SlimSlim

MHP:

I'm not groaning or rolling my eyes.

This journey requires us to be honest with ourselves, including our strengths and weaknesses. You seem to have a good handle on your ability to face temptation right now. I have a feeling that when you come back home, you will get rid of that bottle from your car, not because it is a temptation to you, but what it might symbolize to your husband if he found it.

Be ever vigilant...those temptations might be easy to handle right now in early sobriety, yet things might change. Important for you to listen to the chatter in your head in case things do change.

You're doing great...thanks for sharing.

Panacea

Good evening all,

Just a quick post prior to hitting the hay. Busy day. Good day - filled with boring but necessary stuff like laundry. But also another trip to the Halloween store (yes, I am still decorating) and a brief but nice visit with a close friend to whom I disclosed/discussed my sobriety and passed excessive drinking history (but left out many of the gory details). Rounded out the day with a nice roast chicken with gravy, a snuggle with the kids and all seems to be ok in the world.


LLG - congratulations on 41 days and on your new life plans - both sound very good.
Veggie - I am impressed with your capacity to juggle and can unfortunately attest to a degree or two fueled under the influence. I love history as well and am jealous of your endeavor. It will all be worth it in the end when you finish!
Grace - hope your day went well and that both you and Steve celebrated 50 in some shape or fashion.
Nuway - so, good to hear from you and hope you have not been working too hard. I have been burning the midnight oil for work quite a bit lately as well.

Hope everyone else is doing well tonight. Looking forward to checking in tomorrow and hope you have a great start to your week.

xo Pan

Dee74

hey MHP

for me pouring it out would the way to go...I'm a non drinker.
Alcohol has no place in my life.

Especially if it's a bottle only I know about.

Too many slippery surfaces there for me.

Pour it out...believe me, having done it myself, *that's* a true test of strength

D

myhappyproject

Thanks Slim and Dee74 - I'm pretty positive I'll end up pouring it out, it might mean more after thinking about it for this long. What I really have realized is I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY don't want to go back to the way I was living my life. That's when I knew for sure that I was going to be ok.

Thanks for your advice and thoughts, I really do appreciate it. SR is the one place I can tell all my inner thoughts and secrets and get advice and support. It's really been a tremendous help to me.

Oh, and we rode our bikes a total of 20 miles over the 2 days;-)

Veggiejojo

MHP, I'd pour it out, you don't need a test and as you've stated you have already proved your fine around other people drinking plus if it looks like a regular water bottle is there a danger it could be passed to someone else (a child?) to drink from?

Congrats on passing your exam,

x

stevie88

Day 51 just starting for me....Running late....Yikes.....

Grace2

Good morning S.R family

My last day at home today, back in work tomorrow. Boo I've not got half the things done that I intended to do whilst I've been off work, due to one thing and another. Not to worry, it will all still be waiting for me!

Hi Slim, thanks for the congrats, those banana boys just love me! You just can't beat a spot of jiggy jig in a morning!!! Lol. I'm sorry to hear how exhausted you are, that is so debilitating, the sooner those test results are known the better, at least then you'll know where your going with your illness. I'm finding that piece about relapse/slips very useful, I keep reading it and am keeping it in my folder.

LLG, thanks also for the congrats. Our little one snore too, between him and my husband it's like ARGHHHH( big scream). Lol.

MHP, lovely to hear from you as always. What is huffing?
No eye rolling or groaning from me either, I appreciate your honesty. I can really relate to what you had been doing. I used to always have water bottles in my car, used to buy bottles of wine, fill the water bottles and dispose of the empties. I think you need to pour it away as soon as, no point in testing yourself.
My husband will also have a couple of beers or glass of wine when we go out. Someone bought him a bottle of good gin for his birthday which he has never opened, but I wont touch it, I know where it is, but no! Wherever you go, there is always alchohol, but I can cope with that, just can't cope with me drinking it.
Anyway apart from that, I'm pleased to hear that you had another fantastic week end with your husband. Well done on the bike ride too!

I've got lots to do today so I'll catch up again later.

Lots of love to you all, have a good and sober day.

Gxx
******************
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

ebshot

MPH, okay, I groaned a little. For me I would have to dump it out. Since vodka was your drink of choice (I assume) I think it would be wise to just get rid of it at this early stage. I certainly could not have a craft beer or red wine hanging out in my house without being tempted to open it up and drink away. Perhaps eventually but not yet.

That being said, congrats on not drinking it! Way to be strong. Certainly a test and you passed with flying colors!

I am so jealous you are going to Kona. I adore Kona. We went a few years ago and had such a great time. The Big Island is probably my favorite island. Maybe, I love Kauai and Maui too.

I'm looking for a babysitter for tonight. I am supposed to meet with my sponsor after a meeting but I haven't found anyone to watch my crew yet. It is times like this that I certainly miss having Bryan home. Only 10 more months and he'll be home from deployment. Ugh.

WantToHeal

Hi all! Beginning of Day 5 for me here. Went to another meeting last night and it was GREAT! Big Book discussion group, which is a format that suits me. Meeting was on the local college campus, so there was a good mix of people my own age (a few older), and some young people as well. The young people are really great to see at meetings, for two reasons. Simply put, it means that both they and AA have a future. What I wouldn't give to be 18-22 again and "get it", sparing myself the many more years of misery that would lie ahead for me.

We read the latter part of "How it Works", and the beginning of "Into Action". I not only got to read, I got to share as well. It was my first time sharing at a meeting, but it felt good and right. I also did a better job of staying afterward, helping to clean up, and talking with some of the more tenured group members. Got a phone number and made a friend, I think. I'll definitely be making this meeting my Sunday evening standby.

Well, duty calls. No meetings today as I have individual therapy during my normal lunchtime slot, but I'm planning to go tomorrow over the lunch hour. Should be a good week!

Much love to you all, and be well!

stevie88

Day 51 nearing the end as I'm gonna go watch some TV in bed soon...Had a busy day...Took the wife shopping this morning,school runs and dog walks...Hit the gym at lunchtime and had a good chest and triceps session,had to train by myself as my Dad called off sick again,I just think the novelty of working out is wearing off for him...Ate plenty of good food again today and drank plenty of water...The weather is lousy here again as it's done nothing but rain,roll on winter.....MHP I really would pour out the booze,If it was mine and I knew where it was then I know I would probably drink it...I really can't be around booze at all yet...Anyways enough of me banging on...I'll check back in tomorrow...Take care...Steve....

stairs

Hello everyone,

Yesterday's visit to the B was pretty miserable overall. I felt awful, sneezing and snuffling and uncoordinated. Sick with some cold type thing. We made the mistake of going to the mall. We didn't get anything and I dropped her off at her friends house and went home and slept for 5 hours.

I cancelled the new home health aide as Sweetie does not like her and she shows no initiative, which I cannot stand. Also she confided to me about how her boyfriend does not work and stays home with her 3 kids one of whom is 9 months old and how she can't stand to be there and he has a bad temper so she kills time at friends houses before coming over here.

My first reaction was to help and I asked if she felt we should call someone but she said no if he hits her she just punches him in the face, and was sooo ..... detached.... about it, I felt like wth. And after thinking this over later I felt like wth. Is this a person I want with my daughter!?!? who accepts violence as a way of life?!?! Hell no.
I had exactly the opposite reaction I think she anticipated. I almost felt like she was manipulating me for whatever reason.
And although I feel bad for her , and at first thought we'd just let it ride and see if Sweetie warms up to her, you know just see how it goes. But then I realized that my ex doesn't like this girl either and I don't either, after that strange conversation....and my thinking is kind of messianic or something thinking God sent her here for me to help?! This is not the shelter and I may be making a mistake because I always think maybe God puts people in our lives but then again based on experience and common sense I simply do not wish to deal with this after all we have been through so the agency is looking around but I may just can the whole thing which I told them, or look for another agency. Having an hha is more to get a break, than for any medical necessity, and truthfully being sober I can handle it just fine. Sweetie was happy when I said the girl is not coming over. It's rare that she does not like people.

Rambling about this. I had conflicting feelings based on feeling bad for this girl but these people come to our home to perform a service, not to hide out from bad home lives where they should be anyway with three small children. I hate being judgemental but on the other hand I am done with allowing situations to develop that feel wrong from the beginning because I don't trust my own instincts and allow others too much non judgement so that I end up being in a situation I regret.

Anyway I am taking some cold meds and watching stuff on netflix. I have a tiny fever but hopefully this will pass quickly. Tomorrow I am starting my volunteer training with the Literacy Council and I will go there no matter what. I blew it for the one in August by getting drunk instead and have been waiting for this training since I got sobe.

Thanks for listening, congrats on milestones and hope you are all well.

Grace2

Quick pop in before bed. Had a very productive day today, I even cleaned my car out, which looked like a mobile skip. The car must have thought it was it;s birthday. The weather has been lovely,cold first thing and again in the evening, but the sun has been shining. Steve must have had all the rain clouds overhead today!

Hi Erica, I hope you found a baby sitter. You sound better in yourself now, how are you feeling? 10 months will fly by, once Christmas is over, it will be here before you know it!

Hi WTH, I'm so pleased to hear you enjoyed your meeting, it makes all the difference when the format suits you. I wish I was 18-22 again. (big sigh). You were very brave to share, that wasn't something I could ever do, I just clam up if I have and audience. Well done you!

Hi Steve, I think it's more like you've worn your poor dad out!! Lol. Have a good nights sleep,

Hi Stairs, you're not having much luck with the HHA, however from what you've said I think you've done the right thing. Plus if both Sweetie and your ex are not keen on her, there must be something not right. Violence is not acceptable and it's not good that she is happy to leave her own three children with someone who cannot control his temper!
Anyway, I hope your cold/fever is much better tomorrow and good luck with your training, it sounds really worthwhile.

With that I'll say goodnight

Be safe and sober. Sleep well

Gxx

LSC1

Hi Guys, I am still here and still sober.

Congratulations on everybody for their achievements this month.

I am just getting ready for a hectic summer.
The idea of dealing with my hectic life and not drinking at the end of the day to wind down is slowly becoming less scarey and less stressful and more "normal" for want of a better word.

My weekend away with my daughter was an awesome eperience for me. Not driving hungover and not counting down the kilometres till my first drink really made for an enjoyable drive just for starters. I found myself laughing and singing with my daughter so many times over the weekend I had to keep checking myself. She noticed and made the comment "your weird this weekend". I like weird.

On the way home I visited a friend I hadn't seen for 6 months who nearly died when I knocked back the glass of red with dinner, but commented on how healthy I looked. My family will be staying for a couple of nights at heir place in the future.

My shoulder is holding me back a bit, but I find out the damage soon and will start getting it fixed. Did an observation Beach Patrol on Sunday which was enjoyable. I will get my physical proficiencies done as soon as I can

I can not believe I have taught for 20 years and never had an injury at work....50 plus days sober and I have to put in a claim....I think it is quite funny.

I have amused everyone when telling them I hurt it trying to win a handstand competition at school sport... My official reason was "I was demonstrating correct technique for a handstand....."

So my hectic Tuesday this arvo is finish work 3:30...junior touch team warm -up 4.00.....game 4:30 (none of them have played before) ......Bronze Medallion Training 6pm - 9pm (only 2 more theory sessions to go yay) ....Then off to the Doctors to get a Work Cover Medical Cerificate....I really need to keep hydrated today.

SO take care , keep sober
Cheers
Jodie

Panacea

Hey all,

MHP - Apologies, I believe we were simultaneously posting and I did not see your post until just now. I echo agreement with the crew. Throw the stuff out, you don't need a test (you passed). And re telling the husband - I think it is ok - you will find a time when you feel comfortable (or not). I honestly think that sharing is more than mildly overrated...but, I am sure this goes against some sort of parable, teaching, or lesson.

Erica - hope you find a babysitter or a child friendly meeting (do they have those?).

WTH - I do not think I would trade my hard earned wisdom to be 18-22 again - I was an idiot (the worst kind - one who thought they were smart). I am hoping it is the quality of our years not the quantity that pays off in the end.

Stairs - You definitely made the right call with the HHA - It always amazes me how manipulative people can be, either intensionally or not. Standing your ground for your family is the most important.

Steve - Hope your dad feels better soon. I am looking forward to the hitting the gym (or a treadmill) once this silly cast is of (the 16th - can't wait!).

Jodie - I know shoulder injuries can be quite painful - I hope you get through your hectic day and find some sort of resolution at the doctor's.

Slim -hope you have had a great day and are feeling better - Do you have an appt yet? Know that not knowing/waiting can be very rough..and my thoughts are with you.

Long day again at work. Never seems to be enough time in the day for everything. My daughter said something tonight that made me sad - something along the lines of comparing herself to her brother and asking why he was so smart and why she had to work so hard. They are really different kids, with different skills and talents - everything does seem to come easy to her brother scholastically which must be hard for her as she has a perpetual familial benchmark to live up to....Mind you, Mr. Perfect Brother could not find his own underwear in the morning without help. Anyrate, something for my mind to chew on tonight as I fall asleep as I think she is somewhat down about it.

Take care all - sleep tight - Pan

LiveLikeGold6

I suuuuuuck!!!! I thought I had things all figured out but I do not. I' have been thinking myself to death about all sorts of options and I just don't know what if anything is the right thing.

So I'm dreaming up being a performer, rapper/singer/actress. I used to rap a lot Recorded a few songs, was invited to modeling casting calls,but made nothing of it due to partying. 9 years later it's like the dream that won't go away. I was thinking maybe hairstyling would give me good practical income while being another way I could get myself on sets or otherwise around entertainment folk to network. The reality is if I pursue this its going to be a lot of work and money to invest in training that will take time before I can feel confident enough in my skills to start marketing myself. I know at my core that I am creative and expressive and that is what draws me to these dreams. I have this feeling that if I truly went after whatever it is I'm seeking that I will get it. But it's a complete left turn from what my practical dream is (banking/accounting).

I need to take action because thinking myself to death is only going to lead to a drink and that's not an option. I bought 4 acting classes for $75 (it was a living social special). If I try and don't like it at least I tried right?

I know I'm crazy. But thanks for listening you guys seriously

Hope everyone kicks off their week thanking God for another sober day and a chance to be an example for someone else!

stevie88

Day 52 just starting.....

Grace2

Good morning to you all

First day back in work today and I have lots to catch up on, so I need to be quick! Couldn not believe it but my car was frozen over this morning and I had to use the ice scraper!! It's going to be nice later on though!

Jodie, your week end with your daughter sounds wonderful, some quality mum and daughter bonding and it sounds like you had loads of fun too. Weird is good, I like weird too. You really do have a busy schedule today, but don't push yourself too hard. Lets hope your shoulder makes a rapid recovery then you can carry on with your activities. Your doing, really, really well. Keep it up and look after yourself.

Hi Pan, after giving it further thought, I agree now that I wouldn't want to be 18/22 again. I got married at just 18 and had my son, then my daughter at 23! My son and daughter are as different as chalk and cheese, it wouldn't do for us all to be the same! I have two younger brothers, the one in the middle of us is very, very clever, went to Oxford Uni and excelled at everything he did accademically, yet he can't change a plug! Myself and my youngest brother are just Jo Average, but I'm good at crafts and he can turn his hand to anything to do with D.I.Y and does a good job of it!!!! Anyway, not long now until you get that cast off and then you can pursue your activities. xx

LLG, decisions, decisions!! Performing and acting sounds exciting, but being realistic would it give your little boy any stability? I would think it would involve working all kinds of hours etc and would you be financially secure? I think there would be more cons that pro's. That's only my thoughts though!!

Morning Steve, have a good one!

Going to get some work done now.

Catch up later

Big hugs

Gxxx
********

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.

Nuway2fly

Good day, everyone! Just a check in for me, as I have another busy day in store. Finally have a day off from work, but today will involve work around the house and other business. Boring! lol Oh, well--not every day can be exciting, but now every day can be satisfying as long as we stay sober.

Does anyone else ponder sometimes how much more peaceful your mind is now? I used to ruminate and think truly hateful thoughts about myself because of my drinking. Now, my mind is quiet most of the time. It's like going from a riot to a library in there.

Grace2

Quick Hi Nuway

Yes, I'm always thinking how much calmer my mind is without the dirty wine, my thoughts don't seem to be working overtime any more. I dont seem as full of self loathing as I was.

Enjoy your day being a domestic Goddess.

GX

Veggiejojo

Hi Nuway,

Yes - much calmer, although I did catch myself blowing a comment out of all proportion yesterday - appeared to me someone was taking credit for someone else's work - I said nothing but it really played on my mind. Am sure no one else gave it a second thought.

Stressful few days coming up - final exam on Thursday afternoon, then second interview for the job I applied for on Friday morning. Not ideal timing as I have so little time to prep for the interview but should be grateful they pulled it forward - originally wanted to see me on the day I travel to Italy!

Grace - ice! I am still hoping to get a final mowing of the lawn squeezed in, I hope we don't get a frost.

LLG - is the performing something you could do as a sideline at open mic nights? I agree with Grace it doesn't sound very stable, would it scupper your plans to move out?

hope everyone else is keeping well,

x