. :)

I know it's scary peeling back those layers so to speak and facing what's there. I've been doing a bit of that myself. Just take it easy, be kind to yourself, remind yourself that now that your sober you can work to make real changes to make these things better.

Napster- Hope your night went well.

Husband home tonight
 

I'm on day 3. Started when my husband left town. He is in denial that I have a problem with alcohol. I'm determined not to drink. He'll no doubt open a bottle of wine this evening when he comes home. I just have to be strong. I stopped once before for about 18 months, but it was with the idea that one day I could drink again. I know now that this is not true. The binge drinking just got worse.

Hang tough.

I quit at home with my drinking bf, but now am on a trip by myself so the last bit has been easier, but I know what it's like.

But you know, I always feel SO PROUD of myself when my bf is drinking and offers me one and I just say, "No, I don't want a beer tonight." He might ask if I'm sure, but I insist.

Just remember that if you don't drink, you'll feel proud of yourself, too. And if you do drink... well, you know how that goes or you wouldn't be here.

Post if you need to.

Day 16 starting here!!

It's nice to wake up without a hangover and actually be able to have positive thoughts about the day.

Today, I am focusing on kind of starting to switch more from 'quit drinking mode' to 'live life sober mode.' I want to be productive again and get all of the over-due stuff I have at work taken care of so that I don't have that to stress (or drink) about.

So, I set my alarm for an hour earlier. Since I'm not hungover and I actually got real sleep, this didn't feel like a cruel form of torture and I only hit the 'snooze' button twice rather than like 20 times.

And I'm checking in on SR for a few with a cup of tea, but I set myself a time limit so I wouldn't spend too long... Speaking of which, time for me to head off.

See y'all tonight when I have day 16 done. :)

Im on day 3. I've had many day 3's, so it is not cause for celebration. I have so many triggers, I don't know where to start. I've been in love with alcohol since I was 15 some 25 years. Not all of that time was spent buzzed or drunk, but the poison remained always close to my heart.

Good morning all,

Day 18 here, so close to 3 weeks. 21 days is the longest I have ever made it (last April), excluding pregnancies. I feel like I may not break that record, though. Husband is going on business trip and will be gone tonight (huge trigger). Fortunately, it is a quick trip and he will be back tomorrow evening, but AV is sitting on my shoulder and WILL NOT budge. Little s***! I can not stop obsessing about how nice it would be to be able to sit in the open and enjoy a glass of wine (not hiding or sneaking around). Trust me, I know it isn't worth it, but, like I said, AV is not budging. Will keep fighting :a043:

You and I are on the same page this morning. As I was driving to work (on time for a change), I was thinking what PURE JOY it is not to be hungover!

muskrats - Congrats on Day 2!

Ali2013 - Way to go on finishing your program! Good luck at work today!

Goat - Glad to hear you're more confident. I need to start reading the Big Book. Today is a 12 step meeting for me. I think we're on 9 or 10. We just circle around weekly in order, but I missed last week and can't remember where we were the week before.

DG0409 - Thank you for your share in the other post. I could really identify with the concept of needing an excuse to self-sabotage. Sometimes I feel like I need my outside world to match my inside world, and that's when I get those feelings. Last night there was nothing wrong in my life really, but I felt so horrible and sad inside. Those are the nights that I would self-sabotage, get really drunk and pick a fight with my poor hubby. I just needed the inside and the outside to match. I talked to him about how I was feeling last night and he really didn't get it. It made me sadder. :(

AnotherPaul - I tried to chat but it started asking me for all kinds of permissions and I got nervous about viruses. Do you know what it's asking me for and if it's ok? What is it trying to do?

ScoutBall - Wow, that's weird, the friend pushing the drink, I've had several instances of that too so far. Good for you for holding to your convictions. I think our friends, for whatever reason, need to test the no. I find that incredibly irritating right now. But I guess it's no different from being at a birthday party and someone asking you again "Are you SURE you don't want a piece of cake?" Maybe we're just oversensitive to the fact that it's booze they're offering? Still, sucks. No means No!

Sokil - Welcome!

NotSoIvory - I had a rough night last night too. Good for you for going for that walk. I hope today is better.

Napster - I hope the conference is going well. Stay strong. :)

HML - Welcome. A lot of us have hubbies here in denial about our drinking. Is your hubby a drinker? I didn't tell my hubby I had quit for over a week and he was afraid to ask.

Tang - Welcome. Be proud of Day 3 anyway. What have you got to lose by celebrating a little accomplishment? That's great that you're aware of so many of your triggers. Now you can learn your choices around them. Easier said than done for sure, but babysteps. :)

Ladybug - Good luck tonight. My hubby and kids leave me home alone on Monday evenings and I was realizing what a huge trigger that "me time" was the other evening. I came on here and read until they got home. Buy yourself some sober time tonight and just breathe. Hang in there!

Day 27 - Do I turn into Sandra Bullock tomorrow? Seriously though, last night was awful. Total crap mindstorm pity part crap. I tried to talk it out with my hubby, that didn't really go so well. He just kept saying "You know, life is pretty good." and I know it is, argh! I wish he wouldn't say that. So what if my problems are all in my head. Telling me that doesn't make them go away!! I seriously don't know why I talk to him sometimes, it just makes me so much angrier. I scheduled an appointment to restart therapy next week, but I already don't know what the focus of that will be. As I've said on here before, both of my kids have special needs, and I struggle between what part of that I should just "accept" and what part of that I should have "courage to change." I guess it's because I lack "wisdom"? Is that what the Serenity Prayer is trying to tell me? Because I swear, I have NO SERENITY when it comes to my son's development, and I don't know how to get there and I feel like I'm making myself and my son miserable in the process. <breathing>

I'm off to work out and then will hit the noon time meeting followed by the grocery store. Hope you all have a great morning!

Every day sober is worth celebrating, Tang!

I think we all have a whole pack of triggers. The AV hangs out in the shadows waiting to catch us with our guard down and pounce!

I have had my share of day 3s as well. It is possible to make this our last day 3. I hope you stay with us in the April class!

I really like that idea, so I'm borrowing it.

Day 19 here. Plenty to keep busy with today, then my dad will be in town for the next few days - he quit drinking a few years ago (was not an alcoholic and enjoyed a scotch or a beer from time to time but said he lost the taste for it as he got older) and he knows my whole story, so he'll definitely keep me out of trouble as we go catch some live bands and eat at some great restaurants around Austin and San Antonio. I love my AA folks, don't get me wrong, but it'll be nice to get out of the house and have some sober activities without actually talking about sobriety the entire time.

I may or may not get any time online while he's here, so if I don't post for a few days, that's why. Y'all take good care either way and stay strong.

'Allo Gang.

Raining like a Boss this morning. It's actually kind of pleasant. I like the sound of the rain hitting the leaves. We even are getting thunder! Which--is quite a rarity here.

I am relishing the simple things this morning. Blue Dog slept on my feet--so they were nice and warm. Coffee this morning. A nice macadamia nut blend. Delish.

I am thinking of each and every one of you who are having a bit of a struggle lately. Without getting too mystical on it--I feel like as a group we have a collective energy. Lend strength when we have extra, take some when we need it. That kind of thing.

Lean on your mates! Together we are very powerful indeed.
Make it a great day.
-SB

Excellent sentiment, SB. I am definitely leaning on this group and I feel we have a lot of power together! This is really a great bunch of people to be associated with.

I'm at a full week sober, and I feel stronger in my sobriety than I ever have in my life. Tonight I will go to the AA meeting I went to last week and say hi to all the folks there who welcomed me with open arms. I'm 9 chapters in to the Big Book, and my AV is silent, hiding in the shadows waiting to see if any cracks appear in my plan. Vigilance! :-D

I'm in. I'm out, in, out, and now I'm back in. I've been dipping my toes in the pool of sobriety and now I'm jumping in. For real this time.
It kind of reminds me of when I quit smoking a long time ago. I would hang out with all the other smokers during breaks and we would all complain about the ill effects of smoking and yet still light another. It wasn't until I had developed asthma and got a really bad flu one year to wake up. I was taking hits on the Nebulizer in between puffing on a cigarette. Very sexy. So I quit. It took a couple of tries. I needed a "blankie" during tough times. For me, it was the gum. The hardest part was dealing with the times of day I smoked, the routine. The first puff in the morning, sitting outside on a warm sunny day, driving in the car, etc. At first I thought I could never quit, and now it is so far removed from my life that I don't have to think about not doing it. I can be around others that smoke without any cravings. Sometimes the smells disgust me and sometimes I secretly inhale deeply for a moment when someone lights up. Once in a blue moon (usually when I am drinking in a bar with friends), I'll smoke one. Then I would have asthma attacks the next day and sound like Linda Blair in the Exorcism.

I'm learning what my triggers are. Must get licorice today. And when the husband is out of town, I need to rent a movie or buy a book for when the kids go to bed.

I had a few drinks last night and I didn't enjoy it at all. I was working on planning my husband's 40th birthday party and I didn't like how my brain turned to mush. Then I read some posts here on SR, and well that's like showing up to an AA meeting with a drink in your hand. Then I got onto Facebook and read everyone's crap. God, I hate FB.

So I'm back to day one. But I don't really think that counting my sober days is going to work for me. It seems to be waking up my AV. April is my quit date.
I haven't bought a single box of wine in two weeks. I can't believe how much money I'm saving. 2-3 boxes per week plus what I drink in restaurants. Wow.

Hello all - back on day blooming 1 :-( after last nights debauchery.

I decided to write down what happended as I just have always thought i drink a little too much & its not a problem but im starting to rethink that now:

Got home from work yesterday at 8pm after early start so long day : hubby & kids out til 9pm (sports), managed to drink bottle of red before they got home & hid bottle so no one twigged (specially kids as I was ashamed). Hubby got them to bed while I started on bottle of white wine - rest is a blur but apparently, as I was stressed (it was why I was drinking after all) I choose half way through the second bottle to list all my husbands failings and blame him for not being supportive enough and he's the reason I can't cope and get stressed. I don't remember any of this I go into a weird state where I almost blackout but don't collapse/ fall asleep I.e. I'm still functioning but its like a primitive unconscious part of me takes over and I can turn into an uber - b*tch and go for the jugular in my verbal assaults.....

So started today hungover with a v disgruntled upset hubby & ashamed of myself for letting him down, m kids down, and myself down. I'd done 2 weeks sober for chr*sts sake ---- arrrggghhhhh!!! Anyway am back on the wagon - feel too rough/ tired tonight so no problem not drinking today but just wish wish wish I could break the stress = drinking cycle. I know it's idiotic but emotionally it's my big stumbling block very time.

Am gonna have v early night so hopefully catch everyone sober tomorrow. X

:) just got it.

beavis and emilyalice -- day 1 is a good day! As everyone always says, use the slip as a learning experience :)

I'm glad you're here today!

I wanted to share with you guys another post I had made that helped me to come to terms with the extent of my alcoholism. I never liked the term "disease" as a way of referring to alcholism, but I was thinking about it, and clearly no WELL person would drink if this these were their list of logical reasons not to. (I added a couple things here and there since I posted it and am still continuing to add as I realize things.) Every time I start to forget why I quit in the first place, (which I do, and my AV can be very compelling.) I come back to this list. I admitted my alcoholism to myself years ago, not realizing there was still existing denial when it came to just how horrible things really were. I thought I could live as an alcoholic; Afterall, I was functioning, held a job etc... (that's obviously the AV logic) Things weren't always this bad, but it is so progressive and life goes by so quickly when you look back on it, especially if you're living it in a numbed and blurry state of mind for most of it. (I am 31 now.)


It's interesting how with some of these, the symptoms beget the alcoholism and the alcohol begets the symptoms, creating this vicious perpetual and progressive cycle. I have a lot of work to do, but I don't want to live another day on these terms.

Agreed NotSo.
All of the above for me. I too, never want to live under those conditions either.
When all laid out so succinctly--it's rather simple, isn't it?

Damn the AV and it's cunning ways.
Thanks for sharing that.

Thank you for your post. I do believe in a collective energy that we share. We can and do lean on each other as well as give. Our whole is greater than our collective sum...synergy! To stay strong and resolved to conquer our demons.

MustLoveCoffee.... I admire your ability to respond to everyone so personally and at the same time share about yourself. I would swear you are me, or I am you. You put into words what I feel and do.
I have a special needs grandson coming for a visit in July. He's 7, not on meds and I am wondering the same things about accept, or change and courage to let his mom make the decisions. His behaviour was frightening last summer. (I have no children of my own; he is the son of my husband's daughter - a single mom). And I know my step-daughter will be drinking excessively while here. Not sure how to set parameters.
Anyway, thank you for your share, I found it uplifting and encouraging.