Class of January 2013 Part 7
Horrible day yesterday emotions/depression was overwhelming only good thing was no desire to drink. Showed though how much I used drinking to numb life both good and bad it's a lot to do with the self confidence self loathing issues for me I think.
I need to learn to be more assertive. Not easy it's a total change of thinking I just let things build up until I become a gibbering wreck like yesterday.
Tired today but better feeling the emotions is better than keeping them all locked up inside I think learning more what causes them just need to learn to breath.
Hope everyone has a good Monday hugs again Dorris.
I need to learn to be more assertive. Not easy it's a total change of thinking I just let things build up until I become a gibbering wreck like yesterday.
Tired today but better feeling the emotions is better than keeping them all locked up inside I think learning more what causes them just need to learn to breath.
Hope everyone has a good Monday hugs again Dorris.
Thanks Gilmer
Today is a new day can't really settle but can string a sentence together just lol and not ending up in tears for no apparent reason.
I sometimes think I feel to much, when others are sad or down feel so bad for them and want to do anything I can to make them feel better. When others are happy I am happy
This precedes drinking it's in my personality was a very sensitive kid.
Somewhere along the way though pleasing others all the time I really not learnt anything about my needs what I like what I dislike (apart from cabbage I know I dislike that lol,) it really made no difference anyway before run around sort everyone then sit back with wine.
Also thought doing everything for people would make them like me part of the confidence issues.
Don't know now where being helpful ends and starting thinking of my needs begins. Learning to say no is hard.
Sorry don't know if making much sense writing for me really just want to put it down somewhere.
First few months of not drinking was sort of in a cocoon now real life is breaking in bit by bit and the emotions are raw and new and at times overwhelming.
Just breath it's a step in the right direction just s hard one.
Today is a new day can't really settle but can string a sentence together just lol and not ending up in tears for no apparent reason.
I sometimes think I feel to much, when others are sad or down feel so bad for them and want to do anything I can to make them feel better. When others are happy I am happy
This precedes drinking it's in my personality was a very sensitive kid.
Somewhere along the way though pleasing others all the time I really not learnt anything about my needs what I like what I dislike (apart from cabbage I know I dislike that lol,) it really made no difference anyway before run around sort everyone then sit back with wine.
Also thought doing everything for people would make them like me part of the confidence issues.
Don't know now where being helpful ends and starting thinking of my needs begins. Learning to say no is hard.
Sorry don't know if making much sense writing for me really just want to put it down somewhere.
First few months of not drinking was sort of in a cocoon now real life is breaking in bit by bit and the emotions are raw and new and at times overwhelming.
Just breath it's a step in the right direction just s hard one.
Hey everyone. Day 67 here...
Rosie, I know what you mean. I've definitely been in a coccoon and in a real routine that has making it somewhat easy not to drink, anytime that routine is broken it's scary because it feels like there are always opportunities out there. This weekend was at a baby shower, watching everyone else enjoy wine punch while I sipped from the kiddie table. Afterwards, I pictured what it would have been like, drunk and making a fool of myself, and I was grateful for that Koolaid alternative.
I was a sensitive kid too and find it hard not to think of other people before me. I often think that i don't know what i like or need or want from life. I am trying to use my sobriety as a way to answer those questions. I don't have to answer them today. All I have to do today is not drink, and trust everything else will fall into place.
Hope everyone is doing well, Alison
Rosie, I know what you mean. I've definitely been in a coccoon and in a real routine that has making it somewhat easy not to drink, anytime that routine is broken it's scary because it feels like there are always opportunities out there. This weekend was at a baby shower, watching everyone else enjoy wine punch while I sipped from the kiddie table. Afterwards, I pictured what it would have been like, drunk and making a fool of myself, and I was grateful for that Koolaid alternative.
I was a sensitive kid too and find it hard not to think of other people before me. I often think that i don't know what i like or need or want from life. I am trying to use my sobriety as a way to answer those questions. I don't have to answer them today. All I have to do today is not drink, and trust everything else will fall into place.
Hope everyone is doing well, Alison
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
It sounds to me as though you could benefit from some CBT, Rosie? We can get into a pattern of "automatic negative thinking" (which may not be actually based on anything rational) and often it doesn't stand up under scrutiny. It is possible, over time to reverse some of these automatic negative thinking patterns or, at least, to learn to recognise when we are doing it and to consciously contemplate alternative conclusions about ourselves. If it means anything, I think you are an absolutely gorgeous person and you deserve to learn to really love yourself.
Morning Class
Fresh start for me, I have moved on from the weekend, as upsetting as it was, it will do me no good to drag it out.
I am very lucky not to have to go through the withdrawal symptoms all over again and to wake today is no different to how I felt when I woke up last Tuesday apart from today I know I don't want alcohol to be a part of my life so this time I need to keep learning, keep reading as much as I can about alcoholism and most importantly change my ways. I need to find new things to fulfill my life to prevent myself from becoming stagnant.
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being there for me this past weekend but my fight must go on
Love to you all
xxx
Fresh start for me, I have moved on from the weekend, as upsetting as it was, it will do me no good to drag it out.
I am very lucky not to have to go through the withdrawal symptoms all over again and to wake today is no different to how I felt when I woke up last Tuesday apart from today I know I don't want alcohol to be a part of my life so this time I need to keep learning, keep reading as much as I can about alcoholism and most importantly change my ways. I need to find new things to fulfill my life to prevent myself from becoming stagnant.
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being there for me this past weekend but my fight must go on
Love to you all
xxx
Stay strong, Rosie. As Dorris says, we need to remember why we came here to this site. I waver constantly too but we know we can't go back there. It's hell.
Bounced just looked up cbt thanks have downloaded a book on my kindle will read it over easter.
Alison yes things will come eventually learning little by little staying sober will help discover us.
Reeny you are right it was hell before so grateful not to be in that place anymore.
Dorris love your attitude go girl.
Love to you all hope you having a great day.
Alison yes things will come eventually learning little by little staying sober will help discover us.
Reeny you are right it was hell before so grateful not to be in that place anymore.
Dorris love your attitude go girl.
Love to you all hope you having a great day.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 230
I have a CBT counsellor with whom I work to tackle some of the unhelpful "core beliefs" which I developed a very long time ago. (stuff like "I’m a failure" and "I must be perfect or no one will love me").
thank you everyone---your words are very encouraging---I'm happy to say I've stayed sober so far and it's day 23 for me and i couldn't have done it without your kind words and encouragement. Have a great day !! and keep on marching.
Day 15 or so here - recently got my "expungement" papers that basically wipe the DUI conviction off the records . . . so good things do happen after a time. I joked with my GF
that I should get trashed to celebrate - she knew that I was joking.
It was a long 3+ year road, but it's like a chapter has closed on a mild horror story . . .
that I should get trashed to celebrate - she knew that I was joking.
It was a long 3+ year road, but it's like a chapter has closed on a mild horror story . . .
Wow you blink and you miss a lot. Alison, I feel like I have the same benefit as you for the moment of being very busy in a routine. It's a challenging time of year to be a church musician. After Sunday, I'll have the option to fill in the extra time with something, and I can anticipate the cravings now. They will be there for me.
Hi Babs Dorris, I'm sorry it got rocky for you. Hang in there.
Trying to keep up with you Januarians. Have a good day.
Hi Babs Dorris, I'm sorry it got rocky for you. Hang in there.
Trying to keep up with you Januarians. Have a good day.
Was planning lots of walks and fresh air for Easter brrrr way to cold for that so instead chocolate in front of fire with kindle and (all set up and working) dvd player so will have lots of time to go through it.
Blond thats great glad that chapter is over and done with for you. Onwards and upwards you deserve it.
Babs1234 welcome to our online family you doing great.
I bought an aroma diffuser today its so pretty (in a flying saucer kind of way) all lit up changing colours relaxing just looking at it and the smell of the essential oils are divine going to use it as a focal point when i start to get all tense and emotional try to focus my thoughts.
Hope you all having a great day/evening.
thank you everyone for the nice welcome. I enjoy reading everyones thread as
it just makes a person stronger. Wow---it's not the easiest trip a person wants to go
on. But, with this kind of support a person can't go wrong. thanks for the support.
it just makes a person stronger. Wow---it's not the easiest trip a person wants to go
on. But, with this kind of support a person can't go wrong. thanks for the support.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I bought an aroma diffuser today its so pretty (in a flying saucer kind of way) all lit up changing colours relaxing just looking at it and the smell of the essential oils are divine going to use it as a focal point when i start to get all tense and emotional try to focus my thoughts.
So far I got lavender and bergamot (apparently good for anxiety and depression amongst other things citrus lovely) easy to use too no naked flames low power and don't get hot so safe to leave on when the water evaporates it switches itself off genius well good anyway lol.
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