TTBABP

Napster my comment to you in my prior post did not make it through (operator error for sure)

You are the only one who can make decision for you. The "doors" here will always be open when you want to return!

ReadyAtLast

hey all

quicky check in as at work-just wanted to touch base as feel agitated when away from SR

gonzo-great news about the tests-it must have been a weight off your mind

Napster-dont feel bad, hope you decide to quit soon, let us know how you are doing

tazzle-at least your first work meeting with co-worker is over with. hope things improve

tam-great going on 90 days

courage-I've always been sceptical about the disease theory but I love your interpretation about it being a mental disease. That makes a lot of sense to me.

TTBABP-good to see you back, how are things?

Since starting to take anti depressants my mood has lifted and I feel positive, smiling at times and people which is great and very quick to take effect. The only problem is they are giving me horrendous headaches which I've read is a normal side effect in the first couple of weeks but aaarrrrrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take care all.xx

Maples

Relapsed last night after 3 weeks sober. Longest I have ever gone. So sad this morning.

courage2

Tazzle -- you sound good! Stay strong!

Gonzo, congratulations on the blood work results.

Ready -- so glad the meds are working for you. Hate headaches! Love to think of you smiling!

TTBABP—glad to read your post. Take care of yourself, and let us know how things are going, ok?

Tam, I hear people get “squirrely” around the 90 day mark – if that’s so, I’m getting a running start on squirrely. Plus I only promised my sponsor I’d stick around til 90, so my AV tries to tell me I’ll have a “pass.” Does your sponsor want you to “qualify” around day 90? Mine does…. Sigh. (Sorry for the AA speak, peeps!)

Maples, I’m glad you checked in, but very sorry to hear you’re still struggling so much. What’s going on?

I can't find my old fav hug on the forum smileys list, but I found a new source of smileys, so have another hug, Maples & anyone who needs one!

Maples

Thanks courage. I just flat out gave up last night. It got too hard to fight and instead of making phone calls I gave up. Feel like crud today physically and emotionally. Man this is sooo hard to fight.

ReadyAtLast

Sorry to hear that Maples. Can you identify what led you to have that first drink and try avoid it in future. Keeping SR close at hand helps me when cravings arise.

thanks Courage, it has eased now. Am smiling I'm not in AA but interested-what does 'qualify' mean? Are you planning on doing something different at 90 days-please don't drink beat that AV on the head

ReadyAtLast

Maples, have you ever looked at AVRT? I know different things work for different people and it might be worth a try if you've never looked at it before. The reason I ask is because of your reference to 'fighting' it. a key concept of AVRT is not to fight it as it's a fight we won't win and it just makes us lose so much energy when keep getting back up and fighting again and again. AVRT is where we learn to recognize the urge when it arises but then put it back in its box as it's not 'us' who has the urge but the beast. The beast can't lift the glass or open the bottle though so we maintain control by recognizing the urge but not acting upon it. the book, Rational Recovery' is well worth a read.

gonzo4419

Morning all, Maples good to see you back, there have been lots of slips around here, but we keep coming back. Purposely not much planned today, even taking a day off work as the new version of Simcity finally comes out today after 10 years. Love that game so much, so there goes the next month of my life, I'll be lucky to find the shower this week....

Hope everyone stays strong this Tuesday.

Tamerua

Howdy all!
Maples, I'm sorry to hear that, come in back and start over. You will feel better.

Gonzo, hello!

Ready, did you get your laptop fixed?

Courage, what does that mean?! Lol my sponsor just had me reading and doing homework... And compliments me, she told me I am very easy to work with.

Everyone I missed, have a good day!

Lynn

tazzle

hello Maples, a few weeks ago I was exactly where you are now, I was so tired of the fight, was it really worth the constant turmoil? I was on the low part of this roller coaster ride of soberiety. Reading and posting here was even a struggle for me. I knew that if I went back to my old ways I would never make it out, but oh good grief, I didnt want to deal with anything. I struggled for sure, forced myself to get outside, did some urge surfing and MADE myself play the life video forward ( thank you Courage for that concept!) got myself kick started again. All I can say is hold on, take a deep breath, square your shoulders and step forward, you can do it and we will be here with you!

tazzle

I can see a "care package" in your future gonzo, hmm what to put in,,soap on a rope, ding dongs, 24 hour pizza delivery number, air freshner,,,,

gonzo4419

Well I did get a shower in this morning, so if someone on Saturday says "Jeez it's like you haven't showered all week." I can honestly say "That's totally not true."

courage2

In most of the meetings I've been to in NYC, the order of the meeting is like this: about 5 minutes for reading the Preamble and other brief literature, 5 minutes for newcomers and those counting under 90 days to introduce themselves, 15-20 minutes of a speaker doing a "qualification" who tells their "experience, strength, & hope" (this is all AA language, sorry), then the "7th tradition break" (taking collection) and then individual sharing.

So if I have to "qualify" I have to tell my story to the room. Ugh.

Tamerua

Courage, oh dear! We don't do that in my meetings. But! I know that you will do great!

I do plan on sticking with it.... It has helped me tremendously, I've never been able to stay quit on my own.

Maples

I am investigating AVRT. Thanks folks.

My home group wants us to speak too. My story isn't as dramatic as others, but we need to relate, not compare. And I am not ready to speak yet.

I did stand and introduce myself last week. More and more regulars are asking me how I am.

courage2

Biopsy results came back fast and negative! I wasn't worried (Ha!) but I am relieved. Except the dr. told me to have a cocktail to celebrate. Don't I wish!

Dee74

Maples - you got three weeks - thats a major achievement.

I never thought much of myself all the years I was drinking - I never thought I was worth the effort. But I am. And so are you.

Next time that voice tells you it's too hard to fight or the phone seems to heavy to lift...fight it.

You really are worth it.

I had to work twice as hard to stay sober as I did drinking - and I worked incredibly hard at drinking.

Don't give up. Look at other things for sure, but I think you've been doing so great at AA it might be a mistake to throw the baby out with the bathwater?

this is just a reaching out problem I think.... and reaching out is a skill like any other - you'll learn it.

value yourself

D

TTBABP

Maples - don't give up. You have to keep fighting because you are worth it!

Ready - so glad you have found relief for the depression - stinks about the side effects though. Hopefully they will pass soon and it will be smooooth sailing

Courage - glad the biopsy was good. Thanks for your concern and thoughts - alwas appreciated.

I'm still trying to catch up both here and at work after two weeks away to tend to my husband who had surgery. I think things are getting more backed up rather than caught up but eventually I think I will get back into the swing and just be normal busy not crazy busy.

Be well everyone til I post again!

Maples

Dee, courage, Tazzle, TTBABP, Tam, gonzo, Ready, thanks so much. Means a lot to read your support.

Just got back from a step meeting at my sponsors house. 8 of us in the basement for 2 hours talking about step 5. I feel soooooo much better. The guys I met through AA are some of the best people I have ever met in my life. So thankful. Being able to sit and talk openly about sobriety, and how we can be better people is a powerful experience.

CNH08

Hi all. I was a member of the "class" then dropped out because I started drinking again.

Napster, if you're still here, I feel you. I am struggling and not quite willing to come to terms. Hopefully we can both find strength here.