Dee74

we continue from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-6-a-21.html

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nonblondechef

Look at us - Part 7! Happy weekend everyone. Book and bedtime here!

katrinka

I thought about alcohol several times today and really wished for a glass (bottle) of wine. I had a productive day and walked into town to go to a street dance and shop since the stores were all open late tonight (unusual in my small town). One of my friends wanted me to go to the bar with her but I just said "no thanks" but it made me feel sad. The strange thing is I actually felt good but this AV seems to have me convinced otherwise. It's a strange phenomenon, isn't it? Almost a year ago, I did the same thing I did tonight. I walked into town to see a concert and celebrate the town's main road opening up again after Hurricane Irene. I decided to have one glass of wine before I left but it was more like three. I realized I was a bit tipsy and seemed to run into everyone I knew. I felt so uncomfortable and paranoid, I'm sure people noticed although no one has ever said anything. It was very hot and I live on a hill and I felt so out of breath and out of shape on the walk home. Of course I drank more when I got home. The next day I had a broken blood vessel in my eye. My blood pressure was high and I felt terrible and embarrassed. Tonight was so different!! I feel healthy and just plain normal. In spite of lingering cravings, I'm so thankful to be where I am tonight. Thanks to my classmates because I couldn't have done it without you!
Sorry for the length of this post, I got a little carried away. Have a great weekend!!

Dee74

thats great Katrinka

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Purplecatlover

Katrinka, awesome for you. AV will lie & continue to do so. That is what it does. Do not apologize for lengthy posts. We appreciate events, feelings others share. It makes us feel more human. We are not unique. We all have fallibility & need support.

The more we share, the stronger we are.
So everyone keep jumping in.
I know I feel like I've said it or someone else has but to continue makes us feel normal, we're not completely whole. Nor will we ever be. We are human. We have weaknesses. We will have this problem to contend with for life probably. But it doesn't mean we won't conquer, we won't give up hope, we won't quit.
That's why we have each other.

Stay strong. I pray for strength for all of us, for guidance & deliverance from this wicked addiction. For wisdom to see the deception & power to overcome it. To release it completely that it becomes a nonexistent force in our lives.

I love you all.

nonblondechef

Kat that is fantastic. Isn't it amazing how we can be cruising along and from out of the blue it hits us like a mac truck? Plodding across the casino floor at the end of my shift yesterday to wrap up some business, I see a woman at a slot machine with her empty glass of wine beside her. I was immediately back in that same scenario. Quite frankly I LOVE being sober, but I wish I was normal and could have a glass or two and call it done. I KNOW I can't and I won't, but some days I do feel sorry for myself. Guess I need to line up both my AV and my Ego and cut them off at the knees. PCL - I love your insight. We have so much strength here in our sober family that it amazes me. And yes, I've said it a hundred times or more - I know I could not walk this walk without you all. Weekend Warriors unite - here's to another sober one! Love and hugs, T

nel68

Awesome Kat.!! NBC,PCL good morning girlies!! Good morning all awesome classmates♥, getting ready to go to a garage sale then off to get my eyes checked later. This heat is making me llaaazzyy!! I'm a little bored and that old wicked av comes a creeping around. Dam creepy crawler!! Love you guys, I'll chat with ya later when I get home and settled

nel68

faceit, I went to have my eyes checked and my right eye actually got way better...went from a -2.50sph. to -1.50sph....my glasses were driving me crazy on and off now I know why ...lol... the left eye close to that too. I have never had my vision get that much better ever...My bifocal increase a quarter...Do you think the fact that I quit drinking had something to do with it? I can't hardly believe that but who knows Optician to optician I thought it was interesting...Off to eat something..lol Love ya class♥

faceitandfixit

Hey guys & gals, dunno but haven't been feeling like posting the last day or two
Anyway, just a few quick words...
@ Kat, kudos on staying strong amidst temptation. I really get the sadness, I feel sometimes as if I'm still grieving the loss of a dear friend. But a friend, we know, the Beast is NOT! We'll get there in time, this is still such a roller-coaster. That's why I am more determined than ever never to go back to alcoHELL...I really want to stay sober long enough to fully feel the way the old-timers do...and not to have deluded feelings about "missing out" on something, which I still feel from time to time.
Nel, that is a big change. When was your last exam? As I'm sure you know, it's not uncommon to become less near-sighted as we get older, but who knows? I'd rather believe it's the absence of alcohol improving your vision
For the rest of the gang, Nel and I just found out that we are both opticians!!! How's that for another amazing coincidence? (remember the first one, at least 3-4 of us are lefties, lol!)
Enjoy the rest of the weekend friends! xox

FlyerFan

I chaired another meeting tonight, this was my 3rd time ever only, but this time I was not nervous at all, because I knew nobody would judge me.

katrinka

that's great Flyer! I hate doing stuff like that, being a leader and all, so good for you.

nel68

faceit ....I'm getting old?...lol... I know our vision stabilizes as we get older but man I still can't believe how much it changed. Can't wait to get my glasses and try the new prescription, I have been struggling with the bifocal since I got them a few years ago...lol.. I told my husband I'm my own worst patient.... All those years I would instruct/educate people and I drive myself crazy with the whole bifocal thing ...Good Gawd....Flyer that is so awesome, I don't go to AA partly because of my social fear/awkwardness/shyness in a large group setting...maybe one day I will try it.... We are thinking about going back to Devils Lake very soon, which I will be worry free because I know I can do it alcohol free Well all its 3 something in the morn gonna go back to bed and try to sleep. I been in alot of pain lately feel like I'm ready to jump out of my skin! I have dealt with chronic pain for years....hate it...Have a wonderful Sunday mates..

Purplecatlover

Kudos, Flyer! That is awesome.
Nel, I'm sorry you are in pain
That is so difficult to deal with for day to day stuff, let alone battling giant stuff. I pray you got some sleep & relief from pain.

I forgot about all the lefties. Lol.
We can't allow ourselves to romanticize our Beast. We did not lose a friend, we lost an enemy. That is a good thing. Do not miss the pain, suffering, shame, guilt, lies,etc.
Honestly, I see people who drink "normally" & they are just as pitiful as alkies. Slurring words, talking too loud, slowed thought processes, fixated on one thing. You can see the poison working on their brain. Slowing it, killing brain cells.
I don't think I'd go back to drinking even if I could do it "normally".
Even they (normies) are deceived.
There is nothing good that comes from it. Really.

FlyerFan

Oh I didnt volunteer, I was thrown under the bus again, lmao! but I am glad that I was because it helps me become comfortable in my own skin.

Wildcat16

6 months today... Woo-Hoo! Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

nel68

Congrats wildcat!!!

Dee74

congratulations wildcats

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nonblondechef

Lots of congrats here in our house! Fantastic job, everyone!
PCL - I really, really, really like what you wrote. It's so true. And while the only ones I'm around these days are customers, they emulate everything you said plus they are rude and they smell bad! I never want to be like that again - ever! One thing I have really noticed is that my memory is really coming back or waking up or something. Now that's not to say I don't have a bad case of CRS (can't remember sh*t) everyday, but I recall things I haven't thought of in years. Some is good, some is not so good. If I ever doubt that I'm an alkie - all I have to do is roll back through the past 12 years and all the stupid, stupid stuff I was involved in or with. Those memories are especially motivating to stay stopped.

nel68

My AV just about won today, it really did.... Thank God I made it!.. I'm in so much pain right now...off to get settled and get off it. See you guys tomorrow love to my awesome class!!

katrinka

I'm so sorry you're in pain, Nel. But you made it through and that's good. Are you able to take anything safely for it?

Congratulations Wildcat on 6 months. It sure feels good, doesn't it?

It was a beautiful weekend. I really enjoyed the fireworks (our town had them last night) and I was happy to be completely sober. Being "buzzed" does not make things more enjoyable and each thing we manage to do without alcohol chips away that bad habit.