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Old 09-02-2012, 12:50 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Please don't drink, Jim. Yes, the job could be "your way out", or you could look at it this way...sobriety could be "your way out" also, to that job, and so much more good stuff that you deserve. Take it one day at a time, one hour or even one minute if you have to. But please don't drink. Post back or PM me if you need any extra support. I'm here for you brother.

BTW, LOVE your avatar! Big Beatles and John Lennon fan here, got it from my Mom.
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Old 09-02-2012, 12:55 PM   #22 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=Panacea;3559747]It is amazing how productive you can be when you don't drink.

Yep, I reckon I've achieved more in the last few days than I have in years in some ways!
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Old 09-02-2012, 12:57 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Stay strong JimJim!

It is day three for me and I continue to start to go stir crazy at 4 PM. I think I am actually salivating for a drink right now. Been keeping busy all day, drinking more fluids than my body weight - it feels like. This quiting thing is really hard. When I make it to tomorrow - it will be the longest dry spell I have ever had in the last 20 plus years. I have taken several "are you in trouble with your drinking" quizzes in the past 72 hours and have scored near 100%....I have been an "A" student all my life, but this is not the grade I want/need in my life.

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Old 09-02-2012, 01:02 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Thanks guys I value your support, Im going to the gym to unwind, at 9pm. I'm just in bits, angry, teary... pathetic. I pray the job stays open one more day. I feel absolutely pathetic. Ha! WTH. 'my way out' as in, out of this hellish houselhold . Goodness I don't even know if I'm capable of working anymore that is scary. I really have bee staring at this wall too long.
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Old 09-02-2012, 01:06 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Sounds like going out to hit the gym is a good plan for you...well done!
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Old 09-02-2012, 01:11 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Ha! Panacea, I'm great at those tests too, I don't agree with them. I don't think you can test if you are an alkie, I think if you know you have a problem, you HAVE a problem.
I hope to check in with you tommorrow for that great day!

Ok I'm going to start eating my hand in a minute if I sit here any longer.

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Old 09-02-2012, 01:21 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Agreed JimJim (re the eating the hand part (very funny too)- I am going to go run myself into the ground on the treadmill to shut my alcoholic inner voice up). Talk to you tomorrow. P
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Old 09-02-2012, 01:21 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Day 15 nearly done here...Just had a bath and it was great because I didn't have the wife and kids banging the door every 5 minutes lol....I do miss them but the peace is sooooo good.....Gonna hit the gym tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it,chest and bicep day,one of my best workouts....Need to try and increase my daily calorie intake as my weight gain has come to a halt,in my first 2 months of training my weight has gone up by 28lbs but the last 2 weeks I haven't put a single pound on....Confused.com.....I hope everyone has had a great weekend and I hope everyone has a great week...JimJim and anyone else who is finding it tough...STAY STRONG,YOU CAN DO IT.....Take care all.....Steve....
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:37 PM   #29 (permalink)
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End of day 9 for me and nearly time for bed. As itís the weekend have thought about drinking more than usual but I guess to be expected. Weekdays since Iíd be at work I wouldnít normally drink until 6-7pm when I started cooking. Weekends could often start drinking not long after noon while starting lunch (what Iíve spotted here is that I seem to be doing all the cooking!). The other half has abstained over last couple of nights - not asked him to, and I was a bit surprised but grateful.

take care all, stay safe and sober,
x
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Old 09-02-2012, 03:20 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Way to go stevo, half way to a month. 48lbs in two months! crikey thats like 12kg (I'm a kilo guy), you must look like hulk dude.

Way to veggie! I know what you mean about the gretaer temptaion on weekends, let's make it to the next one!

I'm off to bed now, I'm glad I took time out to get some fresh air and breathe. It was good to just be around people at the Gym, jeese, this is how secluded I have become. I worry about going back to the booze this time, I tell myself I don't have to. It appears easy to forget how awfull I felt on that last morning after drinking. Sleep might be rough toinght and I will have regrets, guilt and worry in my head and pain in my heart but at least I'm sober.
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Old 09-02-2012, 05:55 PM   #31 (permalink)
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What a day. I made it to AA. I found a temporary sponsor. Heard a lot of things I needed to hear at the meeting.

I hung out with some friends this afternoon and was able to totally unload on them. They are my best friends and are well aware of my alcoholism and my sons issues. It was nice to be able to just get it all out.

Then I had to pick up my other two kids at another friends house. They were having a big ole picnic. They are not aware that I am an alcoholic. When I got there I was offered a drink...beer, frozen drinks, wine, water or soda. My daughter was right there (well aware of my drinking and sobriety) and she was quick to grab me a water. I was offered a frozen drink again and was able to easily turn it down.

Another sober day is drawing to an end. Even though things weren't great I made it through sober. That is a win.
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Old 09-02-2012, 06:13 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Dear all,

Just back from the neighborhood BBQ. I think I am the most well hydrated alcoholic on the planet. I have never drunk so much water in all my life! End of day 3, feelling good. I was able to resist everything as I know it will be near impossible for me to stop again. I have SR to thank for my progress to day.

Looking forward to tomorrow and touching base with you all.

Take care, Panacea
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Old 09-02-2012, 06:27 PM   #33 (permalink)
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WELL DONE, Panacea! You really held your own! Can't say I would have been successful in your shoes...the temptation would have just been too great. Heck, I "abstained" from my own wife's birthday party back in July because I was trying not to drink at the time. Just a small indication of how messed up my life has been before this latest attempt to put my feet back on a righteous path.
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:25 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Thank you WTH - but, I think it is more sheer fear than willpower driving me forward. I can not live like I was "living" before. I have not been a good role model for my kids (I am very worried and ashamed about this), I have been a terrible wife and mother, I have embarrassed myself in public, I have missed work, I drove drunk (with kids in the car) many, many times, and the list goes on. Up until I quit, I don't think I remember much of anything after 6 PM at night for the last year -- it is quite frightening and sad. How I ever found my way to SR and found the courage to post and stop the insanity three days ago is completely beyond me. I can not mess this up. You all have been a lifeline to me.

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Old 09-02-2012, 10:13 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Hey gang yes I just completed 7 meetings in 7 days along with 7 shares. The meeting tonight was a surprise for me as it turned out to be an NA meeting but lord knows drugs are apart of my story and I was at home anyway. I cried through most of the meeting because the woman who spoke was brutally honest and honest about her using through her pregnancy and it just tugged at my heart about what kind of mother I want to be.

Last night my ex went off on me calling me all kinds of bitches and when I heard my baby crying in the background I freaked and called the police to check on him and I made my way over there. I live 45 minutes away and I was still there before the police!? Anyhoo my baby was fine my x was just throwing a temper tantrum as always but this really needs to stop. Even the police said I really need to go to court to get the custody stuff figured out. My ex as always was very apologetic and "doesn't know why he says those things to me" but that he doesn't mean them and blah blah blah. To think just a week ago my company got bought out by a bigger company that has locations near him and we were talking about me moving closer.

I'm torn. I know he's a good guy and with work he'll be who he was meant to be. We have some of the same defects. The difference is I am in recovery and he is not. We even talked about maybe working things out in the future which I honestly I would like if he could just drop the abusive flare ups, but I know from experience that abuse gets worse not better.

I could go to court on Tuesday am and file for custody, I don't know if I should go for supervised visits, him having weekends, or what. The bottom line is I feel he is a good dad, but in the back of my mind I don't know what he is capable of when he see's red.

I just want to turn it over to God. God take my will and my life; guide me in my recovery and show me how to live.
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Old 09-03-2012, 12:25 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Part 3 found!

Welcome all the newer members. 2 Weeks today. At least at meetings i stick up my hand for "2 weeks to a month" now, an "old pro" , lol.
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Old 09-03-2012, 12:39 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Day 16 just starting here....Already been out with the dog for an hour and I'm slurping on my 2nd pint of tea and chomping down on 4 slices of toast and 5 poached eggs....Gonna hit the gym later with my old man which I'm looking forward to...Not training till mid afternoon so I hope my energy levels are still up for it.....I hope everyone has a great day...Take care all....Steve....
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Old 09-03-2012, 12:39 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Hi all,

Livelikegold, you're staying sober while going through what must be incredibly stressful. I think that's so good and shows who you are. I'm confident that along with your sobriety will come a way of working the other things out.

I had a massive near-wobbly yesterday evening but I remembered what I'd seen some of you posting about out of control cravings tending to pass after about 30 mins and so did the washing up and kind of waited ... It was true.

I still wanted to drink all evening but managed it by randomly cooking steak and stuffing it down me with horseradish sauce even though I wasn't hungry. Also by searching the backs of kitchen cupboards for anything I could add to tap water to give it an 'interesting' flavour - I found some rehydration tablets hehe. It helped a bit.

Something had changed though when I was craving. Previously, I would have tried to convince myself to not drink by remembering I was planning on doing a long run or session in the gym the next day but the alcoholic voice would always tell me the drink would not alter that aim, that I wouldnt get a hangover.

Last night I was genuinely able to recognise that I would have a massive hangover today and would be so disappointed with not being able to do anything. That's a positive change.

Yesterday, I did some job assessments. I have the concentration of a goldfish and the mental flexibility of a 1980s computer at the moment so they were a disaster! I'm sure I aced the grammar text though hehe ... If only the job required such skills

Today I'm going to work at staying sober. Have a great sober day all!
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Old 09-03-2012, 12:51 AM   #39 (permalink)
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In situations like this my advice is always do what's best for your child LLG.

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Old 09-03-2012, 12:57 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Just thought, my near-wobbly yesterday was no accident.

Someone posted a very helpful link on SRyesterday about PAWS post acute withdrawal syndrome. It wasn't this one but I can't find it Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) | What…Me Sober?

The text I read talked about risk points for some tending to be around the big numbers, 30 days, 90 days, 1 year etc. I've always tried to avoid focusing on my number of sober days for that reason, but inside of course I know and I think about it. Yesterday was my day 10 and it was really difficult ... A lovely number, 10. I'll say it again, ten!! Now it can go away and I can get on with just being sober.

Ive found a very real issue for me though which I need to be aware of. Don't want to let it creep up on me again ...
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