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Class Of September 2012 Part 3

Old 09-13-2012, 08:39 AM
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Thanks for the quotes. S I stand one the brink of insanity, I treasure them. Friends, don't give up on me. I am close to breaking, but I pray for hope. Dear God, please hold me close, and let me help my friends, and stay strong, and survive this. I know it all has a purpose.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:42 AM
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It does, you are inspiring. You are brave, and you can fight this. You are in our prayers. We would never give up on you - so you can't either.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:46 AM
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Thanks, that makes me cry. I am so lost today. I have a year cut free, ironically today I am so close to breaking it. I haven't cried in months. All I can think is how I want to help others, and how can if I am a failure? I need to be of use.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:49 AM
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Okay, stop it. You are not a failure. You are here and making a difference in others' lives. You are of use. And being here proves it. Do you realize how much you've done for us in such a short time? You've given me more incentive than you realize. I keep telling myself if you can battle what you have, I know I can kick this. But, I and others need you to be part of this journey. Please pick yourself up - we all know you can do it. Give yourself some credit. We love you lots!
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:50 AM
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BoozeFree - congrats on day 12! Delighted to hear the sleep and the eating habits improve. I'm halfway through day 5 and am eating so much junk!
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:55 AM
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Thanks so much, that means a lot. I have so much in so many ways. I am very alone, but I have great friends in Florida, a great kid and the best dogs ever. And you guys!! I struggle from a lot in my life, mistakes, abuse, and loss. My beat friend killed herself when we were 25 . I have lost a lover to a terminal disease. Blah blah but haven't we all? I just need to get real, life goes on. I really fear losing my old senior dog, he is seriously my world. The other big thing I fear bothers me day and night. That mistake I made. I am insane. I pace the house all day and talk to myself. Please tell me it gets better. And why don't drugs work on me. They don't.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:55 AM
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Eli, keep up the great work!!!!
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:44 AM
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Big hugs to you, SFMS...I'm sorry you're having a terrible time of it today. the fear of losing our loved ones is enormous and can be crippling..but it doesn't have to be. Have you done any mindful/meditation exercises? Something as simple as breathing in and out, and really paying attention to each breath can bring you back to the present moment. At this particular moment, you have your beloved dog and toddler and you're here, on SR, with a community that cares about you. The future may very well bring hurtful events--it may also bring wonderful events. But it isn't here yet. It sounds corny, but I think we really only have the present and the rest--it can drive you crazy!

Sorry, Dee, I took my own advice and went to bed early last night before seeing your question. I'm seeing my therapist for anxiety problems. She does specialize in gambling addictions, which has been helpful since that's my mom's personal demon. Not mine, though...gambling has no appeal for me. In fact, I would go the bars while she would gamble. No surprise there! I am planning to go back to a therapist I saw several years ago who did help me quit drinking back then.

I'm with you, JimUK...Day 12! Woke up feeling kind of crummy, though, and it almost made me laugh. Felt nauseous, and remembered I didn't have dinner. Just didn't want to eat. Now I'm realizing I must've had a touch of food poisoning or some other subtle tummy upset. All this without a drop of wine! It's a good reminder that regular (sober) life has good days and bad days. Sick days and well days. And to try to just go with it. Not blame myself or punish myself, but take it easy and go gentle on myself. And drink lots of fizzy water...
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:48 AM
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Thanks!!!! I feel a bit better now. Stronger, and willing!!! I know my illness can't rule me. I can help others and myself, and I need to live for today.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:09 AM
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I feel like now that it's Thursday I want my Thirsty Thursday glass (bottle) of wine, like I should be rewarded for not drinking with a drink. Really this whole week feels temporary - like I am just seeing how long I can go without a drink - I feel like I don't realistically think I won't drink again... Is that wrong?
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:12 AM
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No, I truly get that!
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:12 AM
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Thank you for your post, Marjoram. I've spent way too much time thinking about my regrets of the past & stressing over tomorrow. I do need to learn how to live in the moment. Your post really helps!
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:13 AM
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kelle96...Sounds weird doesn't it. Reward not drinking with a drink?

I don't think it is wrong to feel that way..Just not helpful..

May be more helpful to just focus on today, and not drinking for today..

just my thoughts


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Old 09-13-2012, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by kelle96 View Post
Really this whole week feels temporary - like I am just seeing how long I can go without a drink - I feel like I don't realistically think I won't drink again... Is that wrong?
Wow, Kelle, you hit the nail on the head for me with this. I feel the same way and I didn't realize it until you said it. That being said, I also hope that as more time passes, I will stop thinking that way and start thinking in a healthier way. "Fake it 'til you make it," right? So I will continue to do what I know is right (which included a mad dash in and out of the grocery store today because I was afraid a bottle of booze would pour itself down my throat or something) and I will eventually get through a day without thinking about drinking. Day 10 here. I don't feel like starting over.
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Old 09-13-2012, 12:32 PM
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Good night all, have a great time. Catch up tomorrow. X
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:01 PM
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Wanted to share another little change that I've noticed this week. Working hungover, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open sitting at my desk (sometimes even dosing off). I have literally slapped myself in the face, jumped up & down & poured coffee or tea by the gallons down my throat in order to stay awake & at least somewhat focused. Although I still like my coffee & tea, staying awake has been a piece of cake. Due to the increase in energy, sitting still at my desk is something else altogether though...but I'll take it!
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:07 PM
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Kelle, it took me a while to really believe I could stay sober...until then, I did the work anyway, day by day.

If you don't want to drink again, you can make that happen - make a commitment every day 'I will not drink no matter what'...make healthy choices....use the support that's here.

You can do this

I'm glad you're feeling better SFMS.

Maybe counselling could be good? it helped me to talk about some of the stuff that was racing round and round my head.

With a little ringing around who knows? you might find a place that allows kids, or has a creche or something...

and I know you love your dog but you can't be housebound because of him....anything you might find would just be for an hour or two with travel.

It's your call, naturally, but I think it's worth considering

DB...not sure what happened but you're not alone here. Stay true to yourself.

D
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by soberjim View Post
Soberformyson....I know it is hard....Rationally we know given enough time it will get better, but that doesn't change how we feel in the moment does it?Jim
Thanks, soberjim. Lot's of regrets, too, and it's hard being patient.

JimUK, Martin: good idea about the gym! It fell by the wayside when the drinking increased...Going to start going again! I know I felt a lot better when I was going.

DeepBreath, SFMS: as others have said: we have no choice but to take it bit by bit.

Kelle, I hear you about the weekend. Going to try to channel my fear into something more productive: determination. Or, at least, formulating a PLAN (ie, I will attend my friend's birthday potluck brunch because it's safe, and skip the "evening out" because it's not....). I hope you have a plan; everyone with far more days than me has stressed the importance of having a plan - and a support system! (yay, SR!!!).

SoberJim and Marjoram: hooray for Day 2!

JimUK: your son sounds like he possesses sensitivity and tact already - I'm sure he got that from someone!! ;-)

IHEN: hope your daughter has a lovely birthday!

Benice, Jaz, Boozefree, and all other dear classmates: I'm thinking of you, even if I can't yet quite reel off all of your names off the top of my head (yet!). We can do tonight, and Friday night, and Saturday night, and all the hours in between!!
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:59 PM
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Lots of intense posts today Sending hope and prayers to everyone. I made it through today much better today and have no desire to drink, which is odd because this is prime drinking time at 6pm. I did take a nap the moment I got home from work. Just so sleepy. I am really going to rest, rest, this weekend. Has anyone else felt so tired in the early days? So shocked I have gone 4 days. Not sure how long it has been, but it has been a VERY long time.....even with colds, etc I still have my six pack....so this is major. Thanks to all and keep sharing. It is nice to know others are struggling but making it.
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:10 PM
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Fatigue is pretty usual Evan...we put our bodies and minds through a lot when drinking...takes a little time to recuperate I think.

Hope you'll feel better soon

D
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