Dee74

continued from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...bility-21.html

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Dee74

Soberrecovery is a forum for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions and help for family and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's addiction.

Please remember that this forum is a sub forum of Newcomers and the same rules of conduct apply

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Michael66

Dee

Your avatar looks rather cross - I think you need to him/her some milk.

Lost3000

oh good! I thought it was closed for some other reason. OP, how are you today?

HitRockBottom70

Paul, hoping you have a good day and that you are still on track with not drinking. I know yesterday was a roller coaster for you. Just remember, every day we are sober, our strength grows. Our emotions early on very unstable so having some good forms of release are very helpful. I know you love the gym and that is a great one. Keep up the good and honest work.

Luling

Hey Paul, hope you are doing well. I just read the last few pages of part one, and I do think I can relate to what you're going through. I am on my 30th day of sobriety, and it's been one day at a time for me, every step of the way. Lots of screw-ups in the beginning, but as I accumulate more sober days, it gets easier. At least it's easier most of the time. One of these days maybe I'll be ready to say "never again" but I'm just not there yet. Anyway, I'm glad the support on this forum is helping you. My earlier attempts to stop or control my drinking were done blind and solo; it's much better working through this with a support system. It's a difficult journey, and I appreciate you for articulating what so many of us have experienced/are experiencing.

Hang in there!

Michael66

Friday's can be a bit tough if we're used to drinking more then.

But it's a great feeling waking up fresh on Saturday morning!

pauladmits

I hate change... sadly that last thread made me motivated and excited every day and now it's gone. Today, it's got the best of me. Just went to lunch with my mom and dad and told them about my break up. Got three double jack and diet cokes. Got some more alcohol on the way home. I'm giving up for today, not gonna lie. It just feels like I have to start over and I don't want to start over. This does not mean I'm going to stop the process. I will continue this tomorrow myself.

I just feel like a lot of me was lost in the data abyss. Because I can't keep this up, I will refrain from the site, and just figure out something else that works. I thank you all that supported me this entire time, you have been wonderful! One day I hope I can come back and support others like you guys supported me. It was awesome and I learned a lot!!

Dee74

I hope you'll change your mind Paul.

I'm not sure why you feel like you're starting over - we need to close threads at the 500 post point or the server would explode.

We move the new part here so that newer newcomers to the site than yourself will not be lost in a morass of older more established threads.

There's a link to this thread on the end of your old one, and a link to the previous one at the start of this one

Change is rough....I know.
But it's nothing to abuse yourself over.

Give this new thread a chance - give yourself a chance too

You've come a long way - don't let it all slip now - fight against it.
This is where the rubber meets the road.

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GerandTwine

Hi Paul,
I'd rather hear about this type of decision-making from the Paul who doesn't have any alcohol in his system, if you please.
Thanks,
GT

Anna

Paul, we're all still here and we're still offering support.

LosingmyMisery

I do this not to shame you, but to show you that alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. These are your words. What you say and your actions do not mirror one another. I've seen it your entire thread. I had a pretty good hunch on a few things and what the outcome would be. That is why I said what I said and that is why others said what they said. You may not like what was said, but, unfortunately, the point has been proven. I hope now you will see that things don't just change. They don't just happen. You have to make them happen.

"And for me, it has been working. I love this forum, I love the support people have given me. If I wanted to be told how bad my life is I would just live my life and stay away from this forum. We are past the point of "alcohol is bad". We know that. Now it's the process that I'm going through to get alcohol out of my life."

You love this forum, but now you plan on refraining? I'm not sure why that is. Your choice, but it sounds to me like you need a support system now more than ever. Now, lets talk about the process you are using to get alcohol out of your life. What may that be and how has it been working?

"The purpose of life is to find happiness, that's my goal. Alcohol was getting in the way of that happiness and I'm here to get it back. And I've never been happier these past 4 weeks. I love where this is going, I like this plan, I think it is working for me. That's all anyone can ask for and I just ask that you respect that. I'm saying personally that I am happy and I like my new life."

Is it really working? What really is new about your life? Drinking is still your go to when the chips are down, or up even.

"If I wasn't happy and I was still drinking all day long and on a path of destruction, I can see where reminding me of everything I lost would be helpful. But I'm not, I'm happy, I'm much more productive, and I love the support I get from people on this forum. Not everyone is the same."

Most alcoholics are much the same. Those who are still drinking are very much the same. Those who abstain, understand the alcoholic and why they do what they do. Alcoholic, sober alcoholic, sounds like a match made it heaven. Who better to help you through?


" I will continue this tomorrow myself."

Need I say more? A support system never really helped you to abstain for long. How do you expect to do it alone? Your way alone is what brought you here. Again, no shame. Please open your mind and think about what was said, and why it was said. Your actions have said plenty as well. This is a tough road, Paul. That is why we banded together to support you. Those negative comments, well...they were put out there due to history. A history which continues to repeat itself. Break the cycle. Only you can make the final decision by taking action to do so.

I hope you will check back in tomorrow. Don't give up, but keep on fighting. Perhaps, you'll consider adding a few more tools to your arsenal this go around. Hugs...

Michael66

Hey Paul,

I hope you don't give up coming here. I also hope you don't give up giving up - many of us have been where you are - getting past that first hump of a week or two sober is the hardest.

Life really is much better without alcohol, as you know.

Have you read any books on giving up? I don't think they say that much which isn't obvious, but I found just reading helpful in getting that early momentum going. I had a podcast I could put on as well. I haven't needed either since about 4 weeks - it really did get much easier, though I know the rate this happens varies between people.

CraigA

Unfortunately we active alcoholics/addicts can find any excuse to give up, no thread has been closed but look at your reasoning, A THREADS BEEN MOVED SO I WANT TO DRINK! Do you think maybe it is partly due to the break up, or I will not mimic evrthing that losingmymisery said but LMM is right on. I tried to say it but you have said you wanted alcohol out of your life and anytime someone brought that up an excuse came with it.

The ISM is powerful, wow, we will miss you and be here when you sober up! Paul you should really re-read all your posts and look for the pattern matbe that will help bring the wall of denial down a little. Sobriety is scary, I mean dealing with life's issues without alcohol is scary but dealing them with alcohol is deadlier. You definetly need a face to face support system if you want a chance at being sober or at least put more effort than you have been- working out is good but you need morer effort. If AA is not an option and you're still worried about what people/family/friends try SMART,AVRT or some method.

You are a good guy and don't give up until the miracle happens- we are all miracles here come join us-that would be your challenge!!!! God Bless you!!!

justhadenough

hope you come back Paul. your thread hasn't been closed. Please don't use it as a reason to drink-think how good you feel when you don't drink.

We have all been where you are and are here for you. hope today is your day 1 again and you commit to stop drinking.

Stevie1

Hi Paul...I hope you reconsider, and continue checking in here. Your other thread isn't gone, it's still there and this one continues it.
We're still here for you.

HitRockBottom70

Paul,
I saw the thread had 455 posts and remember thinking that they are going to need to start a new thread, "WOW". It never occurred to me that you would relate it to your first closed thread. But this one is not gone...

I know now is not the time for lectures, but we have much to discuss about what happened. You can certainly use this as a very good learning experience and it can help you move forward. Don't be too hard on yourself today. Just don't start drinking again. You are a fighter. You got knocked down but it was not a knockout, yet. Life is rough at times and alcohol may help cover that up, but the problems are still there when you sober up, whether that's a day or 20 years. It's easier to start dealing with them today.

CraigA

Did you even think you had so much support they had to expand, its like when a small town football team won a champion and they had to move to a bigger stadium to enjoy more fans! How can you change your perspective?

Fandy

I really don't think its our call, its Paul's choice.
he has discussed with his family, he has some adjustments to make. Its HIS timeline not anyone elses.
Paul, i w ish you the best & hope you give us updates whether you drink normally or abstain.

pauladmits

I'm back. A little drunk right now. But I need this place. I had so much fun the past month. I want to get that back. I have been through the ringer with my girlfriend but we met today and got back together. She cried for hours yesterday on the phone explaining how she wanted to be with me and she would change. This is the first time she ever did that. Like honestly, it's been two years and she has never done this. I think it had to do with the fact that she actually believed me this time because I was actually logical and not drunk or depressed from drinking.

I have drank three days in a row. Not binge drinking but just enough throughout the day to keep me buzzed. Went to the gym today. I actually reopened my Facebook account last night and a lot of my friends welcomed me back. It was a really good feeling knowing most of them were there and still cared about me.

I need to continue this tomorrow. I have a meeting with work, going golfing and lunch with one of my hockey friends, and then meeting up with my girlfriend. So things aren't all bad. I have opened up my life a lot and am just going to go through it.

I really don't like this new thread, so I will just post comments when I want and not really keep track of anything. You guys were awesome!!