Class of February 2013 part 4
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by bunny44 
My heart breaks for you Starbaby. Stay sober. Stay sober. Stay sober. Know we are all here, shoulders at the ready and arms open. Keep talking, it will help the healing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by Dee74
Glad you're back MSweeney.
What else do you think you need to do this time?
Congrats on completing your course UB3
Star I lost a partner not once but twice....I straightened myself out, eventually, and it's been third time lucky for me.
There's great things in your future too, I'm sure
D
What else do you think you need to do this time?
Congrats on completing your course UB3
Star I lost a partner not once but twice....I straightened myself out, eventually, and it's been third time lucky for me.
There's great things in your future too, I'm sure
D
She felt like home to me though... And how I could so epically mess things up is terrifying.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by 1stepup
Hi Starbaby, sorry to hear your feeling down. The frustration and remorse you feel is understandable. Its still raw and sorting her stuff out would be heartbreaking for anyone to go through, well done on staying sober through it. I too hate myself drunk- ive always pressed the self destruct button whenever ive had someone decent, loving and stable. Ive ruined so many relationships and potential relationships with alcohol that its hard to take.
Please stay strong and keep posting you've done great so far.
Please stay strong and keep posting you've done great so far.
Your thoughts mean so much to me right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by Starbaby928
I'm having a tough afternoon y'all. This morning after I sent her things on, I felt a bit of sadness, which has exploded into full on grief this afternoon.
I gave away the most important person to me & my future because of my drinking. I let her down & I let down her family & our friends. I take it from my conversation with her on Tuesday that she's told people what has happened. I know being sober is what I have to do but I can't help thinking the cost/benefit isn't shaking out in my favor.
The only thing that is keeping me sober is the knowledge of what an ugly person I am when I drink. Ugly isn't even the word for it... I'm terrified of myself when I drink... The things I've said to her are thoughts that have never came to me sober & break my heart to hear... Of course, she told me I'm lucky I don't remember them...
I'm so glad I made the decision to come see family this weekend... Otherwise I'm not sure how I would've made it...
I know it wasn't meant to be and will never be again. And I know I should be in the present... But in this moment I am so scared and remorseful. I can only look in the mirror & think What have I done?
I gave away the most important person to me & my future because of my drinking. I let her down & I let down her family & our friends. I take it from my conversation with her on Tuesday that she's told people what has happened. I know being sober is what I have to do but I can't help thinking the cost/benefit isn't shaking out in my favor.
The only thing that is keeping me sober is the knowledge of what an ugly person I am when I drink. Ugly isn't even the word for it... I'm terrified of myself when I drink... The things I've said to her are thoughts that have never came to me sober & break my heart to hear... Of course, she told me I'm lucky I don't remember them...
I'm so glad I made the decision to come see family this weekend... Otherwise I'm not sure how I would've made it...
I know it wasn't meant to be and will never be again. And I know I should be in the present... But in this moment I am so scared and remorseful. I can only look in the mirror & think What have I done?
I am so sorry you are going through this. Stop blaming yourself so much. We have all done similiar things.
One day my 13 year old daugher came home to find me passed out with throw-up all over me - and i was wearing her shirt!
I know it's totally different than what you are going through but we have all been there in one way or another. You are going to have some very sad feelings (and I know that is an understatement) w/o her I know, but try to stop blaming yourself. The past cannot be changed. It's also like a double wammie and makes it even harder when your dealing with pain, and guilt. I don't know how long the pain will be there but let go of the guilt. Easier said than done I know. I am the queen of guilt.
Think about the serenity prayer. What can you change? What can you accept that you cannot change? What is the difference? I guess that is why it is a prayer sweet StarBaby. Sometimes we just simply cannot do this on our own (my personal experience). I really think its likely this is a gift from god to push you to get a sponsor very soon SB. I know once again easier said than done, as you know I am on the lookout also.
Please when you get so low you want to reach for a drink just turn your entire life over to god. Even if you have already done that; do it again. I thought turning your life over to god was a one time thing but its not. I keep doing it and the more I do the more he is there for me. Miracles SB I promise. Hang in there!
Last thing - This may be selfish but there is at least one if not several of us that is learning from this particular experience.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by Mrbeagle
Ah Kitty thank you so much
I really do love your posts. It has been a hard thing to admit at such a young age. But heck, i'd rather sort this thing now than 10 years down the line when i've done some serious damage. I think because we live in such a drinking culture these days alot more of us are having problems.Drinking a whole bottle of vodka is seen more as a badge of honour than a worrying sign unfortunately to many at the University I attend. It took me a long time to realise this and consider that it's not a terribly mature thing to do.
You are doing so well kitty and by doing this i'm sure you will be a great inspiration to your sons.
Take care,
Beagle
Happy Birthday!!! I also think you are very mature for noticing you have a problem now. It will be one of the best choices you ever made when you look back in ten years. Trust me I know...I just turned 31 and would love to have never gone this far!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 58
My wife has announced it's 'over' - again.
Nothing to do with drinking, just a relatively minor misunderstanding in communications yesterday. It seems she has two speeds: 'Things are ok' or 'call in the divorce lawyers'. No room for everyday ups and downs.
I'm off for a nice long ride to my son's rowing regatta.
Nothing to do with drinking, just a relatively minor misunderstanding in communications yesterday. It seems she has two speeds: 'Things are ok' or 'call in the divorce lawyers'. No room for everyday ups and downs.
I'm off for a nice long ride to my son's rowing regatta.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
Sweet StarBaby,
I am so sorry you are going through this. Stop blaming yourself so much. We have all done similiar things.
One day my 13 year old daugher came home to find me passed out with throw-up all over me - and i was wearing her shirt!
I know it's totally different than what you are going through but we have all been there in one way or another. You are going to have some very sad feelings (and I know that is an understatement) w/o her I know, but try to stop blaming yourself. The past cannot be changed. It's also like a double wammie and makes it even harder when your dealing with pain, and guilt. I don't know how long the pain will be there but let go of the guilt. Easier said than done I know. I am the queen of guilt.
Think about the serenity prayer. What can you change? What can you accept that you cannot change? What is the difference? I guess that is why it is a prayer sweet StarBaby. Sometimes we just simply cannot do this on our own (my personal experience). I really think its likely this is a gift from god to push you to get a sponsor very soon SB. I know once again easier said than done, as you know I am on the lookout also.
Please when you get so low you want to reach for a drink just turn your entire life over to god. Even if you have already done that; do it again. I thought turning your life over to god was a one time thing but its not. I keep doing it and the more I do the more he is there for me. Miracles SB I promise. Hang in there!
Last thing - This may be selfish but there is at least one if not several of us that is learning from this particular experience.
I know this is happening for a reason... I just need to let go & realize that reason may not be clear to me now (or ever) but that I'm where I need to be.
Maybe I'm not ready for her or a relationship to the level we were headed- house, babies, marriage.... I felt ready... I felt home with her.
But- I love her. And what makes me sad is not just losing her but her pain & disappointment. I was supposed to be different for her. She was supposed to be safe.
I'm sure I'll come up & get my bearings soon. You're right- I need a sponsor. I need to start the work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by MSweeney
My wife has announced it's 'over' - again.
Nothing to do with drinking, just a relatively minor misunderstanding in communications yesterday. It seems she has two speeds: 'Things are ok' or 'call in the divorce lawyers'. No room for everyday ups and downs.
I'm off for a nice long ride to my son's rowing regatta.
Nothing to do with drinking, just a relatively minor misunderstanding in communications yesterday. It seems she has two speeds: 'Things are ok' or 'call in the divorce lawyers'. No room for everyday ups and downs.
I'm off for a nice long ride to my son's rowing regatta.
SB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by MSweeney
Sorry guys. Slipped.
And estone and fitness1234 and StarBaby and Precious and Pamel ~ I'm sorry.....confused myself....ended my realtionship with my partner, had to be done, but NEVER leaving u guys!!!!
You all help me every single day; we are a team,,,we need each other!!!!
Love Vxx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Friday Night
Had an amazing day at work, and on here. But its 5:00 and my positivity is headed toward E. As soon as works over on Friday Its hard for me to shift gears to wekend mode.
I can't slip or even get in a spot of yuckiness if I can help it that is. So tonight I have a plan; I am going to a painting class. I have done it twice before. Real Fun! However, I looked at the pic they are painting and what do ya know? The painting is of that poision stuff being poured from the bottle into a glass (it's called couples wine pour).
What the heck. I can handle that. If I was out of sorts completely I wouldn't even attemp trying to paint a bottle of w... When I'm done I will gladly give it as a gift to a normie!
Love you all - I Look forward to getting home after class so I can read all the updates on everyones day.
I can't slip or even get in a spot of yuckiness if I can help it that is. So tonight I have a plan; I am going to a painting class. I have done it twice before. Real Fun! However, I looked at the pic they are painting and what do ya know? The painting is of that poision stuff being poured from the bottle into a glass (it's called couples wine pour).
What the heck. I can handle that. If I was out of sorts completely I wouldn't even attemp trying to paint a bottle of w... When I'm done I will gladly give it as a gift to a normie!
Love you all - I Look forward to getting home after class so I can read all the updates on everyones day.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by SistahSober
Hey classmates...I'm off to my first AA meeting! I am excited! I will let you all know how it goes! Wish me luck!
ENJOY YOURSELF is more like it....so
ENJOY YOURSELF
Can't wait to hear.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by Starbaby928
MSweeny- don't despair and as lots of other people have said- stick with us!!!
SistahSober- hang in there... Maybe try some breathing techniques? They help me to get my heart rate back to normal when my anxiety peaks and clear my mind.
As for me... I'm on Day 15 here. This morning I took care of some housekeeping items in regards to my ex-partner. Gathered up her personal effects to ship to her, began to take care of some legal documentation, updating beneficiaries, wills & whatnot.
I found a birthday card she gave me... The gist of it is that she loves me & would be there for me come what may. Right... I know I messed up. But I also know I'm on the right path and she all but told me- good for you- I won't be there for any of it... Oh and chastised me about how I need to not drink. Um, yeah... I got that part and I actively work toward a sober existence every minute of the day. And when we were drinking together, she never complained or even suggested we slow down.....
So- whether it's fair or not- I'm hurt & angry. But I suppose feelings are what they are. I just know if the tables were turned, I'd hold her & be there for her. So- that hurts. But then again, I'm the one in the wrong here so what right do I have to hurt?
SistahSober- hang in there... Maybe try some breathing techniques? They help me to get my heart rate back to normal when my anxiety peaks and clear my mind.
As for me... I'm on Day 15 here. This morning I took care of some housekeeping items in regards to my ex-partner. Gathered up her personal effects to ship to her, began to take care of some legal documentation, updating beneficiaries, wills & whatnot.
I found a birthday card she gave me... The gist of it is that she loves me & would be there for me come what may. Right... I know I messed up. But I also know I'm on the right path and she all but told me- good for you- I won't be there for any of it... Oh and chastised me about how I need to not drink. Um, yeah... I got that part and I actively work toward a sober existence every minute of the day. And when we were drinking together, she never complained or even suggested we slow down.....
So- whether it's fair or not- I'm hurt & angry. But I suppose feelings are what they are. I just know if the tables were turned, I'd hold her & be there for her. So- that hurts. But then again, I'm the one in the wrong here so what right do I have to hurt?
Really just want to give you a huge hug....and to tell you that whether or not you "are in the wrong", you have every right to be hurt. Broken love hurts.... a lot. I did a lot wrong in my relationship too, but now that it's over, I want to nurture and love myself....so I am going to nurture and love you too until you can see how amazing yo are now, how far u've already come, and what wonder there is ahead for you.
Venus xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by MSweeney
My wife has announced it's 'over' - again.
Nothing to do with drinking, just a relatively minor misunderstanding in communications yesterday. It seems she has two speeds: 'Things are ok' or 'call in the divorce lawyers'. No room for everyday ups and downs.
I'm off for a nice long ride to my son's rowing regatta.
Nothing to do with drinking, just a relatively minor misunderstanding in communications yesterday. It seems she has two speeds: 'Things are ok' or 'call in the divorce lawyers'. No room for everyday ups and downs.
I'm off for a nice long ride to my son's rowing regatta.
My heart goes out to you....wot is up with the universe this week??? So much pain, so many of us suffering....but we are here for you.
You helped me so much last night when my world was crumbling; let's hope yours isn't....you two may be able to work through this. One minute at a time, if necessary.
You are in my prayers....sending you loads of love....
Venus xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
Love you all - I Look forward to getting home after class so I can read all the updates on everyones day.
PreciousKitty ~ you go girl!!!!
Can't wait to hear how the class went....love how you're challenging yourself with new hobbies....love you
Vxx
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 120
wow so much support here im blown away thankyou guys and gals...PRECIOUS i will be attending meetings regularly using intheromms dot com skyping my sponsor and most importantly staying connected....Its been an awesome recovery day... definitely time to get my head down xxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by ub3
wow so much support here im blown away thankyou guys and gals...PRECIOUS i will be attending meetings regularly using intheromms dot com skyping my sponsor and most importantly staying connected....Its been an awesome recovery day... definitely time to get my head down xxx
Sleep well xxxxxx
V
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by venuscat
MSweeney ~
My heart goes out to you....wot is up with the universe this week??? So much pain, so many of us suffering....but we are here for you.
You helped me so much last night when my world was crumbling; let's hope yours isn't....you two may be able to work through this. One minute at a time, if necessary.
You are in my prayers....sending you loads of love....
Venus xx
My heart goes out to you....wot is up with the universe this week??? So much pain, so many of us suffering....but we are here for you.
You helped me so much last night when my world was crumbling; let's hope yours isn't....you two may be able to work through this. One minute at a time, if necessary.
You are in my prayers....sending you loads of love....
Venus xx
I've become a little immune to these threats, which have been happening for years. I told her to do what she has to do, just do it!
How are you going today after a very crappy yesterday?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by venuscat
Congrats on day 15!!!! awesome job!!!
Really just want to give you a huge hug....and to tell you that whether or not you "are in the wrong", you have every right to be hurt. Broken love hurts.... a lot. I did a lot wrong in my relationship too, but now that it's over, I want to nurture and love myself....so I am going to nurture and love you too until you can see how amazing yo are now, how far u've already come, and what wonder there is ahead for you.
Venus xx
I just need to work through these feelings in therapy and get a sponsor to support and lead me through my journey of recovery.
Royally screwing up with her launched me into sobriety... My HP gave me hints I didn't recognize or turned away from... This one was a sonic boom and caused me to say "I need help."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by ub3
wow so much support here im blown away thankyou guys and gals...PRECIOUS i will be attending meetings regularly using intheromms dot com skyping my sponsor and most importantly staying connected....Its been an awesome recovery day... definitely time to get my head down xxx
Blessings;
SB
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