Codependency and Beyond- Part 26
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm going to put it her in a way it doesn't show up on google...I hope (learned that the hard way).
health**information** technology. Just graduated (my 3rd associate's degree, but first with honors...when I'm finally in recovery, huh?
) My certification test will be on June 8th, and WHEN I pass, though it's a hard field to get into, without experience, I'll have a plus on my side.
I was also an RN, ruined that due to codependency-turned to addiction to handle my feelings kind of thing. License is only lapsed, not revoked, so I can try to get an advantage with my medical knowledge. Heck, if I can just get my foot in the door for a good company, I'll be doing the happy dance for a long time!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
health**information** technology. Just graduated (my 3rd associate's degree, but first with honors...when I'm finally in recovery, huh?
) My certification test will be on June 8th, and WHEN I pass, though it's a hard field to get into, without experience, I'll have a plus on my side.I was also an RN, ruined that due to codependency-turned to addiction to handle my feelings kind of thing. License is only lapsed, not revoked, so I can try to get an advantage with my medical knowledge. Heck, if I can just get my foot in the door for a good company, I'll be doing the happy dance for a long time!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
welcome HBM!!!
glad you decided to join us ~
Amy - I am so proud of the way you say WHEN you pass the test!
hmm no Newby again - I'm going to send her a pm to check on her!!
and let me see about posting another reading for us -
PINK HUGS to all!
oh & played our last regular season softball game last nite - We won & Sunshine hit another home run with two RBIs - wahoooooo!!!
all-stars starts on June 7th! - yippppeeeeeeeee!
ok - going to find a good reading for us ~
glad you decided to join us ~
Amy - I am so proud of the way you say WHEN you pass the test!
hmm no Newby again - I'm going to send her a pm to check on her!!
and let me see about posting another reading for us -
PINK HUGS to all!
oh & played our last regular season softball game last nite - We won & Sunshine hit another home run with two RBIs - wahoooooo!!!
all-stars starts on June 7th! - yippppeeeeeeeee!
ok - going to find a good reading for us ~
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
This is a reading from some Nar-Anon literature ~ I really like this book and hope that all of you enjoy it also ~ (Newby we miss you!!)
Sharing Experience Strength & Hope in Nar-Anon
Kindness January 26
Genuine kindness is difficult to give to another, and virtually impossible if I have not yet learned to receive it. Prior to Nar-Anon, I had trained myself to suspect and question everything, especially an act of kindness. Everything had a price. As a newcomer to the program, I brought with me that “kindness has a price” attitude. I found members who offered me their kindness through sharing, nods, smile and even hugs. I wondered what they wanted from me. What was their price? I felt uncomfortable with all of the unconditional kindness. Fortunately, I was encouraged to keep coming back in such a friendly way that I felt that they really wanted me to join. Little by little, I kept coming back, and shared my story, my nods, my smiles, my laughter, and yes, even my hugs. It made me feel good. I was getting a gift as well as giving one.
It took some time, but I finally realize that genuine kindness has no price. To receive a smile, a hug, a shared laugh “just because” is a gift, truly a gift from the heart with no price tag attached.
Thought for Today: Acceptance is the highest form of kindness that I can give. Allowing others to be who they are without my judgment of whether that is good or bad, frees them and me of the burden of trying to change them to meet my expectations.
“We ask only for the grace to release our addicts with love, and cease trying to change them.” ~ Nar-Anon Blue Booklet.
Sharing Experience Strength & Hope in Nar-Anon
Kindness January 26
Genuine kindness is difficult to give to another, and virtually impossible if I have not yet learned to receive it. Prior to Nar-Anon, I had trained myself to suspect and question everything, especially an act of kindness. Everything had a price. As a newcomer to the program, I brought with me that “kindness has a price” attitude. I found members who offered me their kindness through sharing, nods, smile and even hugs. I wondered what they wanted from me. What was their price? I felt uncomfortable with all of the unconditional kindness. Fortunately, I was encouraged to keep coming back in such a friendly way that I felt that they really wanted me to join. Little by little, I kept coming back, and shared my story, my nods, my smiles, my laughter, and yes, even my hugs. It made me feel good. I was getting a gift as well as giving one.
It took some time, but I finally realize that genuine kindness has no price. To receive a smile, a hug, a shared laugh “just because” is a gift, truly a gift from the heart with no price tag attached.
Thought for Today: Acceptance is the highest form of kindness that I can give. Allowing others to be who they are without my judgment of whether that is good or bad, frees them and me of the burden of trying to change them to meet my expectations.
“We ask only for the grace to release our addicts with love, and cease trying to change them.” ~ Nar-Anon Blue Booklet.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Boy, did I get a surprise today! Went to mom-Kay's and they had my graduation present. I think most of you know that I gave her mom's butterfly necklace when mom died.
Well, she gave it back to me and I broke down like a baby. I kept asking her "are you sure?" and she (and Dan) were crying and said "Your mama and I have talked, and we agree...it's time. You've earned it".
I also have my butterfly wing necklace given to me by my SR angel, and though one is on a silver chain, one is gold, I will wear them both! I know this picture doesn't do the necklaces justice, but here's me and my butterflies:
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Well, she gave it back to me and I broke down like a baby. I kept asking her "are you sure?" and she (and Dan) were crying and said "Your mama and I have talked, and we agree...it's time. You've earned it".
I also have my butterfly wing necklace given to me by my SR angel, and though one is on a silver chain, one is gold, I will wear them both! I know this picture doesn't do the necklaces justice, but here's me and my butterflies:
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Courage to Change – October 13
Al-Anon Meetings opened my eyes to something I had never thought about before: Shouting and slamming doors were not the best way to handle an already difficult situation. While there may be no harm in occasionally letting off steam with a raised voice, shouting can become a destructive habit. I’d never thought to ask myself if this was how I wanted to behave. Did this behavior get me what I wanted or encourage me to feel good about myself?
When I took a good look, I realized that the answer to this question was, “No.” Loud, angry words and actions demonstrated my frustration and pushed away all hope for peaceful solutions to my problems.
The slogan that helps me back to a rational state of mind is “Easy Does It.” When I use this slogan to quiet myself on the inside, it is easier to quiet the outside as well.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I am seeking a saner approach to everything I encounter. The slogans can be valuable sources of sanity in chaotic situations. Today, if I am tempted to act out of anger or frustration, I will remember that “Easy Does It.”
“I will try to apply “Easy Does It” to every incident that might increase the tension and cause an explosion.” One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
Al-Anon Meetings opened my eyes to something I had never thought about before: Shouting and slamming doors were not the best way to handle an already difficult situation. While there may be no harm in occasionally letting off steam with a raised voice, shouting can become a destructive habit. I’d never thought to ask myself if this was how I wanted to behave. Did this behavior get me what I wanted or encourage me to feel good about myself?
When I took a good look, I realized that the answer to this question was, “No.” Loud, angry words and actions demonstrated my frustration and pushed away all hope for peaceful solutions to my problems.
The slogan that helps me back to a rational state of mind is “Easy Does It.” When I use this slogan to quiet myself on the inside, it is easier to quiet the outside as well.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I am seeking a saner approach to everything I encounter. The slogans can be valuable sources of sanity in chaotic situations. Today, if I am tempted to act out of anger or frustration, I will remember that “Easy Does It.”
“I will try to apply “Easy Does It” to every incident that might increase the tension and cause an explosion.” One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
"Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do" ODAT in Al-Anon pg 234 ~
one of my favorite quotes to remind me it's ok to be happy with my life regardless of the chaos around me! hope everyone enjoys as least some part of the day! PINK HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
one of my favorite quotes to remind me it's ok to be happy with my life regardless of the chaos around me! hope everyone enjoys as least some part of the day! PINK HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks Rita, needed to read that.
My g'ma is in the hospital in CA. High suspicion of colon cancer but she refused the colonoscopy a while back (don't blame her..she's 95!). She also has "spots on her lungs"
Dad and I aren't in the position to go out there right now, so have turned it over and asking for prayers. I did tell dad if we really need to go, I will ask the one uncle for financial help in getting us out there. Dad is too proud or stubborn or something. The worst my uncle can do is say "no" and I will pay him back if it comes to that.
Also, have mom's family reunion coming up next month, and I need to see my aunt Phyllis and the rest of the family. It will cost me, as far as missing work, but not the actual trip.
Dad said "you have different standards than I do". Hmmm, I guess he's right, but I'm okay with my decisions. I'll keep working extra, giving him money, paying down bills and if the reunion works out, it will. If not, I'll just go see aunt Phyllis another time.
I'm getting older, my family is getting older and I don't want to live with regrets that I didn't spend time with them later.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
My g'ma is in the hospital in CA. High suspicion of colon cancer but she refused the colonoscopy a while back (don't blame her..she's 95!). She also has "spots on her lungs"
Dad and I aren't in the position to go out there right now, so have turned it over and asking for prayers. I did tell dad if we really need to go, I will ask the one uncle for financial help in getting us out there. Dad is too proud or stubborn or something. The worst my uncle can do is say "no" and I will pay him back if it comes to that.
Also, have mom's family reunion coming up next month, and I need to see my aunt Phyllis and the rest of the family. It will cost me, as far as missing work, but not the actual trip.
Dad said "you have different standards than I do". Hmmm, I guess he's right, but I'm okay with my decisions. I'll keep working extra, giving him money, paying down bills and if the reunion works out, it will. If not, I'll just go see aunt Phyllis another time.
I'm getting older, my family is getting older and I don't want to live with regrets that I didn't spend time with them later.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Courage to Change – January 21
Before Al-Anon, I could never tell the difference between what was and was not my business. I felt I had to take care of everyone around me until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I usually kept this up until I became physically ill. My body tried to tell me to pay attention to my own needs, but I simply wasn’t ready to listen.
Al-Anon helps me to listen and learn from my body, my soul and my Higher Power. How do I do it? I try to check in with myself on a regular basis. Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If so, I can make a point of stopping what I’m doing long enough to attend to my needs.
When I pay attention to the messages I‘m being given, I have a better chance of detaching from other people and situations, should that be appropriate. For me, this is the foundation of serenity.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I no longer have to wait until my health, my financial situation, or my emotional state collapse before paying attention to my needs. Today I can practice becoming more aware of what my inner voice is trying to teach me. I can listen and learn.
“Don’t listen to friends when the Friend inside you says ‘Do this!’”Mahatma Gandhi
PINK HUGS to all
and Happy Birthday newby - miss you!
Before Al-Anon, I could never tell the difference between what was and was not my business. I felt I had to take care of everyone around me until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I usually kept this up until I became physically ill. My body tried to tell me to pay attention to my own needs, but I simply wasn’t ready to listen.
Al-Anon helps me to listen and learn from my body, my soul and my Higher Power. How do I do it? I try to check in with myself on a regular basis. Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If so, I can make a point of stopping what I’m doing long enough to attend to my needs.
When I pay attention to the messages I‘m being given, I have a better chance of detaching from other people and situations, should that be appropriate. For me, this is the foundation of serenity.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I no longer have to wait until my health, my financial situation, or my emotional state collapse before paying attention to my needs. Today I can practice becoming more aware of what my inner voice is trying to teach me. I can listen and learn.
“Don’t listen to friends when the Friend inside you says ‘Do this!’”Mahatma Gandhi
PINK HUGS to all
and Happy Birthday newby - miss you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks for the post Rita - another good one.
I haven't heard from Newby, but wasn't she contemplating going to see her family for a visit? She, as is everyone else here, is always in my prayers.
Latest news on g'ma is that she is MUCH better. They're going to do the colonoscopy tomorrow (poor g'ma) but they now think it's an ulcer. That wouldn't surprise me with all that she does in taking care of my uncles and cousin.
I just confirmed my schedule for the rest of this month with work. I apologized that I'm not as available, but explained that all my clients have alzheimers, and there are just some times I need a break for MY sanity.
I had been turning to food, again (my first stress reliever in life) and had gained 15 pounds Have started back to eating healthy, no more junk food (except once a week I treat me, Mr. D and the dog to biscuits from McD's) and have lost 9 of those pounds and feel better.
Doing that self-care stuff, a bit at a time. Also listening to MY gut and heart about taking time off of work to go to the family reunion, NOT what dad is saying or worrying about what my clients will do while I'm gone.
At some point, I'll get a job in the field I just went to school for, and they will have to make other arrangements, anyway, right?
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I haven't heard from Newby, but wasn't she contemplating going to see her family for a visit? She, as is everyone else here, is always in my prayers.
Latest news on g'ma is that she is MUCH better. They're going to do the colonoscopy tomorrow (poor g'ma) but they now think it's an ulcer. That wouldn't surprise me with all that she does in taking care of my uncles and cousin.
I just confirmed my schedule for the rest of this month with work. I apologized that I'm not as available, but explained that all my clients have alzheimers, and there are just some times I need a break for MY sanity.
I had been turning to food, again (my first stress reliever in life) and had gained 15 pounds
Have started back to eating healthy, no more junk food (except once a week I treat me, Mr. D and the dog to biscuits from McD's) and have lost 9 of those pounds and feel better.Doing that self-care stuff, a bit at a time. Also listening to MY gut and heart about taking time off of work to go to the family reunion, NOT what dad is saying or worrying about what my clients will do while I'm gone.
At some point, I'll get a job in the field I just went to school for, and they will have to make other arrangements, anyway, right?
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
7Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Another reading for Nar-Anon's Sharing Experience, Strength & Hope ~
Step Seven – Removing Arrogance
The addict in my life was redecorating his bedroom and picked a color for the walls. I questioned, “Since he’s always stoned, how would he know what color to choose?” I stepped in, chose and bought a different, lighter color that I considered more appropriate for his room.
Arrogance makes me think not only that my decorating color scheme is superior, but that my thoughts and beliefs are more important that the thoughts and beliefs of others; that my life has more credence than the lives of others.
In the past, my arrogance made me think that my way was the best way and the only way for everyone. Now, when I start thinking this way, I practice Step Seven and humbly ask for my arrogance to be removed. Without arrogance, I can accept others’ thoughts and beliefs and know that ultimately their feelings are their own. Humility allows me to respect the thoughts, beliefs and feelings of others, especially those of the addict.
Thought for Today: This new found relationship with myself has opened up a whole new world of joy for me that had been previously overshadowed. My priorities are finally in line. I am humbly human.
“It is what we learned after we know it all that really counts.” ~Unknown
Step Seven – Removing Arrogance
The addict in my life was redecorating his bedroom and picked a color for the walls. I questioned, “Since he’s always stoned, how would he know what color to choose?” I stepped in, chose and bought a different, lighter color that I considered more appropriate for his room.
Arrogance makes me think not only that my decorating color scheme is superior, but that my thoughts and beliefs are more important that the thoughts and beliefs of others; that my life has more credence than the lives of others.
In the past, my arrogance made me think that my way was the best way and the only way for everyone. Now, when I start thinking this way, I practice Step Seven and humbly ask for my arrogance to be removed. Without arrogance, I can accept others’ thoughts and beliefs and know that ultimately their feelings are their own. Humility allows me to respect the thoughts, beliefs and feelings of others, especially those of the addict.
Thought for Today: This new found relationship with myself has opened up a whole new world of joy for me that had been previously overshadowed. My priorities are finally in line. I am humbly human.
“It is what we learned after we know it all that really counts.” ~Unknown
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
G'ma has bad colon cancer that has probably spread to her lungs I'm trying to be honest and supportive of my dad and aunt/uncle, but this is hard.
Between this and my test on Sat., I'm quite a wreck, but will say my prayers, go to sleep, and move forward tomorrow. One day at a time...works for us codies just as it does for "us" A's.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm trying to be honest and supportive of my dad and aunt/uncle, but this is hard.Between this and my test on Sat., I'm quite a wreck, but will say my prayers, go to sleep, and move forward tomorrow. One day at a time...works for us codies just as it does for "us" A's.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I did pass the test, as did my friend
On the other hand, g'ma's cancer has spread to lungs and bones. She can't eat or drink anything, so they are going to do a colostomy (if her heart is strong enough) as a comfort measure and aunt M has picked out the nursing home and they will involve hospice
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
On the other hand, g'ma's cancer has spread to lungs and bones. She can't eat or drink anything, so they are going to do a colostomy (if her heart is strong enough) as a comfort measure and aunt M has picked out the nursing home and they will involve hospice
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Amy))
prayers for you gma and all of the family ~
Congrats on passing your test - I am so proud for you!!!
I hate I haven't been around - my mom has been in hospital again ~ as I explained when we went thru this in Sept with all her issues - it is never a good thing.
There was miscommunication between the dr - he first told us she had 48-72 hrs to live - then changed it to she would have to have leg amputated - to not sure leg may last 3 wks to 6 months
My mom is the worst patient ever - very demanding & very much a martyr - and does the typical "i love you & crying" while under the influece of drugs & is probably supplementing her pain meds too ~
Ugh - I try to stay away as much as possible ~
Saying the serenity prayer and dodging those people who are angry at me because of the dr changing his mind ~
Breathe & just keep on going ~
Hope everyone has a relaxing day!
love to all
pink hugs!
prayers for you gma and all of the family ~
Congrats on passing your test - I am so proud for you!!!
I hate I haven't been around - my mom has been in hospital again ~ as I explained when we went thru this in Sept with all her issues - it is never a good thing.
There was miscommunication between the dr - he first told us she had 48-72 hrs to live - then changed it to she would have to have leg amputated - to not sure leg may last 3 wks to 6 months
My mom is the worst patient ever - very demanding & very much a martyr - and does the typical "i love you & crying" while under the influece of drugs & is probably supplementing her pain meds too ~
Ugh - I try to stay away as much as possible ~
Saying the serenity prayer and dodging those people who are angry at me because of the dr changing his mind ~
Breathe & just keep on going ~
Hope everyone has a relaxing day!
love to all
pink hugs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Rita)) - I'm so sorry you're going through this with your mom It certainly doesn't help when they're not a "good patient".
G'ma did get her colostomy but they found cancer also in her liver, so they figure it's basically everywhere. She's actually the opposite of your mom - will deny pain to everyone except aunt M. The doctors told her that she has to go to "rehab" (nursing home) as she has to "prove you are strong enough to go home". It's not true, but it is where aunt M went to rehab from her heart attack.
If they tell g'ma she is never going home, she will just give up and die. I know she's going to die, anyway, but I'm glad that they are letting her have hope while she can.
I'm in the middle of two 24-hour shifts, so will take a nap, then run some errands, and go back to work tonight.
Love to all!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It certainly doesn't help when they're not a "good patient". G'ma did get her colostomy but they found cancer also in her liver, so they figure it's basically everywhere. She's actually the opposite of your mom - will deny pain to everyone except aunt M. The doctors told her that she has to go to "rehab" (nursing home) as she has to "prove you are strong enough to go home". It's not true, but it is where aunt M went to rehab from her heart attack.
If they tell g'ma she is never going home, she will just give up and die. I know she's going to die, anyway, but I'm glad that they are letting her have hope while she can.
I'm in the middle of two 24-hour shifts, so will take a nap, then run some errands, and go back to work tonight.
Love to all!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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