Class of May 2012 part 16
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Join Date: May 2012
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Hey Rock, buddy! I find the ocean to be very soothing. The waves sometimes calm and sometimes crashing on the shore seem to me to be a metaphor for the rhythms of life. When I'm listening to and watching the waves I feel very grounded and serene.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by OneLessLonely 
I can be good about being logical and giving advice. But I'm terrible at following it myself!
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Location: Florida
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Yeah Sas, the ocean is amazing. Windy today and the waves were pounding. It was very nice. It is very much like life... Tides come up and down, storms come and go. Not drinking allows me to navigate it better.
The sound is amazing. When I first quit I was listening to an app on my phone of waves crashing. I think I need to start doing that again. Thanks Sas.
The sound is amazing. When I first quit I was listening to an app on my phone of waves crashing. I think I need to start doing that again. Thanks Sas.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Good evening fellow Mayans,
Home from the beach and going to get ready to get my butt to the gym again. Just want to give a big shout out to everyone.
FP, thinking about you and hoping the family situation works out. I think all you can do is talk to them and if you get the kind of response you have been getting, let em know it is not ok and that you are not a willing mediator between parties. Big hug to ya sober mate. I loved the snowboarding elephant! I am a huge snowboarding fan, but have been unable to go for many years. Maybe I can plan a quick trip this year or next. So happy to hear about the orchestra opportunity.
Saskia, Thanks for your big bold congrats good buddy! Sounds like you have your hands full with the closet project. One suggestion for the closet with plumbing… while you have everything out is it possible to add an access panel for future plumbing work and allow you to know where the lines run? I hit a line once with a finish nail. It did not leak for 6 months, then I guess the nail corroded enough for water to start coming through. Thank you also for your continued sober strength and your unending support.
Jeni, Glad you had a good start to your new position. Change is tough, but you are handling it well. “I've got to banish all my insecurities, lack of confidence and self-doubt and just do it. Lots of deep breathing exercises going on here!!” Right on girl! I hope you are sleeping a little better.
Tanja, You are an amazing woman and have shown some great strength through very trying times. Thanks for your congrats “Before you know it - you will be at one year of sobriety” yes, time is flying isn’t it? I have no intent on jumping ship from this thread till all of us cross the one-year threshold. Also thanks for the info “I think the "HALT" acronym should be "HALTS" - Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Stressed!”
OLL, just following up on the caffeine thing. I have totally cut out the rock stars and red bulls from my daily routine. Still drinking too much diet coke but I am cutting way down. My last night at work I was exhausted.
I loved your advice “Just because I feel irritability, doesn't mean I am right. So sometimes, rather than argue, and rather than stuff it down, when I have felt irritable or anxious, I have told myself they are feelings, to feel them, and to let them move on. (Kind of like urge-surfing?) Some feelings are indescribable and to try to argue my feelings out with someone outside of my being, has little chance of being successful.” Right on, and I’m doing my best to surf on through.
Kitty, Loved the naughty kitty pick. Somebody would be in serious trouble at my house and be in time out. “Way to go HRB and FP, Official Poet Laureates for Class of May 2012!!!!” Thank you for the fireworks and huge compliment. I will probably need serious help for the next one, so maybe you can throw me a PM with some rhymes after FP stomps on me later this week or next.
Emily, Thanks for thinking of me on my 8 month mark. Congrats to you on your 170/30 milestone. I just love reading the endings to your posts. You always make me feel like I just got a great big hug and feel love when I read them. I am hoping your sponsor is better so you can meet on Friday.
Bloss, “I'm trying to be a bit more focused, now that holidays are over” yeah me too. Take it easy on yourself and I will try to do the same. I think now that we got sober we are expecting to be somehow transformed into super-people that can do everything. I think we need to work on acceptance and just do our best. Thanks for celebrating 8 months with me.
2Mag, It’s so nice to have you back. Some awesome advice about “fake it till you make it”. Also so happy that you found an AA group that exceeded your every expectation.
Dee, I’m hoping things are starting to slow down a little for you. Please know you are a lifesaver and a cherished part of my new sober life.
Soleil, just want you to know I’m thinking about you. Your thank you tags are appreciated.
Thursday, Thanks for checking in. Please don’t be a stranger, but I know there is so much to do keeping up with one thread is tough, so I don’t want to put any pressure on you.
Back to work tomorrow. Only 2 days though, then I have 4 days off. Very much looking forward to it.
Home from the beach and going to get ready to get my butt to the gym again. Just want to give a big shout out to everyone.
FP, thinking about you and hoping the family situation works out. I think all you can do is talk to them and if you get the kind of response you have been getting, let em know it is not ok and that you are not a willing mediator between parties. Big hug to ya sober mate. I loved the snowboarding elephant! I am a huge snowboarding fan, but have been unable to go for many years. Maybe I can plan a quick trip this year or next. So happy to hear about the orchestra opportunity.
Saskia, Thanks for your big bold congrats good buddy! Sounds like you have your hands full with the closet project. One suggestion for the closet with plumbing… while you have everything out is it possible to add an access panel for future plumbing work and allow you to know where the lines run? I hit a line once with a finish nail. It did not leak for 6 months, then I guess the nail corroded enough for water to start coming through. Thank you also for your continued sober strength and your unending support.
Jeni, Glad you had a good start to your new position. Change is tough, but you are handling it well. “I've got to banish all my insecurities, lack of confidence and self-doubt and just do it. Lots of deep breathing exercises going on here!!” Right on girl! I hope you are sleeping a little better.
Tanja, You are an amazing woman and have shown some great strength through very trying times. Thanks for your congrats “Before you know it - you will be at one year of sobriety” yes, time is flying isn’t it? I have no intent on jumping ship from this thread till all of us cross the one-year threshold. Also thanks for the info “I think the "HALT" acronym should be "HALTS" - Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Stressed!”
OLL, just following up on the caffeine thing. I have totally cut out the rock stars and red bulls from my daily routine. Still drinking too much diet coke but I am cutting way down. My last night at work I was exhausted.
I loved your advice “Just because I feel irritability, doesn't mean I am right. So sometimes, rather than argue, and rather than stuff it down, when I have felt irritable or anxious, I have told myself they are feelings, to feel them, and to let them move on. (Kind of like urge-surfing?) Some feelings are indescribable and to try to argue my feelings out with someone outside of my being, has little chance of being successful.” Right on, and I’m doing my best to surf on through.
Kitty, Loved the naughty kitty pick. Somebody would be in serious trouble at my house and be in time out. “Way to go HRB and FP, Official Poet Laureates for Class of May 2012!!!!” Thank you for the fireworks and huge compliment. I will probably need serious help for the next one, so maybe you can throw me a PM with some rhymes after FP stomps on me later this week or next.
Emily, Thanks for thinking of me on my 8 month mark. Congrats to you on your 170/30 milestone. I just love reading the endings to your posts. You always make me feel like I just got a great big hug and feel love when I read them. I am hoping your sponsor is better so you can meet on Friday.
Bloss, “I'm trying to be a bit more focused, now that holidays are over” yeah me too. Take it easy on yourself and I will try to do the same. I think now that we got sober we are expecting to be somehow transformed into super-people that can do everything. I think we need to work on acceptance and just do our best. Thanks for celebrating 8 months with me.
2Mag, It’s so nice to have you back. Some awesome advice about “fake it till you make it”. Also so happy that you found an AA group that exceeded your every expectation.
Dee, I’m hoping things are starting to slow down a little for you. Please know you are a lifesaver and a cherished part of my new sober life.
Soleil, just want you to know I’m thinking about you. Your thank you tags are appreciated.
Thursday, Thanks for checking in. Please don’t be a stranger, but I know there is so much to do keeping up with one thread is tough, so I don’t want to put any pressure on you.
Back to work tomorrow. Only 2 days though, then I have 4 days off. Very much looking forward to it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Rock, buddy, thanks for the practical tip. The guy who is going to put in the screws for me on Friday has built houses and barns. He's doing this for me as a favor and I feel very fortunate. The previous one he was able to position so all of the screws were in wood. I'm hoping he can do the same here. Once the Elfa top tracks are securely in, then everything else hooks in without nails or screws. If he can't do them all in wood I'll ask him about the access panel idea!
Yes, the sound of waves is totally awesome. When I visit on the coast of Maine, I stay in a cottage right on the water and fall happily and peacefully asleep to the sound of the waves. Stormy weather on the ocean is so beautiful. It feels like watching nature unleashed. It's even wilder on board a ship.
I'm glad to hear you will have a 4-day break after this round.
Love your posts to our sober May-mates! Great way of describing Em's closing paragraphs :-). You and OLL did wonderful descriptions of letting feelings go instead of always feeling we need to do something about them. That really applies to me. Sometimes I get very irritable and tend to get on my high horse about things such as how I think things should be done. Later I feel embarrassed. I am starting to work on my reactions and trying to let go of the frustrations.
I'm feeling a very warm connection to all of you. Each and every one of you is so precious in my life now. I miss those who have been absent, too and hope they are doing well. It was nice when Thursday stopped by the other day.
Yes, the sound of waves is totally awesome. When I visit on the coast of Maine, I stay in a cottage right on the water and fall happily and peacefully asleep to the sound of the waves. Stormy weather on the ocean is so beautiful. It feels like watching nature unleashed. It's even wilder on board a ship.
I'm glad to hear you will have a 4-day break after this round.
Love your posts to our sober May-mates! Great way of describing Em's closing paragraphs :-). You and OLL did wonderful descriptions of letting feelings go instead of always feeling we need to do something about them. That really applies to me. Sometimes I get very irritable and tend to get on my high horse about things such as how I think things should be done. Later I feel embarrassed. I am starting to work on my reactions and trying to let go of the frustrations.
I'm feeling a very warm connection to all of you. Each and every one of you is so precious in my life now. I miss those who have been absent, too and hope they are doing well. It was nice when Thursday stopped by the other day.
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Tuesday evening, my lovely May mates! Where does the day go? It’s already 9pm here, I wanted to get a short session in on the horn before meeting up with my duet partner tomorrow night, but it’s off to bed shortly, instead. I really appreciate everyone’s input on my family angst. While I know what I want to do (run and hide), I’m happy that I reached out to all of you to see if my “wants” appeared to be reasonable options and to explore other ideas.
Part 2: Dutifully, I contacted my brother via text (silence is golden) the other day, explaining my concern over the continued verbal explosions that ruin our family time. He hasn’t tried to get in touch with me, but called up our parents shortly afterwards, choking back alcohol-infused sobs over his job and family woes and 'why did FP send that text'? So then, our parents just informed me that I need to accept my brother’s and ‘Zilla’s method of “stress expression” and that I can choose to not attend family functions. How about that, huh? Can ya feel the love? Total craziness. Didn’t they just ask me to “fix” this? And yet, whether I voluntarily decline parties or I’m told to stay-go-whatever in an offhand manner, the result is the same. Geez. I’m sitting on this for a while to see what else happens, but I don’t plan on joining the eardrum-bursting duo anytime soon.
My wonderful Mayans, I am looking forward to commenting on your posts when I have more time this week. I think Dee said something to the effect that sometimes we give and sometimes we need to take the love on our thread. I’m in the “take” category while this weighs heavily on my mind. Thank you all for being such thoughtful, patient, and insightful friends. Have a beautifully sober sleep and sweet dreams. Love and hugs to all.
Part 2: Dutifully, I contacted my brother via text (silence is golden) the other day, explaining my concern over the continued verbal explosions that ruin our family time. He hasn’t tried to get in touch with me, but called up our parents shortly afterwards, choking back alcohol-infused sobs over his job and family woes and 'why did FP send that text'? So then, our parents just informed me that I need to accept my brother’s and ‘Zilla’s method of “stress expression” and that I can choose to not attend family functions. How about that, huh? Can ya feel the love? Total craziness. Didn’t they just ask me to “fix” this? And yet, whether I voluntarily decline parties or I’m told to stay-go-whatever in an offhand manner, the result is the same. Geez. I’m sitting on this for a while to see what else happens, but I don’t plan on joining the eardrum-bursting duo anytime soon.
My wonderful Mayans, I am looking forward to commenting on your posts when I have more time this week. I think Dee said something to the effect that sometimes we give and sometimes we need to take the love on our thread. I’m in the “take” category while this weighs heavily on my mind. Thank you all for being such thoughtful, patient, and insightful friends. Have a beautifully sober sleep and sweet dreams. Love and hugs to all.
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Join Date: May 2012
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(((Hugs))) to you, FP! So sorry the family drama continues. Perhaps best to stay out of it at least for now. It sounds like no matter what you do, it's heads they win, tails you lose. Like many, you may need to think about your path forward with a minimum of contact. Of course, that's just my take and I don't know all of the players. Ultimately it's your decision. We are here to support you. We all take turns supporting and needing to be supported.
Xxx
Xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northeast Florida
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by HitRockBottom70
B]Thursday[/B], Thanks for checking in. Please don’t be a stranger, but I know there is so much to do keeping up with one thread is tough, so I don’t want to put any pressure on you.
Back to work tomorrow. Only 2 days though, then I have 4 days off. Very much looking forward to it.
Back to work tomorrow. Only 2 days though, then I have 4 days off. Very much looking forward to it.
I read some of my classmate's posts and my heart breaks for them. I truly worry for some of them.
But when I read the posts from the Class of May 2012, there is an incredible strength among the group. I wonder if you guys even realize how much you have changed.
If you ever doubt how far you have come, please take a look at a newbie class.
You guys rock.
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Join Date: May 2012
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OMG, Thursday I was just doing that. Actually I looked because I saw a post from you and wanted to see how you're doing.
Yes, it brought back some very bad memories of dark days. The occasional tough day now does not come close to the hell we went through. By the way, you are an amazing presence on that thread. I think you will help a lot of people along the way. Much love to you my sober sister.:ghug3
Yes, it brought back some very bad memories of dark days. The occasional tough day now does not come close to the hell we went through. By the way, you are an amazing presence on that thread. I think you will help a lot of people along the way. Much love to you my sober sister.:ghug3
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
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Lots and lots of love and hugs to FP. That reaction has got to hurt. Doing what you thought to be the right thing has just brought you more unhappiness. Take a big step back from that madness my friend. No doubt the dynamics will change again in due course. Protect yourself for the moment xxxxxxx
HRB-I so envy your lovely walk along the seafront. How calming. Enjoy xxx
TN-I miss you. Yeah, reckon we have moved a long way from that early anguish. It's good to feel reminded. You are a star. Keep moving forward and keep in touch xxx
I'm feeling exhausted this morning, my whole body hurts. I'm hoping its just a reaction to my stress levels and not the beginning of a virus. Flu is sweeping round the school at the moment. I've been awake since 2 and that doesn't help. Head full of work and trying to keep up. Every day there is a new situation to deal with that I've never experienced before and there is no-one to give me any advice. I just hope my boss doesn't return next week to find her once outstanding school in a complete mess!!
Best foot forwards and all that....
Love and hugs to you all. I wouldn't make another day without you all xxxx
HRB-I so envy your lovely walk along the seafront. How calming. Enjoy xxx
TN-I miss you. Yeah, reckon we have moved a long way from that early anguish. It's good to feel reminded. You are a star. Keep moving forward and keep in touch xxx
I'm feeling exhausted this morning, my whole body hurts. I'm hoping its just a reaction to my stress levels and not the beginning of a virus. Flu is sweeping round the school at the moment. I've been awake since 2 and that doesn't help. Head full of work and trying to keep up. Every day there is a new situation to deal with that I've never experienced before and there is no-one to give me any advice. I just hope my boss doesn't return next week to find her once outstanding school in a complete mess!!
Best foot forwards and all that....
Love and hugs to you all. I wouldn't make another day without you all xxxx
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by FrenchPink
I think Dee said something to the effect that sometimes we give and sometimes we need to take the love on our thread. I’m in the “take” category while this weighs heavily on my mind. Thank you all for being such thoughtful, patient, and insightful friends.
Jeni, Good luck today! I hope its not the flu coming on. I have no doubt your boss will return to the same organized chaos that she left you in charge of. All we can do is our best. As long as your doing that, I dont think you should beat yourself up. You sound like one hell of a hard worker with some great problem solving skills. Give yourself some time to become the pro you expect yourself to be.
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Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Thats the other part of the family stuff FP...shooting the messenger or even denying...
it's a little like covert ops...'we had no idea what FP was doing'...
you're best out of it.
I dunno why you thought I was slowing down HRB...
but yeah I need to...
D
it's a little like covert ops...'we had no idea what FP was doing'...
you're best out of it.
I dunno why you thought I was slowing down HRB...
but yeah I need to...D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-08-2013 at 11:34 PM.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
FP, I'm so sorry to hear your family situation was not resolved, especially when you reached out like your parents asked. Things can only get resolved when everyone "gets real." And unfortunately when only one "gets real" I think it puts a target on their back as being the wrong one. I can feel the sadness and frustration in your words, and I understand. The best most non-dysfunctional thing you can do is remain sober. And you are strong enough to do that. It's just that you will be forced to sit with and work through these very uncomfortable feelings. But you can do it. And you can take what you need to from here for as long as you need to. We are all here for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stretch-Armstrong sized hugs to you mammoth.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Good morning, Mayans!
That's what this team looks like :-)
Birth families are those we start with; our real families are those we choose -- our very close friends. Sometimes birth families are part of our real families and sometimes not. Most members of my birth family are extreme on one side of the political spectrum while I am toward the other side - and that includes attitudes on so many things that it goes way beyond politics. That alone creates difficulties because we have such different world views. I can't change them and I'm not about to change my views to theirs so there are many topics I just avoid after much heartache. I now maintain a connection with the little family I have left but don't put myself in a spot where we end up in a screaming match. The dynamics also changed some after my parents died. There came a point where I realized that nothing is forever and I now see family perhaps once a year, completely stay away from sensitive topics and just take them as they are. Works for me. It's not totally smooth sailing but I've mostly made my peace with it and share my daily life with my close friends.
I think we grow up with the idea that family should match the idealized images we have seen on TV. The reality frequently doesn't match expectations. We each find our own way through the maze. I learned that it's not necessary to continue to engage in dysfunctional family dynamics but I choose to maintain a small connection.
That's what this team looks like :-)
Birth families are those we start with; our real families are those we choose -- our very close friends. Sometimes birth families are part of our real families and sometimes not. Most members of my birth family are extreme on one side of the political spectrum while I am toward the other side - and that includes attitudes on so many things that it goes way beyond politics. That alone creates difficulties because we have such different world views. I can't change them and I'm not about to change my views to theirs so there are many topics I just avoid after much heartache. I now maintain a connection with the little family I have left but don't put myself in a spot where we end up in a screaming match. The dynamics also changed some after my parents died. There came a point where I realized that nothing is forever and I now see family perhaps once a year, completely stay away from sensitive topics and just take them as they are. Works for me. It's not totally smooth sailing but I've mostly made my peace with it and share my daily life with my close friends.
I think we grow up with the idea that family should match the idealized images we have seen on TV. The reality frequently doesn't match expectations. We each find our own way through the maze. I learned that it's not necessary to continue to engage in dysfunctional family dynamics but I choose to maintain a small connection.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
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Morning Mayans
Im slowly reading everyone's posts today, finding them very helpful. Especially the ones about expectations of what our lives should be, how much we should accomplish daily and family interactions and difficulties experienced as a result. Really helped me feel a little better, I've been struggling this week, not sure why, I have to talk face to face about it with person I trust. I don't feel like drinking, I just feel like isolating more than ever (this is one of my main issues).
Thanks everyone for being here and sharing so honestly
Bloss
Im slowly reading everyone's posts today, finding them very helpful. Especially the ones about expectations of what our lives should be, how much we should accomplish daily and family interactions and difficulties experienced as a result. Really helped me feel a little better, I've been struggling this week, not sure why, I have to talk face to face about it with person I trust. I don't feel like drinking, I just feel like isolating more than ever (this is one of my main issues).
Thanks everyone for being here and sharing so honestly
Bloss
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Join Date: May 2012
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Bloss, I'm glad to hear you also identify with some of the recent posts. Sometimes I don't post about these things because I don't want to be so negative. But it's nice to know others feel the same sometimes. It stinks to feel this way in general, but it compounds the stink factor when you think you expect to feel a different way. Then I feel secretive if I just put on a brave happy face. And we all know where secretiveness gets us. Like jeni said, I feel like this is our therapists office or group therapy. Speaking of which has anyone seen the show called "Go On" with Chandler from Friends? It's about group grieving therapy but its similar and cute/funny. I really wish we could all just meet for tea or lunch. But it's always nice knowing you guys are out there in the big world under the same sky working on the same things I am.
I'll be happy when this work day is done. I just have zero desire to work anymore. I live for Fridays. Hope everyone is having a good one.
I'll be happy when this work day is done. I just have zero desire to work anymore. I live for Fridays. Hope everyone is having a good one.
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Hi guys xx
It's funny reading through our posts I noticed how much we have in common despite our very different lives. Dysfunctional families, tendency to isolate ourselves, feeling generally uncomfortable in our own skins, over-sensitivity, difficulties in managing our emotions etc etc.
We're like classic alcoholics, textbook cases!!
I don't know how I found you all, but I'm not going to let you go in a hurry xxxx
Bloss, do share when you're feeling down, I think it helps. None of us can solve it, but there will always be someone here who has experienced or who is experiencing the same thing. Sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone xx
Well, I managed another day. Don't know how but I seem to be doing ok. I'm so very tired though, honestly I could fall asleep right now and it's only 6.30 pm.
I got a text from my boss apologising for dropping me in the sh*t. It certainly is a major learning curve. One of the office staff gave me a hug today and asked me how it was going. I told her I was just bluffing my way through and she laughed. But I wasn't joking!!
H went for an interview today for a new job too which he thinks went well, so it's all change for us.
God, this time last year we were drinking every night and oblivious to everything around us.
Amazing!
Love you all loads xxx
It's funny reading through our posts I noticed how much we have in common despite our very different lives. Dysfunctional families, tendency to isolate ourselves, feeling generally uncomfortable in our own skins, over-sensitivity, difficulties in managing our emotions etc etc.
We're like classic alcoholics, textbook cases!!
I don't know how I found you all, but I'm not going to let you go in a hurry xxxx
Bloss, do share when you're feeling down, I think it helps. None of us can solve it, but there will always be someone here who has experienced or who is experiencing the same thing. Sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone xx
Well, I managed another day. Don't know how but I seem to be doing ok. I'm so very tired though, honestly I could fall asleep right now and it's only 6.30 pm.
I got a text from my boss apologising for dropping me in the sh*t. It certainly is a major learning curve. One of the office staff gave me a hug today and asked me how it was going. I told her I was just bluffing my way through and she laughed. But I wasn't joking!!
H went for an interview today for a new job too which he thinks went well, so it's all change for us.
God, this time last year we were drinking every night and oblivious to everything around us.
Amazing!
Love you all loads xxx
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by bloss
I don't feel like drinking, I just feel like isolating more than ever.
Off to work soon so I wish you all well.
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