Class of May 2012 Pt 8
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
So today is day 80. Oh the experiences I have had in 80 days!
Wishing everyone a nice Sunday.
Tomorrow I have to start getting immersed back into work, but I am looking forward to every aspect of it except waking up early. I do realize, however, just how lucky I am to have a job that I have had for nearly 20 years to only be 41 years old. The routine will be good for me. I have found that a good routine and waking up early makes me fire on all cylinders just a little bit better.
Have a great day, everyone!
Lee
Wishing everyone a nice Sunday.
Tomorrow I have to start getting immersed back into work, but I am looking forward to every aspect of it except waking up early. I do realize, however, just how lucky I am to have a job that I have had for nearly 20 years to only be 41 years old. The routine will be good for me. I have found that a good routine and waking up early makes me fire on all cylinders just a little bit better.
Have a great day, everyone!
Lee
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Good morning, boaters!
It's so wonderful to read all of the positive things we are discovering about being sober! Although the process is difficult, being sober has so many great benefits.
Jeni, you sound awesome!
Pink, I see we are graced with 3 poets
Lee, you keep on sounding so strong and grounded!
SJD - keep up the great work :-)
Crew - always enjoy your check-ins!
FP, you rascally mammoth, try not to floss your toes using any desert dwellers' vertebrae (or cats) anymore.
And a lovely Sunday to all! It's positively gorgeous here on the east coast!
It's so wonderful to read all of the positive things we are discovering about being sober! Although the process is difficult, being sober has so many great benefits.
Jeni, you sound awesome!
Pink, I see we are graced with 3 poets
Lee, you keep on sounding so strong and grounded!
SJD - keep up the great work :-)
Crew - always enjoy your check-ins!
FP, you rascally mammoth, try not to floss your toes using any desert dwellers' vertebrae (or cats) anymore.
And a lovely Sunday to all! It's positively gorgeous here on the east coast!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
I messed up. Not in London, when I got back from London.
When I got home, there was a letter waiting for me from the Student Loan people. It turns out that what they've been telling me for the last six months... was wrong. I can't have a student loan. Which means I can't go to university.
As you can imagine, I was not very happy. As you can guess, I drank, and, just like I knew I would, blacked out. I threw what was left away this afternoon. Why not this morning? Because I didn't get out of bed this morning, that's why.
I've not been online today, till now. One reason was that I felt like sh1t. Another was that I just wanted to die. I got to my usual Sunday meeting, which I suppose was a good thing.
I'm not going to beat myself up about this. There's no point. Apparently there are two people with the same name in my phone. I rang the wrong one. Repeatedly, it turns out. Dunno what else I did, or didn't do. As for why there was some left in the bottle this morning, I think I must have forgotten where it was before I went to bed.
This isn't the post I would have made at 8 o clock last night. That would have been cheery, upbeat, positive. I'd have had nice words to say to everyone. I'd have smiled, because the truth is that it was a very good day yesterday. The game went well. My new gaming group are a great bunch of folks. I managed to go into a pub and not drink.
Everything was going great.
And then the bottom dropped out of my world. And yes, I can see that drinking didn't make it any better. Anyway... it may not be a nice day for it - except weather wise - but it's time to start again.
Day 1: Time to go to bed. Good night everyone, sleep well.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
When I got home, there was a letter waiting for me from the Student Loan people. It turns out that what they've been telling me for the last six months... was wrong. I can't have a student loan. Which means I can't go to university.
As you can imagine, I was not very happy. As you can guess, I drank, and, just like I knew I would, blacked out. I threw what was left away this afternoon. Why not this morning? Because I didn't get out of bed this morning, that's why.
I've not been online today, till now. One reason was that I felt like sh1t. Another was that I just wanted to die. I got to my usual Sunday meeting, which I suppose was a good thing.
I'm not going to beat myself up about this. There's no point. Apparently there are two people with the same name in my phone. I rang the wrong one. Repeatedly, it turns out. Dunno what else I did, or didn't do. As for why there was some left in the bottle this morning, I think I must have forgotten where it was before I went to bed.
This isn't the post I would have made at 8 o clock last night. That would have been cheery, upbeat, positive. I'd have had nice words to say to everyone. I'd have smiled, because the truth is that it was a very good day yesterday. The game went well. My new gaming group are a great bunch of folks. I managed to go into a pub and not drink.
Everything was going great.
And then the bottom dropped out of my world. And yes, I can see that drinking didn't make it any better. Anyway... it may not be a nice day for it - except weather wise - but it's time to start again.
Day 1: Time to go to bed. Good night everyone, sleep well.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry for your night and for your bad news - but do check it out fully Emily - I had a lot of trouble with my student loan when I went to Uni, but I sorted it out in the end, even if I did wait another year...
D
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Originally Posted by MalkavianEmily 
- but it's time to start again.
Day 1: Time to go to bed. Good night everyone, sleep well.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
You have shown such wonderful strength that I know you can do it again!! Hang in and keep working on this and believe in your higher power. I'm glad you went to a meeting. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You are a valued member of the May banditos and banditas and even when we slip, we dust ourselves off and keep on going! I'm so glad you came right back and posted.
Love to you from the iPad-toting grandma :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 137
Emily, Hugs and loads of love to you. Such devastating news from the University. You sound strong and ready to move forward. You are amazing!
Is it possible for you to get an appointment with the student loan people? Sometimes face to face meetings are just better at resolving issues.
Is it possible for you to get an appointment with the student loan people? Sometimes face to face meetings are just better at resolving issues.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Emily I am so sorry for all you are going through. How awful that they are just getting around to telling you this and that they don't have the decency to break this news in a more compassionate manner. I know I've been tested with some conparedly mild unexpected irritations. Your biggest life plans have been hindered in a major way. And I'm sure you can work this out in some other way. Or maybe this is meant to be in some way you will never understand. But either way, you were going along with your life, and a wrench has been thrown. I think what I'm trying to say without giving excuse or condoning it is that it is understandable what happened and I'm not sure I wouldn't have done the same. But I think it can only be said that we all want to tell you what you have always told us: take care of yourself and be good to yourself because you deserve it. And we hope your higher power will be with you and guiding you. Hugs.
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Sunday evening, May mates. Day 71. Kinda quiet in our thread today. Hope that's good news that many of our boaters are busy enjoying real life outside of SR cyberland.
Jeni: So happy that you're doing well in your sobriety! You sound wonderful. Keep up the great work.
Super-Crew: Loving your new avatar, swoon crooner! Mammoth's heart beats faster.
How are you doing in your sobriety, classmate?
Soberjane: "I am much more observant and aware now that I'm sober." Yes, so very true! How refreshing to think faster, more clearly, and pick up on subtle clues/cues that formerly went unnoticed. Excellent job on the sober strength.
Lee: Congratulations on your wonderful 80 sober days! Terrific that you have a solid job. Your circadian clock will readjust to those early a.m. wake-ups in time.
Saskia: Thank you for all of your lovely messages of support to our boaters. "...being sober has so many great benefits." Amen to that!
(((Emily))): I'm so sorry you had a tough time and slipped in your sobriety. You know that we've all relapsed, so you're not alone. Glad to hear that you're getting right back into our sober station wagon. Drink plenty of water and get some good rest... and maybe chocolate, too. Huge hugs to you, classmate.
You-Rock: How is your vacation in L.A. going, sobermate? I miss you!
(((Dweller))): You're in my thoughts, poem mate.
Monday comes up so fast after a delicious weekend. Got a few things to accomplish early tomorrow, so I'm turning in sooner than usual. I'll be up for a little while longer, though. Love and hugs to all.
Jeni: So happy that you're doing well in your sobriety! You sound wonderful. Keep up the great work.
Super-Crew: Loving your new avatar, swoon crooner! Mammoth's heart beats faster.
How are you doing in your sobriety, classmate?Soberjane: "I am much more observant and aware now that I'm sober." Yes, so very true! How refreshing to think faster, more clearly, and pick up on subtle clues/cues that formerly went unnoticed. Excellent job on the sober strength.
Lee: Congratulations on your wonderful 80 sober days! Terrific that you have a solid job. Your circadian clock will readjust to those early a.m. wake-ups in time.
Saskia: Thank you for all of your lovely messages of support to our boaters. "...being sober has so many great benefits." Amen to that!
(((Emily))): I'm so sorry you had a tough time and slipped in your sobriety. You know that we've all relapsed, so you're not alone. Glad to hear that you're getting right back into our sober station wagon. Drink plenty of water and get some good rest... and maybe chocolate, too.
Huge hugs to you, classmate.You-Rock: How is your vacation in L.A. going, sobermate? I miss you!
(((Dweller))): You're in my thoughts, poem mate.
Monday comes up so fast after a delicious weekend. Got a few things to accomplish early tomorrow, so I'm turning in sooner than usual. I'll be up for a little while longer, though. Love and hugs to all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Oh Emily I was so sorry to hear your news, what a disappointment about the loan. And you reacted instinctively the way we alcoholics do when we get dealt a bum deal. You drank. I've done the same in the past.
It's Monday morning now in England. How about phoning the student loan people, try and get an appointment to find out why your application was turned down at this late stage? Make visits to other banks and find out if anyone else is prepared to loan. They will be used to dealing with student enquiries at this time of year.
Don't give up yet.
If you don't have any luck, then phone your uni and find out if they will hold your place open for another year. That gives you time to sort out the finances.
I wish I could help you xx
And as for the drinking, that was just a blip. My relapse strengthened me and my resolve.
You are strong and will get past this.
Lots of love xxx
It's Monday morning now in England. How about phoning the student loan people, try and get an appointment to find out why your application was turned down at this late stage? Make visits to other banks and find out if anyone else is prepared to loan. They will be used to dealing with student enquiries at this time of year.
Don't give up yet.
If you don't have any luck, then phone your uni and find out if they will hold your place open for another year. That gives you time to sort out the finances.
I wish I could help you xx
And as for the drinking, that was just a blip. My relapse strengthened me and my resolve.
You are strong and will get past this.
Lots of love xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 2. A bright Monday morning. In the words of the song, 'The sun is up, the sky is blue'. Ah, but which song do I mean? I'm not sure myself right now. I've got those itchy palms again. They started last night on the way back from the meeting. But I've got my health check today. So that's another piece of good timing.
Thanks for the kind words folks. They mean a lot. I'm lucky to be with such a great bunch of people. And at the meeting tonight I'm going to mention that I really need a sponsor.
With regard to the loan... that's life, alas. Basically what they're telling me is correct. I'm not entitled. Previous qualifications and all that. All of which they knew on day 1. And I knew I wasn't eligible for the loan to cover my fees, which was a bit of a blow. But they told me that if I sent in proof on income, then I would be eligible for the other loan. The one to cover living expenses. So I jumped through their hoops. I sent them the information they wanted. I kept in touch with them about various other matters. And now, basically, they tell me they've been yanking my chain for six months.
I've not just tried plan B. I think I've got to plan I or J. And time is running out for any more. They sent me to the people who do career development loans. Two problems, they last two years, and you have to start repaying them at the end of that time. So not an option. The other thing that really got to me was that the career development loan people, once we'd established that their loan was no good, turned round and said 'Oh, we can offer a course in interview techniques and getting your CV up to date."
[Yes, your dreams been crushed, so we're here to shunt you into a back to work programme. Forget university.]
Anyway, I need to take stock. Work out what I'm going to do, because I don't know. Maybe I should become a doctor? [I could get funding to be a doctor]
I'll shut up about this now. It's... not good to dwell on what might have been. But I can't - and won't - do what a friend did when she lost out on her chance to go to university. She turned round and said, 'Meh, who cares? It wouldn't have been that great anyway.'
If you want something, you will find a way. I'm not sure what that is at the moment, but if there is a way to fix this mess, I'll find it.
Congrats on everyone who hit a milestone over the weekend - which, come to think of it, is all of you. Because every day is a milestone. Some milestones are bigger than others. [Some milestone's mothers are bigger than other milestone's mothers]
SoberJaneDoe - I've noticed my intuition getting a little better - at least in matters not involving alcohol. I'm also getting... more willing to call it like I see it, I guess.
Leemzer - congrats on 80 days. That's enough time to go round the world.
And to everyone I've missed... hope that you've had a great weekend.
I've got a few things to do today. Bit of shopping, bit of cooking, bit of being poked with needles. But despite my university problems, it's a good day. Why? Because it's not going to have any alcohol in it. Hope you all have a good day as well.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Thanks for the kind words folks. They mean a lot. I'm lucky to be with such a great bunch of people. And at the meeting tonight I'm going to mention that I really need a sponsor.
With regard to the loan... that's life, alas. Basically what they're telling me is correct. I'm not entitled. Previous qualifications and all that. All of which they knew on day 1. And I knew I wasn't eligible for the loan to cover my fees, which was a bit of a blow. But they told me that if I sent in proof on income, then I would be eligible for the other loan. The one to cover living expenses. So I jumped through their hoops. I sent them the information they wanted. I kept in touch with them about various other matters. And now, basically, they tell me they've been yanking my chain for six months.
I've not just tried plan B. I think I've got to plan I or J. And time is running out for any more. They sent me to the people who do career development loans. Two problems, they last two years, and you have to start repaying them at the end of that time. So not an option. The other thing that really got to me was that the career development loan people, once we'd established that their loan was no good, turned round and said 'Oh, we can offer a course in interview techniques and getting your CV up to date."
[Yes, your dreams been crushed, so we're here to shunt you into a back to work programme. Forget university.]
Anyway, I need to take stock. Work out what I'm going to do, because I don't know. Maybe I should become a doctor? [I could get funding to be a doctor]
I'll shut up about this now. It's... not good to dwell on what might have been. But I can't - and won't - do what a friend did when she lost out on her chance to go to university. She turned round and said, 'Meh, who cares? It wouldn't have been that great anyway.'
If you want something, you will find a way. I'm not sure what that is at the moment, but if there is a way to fix this mess, I'll find it.
Congrats on everyone who hit a milestone over the weekend - which, come to think of it, is all of you. Because every day is a milestone. Some milestones are bigger than others. [Some milestone's mothers are bigger than other milestone's mothers]
SoberJaneDoe - I've noticed my intuition getting a little better - at least in matters not involving alcohol. I'm also getting... more willing to call it like I see it, I guess.
Leemzer - congrats on 80 days. That's enough time to go round the world.
And to everyone I've missed... hope that you've had a great weekend.
I've got a few things to do today. Bit of shopping, bit of cooking, bit of being poked with needles. But despite my university problems, it's a good day. Why? Because it's not going to have any alcohol in it. Hope you all have a good day as well.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northeast Florida
Posts: 334
Group hug for Emily! 
Good Monday morning boaters! I'm back from a weekend visiting my mom, and all went well. I picked a ton of grapes from her grapevines, so I am bringing those to work today for my co-workers to enjoy. The grapes are green and small, but really sweet.
I'm not sure what day I am on - I would have to go back through my postings and see what day it was that I lapsed. But huge congrats to SJD, Deserto, HRB, FP and Lee for the 70 and 80 milestones!!!
8 I wish I didn't lapse because I would be there with you guys (HRB, SJD and Deserto) but it is what it is. Live and learn.
HRB, I hope you had a great time in LA.
Zen thought for the day: It is within ourselves that yesterday is distinguished from tomorrow.
Good Monday morning boaters! I'm back from a weekend visiting my mom, and all went well. I picked a ton of grapes from her grapevines, so I am bringing those to work today for my co-workers to enjoy. The grapes are green and small, but really sweet.
I'm not sure what day I am on - I would have to go back through my postings and see what day it was that I lapsed. But huge congrats to SJD, Deserto, HRB, FP and Lee for the 70 and 80 milestones!!!
8 I wish I didn't lapse because I would be there with you guys (HRB, SJD and Deserto) but it is what it is. Live and learn. HRB, I hope you had a great time in LA.
Zen thought for the day: It is within ourselves that yesterday is distinguished from tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Well, just a quick update. I've finally got my blood tests scheduled. Liver function test is tomorrow morning. Apparently my cholesterol is a bit high, but there's plenty of the good sort. Oh well... we'll see how it goes. Hands and feet (yes, they started itching later) are now not itchy any more.
It's annoying that unless you ask for these things... But (shrug) that's doctors for you. If you don't know how to deal with them...
But yes, it's a good day. Made a batch of muffin tarts. Got to mow the lawn, and then it's back to writing up last week's game.
Thursday - glad you had a weekend. And thanks And I know what you mean. Today would have been day 50 for me. But that's how it worked out, and there's no point in beating ourselves up about it.
Have a good day folks. Love and Hugs to you all.
It's annoying that unless you ask for these things... But (shrug) that's doctors for you. If you don't know how to deal with them...
But yes, it's a good day. Made a batch of muffin tarts. Got to mow the lawn, and then it's back to writing up last week's game.
Thursday - glad you had a weekend. And thanks
And I know what you mean. Today would have been day 50 for me. But that's how it worked out, and there's no point in beating ourselves up about it.Have a good day folks. Love and Hugs to you all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Emily, sorry to hear about the loans and the relapse, but glad you are back on the wagon with the rest of us.
Slept fitfully and feverishly last night. Felt like I was coming down with something but today it feels like it passed. Am I the only one who finds mildly feverish and confused dreams oddly enjoyable?
Slept fitfully and feverishly last night. Felt like I was coming down with something but today it feels like it passed. Am I the only one who finds mildly feverish and confused dreams oddly enjoyable?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
My dreams are amazing! I dreamt last night I moved to a huge house, it had about 50 rooms and I walked around it for hours planning how I would convert it! I woke up several times but returned to the same dream. It has stayed with me all day, I can still remember what I'd planned for each room!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Just back from a meeting and remembered that tomorrow will be day 60!!
Wow, didn't think at one point I would ever make it!
Things are certainly looking good for me at the moment, I barely think of drinking at all. I'm clear headed and positive and actually enjoying my life. For someone who has spent years under that black cloud of depression, this truly feels like a miracle.
I never would have started this new life had I not found SR, and when I relapsed initially had it not been for all your love and support I would surely have sunk even further.
I recently re-read my desperate post when I drank that last night in May, and the love and concern I received from you all saved me. I will never forget it xxxxxx
Wow, didn't think at one point I would ever make it!
Things are certainly looking good for me at the moment, I barely think of drinking at all. I'm clear headed and positive and actually enjoying my life. For someone who has spent years under that black cloud of depression, this truly feels like a miracle.
I never would have started this new life had I not found SR, and when I relapsed initially had it not been for all your love and support I would surely have sunk even further.
I recently re-read my desperate post when I drank that last night in May, and the love and concern I received from you all saved me. I will never forget it xxxxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Well, day 2 draws to a close. I'm not sure how it compares to the previous day 2, but all being well, this is the last day 2.
Like you, Jeni, I've been to a meeting tonight, and there was a lot of support and understanding in that room, which was good. It was exactly where I needed to be, among people who get it. Just like here. Congrats on day 60. Two thirds of the way to the mythical 90.
Deserto - thanks for your kind words, and hope you start to sleep better soon.
Good night everyone, it's been a good day. Well, for me it has anyway. I hope it has for you. May tonight be restful, and may tomorrow be free of the stresses and strains of today. Sleep well folks. Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Like you, Jeni, I've been to a meeting tonight, and there was a lot of support and understanding in that room, which was good. It was exactly where I needed to be, among people who get it. Just like here. Congrats on day 60. Two thirds of the way to the mythical 90.
Deserto - thanks for your kind words, and hope you start to sleep better soon.
Good night everyone, it's been a good day. Well, for me it has anyway. I hope it has for you. May tonight be restful, and may tomorrow be free of the stresses and strains of today. Sleep well folks. Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Originally Posted by MalkavianEmily
...
Good night everyone, it's been a good day. Well, for me it has anyway. I hope it has for you. May tonight be restful, and may tomorrow be free of the stresses and strains of today. Sleep well folks. Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
Good night everyone, it's been a good day. Well, for me it has anyway. I hope it has for you. May tonight be restful, and may tomorrow be free of the stresses and strains of today. Sleep well folks. Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you.
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