Class of May 2012 part 10
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
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Day 32, and it's a bright sunny day. Waiting for them to get mum up, and waiting for the surveyors to come. Off to Nottingham later to offload some stamps. Well, hopefully offload some stamps. And then back for a bit of relaxation before tonights game session.
I told my fiance about the codeine yesterday. I figured it was better to tell him in case he found out. [Not sure how he would have found out, but... besides honesty is the best plan, unless, of course you're a con artist] His first question was 'What's it like?' and the next was 'What's the downside?' So I told him. And I also told him that I didn't plan on continuing to take it.
Anyway, feeling good this morning. Need to arrange the house clearance. Might need to arrange two as it were. One for the stuff that's worth anything, and another for the junk. Of course, I can't do too much while I'm still here. I'll need a bed for one thing. And not being able to cook would be expensive...
Mum moves into the home in 2 days, and I move down to London in 9. I'll only have 3 days alone though as my fiance is coming up on Tuesday to help me move stuff...
You folks seem to have had a busy night!
Jeni - I was always... nervous around people. Whether this was to do with being picked on at school, I don't know, but I do know that I started to spend as much time alone as I could. Or rather as much time by myself as I could. When I got into computer games, rpgs, and anime I found there were a few people that I... I was going to say felt less nervous around. Maybe it was the fact that we had stuff to talk about.
Did I drink to fit in? No. Because even early on, I drank on my own. I'd go to the student union bar by myself, not planning to meet anyone, drink for however long, and then go back. Probably play the video games for a bit.
Later on, I'd drink with other people, after work, pub quizes and the like, but I suspect that it was about the drink rather than the people.
So why did I drink? Does it matter? I did. And now I don't.
Leemzer - you sound like your head's in a good place at the moment. And you're talking a lot of sense too. We all need to remember that if we go back to the drink things will not get better, but worse. Only worse. And maybe a whole lot worse...
Dee - get well soon.
Uninvited - well done on the running. And good on you for signing up for the half marathon.
((FP)) - Crying is understandable. And allowable. I really hope that things go well. Or at least, as well as they can. And feel free to talk about your worries. Hell, if I can witter on about moving house, you can share your burden with us. Whether it helps the rest of us remain sober or not... is something I can't say. Who knows who we help when we say what we're going through? But, here's the thing, if it helps you remain sober, then it has to be a good thing.
And, for what it's worth, I can't sing either.
ThursdayNight - Thank you so much for your kind words to Dee. I only wish I'd thought of them first. So let me third them.
Anyway, mum's up, the surveyor's been. I can get to my Wednesday meeting. It'll be the last one, but I'll be getting to plenty in London. So many lasts coming in the next few days... But as somebody once said, if a chick can't break it's shell... So no, not the end, but a new beginning.
Have a good day folks. Be kind to yourselves. If it's a nice day, then try and enjoy the weather. If it isn't, don't let it get you down. But remember that good or bad, this too shall pass.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
I told my fiance about the codeine yesterday. I figured it was better to tell him in case he found out. [Not sure how he would have found out, but... besides honesty is the best plan, unless, of course you're a con artist] His first question was 'What's it like?' and the next was 'What's the downside?' So I told him. And I also told him that I didn't plan on continuing to take it.
Anyway, feeling good this morning. Need to arrange the house clearance. Might need to arrange two as it were. One for the stuff that's worth anything, and another for the junk. Of course, I can't do too much while I'm still here. I'll need a bed for one thing. And not being able to cook would be expensive...
Mum moves into the home in 2 days, and I move down to London in 9. I'll only have 3 days alone though as my fiance is coming up on Tuesday to help me move stuff...
You folks seem to have had a busy night!
Jeni - I was always... nervous around people. Whether this was to do with being picked on at school, I don't know, but I do know that I started to spend as much time alone as I could. Or rather as much time by myself as I could. When I got into computer games, rpgs, and anime I found there were a few people that I... I was going to say felt less nervous around. Maybe it was the fact that we had stuff to talk about.
Did I drink to fit in? No. Because even early on, I drank on my own. I'd go to the student union bar by myself, not planning to meet anyone, drink for however long, and then go back. Probably play the video games for a bit.
Later on, I'd drink with other people, after work, pub quizes and the like, but I suspect that it was about the drink rather than the people.
So why did I drink? Does it matter? I did. And now I don't.
Leemzer - you sound like your head's in a good place at the moment. And you're talking a lot of sense too. We all need to remember that if we go back to the drink things will not get better, but worse. Only worse. And maybe a whole lot worse...
Dee - get well soon.
Uninvited - well done on the running. And good on you for signing up for the half marathon.
((FP)) - Crying is understandable. And allowable. I really hope that things go well. Or at least, as well as they can. And feel free to talk about your worries. Hell, if I can witter on about moving house, you can share your burden with us. Whether it helps the rest of us remain sober or not... is something I can't say. Who knows who we help when we say what we're going through? But, here's the thing, if it helps you remain sober, then it has to be a good thing.
And, for what it's worth, I can't sing either.
ThursdayNight - Thank you so much for your kind words to Dee. I only wish I'd thought of them first. So let me third them.
Anyway, mum's up, the surveyor's been. I can get to my Wednesday meeting. It'll be the last one, but I'll be getting to plenty in London. So many lasts coming in the next few days... But as somebody once said, if a chick can't break it's shell... So no, not the end, but a new beginning.
Have a good day folks. Be kind to yourselves. If it's a nice day, then try and enjoy the weather. If it isn't, don't let it get you down. But remember that good or bad, this too shall pass.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Thanks Emily!
Day 5 here. Had trouble sleeping, but I don't think it is alcohol, just getting used to being back at work. That is what my afternoon nap treat will be for.
Stay safe and sober, everyone!
Lee
Day 5 here. Had trouble sleeping, but I don't think it is alcohol, just getting used to being back at work. That is what my afternoon nap treat will be for.
Stay safe and sober, everyone!
Lee
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Day 5. A day to relax - yay! Just a few minor chores today and then I think I'll work on my jigsaw puzzle!
I've been following the comments about people feeling that they don't/have never felt like thy "fit in". I used to feel that way all or most of the time. I've been trying to figure out when that changed and have come to the conclusion that there isn't a moment or even a particular year when that changed. I suspect that it's an accumulation of things. I used to be so super-sensitive that it felt like all of my nerve endings were exposed. If someone said something negative, it would feel like I had been stabbed with a knife. Over time and with therapy, a lot of those feelings very slowly disappeared. Now when I feel something said was negative to me, I take a moment to decide if there's any truth to it and if so, try to work on that. If I don't feel it fits, I mostly shrug it off. If anything, I feel that I have become more sensitive to other people's feelings now that the intensity of mine is lower. I've also discovered that I wasn't as unusual as I used to think (chuckle).
As human beings, we are in some ways connected, but imperfectly. So when I think of the color blue, I tend to see a particular shade of blue. I'll bet that everyone here will see a different shade, even though they are all technically "blue" (yep, I know that one is obvious!). I've also noticed that no matter what people's outward expressions and emotions seem to be, I believe that very few, if any, of us reach the age of 50 without some major tragedy having occurred in our lives.
I've heard friends with significant difficulties point out people who always appear calm and happy and note that those people are so lucky. I don't know how many times that happy, apparently "lucky" person turns out to have had a major tragedy in their life.
So Saskia's theory is that as we are growing up many if not most of us have those feelings to some degree. As I'm getting into my "senior" years (hate that label!) those feelings have changed a huge amount for me. I feel much more at peace and content emotionally. Now it's the failing joints, failing memory (and tendency to use 20 words when 1 will do) that are the challenge.
IMHO, best thing is to grin and bear it and keep right on going. I like what Em said about "if it's a nice day ....".
And now this garrulous old lady is going to stop before the groans get so loud that I'll be able to hear them here! :rotfxko
I've been following the comments about people feeling that they don't/have never felt like thy "fit in". I used to feel that way all or most of the time. I've been trying to figure out when that changed and have come to the conclusion that there isn't a moment or even a particular year when that changed. I suspect that it's an accumulation of things. I used to be so super-sensitive that it felt like all of my nerve endings were exposed. If someone said something negative, it would feel like I had been stabbed with a knife. Over time and with therapy, a lot of those feelings very slowly disappeared. Now when I feel something said was negative to me, I take a moment to decide if there's any truth to it and if so, try to work on that. If I don't feel it fits, I mostly shrug it off. If anything, I feel that I have become more sensitive to other people's feelings now that the intensity of mine is lower. I've also discovered that I wasn't as unusual as I used to think (chuckle).
As human beings, we are in some ways connected, but imperfectly. So when I think of the color blue, I tend to see a particular shade of blue. I'll bet that everyone here will see a different shade, even though they are all technically "blue" (yep, I know that one is obvious!). I've also noticed that no matter what people's outward expressions and emotions seem to be, I believe that very few, if any, of us reach the age of 50 without some major tragedy having occurred in our lives.
I've heard friends with significant difficulties point out people who always appear calm and happy and note that those people are so lucky. I don't know how many times that happy, apparently "lucky" person turns out to have had a major tragedy in their life.
So Saskia's theory is that as we are growing up many if not most of us have those feelings to some degree. As I'm getting into my "senior" years (hate that label!) those feelings have changed a huge amount for me. I feel much more at peace and content emotionally. Now it's the failing joints, failing memory (and tendency to use 20 words when 1 will do) that are the challenge.
IMHO, best thing is to grin and bear it and keep right on going. I like what Em said about "if it's a nice day ....".
And now this garrulous old lady is going to stop before the groans get so loud that I'll be able to hear them here! :rotfxko
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
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Great post Saskia. You're very wise x
Well I'm not feeling great physically today. Got some chronic but not serious medical issues left over from my lifetime of vodka being pretty much my staple diet. It's left me with damage to my stomach lining and I'm on a restricted diet and meds for ever. Sometimes I forget that forever means just that and pretend I can eat what I like. I did that yesterday and today I'm in bed in pain and vomiting. One day I will learn that doctors are much cleverer people than me, and I will start doing as I'm told....
Hey ho! such is life. Of course that does mean as I can't stand up straight, I'm resigned to a day drifting in and out of pain logged onto SR.
Every cloud......x
Well I'm not feeling great physically today. Got some chronic but not serious medical issues left over from my lifetime of vodka being pretty much my staple diet. It's left me with damage to my stomach lining and I'm on a restricted diet and meds for ever. Sometimes I forget that forever means just that and pretend I can eat what I like. I did that yesterday and today I'm in bed in pain and vomiting. One day I will learn that doctors are much cleverer people than me, and I will start doing as I'm told....
Hey ho! such is life. Of course that does mean as I can't stand up straight, I'm resigned to a day drifting in and out of pain logged onto SR.
Every cloud......x
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
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Thanks, it's easing now. Got a docs appt to review meds and get my usual lecture on not following orders.....
Why is it I don't like to be told what to do even when I know it's right?! Stubbornness, that's another one of my many character defects to talk to my sponsor about!!
Why is it I don't like to be told what to do even when I know it's right?! Stubbornness, that's another one of my many character defects to talk to my sponsor about!!
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Originally Posted by Jeni26 
Yeah I guess. I've got images in my mind of what you all look like, I wonder how accurate they are. Unfortunately, my picture of Deserto involves him wearing very little which is rather disturbing and I completely blame him for that!!
You are all so very important to me, and I feel very lucky to have found you xx
You are all so very important to me, and I feel very lucky to have found you xx
And you are very impotant to us! I picture you sitting in your lovely English garden - the one I remember was so serene :-)
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Jeni, sorry to hear you're not feeling well! Try not to feel too guilty. Docs are quite used to people not following orders 
. It's a common condition. In my case, I just keep on hoping that it will go away, have improved or anyone of a bunch of rationalizations. It's hard to stick with orders that are annoying to have to remember!
. It's a common condition. In my case, I just keep on hoping that it will go away, have improved or anyone of a bunch of rationalizations. It's hard to stick with orders that are annoying to have to remember!
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My garden is indeed serene. Beautiful. My garden is where I feel totally at peace. Until H starts swearing at next doors cat for crapping on his beautifully and lovingly tended herbs that is....!
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I have pictures of everyone in my mind too. Haha. Two pictures for FP, one male and one female!! Two for deserto too actually, one regular and every now and then jeni's x-rated one pops in. Haha!
Just checking in dying lunch. I feel like I've been slipping from here a little and for a couple reasons. H has said a couple times I'm on my phone a lot. And I hate when people are on their phone a lot. Especially if he thinks I'd rather be on my phone than spending time with him. And also because work has cut down about phone use a lot. I still try to read a couple times per day but I know I have to and want to stay committed to this and you all. I just wanted to apologize for not doing many individual responses I think.
Went out to a nice dinner last night and didn't think much about drinking. That was nice. I feel like not drinking is becoming part of my M.O., my default. So that's good. Just want to make some goals of making this one little life I'm living really worth it and memorable and not to have any regrets. I used to put off stopping drinking because I was worried I'd regret not drinking at certain events or whatever and I absolutely do not regret stopping. I know I only would have eventually regretted actually drinking at certain events. Its sad to think I could have wasted this while summer and buying the house in a drunken stupor. I am very thankful. Hope everyone is having a good day.
Just checking in dying lunch. I feel like I've been slipping from here a little and for a couple reasons. H has said a couple times I'm on my phone a lot. And I hate when people are on their phone a lot. Especially if he thinks I'd rather be on my phone than spending time with him. And also because work has cut down about phone use a lot. I still try to read a couple times per day but I know I have to and want to stay committed to this and you all. I just wanted to apologize for not doing many individual responses I think.
Went out to a nice dinner last night and didn't think much about drinking. That was nice. I feel like not drinking is becoming part of my M.O., my default. So that's good. Just want to make some goals of making this one little life I'm living really worth it and memorable and not to have any regrets. I used to put off stopping drinking because I was worried I'd regret not drinking at certain events or whatever and I absolutely do not regret stopping. I know I only would have eventually regretted actually drinking at certain events. Its sad to think I could have wasted this while summer and buying the house in a drunken stupor. I am very thankful. Hope everyone is having a good day.
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Originally Posted by Jeni26
Unfortunately, my picture of Deserto involves him wearing very little which is rather disturbing and I completely blame him for that!!
xx
xx
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OLL, you sound so strong in your sobriety. My H tuts at the amount of time I spend on my phone too, but I just ignore it! I try and put it down when he's actually talking to me, but that's about it!!x
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Join Date: May 2012
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Saskia, Love the advice. I guess it will just take some time and work, like anything good in life.
Jeni, I'm glad your stomach is feeling better and you are enjoying the garden. Man would I be mad if the cats were poopin in my herbs too. Maybe time for a trap and return to owner policy in the herb garden. Please don't kill me cat lovers...
Deserto, Your working on one right? And tell all the girls what color shorts you have on for goodness sake!
Emily, Glad you are feeling good today and getting everything done. Great job on juggling all this, very impressive!
OLL, you sound great. Have a good day at work.
Jeni, I'm glad your stomach is feeling better and you are enjoying the garden. Man would I be mad if the cats were poopin in my herbs too. Maybe time for a trap and return to owner policy in the herb garden. Please don't kill me cat lovers...
Deserto, Your working on one right? And tell all the girls what color shorts you have on for goodness sake!
Emily, Glad you are feeling good today and getting everything done. Great job on juggling all this, very impressive!
OLL, you sound great. Have a good day at work.
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HRB-have to say H's ideas on what to do with the cats are inhumane. He's just discovered his parsley is dying. Lots of TLC and soothing words from me to restore peace and harmony in my little oasis!
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Just a quick check in before bed. It's been a good day for me. Games evening went well.
Jeni - It's not just you. I don't think any of us alkies like to be told what to do. At least there are times when we don't. There are times when we do, oddly enough. Or rather, there are times when I really don't want to make decisions and wish someone would just say 'Right, this is what we're doing.' And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Hope that makes sense...
OneLessLonely - no need to apologise, May mate.
I was just thinking about music. Someone on here said they didn't view their addiction as actually trying to harm them, but was trying to look after them and going about it in completely the wrong way... which made me think that maybe what alcohol might say to me was... well, this.
And then I thought of what I'd like to say to alcohol, and thought of this.
Anyway, it's bed time. Well, it's past bed time. And this alcoholic is tired and needs her rest. Good night everyone. Sleep well. And may tomorrow be better than today. Even if today was quite good, but especially if it wasn't.
Love and Hugs to you all.
Jeni - It's not just you. I don't think any of us alkies like to be told what to do. At least there are times when we don't. There are times when we do, oddly enough. Or rather, there are times when I really don't want to make decisions and wish someone would just say 'Right, this is what we're doing.' And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Hope that makes sense...
OneLessLonely - no need to apologise, May mate.
I was just thinking about music. Someone on here said they didn't view their addiction as actually trying to harm them, but was trying to look after them and going about it in completely the wrong way... which made me think that maybe what alcohol might say to me was... well, this.
And then I thought of what I'd like to say to alcohol, and thought of this.
Anyway, it's bed time. Well, it's past bed time. And this alcoholic is tired and needs her rest. Good night everyone. Sleep well. And may tomorrow be better than today. Even if today was quite good, but especially if it wasn't.
Love and Hugs to you all.
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Yes, Em-I do know what you mean. Definitely I go from not wanting anyone to tell me what to do to having someone else make decisions for me. I guess it depends on my mood.
Glad you had a good day!
Good night and sweet dreams to you.
Glad you had a good day!
Good night and sweet dreams to you.
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