Class of May 2012 part 18
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Fp, I hope the police involvement drops as the dates progress! Good to hear there seem to be other options out there as well. But hope date # 2 goes well!
Lee, I get what you mean about not having much to say most days. I know I've sometimes just said like "Hi, I'm at my lunch break." Hahaha! But like you said, it lets people know you're okay, and when you scroll through the page and see many Mayans checking in, it adds up to a lot of comradery.
Jeni, you know I'm still here! How did your therapy session go today therapy buddy? You've said you've been compartmentalizing all the negative things into your nighttime. I truly believe you are strong enough to not let it overflow out of your therapy sessions more than you may need to. You are doing fabby (a word I've learned since joining SR) in your new job and with H and your kids. Although definitely hard work, dealing with the past is now one other part of your life now, that will add to the richness and joy of all of the other parts. I think you should do something special for yourself after every session.
Wehav grats on 21 days! I love your philosophicallish thinking! Bring it on! Hope you had a nice day off and don't have to wait 2 weeks for another!
Welcome Michael! Tell us about yourself if you'd like. We're happy to have you.
Tanja, you are doing a great job staying sober through this difficult time with Peyton. I hope the place they find for him is ideal and that you get updates that he is doing great. I am sorry your sponsor bailed on the stepwork, but glad to hear you are branching out socially.
Hope everyone is doing well and checks in when they can.
Well I am glad it is the weekend. I've been so stressed by this work situation. Yet I've become paranoid, so I haven't wanted to post details here. But basically, what feels like the equivalent of an atomic bomb has dropped, and only next week will we see where everything landed. People not liking me is a trigger in itself, but people hating me or picking on me... it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about. When I left Thursday, I knew if I didn't do something physical, I would either drink or spontaneously combust. So I got on the treadmill. And last night, I went for a walk outside. And this morning I went back on the treadmill again. It's helping, but it's hard to get motivated to do it. In the big picture, it is ridiculous that all this is happening at a place of business, and that my job in itself is less stressful than just being there. I know I am learning lessons though. On dealing with difficult people and situations, on not allowing my self esteem to be determined by what other people think of me, and integrity. Depending on how next week goes, I may need to make some big decisions.
Prior to all this happening, I did call a therapist. The earliest appointment is in like a week and a half from now. In general, I need to work on my contentedness with life. I have a lot to be grateful for. But for some reason, I always feel like something is missing or that I just don't know what to do with myself. Weekends are tough because I want to relax and enjoy them, but I feel like I'm being lazy or wasting time. Then I do stuff and the weekends go by so fast and I'm exhausted. One of the (many) reasons I drank was to slow the weekend and care less whether I was doing enough with it. The first drink always made me more present, slowed me down. But of course that led to blacking out which technically sped up time for me and left me with even more regret and unrest.
Every reason we drank for, we now need to find a new solution to. And they're all different. I think I'm doing okay with stress. But now being content with free time is next on my list. I'm still not using caffeine and I think my irritability is better.
I have not used my camera all week, but I'm going to see if a friend with small children is around Monday to practice on them. I want to look into taking a class or joining a group. I feel silly just going out not knowing what to take pictures of. Another self esteem thing I'm sure. But I need inspiration.
Ok that's all for now. But what to do next...
Lee, I get what you mean about not having much to say most days. I know I've sometimes just said like "Hi, I'm at my lunch break." Hahaha! But like you said, it lets people know you're okay, and when you scroll through the page and see many Mayans checking in, it adds up to a lot of comradery.
Jeni, you know I'm still here! How did your therapy session go today therapy buddy? You've said you've been compartmentalizing all the negative things into your nighttime. I truly believe you are strong enough to not let it overflow out of your therapy sessions more than you may need to. You are doing fabby (a word I've learned since joining SR) in your new job and with H and your kids. Although definitely hard work, dealing with the past is now one other part of your life now, that will add to the richness and joy of all of the other parts. I think you should do something special for yourself after every session.
Wehav grats on 21 days! I love your philosophicallish thinking! Bring it on! Hope you had a nice day off and don't have to wait 2 weeks for another!
Welcome Michael! Tell us about yourself if you'd like. We're happy to have you.
Tanja, you are doing a great job staying sober through this difficult time with Peyton. I hope the place they find for him is ideal and that you get updates that he is doing great. I am sorry your sponsor bailed on the stepwork, but glad to hear you are branching out socially.
Hope everyone is doing well and checks in when they can.
Well I am glad it is the weekend. I've been so stressed by this work situation. Yet I've become paranoid, so I haven't wanted to post details here. But basically, what feels like the equivalent of an atomic bomb has dropped, and only next week will we see where everything landed. People not liking me is a trigger in itself, but people hating me or picking on me... it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about. When I left Thursday, I knew if I didn't do something physical, I would either drink or spontaneously combust. So I got on the treadmill. And last night, I went for a walk outside. And this morning I went back on the treadmill again. It's helping, but it's hard to get motivated to do it. In the big picture, it is ridiculous that all this is happening at a place of business, and that my job in itself is less stressful than just being there. I know I am learning lessons though. On dealing with difficult people and situations, on not allowing my self esteem to be determined by what other people think of me, and integrity. Depending on how next week goes, I may need to make some big decisions.
Prior to all this happening, I did call a therapist. The earliest appointment is in like a week and a half from now. In general, I need to work on my contentedness with life. I have a lot to be grateful for. But for some reason, I always feel like something is missing or that I just don't know what to do with myself. Weekends are tough because I want to relax and enjoy them, but I feel like I'm being lazy or wasting time. Then I do stuff and the weekends go by so fast and I'm exhausted. One of the (many) reasons I drank was to slow the weekend and care less whether I was doing enough with it. The first drink always made me more present, slowed me down. But of course that led to blacking out which technically sped up time for me and left me with even more regret and unrest.
Every reason we drank for, we now need to find a new solution to. And they're all different. I think I'm doing okay with stress. But now being content with free time is next on my list. I'm still not using caffeine and I think my irritability is better.
I have not used my camera all week, but I'm going to see if a friend with small children is around Monday to practice on them. I want to look into taking a class or joining a group. I feel silly just going out not knowing what to take pictures of. Another self esteem thing I'm sure. But I need inspiration.
Ok that's all for now. But what to do next...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
OLL, sorry to hear work is so difficult right now. I hope that will get cleared up for you. IMHO, therapy can sometimes be a life (and sanity) saver!
I would bet that you will get inspiration once you get going with the photography. Like so much else in life, it takes skill learning and practice :-)
Glad to see you posting again - I missed your posts that are so wonderfully supporting to our Mayans! The support goes in both directions and is so valuable!
Sassy
I would bet that you will get inspiration once you get going with the photography. Like so much else in life, it takes skill learning and practice :-)
Glad to see you posting again - I missed your posts that are so wonderfully supporting to our Mayans! The support goes in both directions and is so valuable!
Sassy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Yay! We get another FP date night story to look forward to!!!
And Jeni, do fill us in on your counseling appt. I do find it curious that you are so anxious about them (altho kudos to you for your calmer attitude this time!) when it seems like you share so freely and genuinely to us here. Is it mostly that you are digging deep in your past, or the notion of having to see a professional, all the above? I myself have been in a LOT of therapy (believe me a LOT so please forgive my ignorance, I don't really "get it"....ever since I was a young girl when my parents took me when they got divorced. I am just used to the setting I guess. I actually have really enjoyed the concept of paying someone to analyze my brain and suggest alternative ways of thinking. It's a chance for me to focus on "me" and not feel like I'm burdening a friend or family member with my troubles...
And Jeni, do fill us in on your counseling appt. I do find it curious that you are so anxious about them (altho kudos to you for your calmer attitude this time!) when it seems like you share so freely and genuinely to us here. Is it mostly that you are digging deep in your past, or the notion of having to see a professional, all the above? I myself have been in a LOT of therapy (believe me a LOT
so please forgive my ignorance, I don't really "get it"....ever since I was a young girl when my parents took me when they got divorced. I am just used to the setting I guess. I actually have really enjoyed the concept of paying someone to analyze my brain and suggest alternative ways of thinking. It's a chance for me to focus on "me" and not feel like I'm burdening a friend or family member with my troubles...
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I'm sorry Tanja - but perhaps this is for the best for Peyton? 
No need to apologise for having a life FP - it's why we get sober in the first place IMO
Hope the therapy and the camerawork help OLL.
best wishes this weekend Jeni - hiya Michael, Lee, HRB, Kitty, wehav, Sas and Em.
D
No need to apologise for having a life FP - it's why we get sober in the first place IMO
Hope the therapy and the camerawork help OLL.
best wishes this weekend Jeni - hiya Michael, Lee, HRB, Kitty, wehav, Sas and Em.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
well, it's day 35 and I'm just checking in briefly before bed. the weather is still cold and wet, so I can't get any digging done, plus mice ate some of the potatoes that were due to go in the ground. (sigh) Still, mice feed owls and other things like that, so I'm not too upset.
I went to see a counsellor on Thursday, and I'm still a little bit off. More stuff's come back, which is good, but I need to just let it go. I've also realised that this 'we really need to get in touch with you," and not hearing any more has got me a little bit rattled. I know I'm worrying over nothing, but still... I worry.
Sleep well folks, and have a good night. And remember tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start.
Love and Hugs to you all. x x
I went to see a counsellor on Thursday, and I'm still a little bit off. More stuff's come back, which is good, but I need to just let it go. I've also realised that this 'we really need to get in touch with you," and not hearing any more has got me a little bit rattled. I know I'm worrying over nothing, but still... I worry.
Sleep well folks, and have a good night. And remember tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start.
Love and Hugs to you all. x x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Good job to you OLL for working out your stressors on a treadmill. I hope you can find some good things to take photos of. I would think taking a walk outside with your camera might give you some inspiration. Right now I am watching a beautiful sunset that would definitely make an awesome photo....
Night in with the girls tonight (the furry girls) I think I'm going to watch Smashed....
There are St. Patrick's Day revelers all around town. I recall one or two St. Patty's Days that I did the same. I was planning on going out to see a friend's band tonight but decided against it, it doesn't sound like fun to me to be out and about on a day when there will be so many people overdoing it...yes I know there are always people overdoing it but seems like it's more acceptable on St. Pats Day. I'll catch the band another time....
FP I have cancelled my online dating acct for now, I think I'm going to try another site, I didn't have much luck with this first one. I so wish there were other ways to meet guys, I am thinking about how to do it. Online is tough because someone's online persona is so different from real life! It's just one tool in the toolbox, I guess....goodnight May friends!
Night in with the girls tonight (the furry girls)
I think I'm going to watch Smashed....There are St. Patrick's Day revelers all around town. I recall one or two St. Patty's Days that I did the same. I was planning on going out to see a friend's band tonight but decided against it, it doesn't sound like fun to me to be out and about on a day when there will be so many people overdoing it...yes I know there are always people overdoing it but seems like it's more acceptable on St. Pats Day. I'll catch the band another time....
FP I have cancelled my online dating acct for now, I think I'm going to try another site, I didn't have much luck with this first one. I so wish there were other ways to meet guys, I am thinking about how to do it. Online is tough because someone's online persona is so different from real life! It's just one tool in the toolbox, I guess....goodnight May friends!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
OLL you should take a class as you suggest!! I think that is a great idea. Learn some tricks and perhaps get inspiration...I can think of a few things like flowers or plants, animals...there is a photographer that lives in my condo building that put up a sign and wants to take a photo of every dog and their owner for a project - what a neat idea!!!! Hopefully cats are next
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi everyone.
Thankyou so much for your posts and your responses. You are such a special group of people xxx.
FP-I'm truly truly happy for you that your life is taking off in the way it is, and no, absolutely no need to apologise for that!! It's what we all want for ourselves and each other. My worries about people not posting didn't include you. I can tell you are thrilled and excited about this new turn of events and that's exactly the way it should be. I'm sending you a huge hug my special friend xxx
I guess I do worry about others relapsing and that this thread which collectively has been such a strong safety net for so many of us, may fragment and disappear altogether. Maybe that's my own issue of insecurity at play here. I'm not sure. I do use SR as a daily tool in my sobriety routine, although in actual fact, I probably don't need it. Logging on here daily is as important as my praying, my meetings, my gratitude list, and now my counselling. But I'm not close to relapsing and haven't been for some time. I still get anxious, I still don't sleep but I no longer think of drinking as a solution to any of that. I don't miss it and I never want to go back to it.
Kitty-the reason I get so scared about counselling is that SR is quite honestly the only place I've ever felt comfortable being me, showing my vulnerability has seemed ok because I am anonymous here, I can reach out but can also log off. Sharing the real me with another person in a face to face situation is quite simply terrifying. To the people I work with, to my family and friends, I am calm, good natured and relaxed. It's a role I've developed for myself over a number of years, and I'm really quite adept at it. The bubbling feelings of terror and angst only emerge at night and I don't share them with anyone but you guys. And now my therapist. Therapy could well be my salvation. I had an excellent session yesterday and I'm still processing it.
I guess this thread is still very important to me, and I worry that without it I could slip, not back into drinking, but back into living that lie which was 'happy, jokey Jen who doesn't get rattled by a thing'.
So, maybe I've developed an unhealthy dependence on you all, it certainly wouldn't be the first time in my life I've done that with people and situations.
I'm not sure. And I've learnt that when I'm feeling insecure or anxious, it's a problem with me and the way I process things rather than with the outward circumstances.
I do think the world of you all you know?
Loads of love to you all xxx
Thankyou so much for your posts and your responses. You are such a special group of people xxx.
FP-I'm truly truly happy for you that your life is taking off in the way it is, and no, absolutely no need to apologise for that!! It's what we all want for ourselves and each other. My worries about people not posting didn't include you. I can tell you are thrilled and excited about this new turn of events and that's exactly the way it should be. I'm sending you a huge hug my special friend xxx
I guess I do worry about others relapsing and that this thread which collectively has been such a strong safety net for so many of us, may fragment and disappear altogether. Maybe that's my own issue of insecurity at play here. I'm not sure. I do use SR as a daily tool in my sobriety routine, although in actual fact, I probably don't need it. Logging on here daily is as important as my praying, my meetings, my gratitude list, and now my counselling. But I'm not close to relapsing and haven't been for some time. I still get anxious, I still don't sleep but I no longer think of drinking as a solution to any of that. I don't miss it and I never want to go back to it.
Kitty-the reason I get so scared about counselling is that SR is quite honestly the only place I've ever felt comfortable being me, showing my vulnerability has seemed ok because I am anonymous here, I can reach out but can also log off. Sharing the real me with another person in a face to face situation is quite simply terrifying. To the people I work with, to my family and friends, I am calm, good natured and relaxed. It's a role I've developed for myself over a number of years, and I'm really quite adept at it. The bubbling feelings of terror and angst only emerge at night and I don't share them with anyone but you guys. And now my therapist. Therapy could well be my salvation. I had an excellent session yesterday and I'm still processing it.
I guess this thread is still very important to me, and I worry that without it I could slip, not back into drinking, but back into living that lie which was 'happy, jokey Jen who doesn't get rattled by a thing'.
So, maybe I've developed an unhealthy dependence on you all, it certainly wouldn't be the first time in my life I've done that with people and situations.
I'm not sure. And I've learnt that when I'm feeling insecure or anxious, it's a problem with me and the way I process things rather than with the outward circumstances.
I do think the world of you all you know?
Loads of love to you all xxx
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I wouldn't worry too much Jeni - this is still one of the most active monthly threads
Threads do move and change - but so do we...noone gets left behind
There's always support here...somewhere....as Sas will tell you, the March 2013 thread is pretty darn awesome too
D
Threads do move and change - but so do we...noone gets left behind
There's always support here...somewhere....as Sas will tell you, the March 2013 thread is pretty darn awesome too
D
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I wouldn't worry too much Jeni - this is still one of the most active monthly threads
We Mayans have been through various periods of waxing and waning in our posts and PM's over these many months, but we always stay strong and steady. I love that!!! Even though we're living our separate lives, that common thread among us keeps us checking in. I feel that we're all reliable, trustworthy, loveable and loving, and nearly always available rocks of strength for each other. I notice with many of us that a period of hanging back and reading for a while is common. Soon as someone has an urgent need or wonderful personal story to share, so many of us roar back in to fill up the pages with renewed activity.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, my beloved boaters! Ok, gotta start getting my Pach butt in gear for my late-morning date. We're in the parade today.
Stay safe and have fun. Love and hugs to all. Irish-elephant.jpg
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good Morning All,
FP - Congratulations on Day 309! I hope you have a wonderful time at your parade. I love your new icon.
OLL- I agree 100% that people not liking me is a huge trigger. When the one man at AA told me "I don't know you" it fed on my worst insecurities. Kudos to you for getting on the treadmill as a means of working through stress. I know I have to force myself to do it. I know that it really does put me in a better mood. Taking a class would be a wonderful thing that you could treat yourself to after all the hard work you have put into your home. I always enjoy your wisdom and your insight!
HRB - Thank you as always in supporting me and empathizing with the Peyton situation. I am not looking forward to it. I don't know how it will happen, but in all likelihood we will have to take him to the rescue. I am hoping that my husband will do it. I just don't want to see him led away.
Dee - Thank you as always for the advice on Peyton. I do tell myself that this is best for Peyton. I feel some guilt because I could have been a better owner.
Kitty - Glad to hear you sat out the Saint Patty's Day celebration. Your evening at home sounded much more enjoyable. I too tried the online dating and it was a nighmare experience. Much like you, the pictures didn't look like the person and they took great liberties with the facts they posted. It does work for a lot of people though.
Emily - Congratulations on 36 days of sobriety. I can relate to worrying about everything. At least we recognize that we are doing it and are trying to let it go.
Wishing everyone a good St Patricks Day! I think I will toast mine with green tea
FP - Congratulations on Day 309! I hope you have a wonderful time at your parade. I love your new icon.
OLL- I agree 100% that people not liking me is a huge trigger. When the one man at AA told me "I don't know you" it fed on my worst insecurities. Kudos to you for getting on the treadmill as a means of working through stress. I know I have to force myself to do it. I know that it really does put me in a better mood. Taking a class would be a wonderful thing that you could treat yourself to after all the hard work you have put into your home. I always enjoy your wisdom and your insight!
HRB - Thank you as always in supporting me and empathizing with the Peyton situation. I am not looking forward to it. I don't know how it will happen, but in all likelihood we will have to take him to the rescue. I am hoping that my husband will do it. I just don't want to see him led away.
Dee - Thank you as always for the advice on Peyton. I do tell myself that this is best for Peyton. I feel some guilt because I could have been a better owner.
Kitty - Glad to hear you sat out the Saint Patty's Day celebration. Your evening at home sounded much more enjoyable. I too tried the online dating and it was a nighmare experience. Much like you, the pictures didn't look like the person and they took great liberties with the facts they posted. It does work for a lot of people though.
Emily - Congratulations on 36 days of sobriety. I can relate to worrying about everything. At least we recognize that we are doing it and are trying to let it go.
Wishing everyone a good St Patricks Day! I think I will toast mine with green tea
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Good morning, all!
A quick check-in to say hello to our strong Mayans.
Jeni, I also went through a long spell of feeling like I was two people- the outside Sassy appeared self-confident, calm and all of that other stuff. The inside Sassy was a terrified, lonely little girl with no self-confidence at all. It always felt a bit schizo but after working through things in therapy, parts of the two have merged and the terror has gradually dissipated. Things aren't perfect but they are worlds better. It's a long process. There are still some discrepancies between how I feel inside and how I appear on the outside but the difference is mostly not enough to be bothersome most of the time. I believe that mostly I have more empathy for others now and have more patience. But I also have my not so great moments.
Em, glad to see your post!
Tanja, my heart goes out to you in dealing with losing Peyton. I hope he finds a good home and that you can take some comfort in that.
FP, as usual you posted another great Mammoth for St. patty's Day :-). I agree with Jeni that there's no need to apologize. As each of us becomes stronger in our sobriety and we work to rebuild our lives, moving away from our strong supports is a natural process. There is always a tinge of sadness when someone moves on but there is also happiness when one of us is doing well enough to do that. It's good to see some of the latter folks checking in now and then!
Have a great day to all of our Mayans!
(((hugs)))
Sassy
A quick check-in to say hello to our strong Mayans.
Jeni, I also went through a long spell of feeling like I was two people- the outside Sassy appeared self-confident, calm and all of that other stuff. The inside Sassy was a terrified, lonely little girl with no self-confidence at all. It always felt a bit schizo but after working through things in therapy, parts of the two have merged and the terror has gradually dissipated. Things aren't perfect but they are worlds better. It's a long process. There are still some discrepancies between how I feel inside and how I appear on the outside but the difference is mostly not enough to be bothersome most of the time. I believe that mostly I have more empathy for others now and have more patience. But I also have my not so great moments.
Em, glad to see your post!
Tanja, my heart goes out to you in dealing with losing Peyton. I hope he finds a good home and that you can take some comfort in that.
FP, as usual you posted another great Mammoth for St. patty's Day :-). I agree with Jeni that there's no need to apologize. As each of us becomes stronger in our sobriety and we work to rebuild our lives, moving away from our strong supports is a natural process. There is always a tinge of sadness when someone moves on but there is also happiness when one of us is doing well enough to do that. It's good to see some of the latter folks checking in now and then!
Have a great day to all of our Mayans!
(((hugs)))
Sassy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I'm thinking of you Tanja, this must be a heartbreaking decision to make, but I agree that this may well be the best move for Peyton. Big hugs for you xxx
Em, I hope your counselling works out well for you. When memories suddenly re-appear it can make us feel uncomfortable and a little 'off' as you put it, but working through them can only be a good thing. I had a memory resurface out of nowhere during my counselling yesterday. It was not a good one and if it had happened during the night it would have led to a panic attack for sure. It still hurt but I talked it through with someone who could analyse it and keep me balanced. She did refer to my Dad as a lunatic at one point which almost made me laugh because I immediately rushed to defend him for some unfathomable reason. There's some mixed up sense of loyalty going on there! I think therapy could really help me, and you too xxx
FP-I hope your St Patricks Parade and date go well. Love the pic, you are awesome xxx
Kitty-I'm sure the right guy will come along when the time is right for you. You sound great xxx
Sassy-you keep going my friend. Your words mean a lot to me xxx
OLL-I understand your self-esteem being closely linked to how you perceive others see you. I reckon there are lots of us that can identify with that, but remember you don't really know what others think, nor can you control it. You can only be true to yourself. And we think you're great. I hope things settle down for you next week xxx
Last night at H's brothers was interesting..... My sister in law turned a bit nasty with drink as usual. It was so nice being sober and able to avoid being drawn into it. I looked over at H at one point who grinned and winked at me as if to say, 'here we go again...' It felt so good not to feel I had to smooth anything over or try and take control . We didn't get in til 4 this morning so I feel almost hungover with tiredness. But not with alcohol, most importantly!
Lots of love to you all xxx
Em, I hope your counselling works out well for you. When memories suddenly re-appear it can make us feel uncomfortable and a little 'off' as you put it, but working through them can only be a good thing. I had a memory resurface out of nowhere during my counselling yesterday. It was not a good one and if it had happened during the night it would have led to a panic attack for sure. It still hurt but I talked it through with someone who could analyse it and keep me balanced. She did refer to my Dad as a lunatic at one point which almost made me laugh because I immediately rushed to defend him for some unfathomable reason. There's some mixed up sense of loyalty going on there! I think therapy could really help me, and you too xxx
FP-I hope your St Patricks Parade and date go well. Love the pic, you are awesome xxx
Kitty-I'm sure the right guy will come along when the time is right for you. You sound great xxx
Sassy-you keep going my friend. Your words mean a lot to me xxx
OLL-I understand your self-esteem being closely linked to how you perceive others see you. I reckon there are lots of us that can identify with that, but remember you don't really know what others think, nor can you control it. You can only be true to yourself. And we think you're great. I hope things settle down for you next week xxx
Last night at H's brothers was interesting..... My sister in law turned a bit nasty with drink as usual. It was so nice being sober and able to avoid being drawn into it. I looked over at H at one point who grinned and winked at me as if to say, 'here we go again...' It felt so good not to feel I had to smooth anything over or try and take control . We didn't get in til 4 this morning so I feel almost hungover with tiredness. But not with alcohol, most importantly!
Lots of love to you all xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
true, we don't really know what others think...I used to think I did...but not anymore. I have promised myself never to allow anyone or any situation to lead me back to my old solution. I have always struggled with feeling different, out of place, less than...still do, I just go ahead and feel it, work through the feelings, thoughts, only difference is I don't drink...no matter what.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Ps to Jeni, I've found that a smallish difference between how I feel inside vs outward appearance is not necessarily a bad thing. It can help us survive. But when it's a huge difference like it used to be for me, then I believe it's unhealthy. Also I can so totally relate to your feelings when your therapist called your dad a lunatic. I had an occasion when my therapist made a very strong statement about the person who harmed me and I started feeling scared and guilty like somehow it was my fault! Our minds sometimes work in strange ways!
S
S
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Originally Posted by bloss
true, we don't really know what others think...I used to think I did...but not anymore. I have promised myself never to allow anyone or any situation to lead me back to my old solution. I have always struggled with feeling different, out of place, less than...still do, I just go ahead and feel it, work through the feelings, thoughts, only difference is I don't drink...no matter what.
S
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by bloss
I have always struggled with feeling different, out of place, less than...still do, I just go ahead and feel it, work through the feelings, thoughts, only difference is I don't drink...no matter what.
Off to work folks.
Have A great day Mayans.
FP, love the pic
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
