Class of May 2012 part 10
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Jeni, when I tell the doctor that I've quit, they then either ask how long it's been and tell me 'Oh, it's too soon to say you've quit'. Or ask me how much I used to drink. Or both. Grrr argh. Oh well... such is life.
8Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Congrats Jeni! And congrats Jane!
A lovely gray and rainy morning. How can you tell a local versus a tourist around here? When it rains, the tourists run inside, and the locals run out.
Love the smell of rain in the desert.
A lovely gray and rainy morning. How can you tell a local versus a tourist around here? When it rains, the tourists run inside, and the locals run out.
Love the smell of rain in the desert.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Ok. If I don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat chocolate (recommended by my doc this morning), what the hell do you do to relax?!? I may have to do some exercise or something freakish like that! Dear God.....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
I'm in a weird dangerous place that I'm trying to analyze so all help is appreciated.
My parents have been here almost a week now. They leave tomorrow morning to drive back home (12+ hours away). They have been making me a little crazy, but no more than they normally do. Nothing significantly bad has happened, but my alcohol use has made me a loner, and having two people living with me for a week is still trying.
So anyway, in the past when they would come to visit, it was a real struggle to sneak around and drink while they were here, and I was really excited the day they left so I could run out to the store and stock my fridge with cases of beer again. I anticipated the sheer joy of being free to return to drinking my ass off again.
Well this time is different. I'm still on 93 days with no real desire to drink. But they are leaving in the morning and I'm feeling that typical rush that I used to get, and it crosses my mind to go stock up the fridge with beer as soon as they are gone. I don't get it. They weren't why I quit drinking. I could have been drinking for the last three months when they were 4 states away but I didn't. But now they are leaving and I feel like I am free to drink again? I'm clearly getting multiple emotions mixed up with this somehow and they are linking to the feeling I get with drinking, but for the life of me I can't make sense of it.
My parents have been here almost a week now. They leave tomorrow morning to drive back home (12+ hours away). They have been making me a little crazy, but no more than they normally do. Nothing significantly bad has happened, but my alcohol use has made me a loner, and having two people living with me for a week is still trying.
So anyway, in the past when they would come to visit, it was a real struggle to sneak around and drink while they were here, and I was really excited the day they left so I could run out to the store and stock my fridge with cases of beer again. I anticipated the sheer joy of being free to return to drinking my ass off again.
Well this time is different. I'm still on 93 days with no real desire to drink. But they are leaving in the morning and I'm feeling that typical rush that I used to get, and it crosses my mind to go stock up the fridge with beer as soon as they are gone. I don't get it. They weren't why I quit drinking. I could have been drinking for the last three months when they were 4 states away but I didn't. But now they are leaving and I feel like I am free to drink again? I'm clearly getting multiple emotions mixed up with this somehow and they are linking to the feeling I get with drinking, but for the life of me I can't make sense of it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Maybe it's that routine of equating freedom and a sense of relief with rewarding yourself? It's the same feeling I used to get on a Friday night or at the end of a school term and wanting to relax in the way I'd done for years. It has become such a habit that it is done and felt almost automatically.
Good news is you recognise it.
You can plan for this.
When they leave, have something else planned and avoid being on your own xx
Good news is you recognise it.
You can plan for this.
When they leave, have something else planned and avoid being on your own xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Uninvited,
It is fully undrstandable how you are feeling. Having your parents with you for a week when you are at 3 months sober I think would make anyone a little crazy. The fact in the past their leaving would be an opportunity for you to really let loose and drink, it is no surprise you are feeling the urge. It is great you posted here, I'm sure you are already starting to feel better. Like Jeni said, have other things planned that can be this reward/release for you. What about a long drive to have a beautiful scenic run?
This first year we will have many "Firsts" that will be triggers for us to drink. First sober thanksgiving dinner, first sober birthday, first sober new year. Each one we get through will give us more strength and resolve. We just need to do a little planning before the trying times come. This is a major first for you, I know you can do this!
It is fully undrstandable how you are feeling. Having your parents with you for a week when you are at 3 months sober I think would make anyone a little crazy. The fact in the past their leaving would be an opportunity for you to really let loose and drink, it is no surprise you are feeling the urge. It is great you posted here, I'm sure you are already starting to feel better. Like Jeni said, have other things planned that can be this reward/release for you. What about a long drive to have a beautiful scenic run?
This first year we will have many "Firsts" that will be triggers for us to drink. First sober thanksgiving dinner, first sober birthday, first sober new year. Each one we get through will give us more strength and resolve. We just need to do a little planning before the trying times come. This is a major first for you, I know you can do this!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Thanks Jeni and HRB. I think you are on to something. There is a bit of a feeling of "Schools out let's party" going on here that I need to watch. I'm glad I saw it coming so I have 24 hours to react in a positive way. Good idea about the run. I'm going to skip running today and do a long one tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Good thinking Uninvited - posting here before it becomes a problem seems to work best. I think those habits are well-worn neural pathways. That's how habits become established (described in a rather unscientific way). So let's say that every time you hear a certain bell sound it's time for dinner. After a certain number of repetitions, your neural network connects those 2 events and whenever you hear the bell, you're likely to feel hungry. This has also come under the heading of Pavlovian conditioning.
With alcoholics, there is an additional factor - the chemical reactions that occur in a small part of the "old" or "primitive" brain, also called the pleasure center, when we drink. From what I've read in Trimpey's RR book, that's the same thing he calls the AV or The Beast. So given these two factors, it's not surprising that an event that has occurred whenever your parents visited now feels like a necessary action. It's also a great (but not fun) example of why addiction can be so difficult to overcome.
Hopefully that was sufficiently boring that you've gotten over the impulse!
With alcoholics, there is an additional factor - the chemical reactions that occur in a small part of the "old" or "primitive" brain, also called the pleasure center, when we drink. From what I've read in Trimpey's RR book, that's the same thing he calls the AV or The Beast. So given these two factors, it's not surprising that an event that has occurred whenever your parents visited now feels like a necessary action. It's also a great (but not fun) example of why addiction can be so difficult to overcome.
Hopefully that was sufficiently boring that you've gotten over the impulse!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,434
It was fairly common for me not to drink when I had reason not to...whether it was work, or the company I had or whatever....
but once that reason was done...hoo boy...I made up for it.
The thing is, you don't have to do anything Univited - you know drinking's bad, it's a bad idea....just let the feeling slide.
Go celebrate the aloneness of your house in a positive life affirming way
D
but once that reason was done...hoo boy...I made up for it.
The thing is, you don't have to do anything Univited - you know drinking's bad, it's a bad idea....just let the feeling slide.
Go celebrate the aloneness of your house in a positive life affirming way
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Just checking in to say good night folks.
Saskia - thanks for the great post, it explains a lot.
Uninvited - it's good that you recognise what's happening and are posting before you pick up.
As for me, well, I've had a good day. Instructive and fairly productive. And now it's time to call it a day. My head's in a fairly good place at the moment, I think.
Goodnight folks, and sleep well. And remember no matter what you did or didn't do today, nobody died as a result.
Love and Hugs to you all.
Saskia - thanks for the great post, it explains a lot.
Uninvited - it's good that you recognise what's happening and are posting before you pick up.
As for me, well, I've had a good day. Instructive and fairly productive. And now it's time to call it a day. My head's in a fairly good place at the moment, I think.
Goodnight folks, and sleep well. And remember no matter what you did or didn't do today, nobody died as a result.
Love and Hugs to you all.
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Thursday evening, May mates. I had a slightly challenging day visiting with family members starting with my very senior father who’s exhibiting mild signs of dementia. On the trip up for our get-together, he was in the back seat doing a great Bart Simpson imitation, “Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet?” sporadically for the entire two hours. Once arrived, I tempted a full-trigger move by uncorking a bottle of cabernet to placate Dad by pouring him a large glass. Mom wanted a glass, too, so I pushed through the internal struggle to pour another. They both know that I’m no longer drinking, but sometimes it’s easier to go with the dysfunction junction family flow rather than resurrect age-old bitterness and arguments. On the way home, Bart started up again, but the full-trigger danger was over. The strong smell of wine thankfully had held no interest for me, and in fact it was unappealing. Gotta say that’s a big first after nearly 25 years. So, my lovely sobermates, I am proud to celebrate my Day 103 with all of you today.
Jeni: Congratulations on your 90 sober days!!! I had posted an elephant for you at your 12 weeks, instead, because I wasn’t sure if you were counting weeks or days. Excellent job on the sober resolve, classmate. “Felt so good to say I don't drink anything.” Awesome! And great advice to Uninvited.
SoberJane: Woo hoo on your 103 days! Wonderful that you’re doing so well in school, super-smart sobermate. “I need to develop a sober summer drink.” I drink iced tea, lemonade, ginger ale, iced water, and sports drinks in the summer. Maybe one or more of those is appealing to you, too?
iPad G-ma: Congratulations on your 6 days! Keep up the great work. “Hopefully that was sufficiently boring…” I love your pearls of wisdom to us, and they are always interesting. Thank you for the background info from Trimpey’s book about the AV.
Emily: Congrats on your 33 sober days! Nice that you’re taking a breather for yourself today. Hope your leg feels better soon. “It's better to get things dealt with now rather than waiting till things blow up.” Yes… thank you for those words. I read them this morning and they really clicked with me. Maybe it’s because I’m more receptive to the idea now, or maybe it’s how you phrased it. I’ve been following SR in lurks and posts for a little over a year, and I’ve read over and over again how members say to learn to put yourself first. That idea never sunk in for me until lately. I’ve always been more concerned about how the job would be affected with my medical absences and always opted to subjugate my own needs to work around work. In this case, it is time to put myself first for a change. I am in so much pain way too often, and if I wait months until winter holidays, I will only get so much worse… likely to the edge of emergency status (again.) So, eff it. I am aiming to get this surgery done as soon as possible and people at work will not collapse without me. Thank you again, May mate, for helping me make a firm decision. Love to you.
Dweller: “Love the smell of rain in the desert.” Me, too, poem mate. I have relatives and friends living out in the desert dust, and over the years while visiting, I’ve been fortunate enough to catch the occasional storm when the rain actually hits the ground.
OneLess: “Dark chocolate is healthier!!” Dang it. Just ran out of chocolate last night. Now that’s all I can think of. Hope all is well with you, May mate. Thinking of you!
Councilman Uninvited: “I'm glad I saw it coming so I have 24 hours to react in a positive way.” Huge hugs of love to you, classmate, for posting first to avoid a slip! We’re all here to support you. Have a great run tomorrow.
You-Rock: “We just need to do a little planning before the trying times come.” Wonderful advice to Uninvited… and a great reminder for all of us. Hope you’re doing well, triple-digit sobermate.
Dee: “…but once that reason was done...hoo boy...I made up for it.” I can identify with this. After a long week at work, I would “reward” myself by boozing up from Friday afternoon through Sunday. Sheesh. So happy those days are over. Thank you for your advice to Uninvited and our boaters.
Soleil: Nice to see your post. How are you doing today, classmate? Thank you for your loving PM of support to me. Hugs to you.
So glad to be home after doing the family thing. We don’t get together more than a few times a year, but many of you can understand the mix of anticipation and apprehension that family visits can bring. Love and hugs to all, and most especially to those who are struggling.
Jeni: Congratulations on your 90 sober days!!! I had posted an elephant for you at your 12 weeks, instead, because I wasn’t sure if you were counting weeks or days. Excellent job on the sober resolve, classmate. “Felt so good to say I don't drink anything.” Awesome! And great advice to Uninvited.
SoberJane: Woo hoo on your 103 days! Wonderful that you’re doing so well in school, super-smart sobermate. “I need to develop a sober summer drink.” I drink iced tea, lemonade, ginger ale, iced water, and sports drinks in the summer. Maybe one or more of those is appealing to you, too?
iPad G-ma: Congratulations on your 6 days! Keep up the great work. “Hopefully that was sufficiently boring…” I love your pearls of wisdom to us, and they are always interesting. Thank you for the background info from Trimpey’s book about the AV.
Emily: Congrats on your 33 sober days! Nice that you’re taking a breather for yourself today. Hope your leg feels better soon. “It's better to get things dealt with now rather than waiting till things blow up.” Yes… thank you for those words. I read them this morning and they really clicked with me. Maybe it’s because I’m more receptive to the idea now, or maybe it’s how you phrased it. I’ve been following SR in lurks and posts for a little over a year, and I’ve read over and over again how members say to learn to put yourself first. That idea never sunk in for me until lately. I’ve always been more concerned about how the job would be affected with my medical absences and always opted to subjugate my own needs to work around work. In this case, it is time to put myself first for a change. I am in so much pain way too often, and if I wait months until winter holidays, I will only get so much worse… likely to the edge of emergency status (again.) So, eff it. I am aiming to get this surgery done as soon as possible and people at work will not collapse without me. Thank you again, May mate, for helping me make a firm decision. Love to you.
Dweller: “Love the smell of rain in the desert.” Me, too, poem mate. I have relatives and friends living out in the desert dust, and over the years while visiting, I’ve been fortunate enough to catch the occasional storm when the rain actually hits the ground.
OneLess: “Dark chocolate is healthier!!” Dang it. Just ran out of chocolate last night. Now that’s all I can think of. Hope all is well with you, May mate. Thinking of you!
Councilman Uninvited: “I'm glad I saw it coming so I have 24 hours to react in a positive way.” Huge hugs of love to you, classmate, for posting first to avoid a slip! We’re all here to support you. Have a great run tomorrow.
You-Rock: “We just need to do a little planning before the trying times come.” Wonderful advice to Uninvited… and a great reminder for all of us. Hope you’re doing well, triple-digit sobermate.
Dee: “…but once that reason was done...hoo boy...I made up for it.” I can identify with this. After a long week at work, I would “reward” myself by boozing up from Friday afternoon through Sunday. Sheesh. So happy those days are over. Thank you for your advice to Uninvited and our boaters.
Soleil: Nice to see your post. How are you doing today, classmate? Thank you for your loving PM of support to me. Hugs to you.
So glad to be home after doing the family thing. We don’t get together more than a few times a year, but many of you can understand the mix of anticipation and apprehension that family visits can bring. Love and hugs to all, and most especially to those who are struggling.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Well done FP on handling the family visit so well. There is something about being with them that can transport us back to unhappy times and old forgotten emotions in a heartbeat.
I had a phone call from my mum today. Just hearing her voice induces a feeling of vague anxiety, a knot in my stomach. Have to say I can rationalise that a lot better now and talk myself round. She has that permanent thick throated on the edge of tears sound to her voice which makes me want to run round and give her a hug and run away simultaneously. It was just an average phone call, asking after my daughter who had got her exam results today. I was surprised she remembered they were due, but then she told me shed seen my sis and she'd told her. Everything fine until the last few minutes as she was saying goodbye.
' bye Jen, hope you're having a good break, your Dad misses you.....' he doesn't, she does. She needs me and I've had a month off work and seen her once. They are only a half hour drive from here. Guilt overwhelms me. He is seriously ill, she has mental health issues and I have spent weeks lazing doing nothing. Oh this is hard because I want to love them but it hurts me so much to be around them.
Bad daughter. Will see them at the weekend but there is already that lump in my throat at the thought....
Anyway it's 4a.m and I'm typing this on my phone. Forgive the ramblings....
What I meant to say was well done to you FP, love reading your posts, just wish we were awake at the same, reckon we could have a great discussion about how to deal with parents!xx
I had a phone call from my mum today. Just hearing her voice induces a feeling of vague anxiety, a knot in my stomach. Have to say I can rationalise that a lot better now and talk myself round. She has that permanent thick throated on the edge of tears sound to her voice which makes me want to run round and give her a hug and run away simultaneously. It was just an average phone call, asking after my daughter who had got her exam results today. I was surprised she remembered they were due, but then she told me shed seen my sis and she'd told her. Everything fine until the last few minutes as she was saying goodbye.
' bye Jen, hope you're having a good break, your Dad misses you.....' he doesn't, she does. She needs me and I've had a month off work and seen her once. They are only a half hour drive from here. Guilt overwhelms me. He is seriously ill, she has mental health issues and I have spent weeks lazing doing nothing. Oh this is hard because I want to love them but it hurts me so much to be around them.
Bad daughter. Will see them at the weekend but there is already that lump in my throat at the thought....
Anyway it's 4a.m and I'm typing this on my phone. Forgive the ramblings....
What I meant to say was well done to you FP, love reading your posts, just wish we were awake at the same, reckon we could have a great discussion about how to deal with parents!xx
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,434
Glad you got through your tough day FP
Jeni - I really don't think making, and keeping, healthy boundaries for ourselves makes us a bad anything - I'm proud you're looking after yourself.
Whatever problems your folks have I'm sure they have a support network for those problems, and other people who they can call on.
For years, I gave and gave until the only way I could withdraw and relax and keep on functioning was to blitz myself into a stupor.
Thats no good for anyone - ever.
There's nothing to feel guilty about for living your own life
D
Jeni - I really don't think making, and keeping, healthy boundaries for ourselves makes us a bad anything - I'm proud you're looking after yourself.
Whatever problems your folks have I'm sure they have a support network for those problems, and other people who they can call on.
For years, I gave and gave until the only way I could withdraw and relax and keep on functioning was to blitz myself into a stupor.
Thats no good for anyone - ever.
There's nothing to feel guilty about for living your own life
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thanks Dee. I've been the strong one forever for them and for my brothers and sister.
I guess I really needed this time for me. I really feel so much stronger than I ever have in so many ways.
I can't fix them. I know that.
I guess I've just got to stop feeling guilty for not being able to.
I will get there, learn to handle this better. My Dad is drinking himself to death and I can't fix that. My mum is buying his drink. I can't fix that.
Last time I saw them I wanted a drink so badly the day after. I can fix that!
I guess I really needed this time for me. I really feel so much stronger than I ever have in so many ways.
I can't fix them. I know that.
I guess I've just got to stop feeling guilty for not being able to.
I will get there, learn to handle this better. My Dad is drinking himself to death and I can't fix that. My mum is buying his drink. I can't fix that.
Last time I saw them I wanted a drink so badly the day after. I can fix that!
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