munchkin05

Busy day here at home. Shopping at Walmart this morning, making homemade pork broth now, cooking a cinderella pumpkin in the oven to be frozen for later use, later on going to can the pork broth with my pressure cooker. Maybe canned bacon. Not certain on that one.
We've been playing around with the idea of making farmhouse cheddar today but we forgot to get the two gallons of el cheapo milk. Thats fine, I've got to run to the commissary in a bit anyways for extra garlic. I so miss our garlic.
Oh and we're making white turkey chili with fresh baked cornbread for dinner tonight. The cornbread will be a first simply because we're grinding the corn with our grain mill.
I might make cookies in a bit so we can have some sort of dessert.
We've got a bit of planting to do today too along with hooking up the bike hook up on hubbys truck. That will allows us to bring our bikes with the camper still attached.
Well must run. Allergies are still kicking my butt, unfortunately.
Here's a nice winter shot of Fairbanks.

munchkin05

Nada on the cookies, didn't have time. Ran out. Got to the library with DS because it turns out they got in his electricity "Snap Circuit" kit in so he wanted to pick it up. Found out as we arrived that they also had a lego league going on so he took part on that too. Lots of fun. But it did put me behind a bit.
So made the cornbread with freshly milled corn. White turkey chili for dinner. Broth is almost done, just need to can it. Planted lots today.
Now I'm getting my laptop up to speed. Hubby brought it to work and we paid the guy in jams and jellies to fix it. LOL
I've gotta get hubby to bring another one of our old broken laptops, or even better our big pc to this guy. See if he'll take some salsa in trade for the repairs.

Well, gotta run. I think I'm going to make me a bowl of Hagen Daaz (SP?) for dessert.

munchkin05

Ugggh. That's what I have to say for today. It actually started good. Woke up kind of early with the intention to exercise but then I took a look inside of the study and was like "UGH!" It was a mess with all the plants that we had moved around this weekend, bags everywhere, desk was clean but overall it was unkept and it just thoroughly unmotivated me. That and the fact that my allergies had me sneezing this morning. All excuses I know. But there it is.
So anyways, next got myself ready for work, DS ready for school, saw the farmhouse cheddar on the counter! YAY! Hubby got it out of the cheese press.
Got out to the Jeep, it started however as soon as I got to DS's daycare and I hurriedly backed out of the parking space after dropping him off it stalled. In the middle of the parking lot.
Thankfully it started right away.
Started off to work, when suddenly, it stalled again. GAAHH!

Now, I'm at work and kind of worried. We were planning on selling my Jeep in Sept/Oct when I hopefully go on LOA here. I sure hope my Jeep just lasts till then!
So frustrating.
Poor thing has over 276,000 miles on it. (oh and by the way, I win the bet with hubby. He said there was no way it had that many miles on it. That I was reading it wrong.)

You know, that is something else I've noticed, or I've become sensitive to. It always seems as if people do not believe what I've said, or when I'm referring to a news article, more or less regurgitating the article, or when I'm instructing someone how to do something. This includes hubby. He does it to me all the time.
A year or so he was packing for a TDY trip when he asked me "how many bags am I allowed to carry on this such and such airlines?" I told him since you are military traveling on orders, two.
He looked at me, concerned, and said "are you sure? Maybe you should check online"
I looked at him rather amazed like "UH DUH. What do you think I do for a living?" then said sure I'll check online. I looked at the ceiling rolling my eyes, then looked at him again and said "I checked with a travel agent and she says since you are military and are traveling on orders, two"
He ended up going online himself and checked. Answer was? TWO.
I never remember being so sensitive about this when I was drinking. Was it because drinking muted it?
I don't know but its annoying to say the least.
Well, whatever. I have an article to write for a website, I've got Mothers Day cards to get addressed, coupons to cut, milk order to put in, and whatever work that needs to be done here.

Still here & Still sober.
PS. Its only fair that I show the positives and negatives of Fairbanks Alaska.

Pondlady

Munch, I think drinking muted my responses too.....I express my opinions with confidence now

I can tell you love Fairbanks.....I hope you are able to return.

Gray drizzly day here. I still walked, just wore my rain coat....but felt chilled and damp by the time I finished.

I had to go to the mall to purchase a gift for a baby shower....and treated myself to a new pair of jambes

munchkin05

I hope I do Kim. Actually I can honestly say if one asked me if there was anything, ANYTHING at all that I did not like about Alaska I would probably answer one thing. Forest Fires. I do not like those.
I'm okay with wildlife eating the fruits of my labor. While I get annoyed I just shrug and accept it. I'm okay with harsh winters that chill you down to the very bones. I'm okay with ice fog. I'm okay with -55 temperatures. I'm okay with dark during the winter and light during the summer. I'm okay with rocks and pebbles on the road during break up.
Those are considered the "bad things".
I love the mountains. I love the people. I love the attitude of the people there.
I love the wildlife. I love the feeling of open areas. I love the fireweed that blooms in July.
I love the glaciers. I love the deep sea fishing. I love the ocean air. I love the snow capped mountains. I love the termination dust in the Autumn. I love how the hills and mountains look like they've been dipped in gold in the Autumn. I love hiking and coming across right where a Moose cow and her twins must've been laying. I love berry picking and salmon and halibut fishing. I love the way people in Alaska say to newcomers "Deal with it, this is Alaska" when newcomers complain about why things are done a certain way there.
I love being a Sourdough and even think its hilarious peeing outside in -30's. I love going to the Ice Festival in Fairbanks with a mug of hot cocoa that at first is piping hot but within 20 minutes is cold as ice. I love watching the dog mushers from the Yukon quest and the rubber ducky race on the Chena in the summer time. I miss hearing about the bets on the Nenana Ice classic and how the Ice Dogs are doing.
There is so much I miss from there.
Most of all, I miss and loved that life is just simple there. People don't race around in their crazy rat race like they do here. If something doesn't happen today its no worries. It can be done tomorrow.
The people there are mostly all happy all because those who don't like it just leave.

Still here & Still sober and really missing home right now.

Pondlady

I can feel the love you have for Alaska I pray you get to return there and stay! I've spend many childhood years in northern climates....northern MN and northern MI. I LOVED it for many years, especially the winter activities. Sometime between 45 and 55 I began to enjoy it less. I still bundle up and walk daily, but would love a more temperate climate where I could spend more time outside year round.....nothing tropical....just milder winters.

BTW, I remember spitting in the air to hear it crackle @ 52 below in northern MN......good time Still here and still sober....and went to the first outdoor farmers market of the season this afternoon.

munchkin05

Tired, headachey today. Sore throat too. Not certain if its allergies or I'm catching something.
Feel like yuck. Stomach is a bit upset too.
Almost called in but didn't want to mess up this quarters nice and shiny record. After all, I will have an occurance dropped off if I don't mess up.
I did get a bit of a lift this morning. One of my favorite books, Ender's Game is being released into a movie. I hope they don't tear apart the story like Hollywood tends to do with stories. If you've never read it you should. I always feel for the main character, Ender. In the book, little does he know the games that the adults are playing, they are just stringing him along, using him to win and it's sad at the end when he realizes what they have had him do, unwittingly.
All because he was incredibly smart but still just a young kid. He's very empathetic so it really bothers him.
I won't give away too much if you've never read it and intend to read it.
Well, watched The Impossible again yesterday. Once again, must reiterate, good good movie. Makes me want to give my son a really big hug and not let him go.
If you haven't watched that one you should. It IS A TEARJERKER though! It forces one to go through a whole gamit of emotions from fear to relief, to fear to sadness back to relief and on and on.
Well, past few days I've managed to work through our list of stops, starting in Knoxville TN all the way to Sequoia National park. There we're kind of stuck. I'd so love to stay in the national park but there are no hook ups and while no water doesn't bother me (cause we just put some into the camper and put some into 5 gallon collapsible jugs) no power does bug me. We might stay off somewhere near the park but then we lose the convenience of having the enormous redwood trees right outside. Hhhmm. what to do what to do.
Out of a twenty something day trip I've got about 15 days taken care of mostly. Going to take the Alaska Marine highway up which will be lots of fun too! Kind of like a cruise but more bare bones than your typical Carnival cruise. LOL

I'll post pictures of inside later. There are even some who have posted videos on youtube (including MOI when we came down here)
You know, something I realized yesterday that was rather a boost. This time I will be experiencing Alaska clean and sober. I will be AWAKE to enjoy it.
I cannot tell you how many times last time we went hiking and I had just finished polishing off 3 or 4 Bloody Marys (heavy on the vodka) or a few glasses of wine. Sad right?
Well not anymore! Really can't wait to show DS Seward or Homer. Can't wait to finally go up to Chena Hot Springs and enjoy the natural hot springs or fly to Barrow or Deadhorse for the day, just because.

Well, I'm still here, still sober and feeling like crap.

munchkin05

Oh PS. I am wrong on the mileage. Hubby told me that the mileage now reads wrong because they put in a new mainframe computer. Told him, OH! I'm sorry. I am wrong. (sincerely, no sarcasm there)

Tiredofdrugs

Munch! I didn't realize you were actually from Alaska! LOL Now I know why you miss it so much.

Just wanted to stop and take a moment to tell you this: In the past when I was traveling? We would always get a trip tik from Triple AAA. Have you ever seen those? They are really cool and give out sooooo much information in them.

Also! When I was in Billeting? We had a catalog in there for all the campsites around the world. You may already be aware of that, but I wanted to throw it out there if you didn't.

I have a link on chickens I'm going to PM you. So watch for it.

Hello to you Miss Pond!!!! I had to laugh at your freezing spit in the wind. I lived in Wisconsin for seven years and I couldn't GET enough clothes on to stay warm. Now I'm back in my home state and enjoying today's weather of 85 degrees. LOL

TOD

munchkin05

LOL Tod, nope, not from Alaska.
Born in San Diego CA, moved to Maryland when I was a baby. Then we moved to Hawaii (Dad stationed there), then to Tennessee. Met hubby in highschool. We got married, moved to Kansas. Then Hawaii. Then New York (where drinking actually really started), then Alaska. then here.
Been just about to almost every part of the USA.

Tiredofdrugs

OH! My BAD! LOL

Northbelle on the Hen House is in Alaska! She's posted some beautiful pictures from around there thru the months. There is lots of beautiful things to see there, but I couldn't handle the BUGS or the COLD. So I'm staying in the South. LOL

I did however think I was going to pass out when I landed in Panama back in 1993. Talk about a HOT place to be in. During our two mile runs, the salt from the ocean would actually gather on our sweaty bodies. OH it was just horrible. You could take a knife and scrape it off. I did bring home some beautiful items from there though. To think they make 100% Lama wool blankets there. Ha Ha Ha

TOD

Pondlady

I've always wanted to visit Hawaii .......I watch it on HGTV before bed some nights, to relax me.

About died on my afternoon walk....drenched in sweat! Setting alarm for early am walk before school tomorrow - much cooler

Attended Mr. P's granddaughter's dance recital this evening - is was precious.

After tomorrow, I only have one week of school left!

munchkin05

Hawaii is nice but it becomes very claustrophobic after a while. I mean it only takes 3 hours to drive around the entire island of Oahu so after a while one really just wants to get off the rock and see something new. We used to island hop a bit but even for a Kama'aina its expensive unless you have ohana (family) on another island.

TOD, bugs? In Alaska? Nah, we have mosquitos (state bird after all ) but really almost no spiders, ants, or any other nasties. Heck when we came back down here I was seriously grossed out by the ants, the spiders and what not. Everything up in Alaska that can actually hurt you is big enough that you can see it from 2 blocks away (moose, bears, wolves) and most of those really don't like humans much.

Well, just got done talking with hubby. This frustrates me guys. Have to vent.
So I'm bringing my Jeep to the shop here on post today to get looked at. I still have errands to run like gotta go to the library off post and turn in my sons snap circuit kit and pick up his "build a car, understanding the laws of motion" kit. Its about 4 miles away or so with a slight hill up and down.
I tell hubby my intentions and he goes on and on how I will not be able to do it.
Now this bugs me on two different levels.

1. He really does not believe that I am physically fit enough to do it
2. In his argument of saying he doesn't believe I can do it, it plants the seed in my mind that I won't be able to do it.

I think I will. Its not like I will be speed racing, or doing some bike race across the country. Riding here on post however will be much easier than riding off due to traffic.
I will come back and report how I did later. You know hubby does that often. He thinks I am weaker than I actually am and that bugs me.

Oh real quick before I leave. Our red robin birds eggs hatched. We have 3 (I think, can't see them yet) new babies outside.

Still here, still sober.

munchkin05

7.5 miles rode today. Got bucko points on Earnedit and everymove.org
Legs are pretty sore and tired but I feel grand. Hubby told me afterwards he was shocked I did it, that he didn't expect me to finish it and he was waiting for a "come pick me up" phone call. Does he really think I'm that much of a wimp? guess so.
I might start doing 2 mile rides every so often here on post. Felt great!

Tiredofdrugs

Munch: Don't you watch any of the shows filmed in Alaska?????? You haven't seen the HOARD of swarming bugs that they are constantly swatting at? Put your glasses on and take a harder look. Jeeeeezzzzz

Now for hubby! While you were drinking??? Was hubby your protector and defender. The macho guy in your life! Always doing things for you that he felt you weren't strong enough to do on your own? If so?

He might now be feeling threatened by your new found strength and confidence. You aren't having to lean on him as much per se! We become more confident and stronger when we get off the drugs/alcohol. We are able to take on feats/events that we normally wouldn't while under the influence.

I'm always being told by Jethro: "You think you are fearless"! LOL Well damn! I AM! But then again! I spent my years growing up as a Tomboy. I was in all sorts of sports. My dad relied on me to help lift and carry all sorts of heavy stuff too. I had horses growing up and it takes strength and endurance to deal with those. Then I joined the ARNG and spent the following 22 years in combat boots. When I ask Jethro to do something around here and he doesn't get it done? I do it myself. I then get the: "Baby? I said I'd do that". Well you didn't get it done in the time line I wanted it done. It's done now.

Just tell your husband the next time he questiones your ability on something. For instance the bike ride. If I fall flat on my face? I'll call you to come get me! Until then? Give me some confidence in myself and quit knocking me backwards with each step I try to make. Take the bull by the horns and proceed to take your stand.

Two of my former husbands were in the military. That was a challenge. The first husband is a large man and bullied me around. He'd knock me down and I'd jump right back up and stand my ground. I wasn't in the ARNG while married to him, but the Tomboy in myself wasn't going to put up with that crap. I was also working in a Humane Society and I had to man handle animals all day long. So I was no weakling. But what I'm saying here is: It sounds like your husband is trying to belittle you in a way. He's afraid you are turning into a more confident person and doesn't want to see that happen in you. He liked you more under the influence because he was more in control of you and the household. Now you are turning into someone he might be afraid of losing due to your independence.

The latter of what I just said happened with me and my last XH. I figured out real fast he wasn't going to let me live my life with any freedom. He was also verbally and physically abusive. My opiate use kept me in that marriage WAY longer than I would have stayed in if I hadn't of been on them. So 6 months after I got myself cleaned up? I moved out. Been happy ever since.

Maybe with what I've said here! It will give you some insight as to how your husband is thinking and why he's acting like he is.

Gotta run for now. I'm getting my hair colored and cut this afternoon. And it looks like there is a heck of a storm blowing in too.

BUGS! Bring on the vanilla!!

TOD

Pondlady

I want to ride my bike more, but I'd prefer a different bike. Mine is a recumbent, I bought from my neighbor. It needs some service, as it's stuck in a gear, that makes it difficult to go up hills and you can't stand up on a recumbent .

Hubby and I walked from 6:30 - 7:30 this morning, but rain is moving in tonight and predicted through tomorrow. I might try to walk early in the morning this summer.

Munch, hope the Jeep is repaired. TOD - hope you enjoyed your hair appointment

munchkin05

Well, I think there are a few things at play here TOD. Yes, there is definitely that, hubby used to have to cater to me a lot more when I was drinking. He would ask I do this or that and I couldn't because I had been drinking. (usually he needed me to come drive to his work for some reason or another to save his a$$.)
But also, I am the dancer, non sporty family member. I've never been good at any sports other than running which I stopped when I was 16 because of my knees.
(give you a bit of history here. When I was 4 my parents enrolled me in dance. I was awesome. Very good. I participated in contests, challenges, and recitals all over. Won a lot of awards. It was announced by many talent scouts that I had a big career ahead of me when I was just 12 years old. When I was around 14 I was having to take two motrin or tylenol before class because my knees hurt so much. By almost 15 I couldn't do it anymore so I gave up dance which I remember I was a little bit happy as I could finally be a "kid" and yet later I would grow to miss it alot. When I was 15, sophomore, I found I loved running and so I hung with the band geeks and the track geeks. By 16 yrs old, I met my hubby when I moved to TN. Christmas Day I turned around to ask him something and my left knee completely dislocated and I collapsed on the ground. From that day on running, dancing, jogging and just about anything else was somewhat forbidden to me. However, I could bike. That didn't hurt my knees. Not massively, that is. My Pink & grey ten speed was my friend in my senior year. I remember it still, very sleek and shiny.
By age 20 I had my first reconstructive surgery on my left knee. Age 21 I had surgery on both knees, one to remove hardware, the right knee for a full reconstructive as well. By age 22 I was done with my surgeries however my surgeon *loved that guy, best military doctor I've ever dealt with, warned me. By the time I turn 40 I will be possibly looking at brand new knees. I have joints that are very loose and they have found they degenerate a lot faster than the typical female joints. I'm about a year and a half away from that birthday, btw)
So where am I going with this?????
I have never been good at "sporty types of things" but I have been very good at solo sports where I have to push my body. (hence why the bike ride felt AWESOME to me)
I think to this day dh keeps this in mind that his wife is not exactly good at sports. Throw a ball at me and I won't catch it. I'll duck and cover my head with a scream.
So, (not certain here, but throwing out a hypothesis here) I think DH always thinks that if it is something that could even be slightly sporty then I just can't do it.
DH tells me a lot now a days that he was surprised I was able to do this or that. (hiking, biking, canoing, kayaking)

Now this all being said, since I woke up (went sober) I have wanted to do all the stuff I was missing when I was drunk. The hiking, the biking, camping, nature walks, etc etc. It kind of confuses hubby when he hears me go on and on talking about books like "Wild, From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail" or "AWOL on the Applachian Trail". Its like he's seeing a new side of me that he didn't know existed.
Who knows, maybe it didn't. I don't know. All I know is as I woke up, as I regained my sobriety and clarity I found I wanted to live. REALLY Live. Not just go along, each day. Wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, go to bed. Do it all over again. I didn't want to live in that coma that so resembled my drinking life.

Sigh. Okay, I've gone on for much longer than I intended this morning. Unfortunately, (I guess) staff is limited here at work and I'm one of the few on the phones so I keep getting interrupted when I'm typing. Kind of made my mind go all over the place a few times. LOL
What it boils down to? Hubby had no clue, I think, that this was the person I really was and the shocking bit is I had no clue either. I only found myself when I awoke from my alcohol induced slumber.
Thank God I am awake. I have so much more to do, so much more to experience.

Still here & Still sober.

munchkin05

Oh ps, $235 later, Jeep is SUPPOSEDLY fixed. For now anyways. Keep your fingers crossed that it lasts for the next 6 months. That's all we need. Six months and then I sell it.

Tiredofdrugs

Munch: Well that story cleared up some of the stuff I was wondering about. Your Thread is enjoyed, so don't worry about how much you write.

We do start to wake UP after we've stayed clean for awhile. Our minds and bodies start to feel things again and our excited selves want to actually DO things again. I got all excited yesterday just with the thought of getting away from here for a few hours and getting out and about. LOL I even woke up today feeling really good. In a good mood and thinking about everything I want to try and get done today. And it's even raining! But when I got our here? I see Jethro is still home. He had a fibro flare up yesterday from the rain coming in. So he'll be a moody you know what today and will be popping the dreaded pills too. I'm just so tired of going backwards in my Recovery from his use. I've got to learn to overlook his problem and focus more on ME. But he sure makes me feel like I don't care about him when I do that.

I hear ya on the knee problem. My right knee is getting more and more painful. I'm dreading what might be wrong with it. It's becoming more problematic. Feels like I have someone sticking a sharp knife into it when I bend end. I'm thinking it's more than inflammation. I drink a lot of the Nopalea Juice. It's taking care of all the inflammation throughout the rest of my body, but it's not touching my knee pain. ARGH!

It will be nice if the new jelly stuff they have for injecting into our knees would be all I needed to get rid of the pain! I'm going to have to break down and ask for an MRI on my knee. Need to get to the answer on this problem.

Glad your Jeep is back up and running! That's not a bad price for having it worked on. Just the Labor charges ALONE can run a person a fortune. Keep riding your bike, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy life. Tell hubby - there's new things around every corner and you want to experience everything you can now. Just ask him to get on board and enjoy it with you.

Pond: Do you have a Humanity for Habitat in your area? Check with them or check your daily newspapers for places that refurbish bikes. You might be able to trade your's in for a better one? My hairdresser told me yesterday the HfH in our area has a bunch of Entertainment Center's. Cool! I just cleaned ours off to get ready to give to Jethro's daughter. Now I need to find one to replace it with. The flatscreen TV is way to big for it and is sitting on a board, sticking out in front with blocks on the board to keep it from falling. LOL

Well the BEAR is awake and I'm going to find something to do at the other end of the house.

TOD

munchkin05

Actually the thing that has held me back from riding normally?
My son. He doesn't ride his bike at all as he hasn't learned how to balance. I kind of blame it on myself but even more I blame on DH. DH tends to do what I notice many Dads do, something us Moms are bad at. He puts himself first almost 95% of the time. So that usually means, I'm off somewhere in the house, working on something that needs to be fixed, while DH is playing on his laptop or his iphone, DS is watching tv or playing a game.

This is what we do when we get home.

1) ME. Rush home with ds. We bring our bags with lunch sacks into the kitchen. I throw out trash, rinse the dirty dishes, put them in the dishwasher. Go through mail, sort recycling from shredding or filing. Put on stairs. Bring in the recyling bins if its trash day or bring them out. Go to Ds backpack (ds has already dropped his lunch sack in the kitchen and grabbed a snack like an apple so he's usually munching happily on the couch and taking a nice 15 min break) grab ds homework, workbooks, journals and what not. Go over what I need to go over, sign what I need to sign.
Start the beginnings of dinner, maybe throw in a wash, pick up around the house, etc etc. Then by now, ds is ready to do homework. So I work in the kitchen, helping him with math equations which I s*ck at! Help him with his spelling, yada yada yada.
Dinner is now in the pot, whatever it is.
Winter means I change into sweats, turn on my laptop and ds and I relax for a few minutes before I get up to stir whatever it is we're eating. Summer means I run upstairs, change into shorts, run outside, check the plants really quickly before sitting down for a few moments to check email. Get up, stir dinner.

NOW.

DH turn.
2) DH comes home. Leaves his bags at the front door. Walks into the kitchen after greeting ds and asking if he did his homework.
Greets me with hug and kiss, absentmindely asks how my day was while checking his iphone as he puts it away. Walks around the house with shoes on (no good for those with oak allergies but I've stopped fussing.)
Then goes upstairs, gets changed, goes to laptop and veges out playing some softball or casino game until I announce "dinners ready"

Ds is still watching tv btw.
DH & I have actually been through counseling so we've talked a bit about this.
See my unwind time has actually yet to happen however hubby unwinds almost as soon as he gets home.

I've told DH that for me, I've always been the type of person who cannot relax until work is done. I don't mean ALL work, just the really obvious stuff.
It means, if there are dirty dishes everywhere, dirty clothes, throw blankets sitting on the floor, trash to be taken out, well then I do it. DH just becomes blind to it which usually amuses me to some extent.
I really actually do not know why I even write this right now?
I actually don't even know why I feel irritated about it which is odd.

Hubby got off early today, maybe that is it? Maybe I'm unconciously cringing thinking about the state of the house when I get home.
I don't know.

Well, gotta run. Almost end of the work day.
Shrimp scampi or shrimp over pasta with alfredo sauce for us tonight with fresh asparagus from the farm. Easy dinner which is cool because I have clean up duty later on in the back yard.
Once again, many of our seedlings did not make it. Now I keep telling dh that "No, it is NOT time to transplant the seedlings upstairs to outside. They don't even have their second set of leaves".
$50 he'll ask me again today should we transplant them. I swear that man never listens to me. grrr. LOL
LOL This entry should be titled "munchkin goes on a rant"
THE END. LOL

Still here, still at work and still sober. LOL