Codependency and Beyond- Part 26
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 28, 2013
Often, one of our biggest questions is “What’s going to happen?” We may ask this about our relationships, our career, our recovery, and our life. It is easy to tangle us up in worrisome thoughts.
Worrying about what’s going to happen blocks us from functioning effectively today. It keeps us from doing our best now. It blocks us from learning and mastering today’s lessons. Staying in the now, doing our best, and participating fully today are all we need to do to assure ourselves that what’s going to happen tomorrow will be for the best.
Worrying about what’s going to happen is a negative contribution to our future. Living in the here and now is ultimately the best thing we can do, not only for today, but also for tomorrow. It helps our relationships, our career, our recovery, and our life.
Things will work out, if we let them. If we must focus on the future other than to plan, all we need to do is affirm that it will be good.
I pray for faith that my future will be good if I live today well, and in peace. I will remember that staying in the present is the best thing I can do for my future. I will focus on what’s happening now instead of what’s going to happen tomorrow.
January 28, 2013
Staying in the Present Moment
Often, one of our biggest questions is “What’s going to happen?” We may ask this about our relationships, our career, our recovery, and our life. It is easy to tangle us up in worrisome thoughts.
Worrying about what’s going to happen blocks us from functioning effectively today. It keeps us from doing our best now. It blocks us from learning and mastering today’s lessons. Staying in the now, doing our best, and participating fully today are all we need to do to assure ourselves that what’s going to happen tomorrow will be for the best.
Worrying about what’s going to happen is a negative contribution to our future. Living in the here and now is ultimately the best thing we can do, not only for today, but also for tomorrow. It helps our relationships, our career, our recovery, and our life.
Things will work out, if we let them. If we must focus on the future other than to plan, all we need to do is affirm that it will be good.
I pray for faith that my future will be good if I live today well, and in peace. I will remember that staying in the present is the best thing I can do for my future. I will focus on what’s happening now instead of what’s going to happen tomorrow.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
SM - prayers for you & asking your HP to send you the direction and guidance you need for whatever path you are suppose to walk ~ either way - I'm glad you are back with us!
Amy- Thanks for the acknowledgement of what I do ~ although I practice and tell myself I don't need the validation - it does help to have it ~
more hugs to you for missing Elvis ~ I hope the other furbabies comfort you ~
Keep taking care of yourself on the job - try to relax and destress when you can.
Newby ~ prayers for your Princess - for healing comfort and for you to be able to do what is healthiest for her
Lily - hope you are doing well also ~
Life is blessed at Pink Acres and we are grateful
pink hugs
Amy- Thanks for the acknowledgement of what I do ~ although I practice and tell myself I don't need the validation - it does help to have it ~
more hugs to you for missing Elvis ~ I hope the other furbabies comfort you ~
Keep taking care of yourself on the job - try to relax and destress when you can.
Newby ~ prayers for your Princess - for healing comfort and for you to be able to do what is healthiest for her
Lily - hope you are doing well also ~
Life is blessed at Pink Acres and we are grateful
pink hugs
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 29, 2012
Going to Meetings
Why resist what can help us feel better? Why sit in our obsession or depression when attending a meeting – even if that means an extra meeting – would help us feel better?
Too busy?
There are 168 hours in each week. Taking one or two hours a week for a meeting can maximize the potential of the remaining 166 hours. If we get into our “codependent stuff,” we can easily spend a majority of our waking hours obsessing, sitting and doing nothing, lying in bed and feeling depressed, or chasing after other people’s needs. Not taking those two hours for a meeting can cause us to waste the remaining hours.
Too tired?
There is nothing as invigorating as getting back on track. Going to a meeting can accomplish that.
Today, I will remember that going to meetings helps.
January 29, 2012
Going to Meetings
I am still amazed, after years of recovering, at how easily I can begin to talk myself out of attending meetings. I am also still amazed at how good I feel when I go.
—Anonymous
We don’t have to stay stuck in our misery and discomfort. An immediate option is available that will help us feel better: go to a meeting, a Twelve Step support group.—Anonymous
Why resist what can help us feel better? Why sit in our obsession or depression when attending a meeting – even if that means an extra meeting – would help us feel better?
Too busy?
There are 168 hours in each week. Taking one or two hours a week for a meeting can maximize the potential of the remaining 166 hours. If we get into our “codependent stuff,” we can easily spend a majority of our waking hours obsessing, sitting and doing nothing, lying in bed and feeling depressed, or chasing after other people’s needs. Not taking those two hours for a meeting can cause us to waste the remaining hours.
Too tired?
There is nothing as invigorating as getting back on track. Going to a meeting can accomplish that.
Today, I will remember that going to meetings helps.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Hello all 
to everyone.
Amy, hope you are taking good care of yourself. I love taking care of the elderly and I love taking care of people. However, I have learned that time off is crucial and taking care of me comes first. My relationship with my HP is growing every day. That also keeps me grounded. Hope things at home get peaceful.
Newby, hope things with the neighbors have been well lately. Also hoping your fur baby is doing good too.
SM, keep coming back, it works if you work it, so work it, your worth it!
MsPink, good to hear things are well.
----
I am happy to report that I am living in moderation these days. One day at a time. I am learning how to break free from All or Nothing thinking. I have been free of stinking thinking lately.
There has been a lot of fellowship and talk of a HP between me and my friends lately.
Yesterday, I bought nutritious food for my home. Excited about that. I have been nourishing my mind and spirit. Now I need to nourish my body.
All in all, things are well. Looking forward to meeting up with my sponsor and attending my noon meeting.
Love,
Lily
to everyone.Amy, hope you are taking good care of yourself. I love taking care of the elderly and I love taking care of people. However, I have learned that time off is crucial and taking care of me comes first. My relationship with my HP is growing every day. That also keeps me grounded. Hope things at home get peaceful.
Newby, hope things with the neighbors have been well lately. Also hoping your fur baby is doing good too.
SM, keep coming back, it works if you work it, so work it, your worth it!
MsPink, good to hear things are well.
----
I am happy to report that I am living in moderation these days. One day at a time. I am learning how to break free from All or Nothing thinking. I have been free of stinking thinking lately.
There has been a lot of fellowship and talk of a HP between me and my friends lately.
Yesterday, I bought nutritious food for my home. Excited about that. I have been nourishing my mind and spirit. Now I need to nourish my body.
All in all, things are well. Looking forward to meeting up with my sponsor and attending my noon meeting.
Love,
Lily
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 30, 2013
“…a Power greater than ourselves….” “God as we understood Him.” These words introduce spirituality in the Twelve Steps. They are the first two references to God, and they are worded that way for a reason.
We each have the freedom to define, and understand, our Higher Power – God – as we choose.
That means we do not bring our religious affiliation into our recovery groups. It means that we do not try to impose our religious beliefs, or our understanding of God, on anyone else. We do not use our groups or meetings as a soapbox to gain religious converts. We do not try to force the particulars of our religious beliefs on others.
We give each person, the right to a personal understanding of a Higher Power and ourselves.
Today, I will respect other people’s understanding of God, as well as my own. I will not allow others’ judgment of my beliefs to cause me anxiety and distress. I will seek to grow spiritually in recovery, with or without the assistance of a particular religion or denomination.
January 30, 2013
Religious Freedom
“…a Power greater than ourselves….” “God as we understood Him.” These words introduce spirituality in the Twelve Steps. They are the first two references to God, and they are worded that way for a reason.
We each have the freedom to define, and understand, our Higher Power – God – as we choose.
That means we do not bring our religious affiliation into our recovery groups. It means that we do not try to impose our religious beliefs, or our understanding of God, on anyone else. We do not use our groups or meetings as a soapbox to gain religious converts. We do not try to force the particulars of our religious beliefs on others.
We give each person, the right to a personal understanding of a Higher Power and ourselves.
Today, I will respect other people’s understanding of God, as well as my own. I will not allow others’ judgment of my beliefs to cause me anxiety and distress. I will seek to grow spiritually in recovery, with or without the assistance of a particular religion or denomination.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Good Morning all
I had a meeting/training out of town for work all day yesterday - made for a very very long day - but I made it & now have another busy day with the "big dogs" coming in my office today - yippee - lol
Lily - great job taking care of yourself mentally & physically
Newby - how is princess?
Amy- how is your dad feeling? hope you are still taking care of you
Chino - hope you are continuing your healing process
SM - how are you?
and all our other friends - Hope everyone is doing fabulous!
be good to you - you deserve it!
Pink hugs!
I had a meeting/training out of town for work all day yesterday - made for a very very long day - but I made it & now have another busy day with the "big dogs" coming in my office today - yippee - lol
Lily - great job taking care of yourself mentally & physically
Newby - how is princess?
Amy- how is your dad feeling? hope you are still taking care of you
Chino - hope you are continuing your healing process
SM - how are you?
and all our other friends - Hope everyone is doing fabulous!
be good to you - you deserve it!
Pink hugs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Rita)) - Dad is doing fine. Got his van back, now hoping for work ASAP.
I did good on my codie recovery, today Was at the sr. center, and it appears bad weather is moving in so they are shutting it down early. Dishwasher said he would need some help to get all the dishes done, looked at me, but I did not volunteer.
There are plenty of people who are paid to work there who can help out and I was just not in the mood to be assistant dishwasher.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I did good on my codie recovery, today
Was at the sr. center, and it appears bad weather is moving in so they are shutting it down early. Dishwasher said he would need some help to get all the dishes done, looked at me, but I did not volunteer. There are plenty of people who are paid to work there who can help out and I was just not in the mood to be assistant dishwasher.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Evening all,
I am so grateful that Princess is doing well. All her tests came back and she is a very healthy kitty they told me. Still don't know what made her sick but I am still giving her the antibiotics. She has a few more days on them. Today she was a little more playful although she is still sleeping a lot more than usual. Its funny cause I live alone how strong my bond is with her. I think I would be really lost with out her sometimes.
I have a new addiction and it is this TV show called Downton Abbey. I have been watching the first few seasons on demand. Does anyone on here watch it?
Ms Pink it seems life has been pretty busy for you lately how did your day go with the big wigs today?
Amy good for you on not doing the dishes you do so much as it is.
Lilly chino & SM hope all is well in your world?
Have a great night everyone.
I am so grateful that Princess is doing well. All her tests came back and she is a very healthy kitty they told me. Still don't know what made her sick but I am still giving her the antibiotics. She has a few more days on them. Today she was a little more playful although she is still sleeping a lot more than usual. Its funny cause I live alone how strong my bond is with her. I think I would be really lost with out her sometimes.
I have a new addiction and it is this TV show called Downton Abbey. I have been watching the first few seasons on demand. Does anyone on here watch it?
Ms Pink it seems life has been pretty busy for you lately how did your day go with the big wigs today?
Amy good for you on not doing the dishes you do so much as it is.
Lilly chino & SM hope all is well in your world?
Have a great night everyone.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 31
One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.
It was late at night, and I began arguing with God.
“I’m out there working hard. I’m lonely. I need to know someone cares. You’ve told me to tell you what I need and tonight, God, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?”
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.
The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. “Hey, kid,” he said. “You sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. I’m going to drive out and give you a foot rub. It sounds exactly like what you need.”
Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.
I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.
It is safe to trust God.
Today, I will remember God cares about what I need, especially if I do.
January 31
Asking for What We Need
One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.
It was late at night, and I began arguing with God.
“I’m out there working hard. I’m lonely. I need to know someone cares. You’ve told me to tell you what I need and tonight, God, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?”
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.
The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. “Hey, kid,” he said. “You sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. I’m going to drive out and give you a foot rub. It sounds exactly like what you need.”
Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.
I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.
It is safe to trust God.
Today, I will remember God cares about what I need, especially if I do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Newby))- YAY on Princess being a healthy kitty! Both mine are outside, as they've been stuck in the house all day (dad and I were both working).
Still feeling a bit grumpy and irritable, lately, but I'm sure it's a short-lived thing. Grief, lack of sleep, dad being more than a bit stressed with not working for a while (until today)..just life stuff, and this, too, shall pass
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Still feeling a bit grumpy and irritable, lately, but I'm sure it's a short-lived thing. Grief, lack of sleep, dad being more than a bit stressed with not working for a while (until today)..just life stuff, and this, too, shall pass
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
February 1, 2013
Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.
—Peter De Vries
Many of us, in entering recovery, are confronted with guilt about our roles as fathers. We can see so clearly with hindsight that we could have been better parents. Others of us recall the unfairness of our own parents and find it hard to forgive them.
This mixture of guilt and resentment is part of the package of recovery. If we remained the same and never learned anything new, we wouldn’t have to feel guilty about the past or face our need to let go of resentments. Our spiritual renewal requires that we forgive ourselves and accept the forgiveness of those around us. Even today our children are not helped by our guilt, but they will be helped – at any age – by our amended lives. And all generations are enriched when we are able to repair broken connections with our parents.
I can accept the increased consciousness that recovery brings without punishing myself for what I didn’t know.
February 1, 2013
Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.
—Peter De Vries
Many of us, in entering recovery, are confronted with guilt about our roles as fathers. We can see so clearly with hindsight that we could have been better parents. Others of us recall the unfairness of our own parents and find it hard to forgive them.
This mixture of guilt and resentment is part of the package of recovery. If we remained the same and never learned anything new, we wouldn’t have to feel guilty about the past or face our need to let go of resentments. Our spiritual renewal requires that we forgive ourselves and accept the forgiveness of those around us. Even today our children are not helped by our guilt, but they will be helped – at any age – by our amended lives. And all generations are enriched when we are able to repair broken connections with our parents.
I can accept the increased consciousness that recovery brings without punishing myself for what I didn’t know.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Language of Letting Go
February 2, 2013
Trusting Our Higher Power
So much talk about a Higher Power, God, as we understand God. So much joy as we come to understand Him. Spirituality and spiritual growth are the foundations of change. Recovery from codependency is not a do-it-yourself task.
Is God a relentless taskmaster? A hardhearted, shaming wizard with tricks up the sleeve? Is God deaf? Uncaring? Haphazard? Unforgiving?
February 2, 2013
Trusting Our Higher Power
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
—Step Three of Al-Anon
—Step Three of Al-Anon
So much talk about a Higher Power, God, as we understand God. So much joy as we come to understand Him. Spirituality and spiritual growth are the foundations of change. Recovery from codependency is not a do-it-yourself task.
Is God a relentless taskmaster? A hardhearted, shaming wizard with tricks up the sleeve? Is God deaf? Uncaring? Haphazard? Unforgiving?
Paradox, Humor, Change
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Naples, FL USA
Posts: 888
Okay ok ok. I dont know what to say. Reading everyones posts. I am thinking about somthing different. Like cherishing others is the key. That and keeping the four agreements close to my heart. The 12 steps are eqivalant to dog poop in my estimation. And the people who tell me the twelve steps are the WAY, when I have tried extremley hard at them and found them futile are even more of a test. But then this is all about me . Well true writing this is about me not you. That does not make me lacking in empathy and due consideration. You are all speaking chinese so I have not much to share. For whats its worth, if I was not intrigued by all of you, I would not check in.
If this is not Chicago my home you can kiss my ass.
Blues Brothers - Minnie The Moocher - YouTube
PS - Niners by at least 20
If this is not Chicago my home you can kiss my ass.
Blues Brothers - Minnie The Moocher - YouTube
PS - Niners by at least 20
Paradox, Humor, Change
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Naples, FL USA
Posts: 888
When a man bucks, he is always shunned by the tribe. If I sought safety and was codepent and followed the party line I would cruicfy myself etc. This a is a true mental fabrication not a critisism here. I see a sincere wish among you to set each other free, but you hook each other by following the party line and building each other up. Now there are many many many many many post I dont read. So I could be mistaken but still my point or challange has at least enough merit to consider. If I really want to be free I would honor the Four Agreements and not the twelve steps. But of course I am drinking so that sound counter intuitivie to you most likely even tho I am hitting the nail on the head. Then again I could be wrong. Best I know Im not.
Warmly,
SM
Warmly,
SM
Warmly,
SM
Warmly,
SM
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
SM I believe everyone has a right to their opinion but I hope one day you find the love and support on here like I have. I don't feel like for one minute that anyone on here is trying to set me free. What they do is give me a place to be able to voice just like you are we I am at in my daily life. I also use the steps and they have been working because I have not found it necessary to drink or drug for almost 9 years now.
I will pray you find that same freedom.
I will pray you find that same freedom.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SM)) - I don't feel like anyone is trying to set me free....I just take what I need at the time, but that's just me.
I'm not a 12-stepper, but I do use all that I've learned from the steps...along with other things I've learned about, here on SR..AVRT, Buddhism, Native American beliefs, etc.
I wish you the absolute best!
Sooo, the bratkins got back over $3000 in taxes and are totally NOT thinking about putting any aside for future things (like car insurance in 6 months, if something happens to the car or truck, etc.) and though it aggrevates me, to no end, I have to remember that I was totally irresponsible with money until I got into recovery...at the age of 45!
Meanwhile, I have to PAY taxes for only the 2nd time in my life and though it's only $117, I miss my usual refund
However, I will be grateful that it wasn't more (99% of my measly income, last year, was self-employment and not taxed) and that I'm working and moving forward, though not as fast as I'd like...it's still forward.
I will also bite my tongue when the kids are broke, again, to keep from saying "I tried to TELL you!"
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm not a 12-stepper, but I do use all that I've learned from the steps...along with other things I've learned about, here on SR..AVRT, Buddhism, Native American beliefs, etc.
I wish you the absolute best!
Sooo, the bratkins got back over $3000 in taxes and are totally NOT thinking about putting any aside for future things (like car insurance in 6 months, if something happens to the car or truck, etc.) and though it aggrevates me, to no end, I have to remember that I was totally irresponsible with money until I got into recovery...at the age of 45!
Meanwhile, I have to PAY taxes for only the 2nd time in my life and though it's only $117, I miss my usual refund
However, I will be grateful that it wasn't more (99% of my measly income, last year, was self-employment and not taxed) and that I'm working and moving forward, though not as fast as I'd like...it's still forward.I will also bite my tongue when the kids are broke, again, to keep from saying "I tried to TELL you!"
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Paradox, Humor, Change
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Naples, FL USA
Posts: 888
I was prideful and adversarial. It bothers me, not because I dont believe what I said. But becuase it was uneccessary and at the very least ungentlmenly. I am angry etc. Please forgive me. I will do my best to improve from here.
Paradox, Humor, Change
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Naples, FL USA
Posts: 888
I have been drinking alot of beer and anger is coming out. Thats the scoop so, I value other peoples feelings and do not feel I valued any of yours in my post the other night. I screwed up. etc
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