Class of January 2013 Part 7
 

Continues from here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-6-a-20.html

D

I have to post when we move to a new part or I don't get instant email notification.

Sorry :(

xxx

What happened Dorris?

D

Dorris -- You always have such kind, supportive words for the group. Is there anything we can do for you? Sending you a virtual hug from across the pond ...

Feeling for you right now, Dorris. You have all my support across the oceans.

I hope you are OK Dorris. Please, no matter what happened, you know we are here for you...no judgement, just support and love.
Sending you some good vibes and hugs.

Absolutely, Dorris. You're the coolest!

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later because a fortnight ago I told myself and other my not drinking would not be forever.
Last night my husband was having a few cans and I just thought may as well, if it just gives me a rest from obsessing over not drinking just for one evening it will be worth it.

It was not worth it at all and I only wished I worked on the i'm never drinking again plan a bit more, telling yourself you will eventually drink just means you will eventually pour yourself that first drink.

I'm not sure what this means today but I know I have lots of thinking to do

Stay strong and focused

Xxx

Just don't pick up the next glass, Dorris. Forever is a hard word for all of us.

You can do this!

Dorris,
I am thinking of you. I have no pearls of wisdom. We are all human and subject to missteps. Dust yourself off and go forward. I think I speak for the group when I say that we all care about you and wish the very best for you. Forgive yourself.
Best,
W

Dorris - You come across as a very intelligent, kind, and caring person with a beautiful soul. To echo Reeny and Woodhead's posts, please don't beat yourself up. There are many learning moments ahead for all of us and this is just one of yours.

I think that relapsing is a process just as much as recovery is a process, Dorris. In fact, part of the process of recovery can often involve a series of relapses. Heck, no one ever was successful at this first time out. The important thing is that you are not in any way a failure.

I found that when I drank that bottle of wine at the end of February, it took a lot of pressure off me. I had been boiling up like a pressure cooker and the harder I tried to keep the lid on, the worse it got. I was sad but at the same time there was also a calmness afterwards.

But you are right, it does get one thinking... Will I become a serial relapser? Am I really one of those alcoholics without any proper control? I mean I have a really high bottom, a nice house, a nice wife, no real financial concerns....surely it is only street drunks who have to "submit" to a higher power? So how come I cannot seem to be in control of this like normal people? I am "normal", aren't I? Frankly, I am fighting against the conclusion that this might be bigger than me. Maybe I need to admit defeat and just submit?

Whatever the case, don't be too hard on yourself, Dorris. I am very very proud of you.

(CWTCH)

Dorris - with tears in my eyes I say "thank you for this . . ."
I am here on day 13 after relapsing a while back, and I've just made it
3 nights with unruly teenagers without tipping the red wine bottle -
teens and pre-teens - my last, and most difficult, trigger.
If I can get back on and make it, I know you will . . .
Like others have said, you are amazing and an inspiration (for me).

Love, Blond

Thinking of you Doris. I have been thinking about drinking a lot at the moment.

Day 83 for me today. Took the boys to an adventure park with rides etc. they went round and round I was very thankful to have my head not thumping but still got quite dizzy! Had a great day out with the family and I drove us there! Getting used to this driving thing, I did not have had the courage to drive for the last 14 years as was hungover every day.

Started a stress management course and first step is clearing the deck. 1 stop/reduce drinking. Yes. 2 cut caffeine. Yes. Good start.

Sending hugs and good willpower vibes to you all x:You_Rock_

Dorris, hang in there. Recovery is a process that will involve a lot of movement forward, backwards and sideways. There is a lesson for you, and for all of us here, and even if you are not sure what that is, it will come in time. Be gentle with yourself. Everyone on this board cares about you. Take a deep breath, and climb back on that sober horse.
Big hug!!

-Alison

Thank you all for such care, and have been touched by each of your replies.

I am now so full of anger and hatred, it's tearing me inside out. I had 4 Bacardi's and diet coke last night and have felt so guilty today because of it. I have been looking for a fault in anyone one of my family today to use as an excuse to be angry with them instead of myself, of course because my av don't want me to feel bad, it want's me to think what I done was ok.

I'll try not to drag it out here the pain and suffering and I don't want anyone to try and feel how I must be feeling, be proud you are still sober and still strong. I just want to say, the way our bodies are riddled with this disease of alcoholism, nothing good will ever come of drinking.

If you found your way here, it's because the dangers of alcohol brought you here, never ever forget that no matter how long you have been sober.

Today I see this.

((((Dorris))))

Dorris sending you my love (hugs) cariad don't go beating yourself up its a new day :)

I echo your words, Alison. Today I looked up the local AA meeting times because after Dorris' and bounced's slips, I've realised that there, but for the grace of God, go I. I need to fortify myself with more ways to stay off the grog for good.

Love to you all and especially Dorris today.