Class of March 2012 Part 5
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I'm guessing there must be some reason that you want to stop though? Do you have problems when you drink socially? I never did and that was one reason it took so long for me to get to the point where I really wanted to stop drinking. Well I say long, I'm only 31 so it could have took longer. But I hated alcohol in the end (which incidentally still didn't help with the quitting bit). But there's always something that will force our hand. I think the commitment wearing off is a common thing too. I had that but I decided to stick to my decision to stay quit just to see what would happen, it's a kind of social experiment. And I never regretted it. Actually I'm not sure it's possible to regret staying sober 
That might be something to bear in mind for your trip...? I hope you figure out what you want to do x
That might be something to bear in mind for your trip...? I hope you figure out what you want to do x
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Thanks so much, guys. Unfortunately I did drink at the party (of course!) and as a result the last 24 hours has been a refresher course in Why I Gave Up In The First Place. I'll spare you the gory details, but I wouldn't wish how I felt at 4am this morning, drunk and alone in an airport, on anyone. I resumed at 8am, when it was purely medicinal.
I don't know why I thought I could handle it and things not go wrong. I can't and they always bloody do, and I end up feeling the way I do now: tired and ashamed, guilty and fearful.
I don't know why I thought I could handle it and things not go wrong. I can't and they always bloody do, and I end up feeling the way I do now: tired and ashamed, guilty and fearful.
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I dunno about anyone else but I had to accept that I was a terrible drinker.
Alcohol and I had a really bad, terminally toxic, irretrievably broken, relationship.
Once I accepted that - really accepted it - it became a lot easier to stay sober, Marks.
D
Alcohol and I had a really bad, terminally toxic, irretrievably broken, relationship.
Once I accepted that - really accepted it - it became a lot easier to stay sober, Marks.
D
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My plan now is complete abstention. I'm overseas and about to go to dinner. On last year's trip me and the guy I'm going with got royally trashed -- well, I did -- and I felt dreadful in the meeting the next day. Not this year.
And you're right, Dee, you're right. That describes my relationship with it, too.
And you're right, Dee, you're right. That describes my relationship with it, too.
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That's something I still struggle with a bit... I was a good drinker in a way, but then I was very careful/manipulative. I never had any social problems from it. But the anxiety it caused me was unacceptable. I couldn't live like that. I occasionally have thoughts that I could drink normally. But then I think about it a bit and it makes me laugh cos I'm actually a million times happier sober. Even with all the difficulties. I am more me now than I ever was drinking 
I am sure you'll find the same too Marks x
I am sure you'll find the same too Marks x
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Do you know/remember Fun Bob off Friends. That's me. Drunk, I'm the absolute life & soul, and always getting into scrapes which end up making funny anecdotes.
I suppose that's one of the problems with putting a lot of distance between yourself and the last mishap. You forget how wretched you felt.
I suppose that's one of the problems with putting a lot of distance between yourself and the last mishap. You forget how wretched you felt.
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Maybe Mark you need to write down exactly how you feel right now and keep it somewhere where you can read it every day. My last drinking evening was the worst and I know if I was to do it again I would be right back there in as long as it takes for me to swallow that very first mouthful. I can be life and soul too, but I can also be loud, over dramatic, shameful. I need to remember the last description. That's what alcohol can do to me and I don't want to feel like that again. Not ever.
You deserve to be sober. Your family deserve for you to be sober. A life without regrets is worth fighting for xxx
You deserve to be sober. Your family deserve for you to be sober. A life without regrets is worth fighting for xxx
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Haha, yup, just us again. I'm good thanks. Well, I have had weird anxiety this week. But it's not worrying me because it won't kill me Counselling isn't really helping so far. I'm not sure if it's just not for me, but my counsellor has kind of said that we aren't making any progress. I am going down the meditation route after this is up and maybe try and get some CBT through my doctor to help with anxiety. I have work stress but I'm going to de stress by looking into other career options It stops me from just handing my notice in... I may start doing the lottery... I am basically intermittently really good and shite.
How's things with you Jeni? xxx
Counselling isn't really helping so far. I'm not sure if it's just not for me, but my counsellor has kind of said that we aren't making any progress. I am going down the meditation route after this is up and maybe try and get some CBT through my doctor to help with anxiety. I have work stress but I'm going to de stress by looking into other career options It stops me from just handing my notice in... I may start doing the lottery... I am basically intermittently really good and shite.How's things with you Jeni?
xxx
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I'm ok, also struggling with some anxiety but I've just been diagnosed with PTSD so I guess that's normal in a crazy sort of way....?! The counselling I think will help me. My therapist also said I've got abandonment and rejection issues and some disassociation. So, shes got her work cut out with me i think!! She's given me some literature to read on the type of therapy she thinks will work for me, and is so direct that I can't bluff my way through it. I do like to talk round the houses to avoid issues, and she brings me straight back to the point. Yesterday she asked me a question which sent me into a spin, and I said I would find it hard to answer in the vain hope she would move on, but she calmly replied that that was what I was paying her for, and it would be ok if I wanted to pause, but it really needed addressing. Although it is scary, that sort of approach will work with me because I've spent a lifetime avoiding stuff, and I'm really good at it, so for her to brush all that aside will sort of force the issue. She is very good at what she does, and I instinctively trust her judgement. And I don't trust easily. So...so far so good.
Going from feeling good to feeling shite is something I do too. I hope the medication will level out those feelings for you. You are a strong woman Hypo. You are doing well. You never stop looking for solutions and answers and that is inspiring to me.
Lots of love to you. You know where I am if you need me xxx
Going from feeling good to feeling shite is something I do too. I hope the medication will level out those feelings for you. You are a strong woman Hypo. You are doing well. You never stop looking for solutions and answers and that is inspiring to me.
Lots of love to you. You know where I am if you need me xxx
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Your counsellor sounds fab Jeni
Oh, and that was meditation not medication... Haha, very similar. I want to avoid medication if I can. Things aren't perfect now but I am okay really, I am still scared of medication and don't want to risk feeling worse if it doesn't work for me. I have done a bit of mindfulness meditation at home and it was really helpful so I want to get more committed to that and maybe do some classes in it. I am not the most highly motivated person in the world and my time at home seems to be split between SR and reading and playing with the dog. I want to try and make room for some volunteer work too but we'll see...
And you too Jeni. I hope work is going well and not too stressful for you. You're doing fab too xxx
Oh, and that was meditation not medication... Haha, very similar. I want to avoid medication if I can. Things aren't perfect now but I am okay really, I am still scared of medication and don't want to risk feeling worse if it doesn't work for me. I have done a bit of mindfulness meditation at home and it was really helpful so I want to get more committed to that and maybe do some classes in it. I am not the most highly motivated person in the world and my time at home seems to be split between SR and reading and playing with the dog. I want to try and make room for some volunteer work too but we'll see...
And you too Jeni. I hope work is going well and not too stressful for you. You're doing fab too
xxx
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