Class of May 2012 part 11
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: West Coast USA
Posts: 63
Thanks for the shout outs, FP! I feel like you've tucked us all cozily into bed. I'm glad this week is wrapped up and done.
Funny you should mention my speaking engagement. It was Thursday, the night before last. And, um, I didn't give the talk. Ha! I was able to neatly weasel out of the "experience" a couple weeks ago. And I feel good about not doing it- my job/position didn't suffer for it. Thank you for remembering though
Hope you're doing alright and hang in there through the next couple of weeks. You're in my thoughts. Really wish someone would give you a slapdown opportunity... I think we could all use one right about now.
Sleep well friends.
Funny you should mention my speaking engagement. It was Thursday, the night before last. And, um, I didn't give the talk. Ha! I was able to neatly weasel out of the "experience" a couple weeks ago. And I feel good about not doing it- my job/position didn't suffer for it. Thank you for remembering though
Hope you're doing alright and hang in there through the next couple of weeks. You're in my thoughts. Really wish someone would give you a slapdown opportunity... I think we could all use one right about now.
Sleep well friends.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
FP-thanks for the great advice as always.
I've had another sleepless night pondering why I am totally unable to handle anger in any form. I do anything to avoid situations where there may be conflict involved. I must learn how to deal with this.
H said to me last night, amongst many things, that at the very least I should be feeling indignant at the turn of events. Better still, outraged and angry. But I just can't do it. That makes me feel a little lacking in what should be a totally understandable response to being threatened and manipulated.
How do I learn to be angry?
Angry= bad, uncontrolled, dangerous, threatening, frightening.
OLL said I should go and punch a few pillows. I have never felt close to doing that. Oh sure, when I got drunk, I could do it. Huge outpourings of extreme emotion were commonplace. But they weren't real, often a complete over-reaction to something and always aimed at the wrong person.
Anger makes me feel unsafe and vulnerable.
I really need to learn how to stand up for myself, otherwise I'm trapped in places I don't want to be in.
But where to start.....?
I've had another sleepless night pondering why I am totally unable to handle anger in any form. I do anything to avoid situations where there may be conflict involved. I must learn how to deal with this.
H said to me last night, amongst many things, that at the very least I should be feeling indignant at the turn of events. Better still, outraged and angry. But I just can't do it. That makes me feel a little lacking in what should be a totally understandable response to being threatened and manipulated.
How do I learn to be angry?
Angry= bad, uncontrolled, dangerous, threatening, frightening.
OLL said I should go and punch a few pillows. I have never felt close to doing that. Oh sure, when I got drunk, I could do it. Huge outpourings of extreme emotion were commonplace. But they weren't real, often a complete over-reaction to something and always aimed at the wrong person.
Anger makes me feel unsafe and vulnerable.
I really need to learn how to stand up for myself, otherwise I'm trapped in places I don't want to be in.
But where to start.....?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
God just had a flashback to when I was a teenager and 'skirted' around self-harm and anorexia. Did a bit of both when I was really in a bad place and unable to deal with life at all. Thankfully they never got a grip, or was it that alcohol actually replaced them as my coping mechanism?
Had totally forgotten that at one point my school had phoned my parents concerned at my weight loss, which was considerable. I was about 15 I think. The most telling thing was that my parents hadn't actually noticed....
I guess alcohol became my over-riding tool of both coping and self-destructing.
God, this is a bit deep for a Sunday morning, sorry guys!xx
Had totally forgotten that at one point my school had phoned my parents concerned at my weight loss, which was considerable. I was about 15 I think. The most telling thing was that my parents hadn't actually noticed....
I guess alcohol became my over-riding tool of both coping and self-destructing.
God, this is a bit deep for a Sunday morning, sorry guys!xx
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
For me anger was a real problem for years Jeni - based on what I grew up with I came to think anger and conflict were bad..
so I rarely got angry - but when I did I really when over the top...just like I'd seen in my family..
After I got sober I looked at my self esteem...I looked at my fear of anger and conflict...I realised I was entitled to my opinions, to my boundaries and to my well being...I still don't like or enjoy conflict but I don't run from it now either....
I also realised that sometimes it's ok to be angry...I still try to avoid the tantrum LOL...but I do feel it's ok to be angry...it's often justified.
I was scared the first time I got angry sober...I felt very guilty too...but I've come toown the feelings...I think it's way better to release that stuff rather than hanging on to it.
D
so I rarely got angry - but when I did I really when over the top...just like I'd seen in my family..
After I got sober I looked at my self esteem...I looked at my fear of anger and conflict...I realised I was entitled to my opinions, to my boundaries and to my well being...I still don't like or enjoy conflict but I don't run from it now either....
I also realised that sometimes it's ok to be angry...I still try to avoid the tantrum LOL...but I do feel it's ok to be angry...it's often justified.
I was scared the first time I got angry sober...I felt very guilty too...but I've come toown the feelings...I think it's way better to release that stuff rather than hanging on to it.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Yeah I know you're right Dee. I know exactly where it stems from. Even H's anger scares me, and he has never hurt me in my life. He just walks around shouting, swearing and throwing stuff. All over in minutes and as far as he's concerned it's finished. Never ever aimed at me, but I try desperately to placate him or leave the house if I can't. Then I store up resentment and pretend everything's ok. I might sulk for a while. But never say anything. Poor bloke hasn't got a clue what's up with me because I never tell him. I can't explain it myself.
The kids don't feel it. If he's had a bad day at work, and needs to vent, they just grin at him and tell him to quit acting like a toddler! They are not scared because it isn't theirs to own. Meanwhile, I'm hiding from it and internalising it. In my drinking days I would have drunk on it then thrown a good old tantrum of my own.
Thanks for the therapy session Dee. You would make a good counsellor you know?xxx
The kids don't feel it. If he's had a bad day at work, and needs to vent, they just grin at him and tell him to quit acting like a toddler! They are not scared because it isn't theirs to own. Meanwhile, I'm hiding from it and internalising it. In my drinking days I would have drunk on it then thrown a good old tantrum of my own.
Thanks for the therapy session Dee. You would make a good counsellor you know?xxx
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 63/19 looks like it will be wet, which means that it will be a quiet day. Which is good in one way, it means that Sandra Jones' story will be written. In another, it's probably a good thing as I was a little unwell yesterday. I spend most of my time at room temperature, but yesterday evening my hands were cold and the rest of me was hot. And I thought I'd moved into the fridge. If it had been two weeks ago, I'd have known why. [Oh yes, and the AV jumped on me with 'helpful' ideas as to how to fix things. Bless her, I think she meant well...] (It was too late to go anywhere, and I really didn't feel up to going anyway, so she could talk all she wanted) At least it wasn't ironic flu!
Saskia - sorry to hear about your car, but at least you're unhurt. Good luck with your liver scan. I know how worrying it can be, even if you're sure that things are alright. And rest is important.
My brain works, most of the time. The number of times I've forgotten why I went into the kitchen, or gone to the shops and realised that I forgot to put something on my list, or just forgot to take the list... As for memories, well, a lot of my life since 18 is a blur. Which is good, because when I remember stuff, I wish I hadn't...
Jeni, Tanja, OneLessLonely - thank you all for your kind words.
Jeni - I know what you mean about anger. It's hard to feel comfortable about being angry, even about things that you really should feel angry about, when you're waiting for somebody, especially some sort of inner voice, to read you the riot act. I know some people say that anger is a luxury that we can't afford, but I'm not so sure. Anger, as long as it's properly aimed, and has a good cause, can do and has done more to change things than almost anything else. And yet we all try to knock it out of ourselves. Some people try to knock it out of others (which can't be done, but they still try.)... and I'm rambling. I think I had a point somewhere along the line.
FindingSoleil - as long as you've not harmed anyone, and as long as you're happy, then not doing the speaking engagement was probably the right thing.
Tanja - I think we all worry about knowing the right words to say to comfort people. Sometimes words seem inadequate. I have seen pain in the rooms too. Some of it from people who then seemed to drift away. [It's possible that they changed the meetings they went to because they moved, or had commitments.] All I can do is hope that they have found peace, and that they haven't lost themselves with no way back.
FP - the one thing I can say about your horn playing is that you will get it back. The important thing to remember is that it takes a little time, but it won't take longer than it did to get it first time.
Reading your list of the missing, makes me realise how much our happy little band of sobermates is... reduced. Hopefully they are in a good place.
As for me, well, apart from the pain in my left leg (I'm sure I've just trapped a nerve) I'm feeling ok this morning. Not sure what today holds. Not sure what the plan is either. But that's good.
Have a good day folks. Remember that a day spent relaxing and unwinding is a productive one. Take care of yourselves, so that you can carry on being the strong, wonderful people that you are. And remember that you do deserve to be sober, you do deserve to be happy, and you do deserve to be well.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Saskia - sorry to hear about your car, but at least you're unhurt. Good luck with your liver scan. I know how worrying it can be, even if you're sure that things are alright. And rest is important.
My brain works, most of the time. The number of times I've forgotten why I went into the kitchen, or gone to the shops and realised that I forgot to put something on my list, or just forgot to take the list... As for memories, well, a lot of my life since 18 is a blur. Which is good, because when I remember stuff, I wish I hadn't...
Jeni, Tanja, OneLessLonely - thank you all for your kind words.
Jeni - I know what you mean about anger. It's hard to feel comfortable about being angry, even about things that you really should feel angry about, when you're waiting for somebody, especially some sort of inner voice, to read you the riot act. I know some people say that anger is a luxury that we can't afford, but I'm not so sure. Anger, as long as it's properly aimed, and has a good cause, can do and has done more to change things than almost anything else. And yet we all try to knock it out of ourselves. Some people try to knock it out of others (which can't be done, but they still try.)... and I'm rambling. I think I had a point somewhere along the line.
FindingSoleil - as long as you've not harmed anyone, and as long as you're happy, then not doing the speaking engagement was probably the right thing.
Tanja - I think we all worry about knowing the right words to say to comfort people. Sometimes words seem inadequate. I have seen pain in the rooms too. Some of it from people who then seemed to drift away. [It's possible that they changed the meetings they went to because they moved, or had commitments.] All I can do is hope that they have found peace, and that they haven't lost themselves with no way back.
FP - the one thing I can say about your horn playing is that you will get it back. The important thing to remember is that it takes a little time, but it won't take longer than it did to get it first time.
Reading your list of the missing, makes me realise how much our happy little band of sobermates is... reduced. Hopefully they are in a good place.
As for me, well, apart from the pain in my left leg (I'm sure I've just trapped a nerve) I'm feeling ok this morning. Not sure what today holds. Not sure what the plan is either. But that's good.
Have a good day folks. Remember that a day spent relaxing and unwinding is a productive one. Take care of yourselves, so that you can carry on being the strong, wonderful people that you are. And remember that you do deserve to be sober, you do deserve to be happy, and you do deserve to be well.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
((SoberJaneDoe)) - you haven't failed. It's just a slip, that's all. You're here, and you're honest enough to admit your lapse. And as long as you do that, you have not failed. We're here for you. We understand, and we care.
Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve better than to beat yourself up over this. And you deserve to be sober. Today starts now. Today can start again whenever you need it to...
Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve better than to beat yourself up over this. And you deserve to be sober. Today starts now. Today can start again whenever you need it to...
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
SJD-you havent failed!! We are all moving along this road to sobriety at our own pace, but we are moving. Relapses happen for a reason, I really do believe that. Sometimes we are not quite ready, sometimes our plan for recovery needs to be 'tweaked', and sometimes it needs scrapping and replacing altogether.
We are all in this together, no matter how long it takes. This is a lifelong journey, not a race between milestones. There is no finish line.
Please keep posting and let us support you. We understand and care xxx
We are all in this together, no matter how long it takes. This is a lifelong journey, not a race between milestones. There is no finish line.
Please keep posting and let us support you. We understand and care xxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Recovery's not a pass/fail thing Jane.
Sometime we need to adjust our approach - I needed to do that many many times.
Try and work out what the core problem is and go from there
D
Sometime we need to adjust our approach - I needed to do that many many times.
Try and work out what the core problem is and go from there
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Sorry about your car Saskia - but at least nothing else was hurt
Sorry about your leg too Em - hope it's only a temporary pain
hugs to recent posters FP OLL HRB Tanja and, of course, all others as well - have a great day guys
off to bed....
D
Sorry about your leg too Em - hope it's only a temporary pain
hugs to recent posters FP OLL HRB Tanja and, of course, all others as well - have a great day guys
off to bed....
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Morning, May mates,
I slipped yesterday ... Not one glass but four:-(
I'm right back on the wagon and working on figuring out what went wrong and what I can do to prevent that happening. I'll write more later but am going out for a walk with a friend in a few minutes. The earlier discussion about anger helped me to figure out the "why" this time and now I need to decide what is next for me. I think it's time for me to find an AA sponsor and attend more meetings as part of that. My therapist is just not very helpful at this stage, or perhaps the problem is my expectations of her - that she will find a magic pill to make me better without the hard work needed on my part. Time, or past time, to get really real about this! I need to rededicate myself to overcoming this and ignoring the beast.
Thanks to all for the wonderful support on this thread. It feels like one of the few places I can be honest about how I feel - or at least as honest as I let myself feel.
I slipped yesterday ... Not one glass but four:-(
I'm right back on the wagon and working on figuring out what went wrong and what I can do to prevent that happening. I'll write more later but am going out for a walk with a friend in a few minutes. The earlier discussion about anger helped me to figure out the "why" this time and now I need to decide what is next for me. I think it's time for me to find an AA sponsor and attend more meetings as part of that. My therapist is just not very helpful at this stage, or perhaps the problem is my expectations of her - that she will find a magic pill to make me better without the hard work needed on my part. Time, or past time, to get really real about this! I need to rededicate myself to overcoming this and ignoring the beast.
Thanks to all for the wonderful support on this thread. It feels like one of the few places I can be honest about how I feel - or at least as honest as I let myself feel.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Saskia: Sorry about the slip, but good attitude! Be as kind to yourself as you are to us. You DESERVE to be sober. You DESERVE to be as healthy as you can. I also tried the psychiatrist route. At first I liked him, but he turned out to be little more than a pill dispensary. i refused most of what he offered and took very little of the rest. Not trying to say that medicines can't help, i'm sure they can be very helpful. in my case, i was just putting off the inevitable. pills weren't going to help me quit drinking. i had to quit drinking, get a good idea of who i am without alcohol, and go from there. it's a funky road, but it's much better without the complications of a chemical (alcohol) that makes us feel good for a few hours then really bad for days.
Jane: sorry for your slip. it happens. you didn't fail, you are NOT a failure. Thanks for coming back and getting support. Don't be afraid to ask for the help of those around you. Your day 1 will become day 2, and many more before you know it.
Emily: You are always so honest and so kind in your posts. Congratulations on your continued work and sobriety in the midst of your obsacles! Have you seen a doctor about your symptoms? I hope you feel better.
Jeni: It's okay to get angry at what has happened to you. You have every right to look at your options with the union, too. But you don't HAVE to be angry if it doesn't feel right. Whatever emotions come your way are valid and yours. anger can be put to good use, help you take action. it's really what we do with our emotions (or lack) that matters. you didn't pick up a drink. you are probably right about alcohol replacing the self-harm of your past. now we all have the opportunity to walk away from the self-harm we have done and not fall back into the trap. great job recognising it!
FP: thanks for all the awesome insights, you are smart even for an elephant! i'm rooting for you!
soleil: glad you are doing well!
OLL, Deserto, Rock, all our fine may-mates: have a great, sober monday.
Thanks to the calendar's reminder, it's day 117. almost 4 months. Still not liking this weather change. But determined to see it through without turning to booze.
Jane: sorry for your slip. it happens. you didn't fail, you are NOT a failure. Thanks for coming back and getting support. Don't be afraid to ask for the help of those around you. Your day 1 will become day 2, and many more before you know it.
Emily: You are always so honest and so kind in your posts. Congratulations on your continued work and sobriety in the midst of your obsacles! Have you seen a doctor about your symptoms? I hope you feel better.
Jeni: It's okay to get angry at what has happened to you. You have every right to look at your options with the union, too. But you don't HAVE to be angry if it doesn't feel right. Whatever emotions come your way are valid and yours. anger can be put to good use, help you take action. it's really what we do with our emotions (or lack) that matters. you didn't pick up a drink. you are probably right about alcohol replacing the self-harm of your past. now we all have the opportunity to walk away from the self-harm we have done and not fall back into the trap. great job recognising it!
FP: thanks for all the awesome insights, you are smart even for an elephant! i'm rooting for you!
soleil: glad you are doing well!
OLL, Deserto, Rock, all our fine may-mates: have a great, sober monday.
Thanks to the calendar's reminder, it's day 117. almost 4 months. Still not liking this weather change. But determined to see it through without turning to booze.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
FP, I wish you would take pics of these incredible-sounding lawn designs of yours 
I always enjoy your posts, you show such great humor, deep insight and empathy. I hope your garage doesn’t ever win like mine did <grin>
OLL, I love your post to Jeni and Emily. You show much insight and I always enjoy reading your posts!
Tanja, when you said “I don't think I am very good with saying the right thing to lend comfort” I was surprised. I think you’re quite amazing with all you have been through and yet you provide support to others including the gentleman at your meeting. It’s not the exact words that matter, it’s all about the feelings and it’s very clear that you do care about others.
Soleil, I’m glad you hear you were able to get out of the speaking engagement without any negative consequences. And yes, I think you are right – it does feel like FP tucks us cozily into bed at night! Good to hear from you again.
Jeni, sometimes we don’t feel anger because it scares us and we suppress it (at least, that’s what happened to me). They say that depression and anger are opposite sides of the same thing and that if we are feeling one, the other is around whether we are aware of it or not. I always found anger so very scary. Back when I couldn’t feel or express anger, I took a class at a center for human growth near where I lived at that time. We had to practice expressing anger and that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After that class, it has never been as difficult and I am so grateful that I learned that. Sometimes I do have to restrain myself because there is still a bit of old rage buried deep. I learned that the pool of rage deep inside was the reason I was so scared of anger – I was afraid that it would consume me if I once tapped into that pool. Alcohol was one way I dealt with it.
Jane, welcome back and strength to you in your work on overcoming alcohol. We are both back at day 1 and can go right back and jump back into the work to stay sober.
Emily, I don’t think our AV’s ever really “mean well” – they are seductive and their goal is to lure us back into addiction. At least that’s my opinion. Your comments about anger are spot on! And please remember that advice you give us applies equally well to you – you take care of yourself so you can carry on being the strong, wonderful person that you are. And you do deserve to be sober, you do deserve to be happy and you do deserve to be well. May your higher power go with you! You have such great comments to the rest of us and you deserve them as well!
WeHav, another wonderful post from you! Yes, I do deserve to be sober! I get disappointed with myself but as Emily has often said, I need to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up. I will keep on working on this. 117 days is wonderful! Good for you
I had a good day; I went for a gelato and a walk with a friend, then we went to a local bookstore for tea. I had a lazy day and that has been nice!
I always enjoy your posts, you show such great humor, deep insight and empathy. I hope your garage doesn’t ever win like mine did <grin>OLL, I love your post to Jeni and Emily. You show much insight and I always enjoy reading your posts!
Tanja, when you said “I don't think I am very good with saying the right thing to lend comfort” I was surprised. I think you’re quite amazing with all you have been through and yet you provide support to others including the gentleman at your meeting. It’s not the exact words that matter, it’s all about the feelings and it’s very clear that you do care about others.
Soleil, I’m glad you hear you were able to get out of the speaking engagement without any negative consequences. And yes, I think you are right – it does feel like FP tucks us cozily into bed at night! Good to hear from you again.
Jeni, sometimes we don’t feel anger because it scares us and we suppress it (at least, that’s what happened to me). They say that depression and anger are opposite sides of the same thing and that if we are feeling one, the other is around whether we are aware of it or not. I always found anger so very scary. Back when I couldn’t feel or express anger, I took a class at a center for human growth near where I lived at that time. We had to practice expressing anger and that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After that class, it has never been as difficult and I am so grateful that I learned that. Sometimes I do have to restrain myself because there is still a bit of old rage buried deep. I learned that the pool of rage deep inside was the reason I was so scared of anger – I was afraid that it would consume me if I once tapped into that pool. Alcohol was one way I dealt with it.
Jane, welcome back and strength to you in your work on overcoming alcohol. We are both back at day 1 and can go right back and jump back into the work to stay sober.
Emily, I don’t think our AV’s ever really “mean well” – they are seductive and their goal is to lure us back into addiction. At least that’s my opinion. Your comments about anger are spot on! And please remember that advice you give us applies equally well to you – you take care of yourself so you can carry on being the strong, wonderful person that you are. And you do deserve to be sober, you do deserve to be happy and you do deserve to be well. May your higher power go with you! You have such great comments to the rest of us and you deserve them as well!
WeHav, another wonderful post from you! Yes, I do deserve to be sober! I get disappointed with myself but as Emily has often said, I need to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up. I will keep on working on this. 117 days is wonderful! Good for you
I had a good day; I went for a gelato and a walk with a friend, then we went to a local bookstore for tea. I had a lazy day and that has been nice!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
FP, I wish you would take pics of these incredible-sounding lawn designs of yours I always enjoy your posts, you show such great humor, deep insight and empathy. I hope your garage doesn’t ever win like mine did <grin>
OLL, I love your post to Jeni and Emily. You show much insight and I always enjoy reading your posts!
Tanja, when you said “I don't think I am very good with saying the right thing to lend comfort” I was surprised. I think you’re quite amazing with all you have been through and yet you provide support to others including the gentleman at your meeting. It’s not the exact words that matter, it’s all about the feelings and it’s very clear that you care about others.
Soleil, I’m glad you hear you were able to get out of the speaking engagement without any negative consequences. And yes, I think you are right – it does feel like FP tucks us cozily into bed at night! Good to hear from you again.
Jeni, sometimes we don’t feel anger because it scares us and we suppress it (at least, that’s what happened to me). They say that depression and anger are opposite sides of the same thing and that if we are feeling one, the other is around whether we are aware of it or not. I always found anger so very scary. Back when I couldn’t feel or express anger, I took a class at a center for human growth near where I lived at that time. We had to practice expressing anger and that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After that class, it has never been as difficult and I am so grateful that I learned that. Sometimes I do have to restrain myself because there is still a bit of old rage buried deep. I learned that the pool of rage deep inside was the reason I was so scared of anger – I was afraid that it would consume me if I once tapped into that pool. Alcohol was one way I dealt with it.
Jane, welcome back and strength to you in your work on overcoming alcohol. We are both back at day 1 and can go right back and jump back into the work to stay sober.
Emily, I don’t think our AV’s ever really “mean well” – they are seductive and their goal is to lure us back into addiction. At least that’s my opinion. Your comments about anger are spot on! And please remember that advice you give us applies equally well to you – you take care of yourself so you can carry on being the strong, wonderful person that you are. And you do deserve to be sober, you do deserve to be happy and you do deserve to be well. May your higher power go with you! You have such great comments to the rest of us and you deserve them as well!
WeHav, another wonderful post from you! Yes, I do deserve to be sober! I get disappointed with myself but as Emily has often said, I need to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up. I will keep on working on this. 117 days is wonderful! Good for you :-)
I had a good day; I went for a gelato and a walk with a friend, then we went to a local bookstore for tea. I had a lazy day and that has been nice!
I always enjoy your posts, you show such great humor, deep insight and empathy. I hope your garage doesn’t ever win like mine did <grin>OLL, I love your post to Jeni and Emily. You show much insight and I always enjoy reading your posts!
Tanja, when you said “I don't think I am very good with saying the right thing to lend comfort” I was surprised. I think you’re quite amazing with all you have been through and yet you provide support to others including the gentleman at your meeting. It’s not the exact words that matter, it’s all about the feelings and it’s very clear that you care about others.
Soleil, I’m glad you hear you were able to get out of the speaking engagement without any negative consequences. And yes, I think you are right – it does feel like FP tucks us cozily into bed at night! Good to hear from you again.
Jeni, sometimes we don’t feel anger because it scares us and we suppress it (at least, that’s what happened to me). They say that depression and anger are opposite sides of the same thing and that if we are feeling one, the other is around whether we are aware of it or not. I always found anger so very scary. Back when I couldn’t feel or express anger, I took a class at a center for human growth near where I lived at that time. We had to practice expressing anger and that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After that class, it has never been as difficult and I am so grateful that I learned that. Sometimes I do have to restrain myself because there is still a bit of old rage buried deep. I learned that the pool of rage deep inside was the reason I was so scared of anger – I was afraid that it would consume me if I once tapped into that pool. Alcohol was one way I dealt with it.
Jane, welcome back and strength to you in your work on overcoming alcohol. We are both back at day 1 and can go right back and jump back into the work to stay sober.
Emily, I don’t think our AV’s ever really “mean well” – they are seductive and their goal is to lure us back into addiction. At least that’s my opinion. Your comments about anger are spot on! And please remember that advice you give us applies equally well to you – you take care of yourself so you can carry on being the strong, wonderful person that you are. And you do deserve to be sober, you do deserve to be happy and you do deserve to be well. May your higher power go with you! You have such great comments to the rest of us and you deserve them as well!
WeHav, another wonderful post from you! Yes, I do deserve to be sober! I get disappointed with myself but as Emily has often said, I need to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up. I will keep on working on this. 117 days is wonderful! Good for you :-)
I had a good day; I went for a gelato and a walk with a friend, then we went to a local bookstore for tea. I had a lazy day and that has been nice!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Dee, one of my big challenges is that brain seems to go into zombie mode and I go out to get wine without consciously thinking about it. It's like being on automatic pilot. It's only afterwards that I start asking myself why. I'm trying to figure out how to be aware before. Then I can post before I do anything and get help.
My lifelong determination not to drive if I've had anything at all does help to limit quantities but does not solve the basic pre-buy awareness issue. Any suggestions are most welcome!
My lifelong determination not to drive if I've had anything at all does help to limit quantities but does not solve the basic pre-buy awareness issue. Any suggestions are most welcome!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I battled the 'fugue state' too Saskia...
what I found was I invariably 'came to' after I'd bought the wine...I don't know if that true for you too, but I do know that inbetween thinking the thought, going out, buying the wine, coming back, opening it, and pouring a glass, there's a hundred little opportunities there to ask for help or change our mind...and I forced myself to do that and dump the wine.
It's not about willpower - it's about acceptance for me - I know what that glass means for me, and my life...
I'd no sooner want to drink a glass of wine than a glass of drain cleaner now.
I'm not special - so if I can do it I you can do it too Saskia...anyone can
you get mighty annoyed at the time, I promise you lol - but you'll not regret it the day after
D
what I found was I invariably 'came to' after I'd bought the wine...I don't know if that true for you too, but I do know that inbetween thinking the thought, going out, buying the wine, coming back, opening it, and pouring a glass, there's a hundred little opportunities there to ask for help or change our mind...and I forced myself to do that and dump the wine.
It's not about willpower - it's about acceptance for me - I know what that glass means for me, and my life...
I'd no sooner want to drink a glass of wine than a glass of drain cleaner now.
I'm not special - so if I can do it I you can do it too Saskia...anyone can
you get mighty annoyed at the time, I promise you lol - but you'll not regret it the day after
D
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