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Class of May 2012 part 14

Old 11-18-2012, 04:44 PM
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Lilac although I'm sorry you had to go through that fight with your husband, I'm glad that something good came from it. I suspect it will do wonders for your soil to be working towards something you feel could be your life's purpose as opposed to going to a job you don't like much. And kudos to you for not drinking through or because of the fight!
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:27 PM
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OLL I must have vaccuumed five pounds of paint chips, sawdust, mud sanding powder, floor scrapings and bugs out of my living room today. Stinks living in a 3,000 square foot house and having three functional rooms!

The other day my husband said "we're never buying another reno" and my jaw hit the floor. This is my third reno, I enjoy doing it (slowly) and could never live in a newer house, and could certainly never afford a renovated old house. So I've had it in the back of my head that I'd better get busy making this house liveable so I can change his mind once this one's done.

((SoberJane)) You sound exactly like me in college....I got so drunk I threw up all over guy's dorm rooms, was raped by a "friend," was taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, got kicked out of college...you name it. I've gone back and read many of your recent posts and am really worried about you. Reason is because I work in a health clinic at the university here and our departments include counseling. All our counselors work primarily to help students deal with and reduce stress. They're not here simply to help folks diagnosed with major depressive disorder, schitzophrenia or any other labeled mental health issue. I send students to our counseling center all the time because they're stressed out. Now, of course, they would also be of GREAT help for you to talk to about drinking. If you have a health center at your school or a counseling center please give them a call. They want you to be successful in school and they have the tools to help you do so. You won't be the first case...and I promise...you won't be the worst either.
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:40 PM
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Thanks OLL I just caught myself in a dramatic thought process when I posted that and had a realisation that its not that dramatic.

2Magnolias Thank you for the advice about the health clinics. I have actually finished my semester and move back home on thursday so I won't be able to use them.

I'm looking into drug and alcohol counselling in my area as another option now as well.
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:57 PM
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I think I am going through withdrawals. I've never felt like this before, its been 2 days since I last drank and I have the shakes and I'm anxious and my breathing doesn't feel right.

I've just went and bought a mars bar from the vending machine and hopefully the sugar hit will help me out.
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:06 PM
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Keep reading and keep posting SJD. Maybe try to find some guided meditations online. Drink fluids. But they say to seek medical attention for detox for a reason. It can be dangerous. Are you with anyone who knows what's going on?
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Soberjanedoe View Post
I think I am going through withdrawals. I've never felt like this before, its been 2 days since I last drank and I have the shakes and I'm anxious and my breathing doesn't feel right.

I've just went and bought a mars bar from the vending machine and hopefully the sugar hit will help me out.
(((SoberJane))). Welcome back home to us, girlfriend. We missed you!

Your irregular breathing and shakes worry me. Perhaps it's time to go to the emergency room? Can someone bring you? Please call an ambulance if you need to. Your health is of utmost importance. Major alcohol withdrawal is very serious. Much love you.
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:17 PM
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We have a great health care system Jane - why not use it?

D
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Old 11-18-2012, 10:30 PM
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It's cool guys, I'm good, I had a mars bar, sushi roll and drank alot of water now the shakes aren't as bad and I'm feeling less anxious.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:09 AM
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Jane - Glad to hear you are feeling better! It could be hypoglycemia that you were experiencing. It is common in alcoholics. I am severely hypoglycemic. I can get dizzy, shaky and anxious and eating will make me feel better.

Lilac - You should be very proud of yourself for not taking a drink when faced with uncomfortable feelings! I agree 100% with finding your bliss in the work environment. I spent 24 years in a profession that I really learned to despise. It was very unhealthy, stressful and not at all conducive to sobriety. Life is too short - go for you want

Sas - I agree with the assessment of a lot of AAers. Their "one size fits all" approach can be very frustrating. When I wanted to use a workbook (AA based) to facilitate my recovery, my former sponsor said "No, you do it my way, the way my sponsor taught me". I was appalled. She later relented. Both sponsors have told me you cannot get sober through a web site. All I know is that my precious Mayans were here for me when those in AA were not! I called my sponsor and two other numbers. Not one of them called me back. I use any and all resources available to me and this website is a Godsend.

Yesterday was a great day for me! I actually managed to drive to a meeting and then dinner with my sponsor.

Wishing everyone a great Monday
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:12 AM
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SoberJane-- sorry to keep harping on you but we care...tell someone--a friend if you can't tell who you live with--that you're getting off alcohol and are going through withdrawal--and have them check in with you or call you regularly through the next several days. They say it takes about four days for most folks to get through the physical withdrawal process. Alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, and we all seem to think we're ten feet tall and bullet proof here. I'm not a healthcare provider....but I've got a feeling that all those folks who end up having a tough time getting off alcohol never ever thought it could happen to them!
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:56 AM
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Good morning, Mayans!

Tanja, that's great about driving last night. I know how difficult that can be for you! You are so thoughtful and I'm getting the sense that you are standing up for yourself much more.

Jane, I hope you are feeling better today and agree with what others have said about getting help. 2mags was so eloquent about asking others to check in on you.

2mags, it's good to have you back. Your strong voice, experience and opinions are most welcome. I'm happy to hear you have made a comfy little nest for yourself :-)

FP, you are the at the heart of this wonderful thread. Your caring for all of us is amazing!

OLL, always good to read your posts. I'm seeing a lot of growth in the 6 months I have been on this thread. Your support of our Mayans is great!

Em, I hope you are still reading and will come back and post soon. I miss your daily wisdom and exhortations to be gentle with ourselves. If you are struggling, just remember your own words to the rest of us about each day being a new one. I know you've had many changes in your life this past year and even if positive, that is still stressful. Please be gentle with yourself!

Have a good day, all!
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:36 AM
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Yuck, Monday morning! I had such a blissful weekend, filled with thoughts of finally pursuing my dream work and making plans to get out of a career that is very non-conducive to sobriety (the legal profession is highly competitive, always on, super-stressful and based on constant conflict) and now, the day before I leave for vacation it's back to reality.

You know what? There is nothing at work that can't wait until I get back. I am going to do some work from home this morning. I was only planning on a half day anyway.

Tanja, I am so pleased you were able to drive without anxiety! Thanks for your support in my desire to get away from an unhealthy work scenario.

Soberjane, I am very glad that food helped. Drink lots of water, eat nourishing food, and don't hesitate to see a doc if you need one!

I hope everyone has a great week! I am leaving early tomorrow morning for Thanksgiving with my husband's parents, so I may be offline for the better part of the week.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:59 AM
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Lilac, I'm so happy you had such a great weekend!

Work sounds very stressful but you have a plan to move on from that and have your husband's support!

Have a wonderful time off and enjoy the holidays!
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Old 11-19-2012, 06:43 AM
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Ugh! I just lost a huge post when my computer decided to restart for some reason. Basically-
Tanja I was so happy to read that you drove! Great job overcoming that challenge. I know it's not magically fixed, but build on the confidence this gave you!
SJD, stay close.
Emily, where are you?
FP- Yes! Sips to share! First that I should try it because it was so good and then because it was too much and I'd have to help finish it. To be fair I had told her I was taking a break from drinking awhile ago, but wasn't very forthright. She has a great heart, but doesn't get it. I was fine though.
I'm just very nervous that I'll become complacent and think it's been enough time to try and drink responsibly. But then being so vigilant sometime feels like overkill. Anyone I know would think it is strange that I am on a recovery site every day. I don't talk about it much outside of here. I do a little with my other half, but I feel like I sound like I'm trying to be a drama queen. I wonder if my AV is just trying another tactic in making me feel selfish for focusing so much on myself and not making myself uncomfortable. I dunno. I had a very busy and productive weekend. I just have a list of things that I want to get done around here to finally feel at home and comfortable, and I won't rest until they're done. I had some cranky moments, which I hate. But I think it has to do with what I left at work Friday and the upcoming holiday. I decided I'm not going anywhere for Thanksgiving. Just going to try to have a nice day off and cook my first whole turkey for just the two of us. We'll have a lot of leftovers so that will be good. I don't even think I want to do the volunteer thing in the morning I was going to do. I feel bad but it is with a part of my family that stresses me out. They make me feel bad for the things I already don't go to. Christmas I cannot hide from, but I'm going to make this one a wash. I worry I will regret ignoring time I could spend with family, some I don't see often anyways. But I keep telling myself if I really want to see people, I will just have to make plans with them at another time. Alright over and out. Have a good day everyone.
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:11 AM
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2am and I'm still up. Freaking insomnia.

OLL I hope you have a good thanksgiving with the two of you.
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:23 AM
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Morning Mayans

Haven't been posting as much this past week, just reading posts, and reflecting on some major life changes crucial to my continuing sobriety. Anyway, I hope each of you have a peaceful week. We're all in this journey of recovery together, that's what matters.
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:16 AM
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Bloss good to hear from you. Wishing you strength for any difficult changes you need to make. Feel free to share more if you think it would help. Hope you have a peaceful week too!
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:33 AM
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I'm all over the place today. I could do any of a number of things but I just keep getting up and doing a little of this and a little of that and a little nothing. I feel unsettled and I can't put my finger on it.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:46 PM
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Good Monday evening, my lovely May mates! Day 191 in sober fun. Hope everyone is hanging tough in sobriety. With the holidays looming, I've gotta get a start on planning lots of activities to keep my mind on the right track.

Resuming my French horn this week with my duet partner. Haven’t tooted for about 7 weeks, yikes! Surgery recovery put that on the back burner and now I’ve got to build my chop strength up from scratch.

iPad G-Ma: “I will be ecstatic if I can hit 30 days by the end of 2012!” That’s an excellent and achievable goal. Still have that special elephant tucked away and waiting. Have a great time visiting your family and be safe traveling. Good deal that you’re doing some deep digging into your habits and triggers. You’ve come a long way these past few months in discovering more about yourself. Awesome!

WeHav: I hear ya. Holidays are typically a struggle for me, too. Stay close to us, girlfriend. We can do this. What’s new in WeHav-land?

(((SoberJane))): So happy that you’re okay! Wonderful news that you have good grades and can enter undergrad. That insomnia may well be withdrawal related. My sleep schedule didn’t get back on semi-track for weeks after I’d quit. One sober, relaxing evening at a time, classmate. We’re all right here with you.

Teacher Jeni: Wonderful advice to our boaters, as always. How are you doing today? Work is bearable? Thinking of you, my friend.

Bionic Lee: Day 40 today, good buddy? Glad you got the account snafu figured out. Big hugs to you on your awesome continued sobriety.

2Mags: Nice job that you’re able to enjoy your beautiful living room! From one house renovator to another, I’ve been living with raw sheet-rocked/spackled walls in my main floor for the past 4 years. Have a full toilet and sink set in their boxes that double as a multi-level shelf for the laundry room. Almost lost a cat yesterday when a huge pipe wrench fell off of the hall table and crashed next to him. Yup. My home décor is industrial garage themed. Keep up the great sober work!

(((Tanja))): I’m sorry your insomnia and panic attacks are plaguing you so severely. Your sponsor could use a little compassion/sensitivity training in this case, bad day or other. No one should pressure you past your limits. You know what’s best for you, we all love you, and want you to be safe. Terrific that you handled it so well and made peace with her pushy/cranky behavior. And I agree with you on our invaluable May mates for support. SR is my only program and has been working great. Hugs to you.

You-Rock: Such a hard worker. Hope you’re able to find time to yourself and plenty of rest. Looking forward to your posts when you can. Love to you.

Lilac: Absolutely wonderful that you had a breakthrough conversation with your husband! Love to hear that you two are close and supportive of each other. It takes a lot of courage to change your path and do what it takes to make it happen. I am with you on this 100 percent. Have a great Thanksgiving with family and be safe traveling. Big hugs to you on your sober strength, girlfriend.

OneLess: “Life stops being so dramatic after being sober for awhile.” Right on. What a relief to have that in the past. “I'm just very nervous that I'll become complacent and think it's been enough time to try and drink responsibly. But then being so vigilant sometime feels like overkill.” Yes, I feel this way, too, oftentimes. Especially this time of year. Thank goodness we’re all here for each other to talk things through. Here’s to getting through Thanksgiving with smooth-sailing success. Hope your day settles down today, too.

Bloss: Great to hear from you, May mate! So happy you’re staying with us. Excellent that you’re spending time reading and in self-reflection. I found both to be incredibly helpful to my sober strength. Stay close to us and keep posting when you can.

Dee: Big hugs to you, my wise friend.

KittyCat: How are you doing, girlfriend? Missing you!

Hurricane devastation persists. A squadron of military helicopters hugged the coastline yesterday with their loud, reverberating presence. Three blocks away, anyone trying to enter the beaches without proper ID clearance is met with assault weapons pointed and ready to fire. Cleanup is slow and the fleets of dump trucks entering our towns every day are consistently leaving full to the brim with flood-damaged personal items and debris. Electricity, heat, and traffic/street lights are still out in sections. Unbelievably surreal.

If you’re living in relative comfort, please be grateful for what you have. After this experience, I count my blessings every day. Keep up your phenomenal sober strength, boaters. Best wishes for a lovely Thanksgiving and be careful if you're traveling. Love and hugs to all.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:10 PM
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SoberJane, I totally relate to insomnia. I promise, it will pass. If I am awake in bed for more than 20 minutes, I get up and go to another room and read. I usually fall asleep wherever I'm reading.

Bloss, I understand life changes. I am in the same boat. Let's stay strong together!

OLL, I hope you enjoy cooking a turkey for just the two of you. That's what I have done for most of the past 5 years of married life. Enjoy the peace!

To everyone: this may be my last post for a while. Might check in via cell phone while gone, but the part of NH I'm headed to seems so very rural I don't know if there is any cell reception at the in-laws! Hugs to you all.
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