Class of January 2013 pt 4
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
NewLife - that is amazing about the farm. I don't think it's ever good to look back and say, oh, if I'd done this X number of years ago, I'd be doing Y by now. You just never know that's how it would have worked out. Maybe if you'd tried 10 years ago, you wouldn't have the perspective you do now, and wouldn't be willing to work so hard to make it work. You just can't know for certain, and it's just crazy-making to tell yourself that. You're here, now, and ready, willing and able to make this work. Celebrate that, and leave the past where it lies.
Good luck, Alison
Good luck, Alison
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 349
NewLife - glad to hear from you again!
I wish $600 a month would buy a farm here in CA, I'd be there with you! : )
But it does save a lot of money.
Made it through the game without joining the GF drinking - but it didn't bother me, I love her to death - she gets so excited and fun (she doesn't get drunk though) but then she gets really tired and falls asleep - which is fine for me because I have a couple of books I'm really enjoying reading - instead of slinking back into the kitchen to gulp some hard liquor or finish a bottle of wine.
And NewLife - I hear you about trying to get everything perfect - hard though when your partner is falling asleep mid-evening - and most of the mess - dogs, cooking (though she's a great cook, no complaining) is hers . . .
But I have time and sobriety on my side.
So Day 6 is here, and Day 7 tomorrow . . .
Strength to all.
I wish $600 a month would buy a farm here in CA, I'd be there with you! : )
But it does save a lot of money.
Made it through the game without joining the GF drinking - but it didn't bother me, I love her to death - she gets so excited and fun (she doesn't get drunk though) but then she gets really tired and falls asleep - which is fine for me because I have a couple of books I'm really enjoying reading - instead of slinking back into the kitchen to gulp some hard liquor or finish a bottle of wine.
And NewLife - I hear you about trying to get everything perfect - hard though when your partner is falling asleep mid-evening - and most of the mess - dogs, cooking (though she's a great cook, no complaining) is hers . . .
But I have time and sobriety on my side.
So Day 6 is here, and Day 7 tomorrow . . .
Strength to all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by AlisonW 
NewLife - that is amazing about the farm. I don't think it's ever good to look back and say, oh, if I'd done this X number of years ago, I'd be doing Y by now. You just never know that's how it would have worked out. Maybe if you'd tried 10 years ago, you wouldn't have the perspective you do now, and wouldn't be willing to work so hard to make it work. You just can't know for certain, and it's just crazy-making to tell yourself that. You're here, now, and ready, willing and able to make this work. Celebrate that, and leave the past where it lies.
Good luck, Alison
Good luck, Alison
In fact, now that you pointed this out, I'm reminded of a story I'm surprised I forgot all these years. Back in 2000, I met a client who was selling his used car lot so he could retire. He started the business in 1980 when he worked in a General Motors factory and was single and drank his way trough life. He joined AA and hoped the car lot would keep him occupied since he had no kids, wife, or much else to keep him busy after work and on the weekends. I did some work for him on this site when he sold it to another car dealer down the road.
Fast forward to 2006. It was just after new years and, as usual, I was trying to figure out how to quit drinking in the new year and get my life back together. I was shopping for a mini van at the time. I found one on-line, and it happened to be listed by the guy who bought the dealership property. I went to the lot to see the van, only to find out that the dealer moved a little ways down the street to a larger lot. The small lot was up for sale.
I thought this was a scenario sent from the heavens. I thought how that little lot helped one guy get through his drinking problem, and it was going to help me do the same.
Long story short - I bought the place and started a business there. A big focus was importing classic cars from the UK, mostly old Minis. Like so many other efforts in my life, my drinking ruined that one. No need to share all the details here - suffice it to say I left the business to be run by fools and drank like a bigger fool rather than working.
So Alison, you're right. If I didn't have the strength 10 years ago to quit drinking to run my car lot I probably wouldn't have been able to make the farm work either.
This time is different, very different. You folks make all the difference. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dorset, UK
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by LindseyMarie
Oooo congrats Lisamum!!! What color is the car? Good for you for getting back on the preverbal horse!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Hello January classmates. Sorry for my absensce, had a very busy weekend and didn't even notice we got moved out of the newcomers section. Glad to see many of you still here, and I noticed a few were over giving some welcomes and support to the new folks in the February group. It's the eve of my day 30 coming up, and I made it through Super Bowl weekend even with my Father and Father in law drinking in the same room. I was hesitant to say I wasn't drinking but they both were immediately like "I probably drink too much too". I don't know if they are alcoholics either, although my dad is a daily drinker - he just doesn't drink as much as I did on the weekends.
Anyway, still not back to 100% physically but the anxiety is getting much better. Going in next week for a full physical, going to have them run all the tests possible. Hope everyone is doing well, I have a lot of reading to catch up on here.
Anyway, still not back to 100% physically but the anxiety is getting much better. Going in next week for a full physical, going to have them run all the tests possible. Hope everyone is doing well, I have a lot of reading to catch up on here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Tasmania, Australia
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by alohaguy44
Hi All, No issues this weekend at all, even made it though the superbowl without the thought of drinking!! first time in memory I have done that. Feels great not waking up with the hangover, guilt and same that always accompanys my binges. 23 days and counting!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Tasmania, Australia
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by NewLife2013
Thanks to everyone here. It's funny today. I'm sitting here in my chair and realizing that there are only two things stopping me from having the farm I've always wanted - I need to stop drinking, and I need to find a place to buy. It is that simple.
I'm so happy I feel like crying.
Thank you Class of Jan 2013.
Thanks for sharing your story and great to know you're back on the straight and narrow, NewLife!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Tasmania, Australia
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It's the eve of my day 30 coming up, and I made it through Super Bowl weekend even with my Father and Father in law drinking in the same room.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 442
good evening class! hope everyone is doing well on their goals. I am at the tail end of day 15 (although only drank 3 days in jaunary so feels a lot longer). Spent Superbowl with a couple of neighbors and they were all having beers. It wasn't anything crazy and no one even asked why I wasn't drinking.
tonight I went to the brewery for dinner with the family and just looked around at people having beers. I wasn't jealous nor did it cause any cravings. I just sort of looked at it as an old life that's not part of me anymore- it was kind of strange, to be honest.
Scott: congrats on 30 days. When I ever met someone who stopped drinking or was cutting down I always said, "I probably drink too much myself" - I think part of me always knew I did but never wanted to do anything about it.
Newlife: congrats on the farm - make your dreams happen. Funny how dreams start to happen more now that drinking isn't in the way.
budgeting and spending - make sure you treat yourself as a bill and pay it first before any other bills. You'll be amazed at how much that will grow. I'm actually a budgeting freak and yes, I know how much I spent on alcohol each year - it wasn't nice. Now, that line item has gone down to ~$25/month - my wife is a "normal" drinking and will spend that on wine.
tonight I went to the brewery for dinner with the family and just looked around at people having beers. I wasn't jealous nor did it cause any cravings. I just sort of looked at it as an old life that's not part of me anymore- it was kind of strange, to be honest.
Scott: congrats on 30 days. When I ever met someone who stopped drinking or was cutting down I always said, "I probably drink too much myself" - I think part of me always knew I did but never wanted to do anything about it.
Newlife: congrats on the farm - make your dreams happen. Funny how dreams start to happen more now that drinking isn't in the way.
budgeting and spending - make sure you treat yourself as a bill and pay it first before any other bills. You'll be amazed at how much that will grow. I'm actually a budgeting freak and yes, I know how much I spent on alcohol each year - it wasn't nice. Now, that line item has gone down to ~$25/month - my wife is a "normal" drinking and will spend that on wine.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
Evening everyone! Nice to hear some great, positive posts tonight!
Day 18 for me. Feeling a little down, brought my car in for something unrelated, and when they had it up on the lift they said it looks like there is some damage to one of the wheels from me hitting something. Based on timing, I know I must have hit something the night of my DWI, and just don't remember. I think it was probably just a curb or snowbank - no body damage to make me think I hit another car - but it was another $100 to get the problem fixed. Just frustrating that I keep thinking I am handling the situation and then something else arises. Particularly another expense, as this thing is costing more and more. I mean, I am trying to be grateful, as this incident is the reason I finally faced up to my issues and stopped drinking, but sometimes, it's like geez, I get it, enough already!!
But, onward and upward. I can't let myself wallow for too long, or play "woe is me." I take responsibility for what happened, and that means dealing with the consequences.
Most of all, I am really, really glad to be sober, because it means I never have to deal with any of this again.
Good night everyone!
-Alison
Day 18 for me. Feeling a little down, brought my car in for something unrelated, and when they had it up on the lift they said it looks like there is some damage to one of the wheels from me hitting something. Based on timing, I know I must have hit something the night of my DWI, and just don't remember. I think it was probably just a curb or snowbank - no body damage to make me think I hit another car - but it was another $100 to get the problem fixed. Just frustrating that I keep thinking I am handling the situation and then something else arises. Particularly another expense, as this thing is costing more and more. I mean, I am trying to be grateful, as this incident is the reason I finally faced up to my issues and stopped drinking, but sometimes, it's like geez, I get it, enough already!!
But, onward and upward. I can't let myself wallow for too long, or play "woe is me." I take responsibility for what happened, and that means dealing with the consequences.
Most of all, I am really, really glad to be sober, because it means I never have to deal with any of this again.
Good night everyone!
-Alison
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 209
im just realizing how binging the last couple of months has put me so far back in my work
im so behind
but feel like there is a ray of hope
there always seems to be
to the outside world, im behind and on the edge but i cannot tell anyone that alcohol has put me there except this group here.
im feeling really good, light and peaceful but the burden of this workload is staring me in the face.
weekends wasted; no pun intended.
mondays where i was so hungover i had to wait until wednesday where i would feel almost better.
where has the time gone?
its hard to stop topping up the hangover during the week but you just have to STOP!!
feeling worried about all the wasted days i could have had working for my dream job.
this i need to remember everytime i think about drinking.
its a dreamcrusher.
im so behind
but feel like there is a ray of hope
there always seems to be
to the outside world, im behind and on the edge but i cannot tell anyone that alcohol has put me there except this group here.
im feeling really good, light and peaceful but the burden of this workload is staring me in the face.
weekends wasted; no pun intended.
mondays where i was so hungover i had to wait until wednesday where i would feel almost better.
where has the time gone?
its hard to stop topping up the hangover during the week but you just have to STOP!!
feeling worried about all the wasted days i could have had working for my dream job.
this i need to remember everytime i think about drinking.
its a dreamcrusher.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 349
Alison - wow - I had a similar experience - just one DWI and you're reminded again and again - for 3 years for me . . . finally my insurance rates dropped back down (keep changing insurance each year - Geico was sticking me but changing to Mercury saved me 40% at one point!) . . . but the hatefulness of the whole system - maybe justified? - was startling to me. I had never done anything wrong in my life . . . but it will pass and you will be so much better, and freeeeeee!
Yestofreedom - that is a beautiful poem you just wrote in your post - really, submit it to some magazines - it really captures the essence of the hopelessness you feel when you keep drowning in alcohol, then you surface and see those goals,then they just slip away, again and again. But then you finally break truly free - and see how much work lies ahead - and it again triggers that same dread and anxiety that made you drink before - but you don't have to, and those goals are there and YOU CAN DO IT!
Yestofreedom - that is a beautiful poem you just wrote in your post - really, submit it to some magazines - it really captures the essence of the hopelessness you feel when you keep drowning in alcohol, then you surface and see those goals,then they just slip away, again and again. But then you finally break truly free - and see how much work lies ahead - and it again triggers that same dread and anxiety that made you drink before - but you don't have to, and those goals are there and YOU CAN DO IT!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 48
Thought I’d share a little something today. When I was a teen and a young adult, my dad (who left Scotland in the 1940s and moved to Canada and eventually the USA, where I was born…) would often tell me that through his life, when times were hard, his dad would tell him “Persevere, son, persevere.” That became somewhat of an inside thing we had with each other – we’d once in a while tell the other, ‘persevere’ – right up until he died …. now well over ten years ago. It wasn’t a routine thing…but a word of encouragement used about once per year at most. It meant something – a lot.
After my dad died, I stayed near home for a few weeks. I wasn’t a drinker at all back then. My son was about a year old, and I spent a lot of time home with him. It was very cathartic.
Eventually, I made it out of the house to a mall about an hour’s drive from home. I decided to stop in at an audio/video store, specifically to see if there was anything new from The Proclaimers. (For those who don’t know, The Proclaimers are two brothers from Scotland who make what I’d call pop/folk music) I’m not a huge music fan and don’t buy many CDs. But the Proclaimers have always been near the top of my list, and a lot of their work graced my wedding.
I may have gone to a music store at most twice per year over the last 15 years. So it wasn’t as if I went into the store to browse. I went in to see if there was something new from The Proclaimers. And mind you, up to that point in 2001, the Proclaimers had only released three albums. But I wasn’t so much a music lover/follower of the Proclaimers as to have any expectation for when a new album might be due out. I walked into the store with no expectations.
So it was by complete chance that I walked into the store that day – a day that turned out to be within the first week after that fourth album in 14 years was released.
You can imagine how delighted I was to see a new CD with the words, ‘The Proclaimers’ on the top of the cover but you probably cannot imagine how I felt when I pulled the CD off the rack and saw the single other word on that cover, “Persevere.”
Persevere, friends.
After my dad died, I stayed near home for a few weeks. I wasn’t a drinker at all back then. My son was about a year old, and I spent a lot of time home with him. It was very cathartic.
Eventually, I made it out of the house to a mall about an hour’s drive from home. I decided to stop in at an audio/video store, specifically to see if there was anything new from The Proclaimers. (For those who don’t know, The Proclaimers are two brothers from Scotland who make what I’d call pop/folk music) I’m not a huge music fan and don’t buy many CDs. But the Proclaimers have always been near the top of my list, and a lot of their work graced my wedding.
I may have gone to a music store at most twice per year over the last 15 years. So it wasn’t as if I went into the store to browse. I went in to see if there was something new from The Proclaimers. And mind you, up to that point in 2001, the Proclaimers had only released three albums. But I wasn’t so much a music lover/follower of the Proclaimers as to have any expectation for when a new album might be due out. I walked into the store with no expectations.
So it was by complete chance that I walked into the store that day – a day that turned out to be within the first week after that fourth album in 14 years was released.
You can imagine how delighted I was to see a new CD with the words, ‘The Proclaimers’ on the top of the cover but you probably cannot imagine how I felt when I pulled the CD off the rack and saw the single other word on that cover, “Persevere.”
Persevere, friends.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 69
Morning class - wow, some really moving and inspirational posts to read this morning - thank you
Woody - very sorry to hear about your friend - its always really sad to lose someone under such tragic circumstances. I lost two clients within 2 weeks due to alcohol..some collegues attitudes were hard to listen to.."its their own fault etc etc.." I tend to look at these sad deaths and think ...there but for the grace of God go I..like someone said earlier we really dont know what tortures another soul..its not for us to pass judgement, I just hope and pray that they find peace.
Lisamum, how exciting - your new car will open lots of new doors for you I am sure. I love my little vauxhall tigra, yes I do talk to her, clean her..she enables me to do the job I love and I am grateful since she has been the only car I,ve had that I dont need to carry around a tool box or hammer under my car seat (faulty starter motors!!) - I call her "the green goddess" - it must be love...lol..enjoy the liberation and independance a car can bring!! Oh, by the way I am knitting too!!!!
Like so many of us these last few days I too have been struggling with AV alot and those thoughts of never drinking again for the rest of my life is hard to grasp...I have finally accepted I am an alcoholic but it has opened lots of doors and my mind seems to be running on speed and I keep getting these "aha" moments...Like..my dad wasnt just a scotsman who liked a "good drink" as my mother used to say...he was an alcoholic..God rest his soul but its the truth..I wonder if I had heard the word alcoholic as a child things may have been different?? I just assumed that having scots parents I liked a good drink too.
SR has been an inspiration for me. After my last bender I was inconsolable about what I had done - normal people dont go to the hairdressers and consume half a bottle of vodka and black out..oh, I paid, walked out the salon and got home ok apparently BUT its just not the done thing right...and that was just the last idiotic episode after many "near misses"...how I,ve never really injured myself or others is a blessing!! The "aha" moments keep coming in hard and fast at the moment..sometimes after reading all your posts my head spins for the whole day..its like wow - awakening - mind blowing at times. I am not able to attend AA meetings due to my work schedule..I did go about 7 years ago to a couple but didnt feel comfortable - I did however learn some tricks on how to drink and hide it (from some of the speakers stories) I guess I hadnt disgusted myself enough or wasnt ready??
Could any of you recommend some reading material. I really could do with some guidence - thank you.
Day 22 - feeling great in one way - clear headed, in touch with nature, grateful, born again almost (I know hippy chicky stuff - but true - its magical) although like alot of us I find never again very daunting and AV knows this..I guess this is a true battle of wills..BUT know im fighting tough in this corner and I am so proud to be part of this wonderful group..you are all truely amazing people and my lifeline at this time. I cannot express enough how thankful I am that you all share your joy and sadness here.
Off to doctors today to get results from blood tests - a bit nervous but I felt I needed to do this (my doctor was very understanding) at least I wont be so anxious about what I may have done to myself physically - not expecting a clear run but hoping nothing too serious - crossing everything..
Have a great day everyone - know you are all in my thoughts throughout the day, you give me strength in times of weakness.
Your the best group ever...
Woody - very sorry to hear about your friend - its always really sad to lose someone under such tragic circumstances. I lost two clients within 2 weeks due to alcohol..some collegues attitudes were hard to listen to.."its their own fault etc etc.." I tend to look at these sad deaths and think ...there but for the grace of God go I..like someone said earlier we really dont know what tortures another soul..its not for us to pass judgement, I just hope and pray that they find peace.
Lisamum, how exciting - your new car will open lots of new doors for you I am sure. I love my little vauxhall tigra, yes I do talk to her, clean her..she enables me to do the job I love and I am grateful since she has been the only car I,ve had that I dont need to carry around a tool box or hammer under my car seat (faulty starter motors!!) - I call her "the green goddess" - it must be love...lol..enjoy the liberation and independance a car can bring!! Oh, by the way I am knitting too!!!!
Like so many of us these last few days I too have been struggling with AV alot and those thoughts of never drinking again for the rest of my life is hard to grasp...I have finally accepted I am an alcoholic but it has opened lots of doors and my mind seems to be running on speed and I keep getting these "aha" moments...Like..my dad wasnt just a scotsman who liked a "good drink" as my mother used to say...he was an alcoholic..God rest his soul but its the truth..I wonder if I had heard the word alcoholic as a child things may have been different?? I just assumed that having scots parents I liked a good drink too.
SR has been an inspiration for me. After my last bender I was inconsolable about what I had done - normal people dont go to the hairdressers and consume half a bottle of vodka and black out..oh, I paid, walked out the salon and got home ok apparently BUT its just not the done thing right...and that was just the last idiotic episode after many "near misses"...how I,ve never really injured myself or others is a blessing!! The "aha" moments keep coming in hard and fast at the moment..sometimes after reading all your posts my head spins for the whole day..its like wow - awakening - mind blowing at times. I am not able to attend AA meetings due to my work schedule..I did go about 7 years ago to a couple but didnt feel comfortable - I did however learn some tricks on how to drink and hide it (from some of the speakers stories) I guess I hadnt disgusted myself enough or wasnt ready??
Could any of you recommend some reading material. I really could do with some guidence - thank you.
Day 22 - feeling great in one way - clear headed, in touch with nature, grateful, born again almost (I know hippy chicky stuff - but true - its magical) although like alot of us I find never again very daunting and AV knows this..I guess this is a true battle of wills..BUT know im fighting tough in this corner and I am so proud to be part of this wonderful group..you are all truely amazing people and my lifeline at this time. I cannot express enough how thankful I am that you all share your joy and sadness here.
Off to doctors today to get results from blood tests - a bit nervous but I felt I needed to do this (my doctor was very understanding) at least I wont be so anxious about what I may have done to myself physically - not expecting a clear run but hoping nothing too serious - crossing everything..
Have a great day everyone - know you are all in my thoughts throughout the day, you give me strength in times of weakness.
Your the best group ever...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
best of luck today Serenity 
we continue here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...13-pt-5-a.html
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we continue here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...13-pt-5-a.html
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