Germanos

Hey guys sorry I haven't been posting much. I have been reading everything. Congrats to everyone still here!

Day 18 here.

MidnightBlue

Hi, all.

Day 24 has been the hardest for me so far - I was about to hit the ceiling. If not for SR I will surely get some "relaxing stuff".

Breezy, welcome. It's a great place to keep sobriety/

Wifi, Neverthought, Samwitch, Germanos and other members - congrats on your every sober day.

Take care and have a good non-stressful day)

Wifi

Day 8!!! I had a drunk dream last night but the wierd thing is I wasn't drinking... Before I could grab a beer someone ran over and shoved a water in my hand...

Wierd...

Let's keep on keepin on Octsobers!!! Thanks for the shout out Midnight... I hope your doing well!

Wifi

Wow.. I have an incredible urge to go get a beer right now (during lunch)...

I don't plan on caving I was just wondering what tools you guys use when something like this hits?

Thanks,

Wifi

Germanos

Avoid it at all costs. Think about the day after you quit, or a time when alcohol made you feel like your body was falling apart.

samwitch

Wifi-Yeah, play the tape through to the end: remember how drinking makes you feel the next day. It promises everything good and delivers absolutely everything bad.

samwitch

Day 11 here!! My job is crazy out of control and so stressful right now. I cannot imagine dealing with all of the craziness if I was still drinking, I most likely would have tried to avoid or deflect stuff. Being sober, I can keep calm and deal with the problems one at a time in a positive manner.

What a difference 11 days makes. I'm so grateful.

JimJim

I hit the whiskey folks, It's taken me a few days to post since I did.

I made it to day 38 or soemthing. There was ntohing that was going to stop me making it to 30 days I was determined to break free. I just did not know what to do when I made that. It was like groundhog day, the lonliness kills me. I really need a job or something, it's not enough to count the days for me.

I need to take action in my llife, I've hit the whiskly pretty hard for the last few eveings, i need to cut it on its head before it turns into morning drinking again. I don't know whatto do. Theres some radiography jobs that have popped up, I need to put all my effort into this sinking career.

I know I can stop, but i need something to stay stopped. I'm not in a position to commit to a serious attempt at stopping i think at the moment. I'm so glad you guys are staying strong.

much love

JimJim

Seeing Christmas trees and the thought of ending this year with the days passing like grounhog day makes me feel sick.

I'm upset, because drinking got me into this situation and I have returned to it, I feel like a big dumb animal, destined to screw up, what's it gonna take man? Do I need to be told my liver is failing? bah!

JimJim

I hate drinking, It makes me despair. Iknow I can do thirty days now but I also know now that's not enough.

JimJim

For me, It feels like sobriety is a success for me. If I don't drink my life is worthwhile and successfull, but I can't help feel that it is not enough.

Dee74

It took me nearly dying Jim Jim - but I see now it didn;t need to be that way.

I was terrified of change - I was scared of having to be the man I knew I'd have to be to stay sober.

whats holding you back Jim?

D

fallingtogether

((((Jim)))) I was thinking of you earlier
Today, wondering how you were! I'm sorry you drank again. It doesn't have to be that way. In my world, a string if sober groundhog days is way better than drunk ones. Good luck buddy. I'm pullin for ya!

JimJim

God damn, Im just in tears. I'm sunken in whiskey and i'm sick. It warms my heart to kneo you were thinking of me earlier Fallingtogether.

hope22

Jim -sorry to hear that, just try again. hang in there.

Neverthought

It feels that way because you are a success and full of worth. It's the AV telling you it's not enough because that's the only influence it has left when we abstain. That's the irony!

You can beat this!

You've already proven your strength. Don't wait a year and a half like I did. Please make tomorrow day 1 and take it one day at a time. Treat this as a learning experience.

Once that door is closed, there's no need to look back at it. But, look for the doors that have opened in front of you.

Redviper

I almost drank tonight. I have this nagging desire in the back of my mind to get drunk just one more time. Like I don't know what that feels like. I made yams for dinner and that seemed to make me feel better. I love good food.

It's day 38. When does this get easier? I don't know how much longer I can stay strong. AA wasn't what I had hoped for. I just need to find some motivation.

Dee74

I can guarantee that it'd be like all the other times RV - except chances are you won't have fun, you may very well go overboard, and the remorse will really bite hard.

D

MidnightBlue

Hi, Octsober mates.

Day 25. Someone, shoot me.

JimJim, I've been wondering why you are not posting any more. I feel for you, I am in somewhat similar situation. I like being sober, I like having clear head, good sleep and all other benefits that sobriety grants me. But I am not enjoying life. My happiest hour of the day is when I wake up and have my firts cup of coffe, then it's all about waiting for a day to pass without drinking and doing my best to occupy myself and distract from thinking about drinking/sobriety. This 'calm sea" time is damn hard, I understand.

Among other things that keep me afloat (there are actually not many of them - primarily SR) is that I know that it will pass one day. And it will pass for you too. You will find a job, you won't be lonely any more, and will be able to enjoy life again. And the best you can do now is stay sober and use this time to do something that you had no time to do before. Maybe, there is something in your field of work you'd like to study, some books to read, anything.

I know it's hard to enjoy all this when the future is vague and there is nothing constant about tomorrow. But you still have 38 days of sobriety under your belt. You stumbled, it's ok, and it is not a fatal mistake that will automatically ruin all you'd gained. Get on your feet again and go on.

The other day, looking for some inspiration I was reading poems of my favourite writers. There is an extract from Mutability by your country-fellow P.B.Shelly, just for you:

"We rest.—A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.—One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same!—For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability."


Take care and keep the faith!

MidnightBlue

I can absolutely relate to your words, Redviper. To put together pieces of my motivation, I'm keeping telling myself: "If I can do this, then I'll be able to cope with anything in my life".

I broke my healthy nutrition today and pigged out on a huge cake. I hope my body won't punish me too hard for that. Besides, I apparently worked too hard with my deadlifts yesterday and pulled the hamstring. My productivity at work is somewhere near zero.

Fallingtogether, Hope, Neverthought and other members - glad to hear that you are keeping up your sobriety.

Best wishes to all.