Class Of September 2012 Part 9
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Hi all
Well winding down Christmas Day and day 112 sober. I did 3 meetings yesterday and one today and they helped me through a little easier than if I did not go.
I ad thought this Christmas would be bleak and horrible in August and September and that kind of changed to being extra worried all October and November and early December that somehow I would go out and drink. Actually the last few days have provided me insight to myself and to others and made things actually not just tolerable but quite good.
Now to be sure I missed not seeing my kids open presents and the like but that is not what was to happen and once I accepted it , detached from the pain , I could love to do something else. At a candle light meeting a fellow shared and he was isolated from his family for Christmas just like myself and another fellow I had already made plans to host dinner with. With lots of food it was easy to extend our hand out and welcome him to join us and three alcoholics had a super dinner , all sober and all grateful for what we do have and not so worried about what we don't have.
Events happen for me , not to me if I can see it. Even with melancholy in the family voices from far away I did not leave them in a puzzle of whether I was going off the deep end and I guess in ways hearing that I was missed let me know I do mean something to them which I still have trouble understanding.
I am still working my step 4 and perhaps a year end is a good time for this type of work as looking back is helping me understand the work I need to do. I am not wallowing in the shame and guilt of the past but seeing it as the necessary sign posts on things I truly need to resolve to ensure I remain sober. Just listing out the crazy resentments and listing out my part in a few of them has been revealing. I would never have done this unless I was sober and man I am so grateful I am today.
Its great to read posting of others and see many holidays are saved from the ruin of alcoholism. I know my drinking not only made my holidays unpleasant but wrecked the holidays of others. I am happy this year I could change that and maybe help someone else out to make their Christmas a little less painful
Wishing everyone a sober 24 and a happy Boxing Day for some of us
Well winding down Christmas Day and day 112 sober. I did 3 meetings yesterday and one today and they helped me through a little easier than if I did not go.
I ad thought this Christmas would be bleak and horrible in August and September and that kind of changed to being extra worried all October and November and early December that somehow I would go out and drink. Actually the last few days have provided me insight to myself and to others and made things actually not just tolerable but quite good.
Now to be sure I missed not seeing my kids open presents and the like but that is not what was to happen and once I accepted it , detached from the pain , I could love to do something else. At a candle light meeting a fellow shared and he was isolated from his family for Christmas just like myself and another fellow I had already made plans to host dinner with. With lots of food it was easy to extend our hand out and welcome him to join us and three alcoholics had a super dinner , all sober and all grateful for what we do have and not so worried about what we don't have.
Events happen for me , not to me if I can see it. Even with melancholy in the family voices from far away I did not leave them in a puzzle of whether I was going off the deep end and I guess in ways hearing that I was missed let me know I do mean something to them which I still have trouble understanding.
I am still working my step 4 and perhaps a year end is a good time for this type of work as looking back is helping me understand the work I need to do. I am not wallowing in the shame and guilt of the past but seeing it as the necessary sign posts on things I truly need to resolve to ensure I remain sober. Just listing out the crazy resentments and listing out my part in a few of them has been revealing. I would never have done this unless I was sober and man I am so grateful I am today.
Its great to read posting of others and see many holidays are saved from the ruin of alcoholism. I know my drinking not only made my holidays unpleasant but wrecked the holidays of others. I am happy this year I could change that and maybe help someone else out to make their Christmas a little less painful
Wishing everyone a sober 24 and a happy Boxing Day for some of us
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Motherwell Scotland
Posts: 199
Happy Boxing day everyone and well done to you all.
Great posts Lefthook, IWillwin and YVRGuy.
To all you guys that are struggling with the urge to drink:
In 1314, Robert the Bruce was on the run from the English in Scotland.
One of my ancestors, William de Erwyne, hid him under a holly bush and then took him to a cave to recover from serious injuries.
While Robert the Bruce was in the cave, he was trying to work out what to do next.
Give himself up to the English, which would mean certain execution.
Flee to France and let his country be invaded by England or,
Unite all the clans of Scotland, get an army together and stop the invasion.
While he was in the cave working out what to do, he noticed this small spider trying to build a web.
It climbed up a rock,but fell down, climbed up again and started the web, but fell down again, up again, fell down, put another part on the web, fell down.
This went on for hours until the Bruce fell asleep.
When Robert the Bruce woke up, he looked over to where the spider had been working and, to his amazement, he saw the biggest spiders web he had ever saw in his life and it glowed golden in the dot of light that shone into the pitch black cave.
The wee (small) spider was not so wee anymore, it had grown big and strong and was scampering all over the magnificent web.
Robert the Bruce made his decision, he got the clans together, created a new army and fought the English at the battle of Bannockburn in 1314.
Against all the odds, being outnumbered and having much less weapons the Scottish army won the battle and sent the English homeward to think again.
That wee spider inspired Robert the Bruce to win that battle for Scotland.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If a spider doesn't give up neither should we in any personal battle we have.
Stay sober everyone, you know you can do it.
:day6
Great posts Lefthook, IWillwin and YVRGuy.
To all you guys that are struggling with the urge to drink:
In 1314, Robert the Bruce was on the run from the English in Scotland.
One of my ancestors, William de Erwyne, hid him under a holly bush and then took him to a cave to recover from serious injuries.
While Robert the Bruce was in the cave, he was trying to work out what to do next.
Give himself up to the English, which would mean certain execution.
Flee to France and let his country be invaded by England or,
Unite all the clans of Scotland, get an army together and stop the invasion.
While he was in the cave working out what to do, he noticed this small spider trying to build a web.
It climbed up a rock,but fell down, climbed up again and started the web, but fell down again, up again, fell down, put another part on the web, fell down.
This went on for hours until the Bruce fell asleep.
When Robert the Bruce woke up, he looked over to where the spider had been working and, to his amazement, he saw the biggest spiders web he had ever saw in his life and it glowed golden in the dot of light that shone into the pitch black cave.
The wee (small) spider was not so wee anymore, it had grown big and strong and was scampering all over the magnificent web.
Robert the Bruce made his decision, he got the clans together, created a new army and fought the English at the battle of Bannockburn in 1314.
Against all the odds, being outnumbered and having much less weapons the Scottish army won the battle and sent the English homeward to think again.
That wee spider inspired Robert the Bruce to win that battle for Scotland.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If a spider doesn't give up neither should we in any personal battle we have.
Stay sober everyone, you know you can do it.
:day6
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 339
Good morning all,
Thanks for the inspiring story well91.
Nice post too IWW, like that line..."I would rather be sober and have problems than drunk and causing problems...",good words to live by.
Thanks to everyone for posting and hope each of you had a Merry Christmas.
Keep up the battle!!!
Ozark
Thanks for the inspiring story well91.
Nice post too IWW, like that line..."I would rather be sober and have problems than drunk and causing problems...",good words to live by.
Thanks to everyone for posting and hope each of you had a Merry Christmas.
Keep up the battle!!!
Ozark
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Central Kansas
Posts: 175
Good Wednesday Morning to all!
I made it through my first Christmas in several years sober! I have to be honest and say that it wasn't all that easy (mentally). My thoughts went to a drink several times Christmas Eve and Day. Thankfully the liquor stores were closed and everyone came to my house to celebrate! No booze in the house!
I have to give all of you a hand
for resisting the pressure to drink when you were in a position where booze flowed freely! I'm afraid had I been around it I might have caved! Way to go!!
Thankfully it's another milestone achieved, now for the really tough one...New Years Eve!
I offered to babysit my Granddaughters that night, so all should go well!
The New Year will bring me to 4 months sober and I am realizing that once again I am getting ready for another "new" phase in my sobriety. The Holidays have kept me so busy and now that I am coming down off that "high", it is time to take positive action as the "let down" of it all could really be harmful to my sobriety.
IWW-I like how you said it... "it's the living without a crutch that is taking up my brain space these days. Hopeful AA and SR will help me figure out how to be an emotionally healthy person as opposed to a drunk who doesn't want to face the fact that my "perfect" life ain't so perfect." Thank You!
Shakeitout-So Glad all's well for you and glad to see your post!
Hope-What your niece said was a Hoot!
Kid's say the darndest things!
Jimuk- So Glad to see your post. Hope your Christmas was a good one!
LH-Happy to hear you spent the Holiday with your family. I had both son's, grandaughter's, and my parents (of course hubby too) together all at one time, doesn't happen very often.
Well91-Loved the Spider & it's Web story. It's amazing the things that can inspire us! All we have to do is look for them...and usually they are right in front of our eyes!
YVRguy-Thank you so much for sharing your day with us. I'm so happy you were able to experience a good time and a good dinner with fellow AA's. I went to the 8 pm meeting last night and so glad I did. I was reminded of all the reasons I don't want to drink and grateful to still be sober...The best part was the feeling of "relaxation" for the first time of the day. It amazes me how once I walk into that room, I am at "peace".
(And my husband wonders why I like going more then once a day
)
BTW- I'm still working on step 4 myself. I have a feeling I'll be working on it for a while as, bit by bit, my character defects keeps popping up.
Drybuss- Glad you popped by...good to hear from you and glad all is well!
SBTS-I know your heart is heavy in sorrow. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Okay who'd I forget! You know who you are! I love all of you!
I made it through my first Christmas in several years sober! I have to be honest and say that it wasn't all that easy (mentally). My thoughts went to a drink several times Christmas Eve and Day. Thankfully the liquor stores were closed and everyone came to my house to celebrate! No booze in the house!
I have to give all of you a hand
for resisting the pressure to drink when you were in a position where booze flowed freely! I'm afraid had I been around it I might have caved! Way to go!!Thankfully it's another milestone achieved, now for the really tough one...New Years Eve!
I offered to babysit my Granddaughters that night, so all should go well!
The New Year will bring me to 4 months sober and I am realizing that once again I am getting ready for another "new" phase in my sobriety. The Holidays have kept me so busy and now that I am coming down off that "high", it is time to take positive action as the "let down" of it all could really be harmful to my sobriety.
IWW-I like how you said it... "it's the living without a crutch that is taking up my brain space these days. Hopeful AA and SR will help me figure out how to be an emotionally healthy person as opposed to a drunk who doesn't want to face the fact that my "perfect" life ain't so perfect." Thank You!
Shakeitout-So Glad all's well for you and glad to see your post!
Hope-What your niece said was a Hoot!
Kid's say the darndest things!Jimuk- So Glad to see your post. Hope your Christmas was a good one!
LH-Happy to hear you spent the Holiday with your family. I had both son's, grandaughter's, and my parents (of course hubby too) together all at one time, doesn't happen very often.
Well91-Loved the Spider & it's Web story. It's amazing the things that can inspire us! All we have to do is look for them...and usually they are right in front of our eyes!
YVRguy-Thank you so much for sharing your day with us. I'm so happy you were able to experience a good time and a good dinner with fellow AA's. I went to the 8 pm meeting last night and so glad I did. I was reminded of all the reasons I don't want to drink and grateful to still be sober...The best part was the feeling of "relaxation" for the first time of the day. It amazes me how once I walk into that room, I am at "peace".
(And my husband wonders why I like going more then once a day
)BTW- I'm still working on step 4 myself. I have a feeling I'll be working on it for a while as, bit by bit, my character defects keeps popping up.
Drybuss- Glad you popped by...good to hear from you and glad all is well!
SBTS-I know your heart is heavy in sorrow. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Okay who'd I forget! You know who you are! I love all of you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 183
Powerful posts this morning. Very inspiring. Congrats to all of you who made it through christmas sober!
I had a proud but hard moment last night when my brother called like he always does on xmas. I told him how today is 100 days sober. He said I'm doing a great job. It was the first time I have ever talked to him about it. When he came out to visit last summer I convinced him i was ok to drink with him (there have been suspicions with it in my family for years) then my life fell apart, and I finally sobered up and he basically has been finding out what's been going on through my mom because i was too embarassed to talk to him about it. Thanksgiving we touched on it vaguely just by him asking how im doing and I said "a lot better" but last night was the first time I directly brought it up with my brother. He was my idol growing up so I've never wanted to look bad or weak in front of him so I hide problems but with this, I'm proud of myself and I'm accomplishing something. He might not understand it but I think he sees I'm putting effort into this and he's proud too. People that aren't alcoholics will never grasp what its like and will always wonder "why can't you just have one and stop?" And its understandable. Even us alcoholics dont know why we can't have just one lol all I know is I can't have just one and dont want just one lol
Anyway it was nice kinda making my sobriety "public" if you will. To a man I respect and love and wanted to be like growing up. It felt like a huge weight lifted saying "I am this, and I'm doing something about it."
Congrats again to you all.
I had a proud but hard moment last night when my brother called like he always does on xmas. I told him how today is 100 days sober. He said I'm doing a great job. It was the first time I have ever talked to him about it. When he came out to visit last summer I convinced him i was ok to drink with him (there have been suspicions with it in my family for years) then my life fell apart, and I finally sobered up and he basically has been finding out what's been going on through my mom because i was too embarassed to talk to him about it. Thanksgiving we touched on it vaguely just by him asking how im doing and I said "a lot better" but last night was the first time I directly brought it up with my brother. He was my idol growing up so I've never wanted to look bad or weak in front of him so I hide problems but with this, I'm proud of myself and I'm accomplishing something. He might not understand it but I think he sees I'm putting effort into this and he's proud too. People that aren't alcoholics will never grasp what its like and will always wonder "why can't you just have one and stop?" And its understandable. Even us alcoholics dont know why we can't have just one lol all I know is I can't have just one and dont want just one lol
Anyway it was nice kinda making my sobriety "public" if you will. To a man I respect and love and wanted to be like growing up. It felt like a huge weight lifted saying "I am this, and I'm doing something about it."
Congrats again to you all.
it was so nice to be sober. Why do I ever drink!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Hi all winding down day 113 , Boxing Day , and readying to travel to see my sister and brother in law.
Well91 that's a great story and allegory and I will note two things , the spider never gave up nor Robert the Bruce , and it took the joint effort, more than himself , of all the clans to repel the English for a period of time. I can picture the spider in my mind ...thanks
Glad to see lots of folks made it through sober under possibly more than usual difficulty. Well done IWW , Ozrk , Benice and everyone
I struggled a bit today with missing my kids but it will pass in its intensity. I will see them on January 17th for a few days so must detach from the feelings and simply know I will see them soon and sober. They already wonder who I am with emails , instant messages and the like as I don't think I have been this calm for a long time and well before they were born. Whatever happens on the visit , if I keep my connection to what has been working for the last few months going , it will all be fine.
The trip to see my sister will have me going to my first out of town AA meetings and wow , seems like where I live we have tons of meetings versus where I am going. Oh well , I am up for seeing how others do their meetings. I will probably hear something I never heard before and can help me. I will get my second out of town meetings when I see my kids in January.
So might be hit and miss for posting till January 4th so will wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope everyone can ring in the new year sober and with the memory of 2012 ending sober and 2013 starting sober. I get the feeling 2013 will be a year of rebuild and renewal and has a good chance of being better than 2012.
Wishing everyone another 24
Well91 that's a great story and allegory and I will note two things , the spider never gave up nor Robert the Bruce , and it took the joint effort, more than himself , of all the clans to repel the English for a period of time. I can picture the spider in my mind ...thanks
Glad to see lots of folks made it through sober under possibly more than usual difficulty. Well done IWW , Ozrk , Benice and everyone
I struggled a bit today with missing my kids but it will pass in its intensity. I will see them on January 17th for a few days so must detach from the feelings and simply know I will see them soon and sober. They already wonder who I am with emails , instant messages and the like as I don't think I have been this calm for a long time and well before they were born. Whatever happens on the visit , if I keep my connection to what has been working for the last few months going , it will all be fine.
The trip to see my sister will have me going to my first out of town AA meetings and wow , seems like where I live we have tons of meetings versus where I am going. Oh well , I am up for seeing how others do their meetings. I will probably hear something I never heard before and can help me. I will get my second out of town meetings when I see my kids in January.
So might be hit and miss for posting till January 4th so will wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope everyone can ring in the new year sober and with the memory of 2012 ending sober and 2013 starting sober. I get the feeling 2013 will be a year of rebuild and renewal and has a good chance of being better than 2012.
Wishing everyone another 24
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Hi guys, haven't been around much. My grandfather passed away on Christmas morning. Sad but, as a couple of my cousins have mused, perhaps he went to be with my late grandma this Christmas. I have not taken a drink, and won't. The worrying and waiting beforehand was honestly harder for me than dealing with the aftermath. Heading to Ohio for services on Friday and Saturday.
Glad everyone seems to be in a good frame of mind
Glad everyone seems to be in a good frame of mind
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 289
Good Morning SR Family!
Merry (little late) Christmas to everyone!
So many posts to catch up on! For now, a quick check in to let all know I'm ok. Sorry for being MIA for a bit. Skimming over posts, I noticed a few asking about me, and I appreciate it more than you know! Don't like to just skim, I want to know how everyone is doing, so I will take that time tomorrow to get caught up. Today I have to get on the road to bring my son down to Ohio to visit with his Dad.
Like so many others, I've been overloaded with work, holiday craziness and typical family drama that comes with this time of year (or at least in my family it does). We ended up getting slammed with a snow storm, lost power for a few days. Had to postpone alot of plans made because of it. But that's ok...I'm getting really good at just 'rolling with it'. It is what it is.
Definitley have had some slips along the way.
But, as always, in no way am I giving up. I've been noticing some bad patterns that I'm developing...hard to explain. But they always end in a 'slip'. It's a rut I don't want to find myself too deep in. I've definitely recognized it and need to change my mindset big time! I know A LOT of you are way past this kind of thinking, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole 'never drink again' fact.
Have to go for now. I will get caught up with all of you soon! A day doesn't go by that I don't think of my SR family!
Everyone take care!
Have a wonderful, safe & sober day today!
Jaz
Merry (little late) Christmas to everyone!
So many posts to catch up on! For now, a quick check in to let all know I'm ok. Sorry for being MIA for a bit. Skimming over posts, I noticed a few asking about me, and I appreciate it more than you know! Don't like to just skim, I want to know how everyone is doing, so I will take that time tomorrow to get caught up. Today I have to get on the road to bring my son down to Ohio to visit with his Dad.
Like so many others, I've been overloaded with work, holiday craziness and typical family drama that comes with this time of year (or at least in my family it does). We ended up getting slammed with a snow storm, lost power for a few days. Had to postpone alot of plans made because of it. But that's ok...I'm getting really good at just 'rolling with it'. It is what it is.
Definitley have had some slips along the way.
But, as always, in no way am I giving up. I've been noticing some bad patterns that I'm developing...hard to explain. But they always end in a 'slip'. It's a rut I don't want to find myself too deep in. I've definitely recognized it and need to change my mindset big time! I know A LOT of you are way past this kind of thinking, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole 'never drink again' fact.Have to go for now. I will get caught up with all of you soon! A day doesn't go by that I don't think of my SR family!
Everyone take care!
Have a wonderful, safe & sober day today!
Jaz
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 183
Jaz glad youre ok! I wanted to chime in on the never drinking again thing from my own personal experience and what helps with me. When I first got sober I was coming out of a calamity so messed up i had no problem with the idea of never drinking again I welcomed it. But as time went on and my life started improving whenever I thought about never drinking again I got (and still get) a kind of feeling of dread like its so permanent. But what keeps me grounded when I feel that way is knowing that I cant go back to that life, I dont want it and taking one drink will bring me right back and then what i do is practice what i learned in AA to take it one day at a time. It sounds cliche but it works. I know today i dont want to drink at all. I try to keep my thinking with it localized in the here and now because the thought of never doing something again is too big to grasp and its intimidating. So just try to focus on today. It helps alot. Hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
SBTS - so sorry to hear about your grandfather big hugs!!!!
Jaz good to hear from you. I too have been struggling with the "I can never drink again" I know I can't, all logic tells me that I shouldn't. I went for a whole year of I'll only drink when I'm out with friends, only on the weekends all that rubish. I get myself in trouble when I start thinking about the future. So as lefthook said I try to take it one day at a time. Which is a whole different mindset for my alcoholic brain. Its taken me a while but with practice I'm getting better at it. And at least your analyzing whats making you slip, and are learning from it. Too me thats progress. In AA there is a saying progress not perfection. You know we are all hear to support each other, so stick with us - I need ya We can do this!
Have a good day everyone!
big hugs!!!! Jaz good to hear from you. I too have been struggling with the "I can never drink again" I know I can't, all logic tells me that I shouldn't. I went for a whole year of I'll only drink when I'm out with friends, only on the weekends all that rubish. I get myself in trouble when I start thinking about the future. So as lefthook said I try to take it one day at a time. Which is a whole different mindset for my alcoholic brain. Its taken me a while but with practice I'm getting better at it. And at least your analyzing whats making you slip, and are learning from it. Too me thats progress. In AA there is a saying progress not perfection. You know we are all hear to support each other, so stick with us - I need ya
We can do this!Have a good day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Shirley, NY
Posts: 36
Three months clean today! 
I was beating myself up over the craving I had last night, but then I realized that I shouldn't do that. Why get down on myself for the few bad moments when I could just enjoy the moments like this that I live for? Moments when I'm happiest and free. It still does hurt that I had a craving but I'm so glad I didn't give in and can celebrate my third month!
And SBTS, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Many hugs and kind thoughts are being sent your way! <3
I was beating myself up over the craving I had last night, but then I realized that I shouldn't do that. Why get down on myself for the few bad moments when I could just enjoy the moments like this that I live for? Moments when I'm happiest and free. It still does hurt that I had a craving but I'm so glad I didn't give in and can celebrate my third month! And SBTS, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
Many hugs and kind thoughts are being sent your way! <3
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