Class of February 2012 Pt 7
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I just talked to my cousin.who is the only one of three family members who knows my real story. She said she Is going but won't be drinking because she is driving her kids and cuz she is running a half marathon next weekend. So that brings me psychological relief.
I don't know why it helps. I hope i get over this party thing because if i dont then it probably means i cant be close to someone who drinks because i cannot at.this point allow alcohol in my home. It would give me a panic attack. It would feel like there was a loaded gun sitting in the refrigerator without the safety on. At my age pickings are slim. If I have to cut it down to non drinkers only then we are talking super slim. Lol so.hopefully this little alcohol phobia i have will get better.
I don't know why it helps. I hope i get over this party thing because if i dont then it probably means i cant be close to someone who drinks because i cannot at.this point allow alcohol in my home. It would give me a panic attack. It would feel like there was a loaded gun sitting in the refrigerator without the safety on. At my age pickings are slim. If I have to cut it down to non drinkers only then we are talking super slim. Lol so.hopefully this little alcohol phobia i have will get better.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I have had a low weekend, but maybe I needed to go low. I canceled my attendance at the family party. I don't feel up to being around people let alone with alcohol being served at a big barbecue. Going to take a hot bath instead. I woke up with stomach pains at 5:30 this morning.. I am stressing myself out through my GI system... Gotta get a grip on myself. I know I am not sick, just anxious and sad.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Long hot day here! I am so over this heat!! I want the cold weather to come!
Orbea hope the bachelorette party will work out!
EQ maybe try reading a book or watching a movie to distract you for a bit.
I'm watching a lil law n order and drinking Gatorade. Tomorrows the big 30 day mark for me. Kinda crazy considering how many day 1s I've been thru.
Orbea hope the bachelorette party will work out!
EQ maybe try reading a book or watching a movie to distract you for a bit.
I'm watching a lil law n order and drinking Gatorade. Tomorrows the big 30 day mark for me. Kinda crazy considering how many day 1s I've been thru.
Getting Healthy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Neverland
Posts: 539
BF yay on the big 30!!!
I bet you have a sense of pride and relief!
EQ...you gotta do what you need to do to feel ok.
It's Sunday night and I don't have lesson plans ready. I have spent all afternoon preparing for a recording session tomorrow. It's a low key thing. Not for sale lol.
Watching real housewives of NJ reunion.
I bet you have a sense of pride and relief!
EQ...you gotta do what you need to do to feel ok.
It's Sunday night and I don't have lesson plans ready. I have spent all afternoon preparing for a recording session tomorrow. It's a low key thing. Not for sale lol.
Watching real housewives of NJ reunion.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Overland Park, KS
Posts: 137
Congrats on 30, BF! I knew you could do it! This is just the start, but such a great accomplishment. There will be hard days and maybe weeks in the future, and some occassions where you may feel tempted and/or 'awkward', but the hurdles will continue to get smaller as you go. Most importantly, you've proven to yourself that you have the strength, determination, and self-pride to do it, which is huge!
Orbea - if you're like me and enjoy people watching, bachelorette parties can be a great venue
Don't get me wrong, a lot of liquored up guys or gals can get a bit annoying after a while, but it usually makes for some funny stories. Plus, it alwasys brings a smile to my face the next morning when I think about how silly and hungover many of them must feel, and how grateful I am to not be in their shoes!
EQ - I agree with Orbea. You are doing what you have to do to take care of yourself, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I get what you're saying about not wanting to lose touch with those whose choices don't align with your own, and I think it's a challenge we all face. I've been sort of forced to accept it because my wife's family has booze at pretty much every get together, and she still has a drink or two with dinner a few nights a week. I'm sure she would stop if I asked her to, but I never have. Likewise, most of my friends still drink when we get together, but I have just learned to just accept it as a part of the world we live in, since it's all around us and the alternative is to not hang out with them anymore. I only see them once or twice a month now that we all have young kids, but it feels far less awkward than it did initially. They are great friends too though, and have never once tried to persuade me to drink. If they ever did, things would be very different, but I think they know it's the right thing for me and a few of them have even acknowledged that they probably need to get more control of their own drinking. Regardless, I've been careful not to try to push my agenda on anyone, because I don't want them to feel like I'm judging them in any way or make them feel like they need to behave differently around me.
I think it will become more natural for you in time too. I would never suggest you try to put yourself in uncomfortable situations if you don't feel ready, but if your concern is more about the 'awkwardness' and not a fear of caving in against your will, then it's really not much different than any other psychological hurdle. Very few people enjoy public speaking for instance, but do it enough times and you can get comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it. My wife is an RN and she talks about some of her colleagues got stick or even fainted when observing their first hands-on surgery, but it becomes second nature in time. My experience has been that a lot of my biggest fears don't stem from any real legitimate danger, but rather a fear of looking stupid or making a fool of myself Don't get me wrong, I've done that on a number of occassions, but more often than not I find that the mountain I created in my head really wasn't nearly as bad as I had made it out to be, and that it gets easier and easier to distinguish fear from 'danger' each time we force ourselves out of our comfort zones.
If you are feeling in any way at risk though, then no reason to expose yourself to it. I've been reading your posts long enough to say that I can't imagine anything causing you to question your resolve, but you have to do what is best for you, and when the time is right I think you'll find that you can have both sobriety and whatever else it is that you want for yourself.
Orbea - if you're like me and enjoy people watching, bachelorette parties can be a great venue
Don't get me wrong, a lot of liquored up guys or gals can get a bit annoying after a while, but it usually makes for some funny stories. Plus, it alwasys brings a smile to my face the next morning when I think about how silly and hungover many of them must feel, and how grateful I am to not be in their shoes! EQ - I agree with Orbea. You are doing what you have to do to take care of yourself, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I get what you're saying about not wanting to lose touch with those whose choices don't align with your own, and I think it's a challenge we all face. I've been sort of forced to accept it because my wife's family has booze at pretty much every get together, and she still has a drink or two with dinner a few nights a week. I'm sure she would stop if I asked her to, but I never have. Likewise, most of my friends still drink when we get together, but I have just learned to just accept it as a part of the world we live in, since it's all around us and the alternative is to not hang out with them anymore. I only see them once or twice a month now that we all have young kids, but it feels far less awkward than it did initially. They are great friends too though, and have never once tried to persuade me to drink. If they ever did, things would be very different, but I think they know it's the right thing for me and a few of them have even acknowledged that they probably need to get more control of their own drinking. Regardless, I've been careful not to try to push my agenda on anyone, because I don't want them to feel like I'm judging them in any way or make them feel like they need to behave differently around me.
I think it will become more natural for you in time too. I would never suggest you try to put yourself in uncomfortable situations if you don't feel ready, but if your concern is more about the 'awkwardness' and not a fear of caving in against your will, then it's really not much different than any other psychological hurdle. Very few people enjoy public speaking for instance, but do it enough times and you can get comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it. My wife is an RN and she talks about some of her colleagues got stick or even fainted when observing their first hands-on surgery, but it becomes second nature in time. My experience has been that a lot of my biggest fears don't stem from any real legitimate danger, but rather a fear of looking stupid or making a fool of myself
Don't get me wrong, I've done that on a number of occassions, but more often than not I find that the mountain I created in my head really wasn't nearly as bad as I had made it out to be, and that it gets easier and easier to distinguish fear from 'danger' each time we force ourselves out of our comfort zones. If you are feeling in any way at risk though, then no reason to expose yourself to it. I've been reading your posts long enough to say that I can't imagine anything causing you to question your resolve, but you have to do what is best for you, and when the time is right I think you'll find that you can have both sobriety and whatever else it is that you want for yourself.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
WC thank you that was wonderful stuff. On the mark.
Bf Happy thirty days!!
7
I slept with some lavender spray on my pillow. I feel SO.much less anxious and sad than I did last night. Just have to get thru these next 13 days, one at a time, and then I know I will experience tremendous relief.
Bf Happy thirty days!!
7I slept with some lavender spray on my pillow. I feel SO.much less anxious and sad than I did last night. Just have to get thru these next 13 days, one at a time, and then I know I will experience tremendous relief.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Boozefree, I am so proud of you!!!
Talked to my Dad today. We made a plan to spend the day before the anniv date together. In the morning that friday there is a Mass being said for her and then he and I will spend the day together. I had taken that day off on purpose months ago. The next day saturday is the date and we will all meet at the cemetery and then go out to lunch together. It was good to talk to him. He is feeling better. He is 82 and his resting pulse is much better than mine. Lol
Talked to my Dad today. We made a plan to spend the day before the anniv date together. In the morning that friday there is a Mass being said for her and then he and I will spend the day together. I had taken that day off on purpose months ago. The next day saturday is the date and we will all meet at the cemetery and then go out to lunch together. It was good to talk to him. He is feeling better. He is 82 and his resting pulse is much better than mine. Lol
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
Dang it! I always lose our page when we start a new one. I am half asleep - got home from the theatre late - but I've been thinking of you guys all day, because today is 6 months. I couldn't have done it without y'all. I am finally doing better after a really rough couple of months that caught me off guard. I have finally REALLY (I think) come out of it over this past week. I can't wait to read up on everyone & see how you are! I haven't even been a lurker lately. :-( I will really make an effort to do better!
Sweet dreams!
Sweet dreams!
Getting Healthy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Neverland
Posts: 539
TG congrats on the 6 months!!! And your play!!! 6 months seems like such a long time, but I knew it flew by. Just think, 6 months ago you couldn't sleep bc of the wine...now you are an ironman, a teacher without brain fog and a better mommy to your awesome babies!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
Trying to catch up with old posts during a short break. BF, i am so proud & excited for you! I knew you could do this! I hope you have smooth sailing.
I'm starting to understand how true it is that everyone's recovery follows a different path. Things were more smooth than i had expected for the first few months, and then all hell broke loose. I have honestly had a couple of the hardest months of my life. At one point, i was absolutely not functional. A friend literally had to make me stop crying uncontrollably by putting audition makeup on me and taking me to the theatre. I've done a lot of work with my counselor and with my doctor. Apparently, my drinking was masking the fact that my meds were all wrong. We are getting that under control now. I have also dealt with some of the life messes i had made. My friend has officially become my sponsor now, though i haven't been to an AA meeting yet. She has helped me through a LOT. I have also found myself telling a lot more people that I no longer drink. It is just easier than making excuses. Especially at the theatre.
EQ, I am glad to know that you are still working out the challenges of being at family functions & other places surrounded by alcohol. I guess that gets easier.
Wildcat, I went through a lot of the same thoughts you did about not really having a problem. But in my heart, I knew. I think there are a lot of similarities in our situations. That is why your posts are always so helpful to me.
Orbea, thanks for checking in on my behalf. For some reason, this is the last place i was able to come back to. Guess I was still sensitive about not being strong. You'd think that the alcohol filled days would be the ones I'm ashamed of (and I am), but I had never felt as out of control as I did during months 4 and 5 of sobriety.
Dee, thanks for assuring me that that could be normal and that things would get better. :-)
I'm starting to understand how true it is that everyone's recovery follows a different path. Things were more smooth than i had expected for the first few months, and then all hell broke loose. I have honestly had a couple of the hardest months of my life. At one point, i was absolutely not functional. A friend literally had to make me stop crying uncontrollably by putting audition makeup on me and taking me to the theatre. I've done a lot of work with my counselor and with my doctor. Apparently, my drinking was masking the fact that my meds were all wrong. We are getting that under control now. I have also dealt with some of the life messes i had made. My friend has officially become my sponsor now, though i haven't been to an AA meeting yet. She has helped me through a LOT. I have also found myself telling a lot more people that I no longer drink. It is just easier than making excuses. Especially at the theatre.
EQ, I am glad to know that you are still working out the challenges of being at family functions & other places surrounded by alcohol. I guess that gets easier.
Wildcat, I went through a lot of the same thoughts you did about not really having a problem. But in my heart, I knew. I think there are a lot of similarities in our situations. That is why your posts are always so helpful to me.
Orbea, thanks for checking in on my behalf. For some reason, this is the last place i was able to come back to. Guess I was still sensitive about not being strong. You'd think that the alcohol filled days would be the ones I'm ashamed of (and I am), but I had never felt as out of control as I did during months 4 and 5 of sobriety.
Dee, thanks for assuring me that that could be normal and that things would get better. :-)
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
TG it's good to see you on here again! Big congrats in your 6 months
Well I just got home from work with a gnarly stomach ache and trying to relax and watch some tv. Between the headaches and stomach aches and nausea I almost feel as though I'm going thru withdrawal symptoms all over again. Hoping ill feel better soon.
Well I just got home from work with a gnarly stomach ache and trying to relax and watch some tv. Between the headaches and stomach aches and nausea I almost feel as though I'm going thru withdrawal symptoms all over again. Hoping ill feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Overland Park, KS
Posts: 137
Great to hear from you, TG. And congrats on 6 months! Sorry things have been so rough. Months 5 & 6 caught me off guard some too. I blamed PAWS, but sounds like you've had other battles as well. The last 3 months have been largely smooth sailing for me, so I hope it's the same for you going forward. You've done such a great job, and I have no doubt that it will continue to pay off in dividends in your relationship w/ your daughter, students, etc. I've found that alcohol wasn't the cause of all my problems, but it also wasn't the solution to any of them.
Sorry you're feeling crappy, BF. It's been going around here as we'll. Allergies have been kicking my a$$! No fun, but I know from experience that you can't kill cold symptoms with booze. I tried unsuccessfully too many times, only to end up sick and hungover Keep up the great work and I hope you feel better.
Sorry you're feeling crappy, BF. It's been going around here as we'll. Allergies have been kicking my a$$! No fun, but I know from experience that you can't kill cold symptoms with booze. I tried unsuccessfully too many times, only to end up sick and hungover
Keep up the great work and I hope you feel better.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Congratulations TG, that is really great! So proud of you.
Bf and wildcat, hope you feel better!
Bf, i had similar sx come and go in early sobriety. If it didn't get better, and become fab, we wouldn't keep urging you on, right? Nor would there be a website, etc. lol
And, BF, Be careful of the tummy. If it keeps up go to a dr to make sure you dont have a little ulcer. Back in 2001, i was dumping alcohol down my throat like water every night followed by pain in the morning, followed by drinking maalox to mask stomach pain. Then doing it all over again. One night i woke up in the middle of the night in pain, vomiting bile. I had my heighbor friend take me to an ER, and 12 hrs later they finally figured out i had a leaky gangrenous appendix, which couldnt be lasered laproscopically. So I had emergency surgery and had an infection and was in the hospital for a week... and out of work a month. Drinking didnt cause that. But my ignoring it led to the burst appendix since i wasn't listening. i'm not trying to scare you only saying it never hurts to get stomach stuff checked out since there is no need to suffer. Years of drinking have had us ignoring all sorts of stuff, by habit. Those days are over! Do you know I had no alcohol for five weeks then? And soon as the Dr said I could drink, zoom, I was right back. : ( I was 39. If I had quit how different would my life have been. Stay quit. Don't do what I did, ok?
Bf and wildcat, hope you feel better!
Bf, i had similar sx come and go in early sobriety. If it didn't get better, and become fab, we wouldn't keep urging you on, right? Nor would there be a website, etc. lol
And, BF, Be careful of the tummy. If it keeps up go to a dr to make sure you dont have a little ulcer. Back in 2001, i was dumping alcohol down my throat like water every night followed by pain in the morning, followed by drinking maalox to mask stomach pain. Then doing it all over again. One night i woke up in the middle of the night in pain, vomiting bile. I had my heighbor friend take me to an ER, and 12 hrs later they finally figured out i had a leaky gangrenous appendix, which couldnt be lasered laproscopically. So I had emergency surgery and had an infection and was in the hospital for a week... and out of work a month. Drinking didnt cause that. But my ignoring it led to the burst appendix since i wasn't listening. i'm not trying to scare you only saying it never hurts to get stomach stuff checked out since there is no need to suffer. Years of drinking have had us ignoring all sorts of stuff, by habit. Those days are over! Do you know I had no alcohol for five weeks then? And soon as the Dr said I could drink, zoom, I was right back. : ( I was 39. If I had quit how different would my life have been. Stay quit. Don't do what I did, ok?
Getting Healthy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Neverland
Posts: 539
EQ gran green burst appendix? Glad you are still here to tell us about it!
Today is my sestamibi scan for my parathyroid. It will be a long day. Work AM. Drive an nourish to scan. Get I jetted w radioactive stuff. Get scanned. Wait a few hours. Get scanned again. Drive an nourish home.
Today is my sestamibi scan for my parathyroid. It will be a long day. Work AM. Drive an nourish to scan. Get I jetted w radioactive stuff. Get scanned. Wait a few hours. Get scanned again. Drive an nourish home.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
(((Orbea)))
I still have not figured out what that means when people write with those marks around the name!! Lmao. Is it calling across to someone? Echos? Hugs? Cause Orbea, I am sending you every good thing imaginable. Cause Aunt Q is so proud of you! Stay steady.
I still have not figured out what that means when people write with those marks around the name!! Lmao. Is it calling across to someone? Echos? Hugs? Cause Orbea, I am sending you every good thing imaginable. Cause Aunt Q is so proud of you! Stay steady.
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