Class of May 2012 part 12
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
I took one of my prescribed anti anxiety medications and now I'm having anxiety over that. But I've been crying in bed for over an hour. I just haven't taken an anti anxiety med since I quit drinking so now I feel like I'm regressing or putting myself at risk. But I need to sleep. I need this night to be over so I can start the removal process tomorrow. I know long term exposure is most risky but just as some people with long term exposure do not develop complications, I'm sure there are those with short term exposure that do develop complications. I don't think I can have kids and raise them here. Even covering it with sheet rock I think of the releasing that taking down the fans and crown molding can do. I already feel like its been traipsed through the house that it's in our kitchen, in our couches, our bed. I will always worry about it in the remaining ceilings even if it's covered. And don't get me going about the guilt I will feel when we sell it. I don't even know if I can realistically stay here. I am totally mourning the thought of ever having children unless we move out and buy a newer house. I know that sounds crazy to everyone but it's the truth.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry this has hit you so hard OLL but I can certainly appreciate the way you feel.
Please do see your Dr if you feel your anxiety is overwhelming.
The one thing to remember tho, is however bad the situation, there are a multitude of solutions - and I'm sure you and your husband can find one that suits you both
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D
D
Please do see your Dr if you feel your anxiety is overwhelming.
The one thing to remember tho, is however bad the situation, there are a multitude of solutions - and I'm sure you and your husband can find one that suits you both
.D
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
OLL, it's good that you're posting and sharing your worries instead of bottling them all up.
I don't really know anything about asbestos except what I read, and they are usually the horror stories. My advice would be to leave this to the professionals, who deal with this every day. Seek advice for the risks to you and your family, and trust what they say. Stay sober, because if you're finding this an anxious time without drinking, imagine how you would find it if you added drink into the mix!
We care about you very much. Keep posting my friend xxx
I don't really know anything about asbestos except what I read, and they are usually the horror stories. My advice would be to leave this to the professionals, who deal with this every day. Seek advice for the risks to you and your family, and trust what they say. Stay sober, because if you're finding this an anxious time without drinking, imagine how you would find it if you added drink into the mix!
We care about you very much. Keep posting my friend xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
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OLL - I don't know what to add because everyone has given you such good advice. Please don't be so hard on yourself about taking anti-anxiety medication. Your thoughts are NOT crazy. Lean on us and your hubby for support. I had no doubt that you would not drink. Your strong, take it one day at a time and things WILL get better. Sending prayers your way!
Saskia - Congratulations on 9 days
Saskia - Congratulations on 9 days
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hugs OLL. Keep posting here.
Welcome back Uninvited. I tend to do a similar thing when I slip, instead of a slow ease back into drinking, I have the thought that I better get all my drinking in while I am allowing myself the transgression....here I am today at day 15.
I've been a little scarce here. I am doing OK. I am in the boring part of being sober which means actually doing the work. I am going to do a repeat of this diet cleanse I did last year and have started that process....that means that over the weekend, I made sure to have a LOT of unhealthy food. (This makes total sense, right?) Have any American Maytes been to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries? I mean, the burger (and fries) were good, but they sat like a rock in my belly....ugh....
Today I am weaning off the daily gallon of coffee I have been accustomed to lately, which ultimately will feel good, but is a painful process. I can recall last year disliking coffee's acidic taste and now it is my lifeblood
I got out hiking in the fall leaves twice this weekend, it was gorgeous! I hope you are all able to enjoy the change of seasons whereever you are.
Thinking of you! Get back on that horse Uninvited and stay with us. I am proof you can dust yourself off and keep going.
Welcome back Uninvited. I tend to do a similar thing when I slip, instead of a slow ease back into drinking, I have the thought that I better get all my drinking in while I am allowing myself the transgression....here I am today at day 15.
I've been a little scarce here. I am doing OK. I am in the boring part of being sober which means actually doing the work. I am going to do a repeat of this diet cleanse I did last year and have started that process....that means that over the weekend, I made sure to have a LOT of unhealthy food. (This makes total sense, right?) Have any American Maytes been to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries? I mean, the burger (and fries) were good, but they sat like a rock in my belly....ugh....
Today I am weaning off the daily gallon of coffee I have been accustomed to lately, which ultimately will feel good, but is a painful process. I can recall last year disliking coffee's acidic taste and now it is my lifeblood
I got out hiking in the fall leaves twice this weekend, it was gorgeous! I hope you are all able to enjoy the change of seasons whereever you are.
Thinking of you! Get back on that horse Uninvited and stay with us. I am proof you can dust yourself off and keep going.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Great post kitty and lovely to hear from you.
It's lunchtime at work and I'm fretting about doing a presentation in a couple of hours. Heart thumping anxiety. But I'm going to stop avoiding anything difficult. Fear isn't going to beat me any more! I will check in later. Deep breaths.....
Loads of love to you xxx
It's lunchtime at work and I'm fretting about doing a presentation in a couple of hours. Heart thumping anxiety. But I'm going to stop avoiding anything difficult. Fear isn't going to beat me any more! I will check in later. Deep breaths.....
Loads of love to you xxx
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Jeni, good for you for facing your fear. I hope it went as well as possible. Do something nice for yourself when it's over and done with as a reward and remember that positive reinforcement the next time you have to do something you fear. We are capable of, and must, retrain our brains to handle difficulty. We all have our own perception of difficulty, but the feelings are pretty universal. Hugs to you.
Grats Saskia on 9 days! Use that as momentum to keep rocking on!
Kitty, I have had Five Guys! So delicious going down only to carry around a set of weights in your gut for the rest of the day.
Very happy to hear from you Deserto, and you're sounding more positive which is very nice to hear. Are cowboy boots with spurs in the dress code of the upper crust? I'm sure atleast pants are, so you may want to think ahead.
I have been meaning to take a couple pictures of the turning trees for HRB who lives in ? Florida now, but misses or loved the colors of fall. Maybe that will be something to do.
I stayed home today for two companies to come to my house and give estimates and recommendations. Of course they had completely different prices and recommendations. And I'd like to have a third company come out so I can find an average, but none of the other companies have called me back. I am trying really hard today to just take it for what it is, do the next right thing, and not fall off the grid. Thank you all for bearing with me and not making me feel like a freak for being way more anxious about this than most would probably be. I understand I am probably freaking out way more than is called for in the situation, but it is still just as real to me.
Grats Saskia on 9 days! Use that as momentum to keep rocking on!
Kitty, I have had Five Guys! So delicious going down only to carry around a set of weights in your gut for the rest of the day.
Very happy to hear from you Deserto, and you're sounding more positive which is very nice to hear. Are cowboy boots with spurs in the dress code of the upper crust? I'm sure atleast pants are, so you may want to think ahead.
I have been meaning to take a couple pictures of the turning trees for HRB who lives in ? Florida now, but misses or loved the colors of fall. Maybe that will be something to do.
I stayed home today for two companies to come to my house and give estimates and recommendations. Of course they had completely different prices and recommendations. And I'd like to have a third company come out so I can find an average, but none of the other companies have called me back. I am trying really hard today to just take it for what it is, do the next right thing, and not fall off the grid. Thank you all for bearing with me and not making me feel like a freak for being way more anxious about this than most would probably be. I understand I am probably freaking out way more than is called for in the situation, but it is still just as real to me.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
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You are amongst friends OLL. We care about you very much.
My presentation went well. I'm exhausted now. Need to sleep... Work is such a huge drain on my energy. How did I ever manage this lifestyle when I was drinking?! I find it hard to be a good parent by the time I've got in, cooked dinner, sorted through the errands etc. I'd been in an hour and realised I hadn't taken by coat off! No time to listen to them. Must try harder...
Hope everyone else is ok.
Night night xx
My presentation went well. I'm exhausted now. Need to sleep... Work is such a huge drain on my energy. How did I ever manage this lifestyle when I was drinking?! I find it hard to be a good parent by the time I've got in, cooked dinner, sorted through the errands etc. I'd been in an hour and realised I hadn't taken by coat off! No time to listen to them. Must try harder...
Hope everyone else is ok.
Night night xx
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
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Glad to hear your presentation went well, Jeni! I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight.
Today was the first time I had any cravings but I managed to get through it without drinking. I suspect it's the stress of the tests. First abdominal ultrasound last Thursday, then a bunch of blood tests and today they scheduled me for a CT scan tomorrow morning. Liver looking good, actually improved compared to 9 months ago :-). Labs ok and at this point the docs have a growing list of things it isn't. Since the pain isn't as bad anymore, I'm thinking (and hoping) that they won't find anything! That's an improvement over my former modus operendi when I always assumed the worst case. although life seems to indiscriminately hand out warm fuzzies and cold pricklies, I think that given enough time, they usually balance out.
I hope everyone had a good day!
Today was the first time I had any cravings but I managed to get through it without drinking. I suspect it's the stress of the tests. First abdominal ultrasound last Thursday, then a bunch of blood tests and today they scheduled me for a CT scan tomorrow morning. Liver looking good, actually improved compared to 9 months ago :-). Labs ok and at this point the docs have a growing list of things it isn't. Since the pain isn't as bad anymore, I'm thinking (and hoping) that they won't find anything! That's an improvement over my former modus operendi when I always assumed the worst case. although life seems to indiscriminately hand out warm fuzzies and cold pricklies, I think that given enough time, they usually balance out.
I hope everyone had a good day!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Good job handling the cravings Saskia. And way to go Jeni!
OLL how are you doing this evening? I hope the estimates are at least helping you see that there are ways you can address the issue (even if they are expensive, etc.)...
I need to share something with you guys that I can't talk to anyone in my real life about. I saw a friend last night who last saw me a couple months ago on a relapse, he is a distant friend and has no idea I have quit drinking or issues with drinking. Well, maybe he does now...He commented to me that I was quite intoxicated that night months back and asked me how I felt the next day and made a joke about how tipsy I was.
Ugh. That familiar ashamed feeling I know so well came rushing back....if I could have carved a hole in the floor I would have done it.
Anyway, was proud to be drinking water last night and need to remember that feeling when I'm next tempted to drink. I could just scream because I can recall telling myself before how I'll never again have to hear those dreaded words about "last night's drunken behavior", yet I'm STILL having to deal with that...
OK vent over, moving on now...just had to share this story with someone
OLL how are you doing this evening? I hope the estimates are at least helping you see that there are ways you can address the issue (even if they are expensive, etc.)...
I need to share something with you guys that I can't talk to anyone in my real life about. I saw a friend last night who last saw me a couple months ago on a relapse, he is a distant friend and has no idea I have quit drinking or issues with drinking. Well, maybe he does now...He commented to me that I was quite intoxicated that night months back and asked me how I felt the next day and made a joke about how tipsy I was.
Ugh. That familiar ashamed feeling I know so well came rushing back....if I could have carved a hole in the floor I would have done it. Anyway, was proud to be drinking water last night and need to remember that feeling when I'm next tempted to drink. I could just scream because I can recall telling myself before how I'll never again have to hear those dreaded words about "last night's drunken behavior", yet I'm STILL having to deal with that...
OK vent over, moving on now...just had to share this story with someone
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Join Date: May 2012
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Kittycat, I understand how you feel. It has been quite a few years since I was drunk enough to embarrass myself badly. It was a very unpleasant and mortifying experience. Even though I haven't done that in years, I have recently run into a situation where a close friend called and suggested we meet somewhere for dinner. Since I refuse to drive after any alcohol same day, I had to ask her for a ride. We're good enough friends that I told her why. I know she has been concerned about my drinking but I have asked her not to bug me about it. She really cares about what happens to me and I can tell it is difficult for her to not say something. This dinner/driving routine has happened a number of times. It leaves me feeling like I've let her down though I realize I've actually let myself down. She called yesterday evening and asked if I wanted to meet or if I wanted her to pick me up. It felt so good to be able to say that I would meet her and I did tell her that I'm over a week sober.
This is my usual meandering way of saying something! I think the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes it can be appropriate even if difficult to share what's happening and it's also ok to ask someone to limit their comments. It makes a difference if it's not a family member (too much baggage) or another alcoholic.
I do feel extremely strongly about the alcohol/driving mix. I don't think I could live with myself if I drank under the influence and had an accident where anyone was hurt. In my mind, I don't see any excuse for drinking and driving. These days it's a big financial hit, too. Around here I've heard it can cost around $10,000 in fines and such for a single DUI.
This is my usual meandering way of saying something! I think the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes it can be appropriate even if difficult to share what's happening and it's also ok to ask someone to limit their comments. It makes a difference if it's not a family member (too much baggage) or another alcoholic.
I do feel extremely strongly about the alcohol/driving mix. I don't think I could live with myself if I drank under the influence and had an accident where anyone was hurt. In my mind, I don't see any excuse for drinking and driving. These days it's a big financial hit, too. Around here I've heard it can cost around $10,000 in fines and such for a single DUI.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Thanks Saskia. I definitely could have asked him to stuff it (nicely of course) or even come clean with him about how I have a problem I'm trying to address. It was said in a group setting and so I did my best to hurry the conversation along instead.
I'm glad that you are so steadfast against drinking and driving. I am too, but not consistently when I drink. I have a DWI and even when relapsing earlier this year I have found myself again behind the wheel. Not in a blackout but definitely enough to be over the legal limit. I too would never forgive myself if I hurt someone in a drunken driving crash. Yet I know if I drink I can't say 100% that it won't happen. So, another reason why I am not going to drink....
great that you could drive yourself to meet a friend & not inconvenience her. Keep it up
I'm glad that you are so steadfast against drinking and driving. I am too, but not consistently when I drink. I have a DWI and even when relapsing earlier this year I have found myself again behind the wheel. Not in a blackout but definitely enough to be over the legal limit. I too would never forgive myself if I hurt someone in a drunken driving crash. Yet I know if I drink I can't say 100% that it won't happen. So, another reason why I am not going to drink....
great that you could drive yourself to meet a friend & not inconvenience her. Keep it up
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Tuesday evening, May mates! I hope everyone is doing well in their sobriety goals. I am alcohol-free, caffeine-free, and smoke-free in preparation for surgery. I'd say that I was scared sh!tless, but the bowel prep already did that for me.
I may not be able to log in here tomorrow morning (Wednesday), as I need to get to the hospital early for my procedure at 8:45am eastern time. First patient on the table and the highly experienced chief of surgery will be performing this himself. Couldn't be in better hands... Sas, you were right that I did my diligent research.
I will be bringing all of you with me, which should make for a crowded operating room, but the surgical team can deal. It's an overnight stay, so I will return online either Thursday afternoon/eve, but more likely on Friday after my brain fog clears.
Keep up the sober strength, my cherished boaters. Catch up with you soon. Much love and many hugs to all.
I may not be able to log in here tomorrow morning (Wednesday), as I need to get to the hospital early for my procedure at 8:45am eastern time. First patient on the table and the highly experienced chief of surgery will be performing this himself. Couldn't be in better hands... Sas, you were right that I did my diligent research.
I will be bringing all of you with me, which should make for a crowded operating room, but the surgical team can deal. It's an overnight stay, so I will return online either Thursday afternoon/eve, but more likely on Friday after my brain fog clears.
Keep up the sober strength, my cherished boaters. Catch up with you soon. Much love and many hugs to all.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
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FrenchPink, dearest mammoth, I will be in CT scanner while you are in the OR. I must admit I wouldn't want to change places -- been there 10 times now so I guess all that anesthesia has demolished a few brain cells 
I can't really tell the difference...
In any case, we will all be there with you looking over the shoulders of the surgical team! We'll keep you safe in our thoughts and will keep your spirit with us while you are asleep. We will be looking forward to hearing from you when you are up to posting! Know that you have a whole, big team of friends surrounding you and keeping you out of mammoth trouble.
(((hugs))) xx
IPad G-ma
I can't really tell the difference...In any case, we will all be there with you looking over the shoulders of the surgical team! We'll keep you safe in our thoughts and will keep your spirit with us while you are asleep. We will be looking forward to hearing from you when you are up to posting! Know that you have a whole, big team of friends surrounding you and keeping you out of mammoth trouble.
(((hugs))) xx
IPad G-ma
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