HFA

Thanks for the support. I know I can top my 16 month record.

alexvt

Hey all, So I had a breakdown and started drinking again. It's been about 3 weeks now. SUCKS! I just got overwhelmed with all these emotions I wasn't aware of. I really don't want to talk about it right now. I never thought I would drink again. So crazy how it can happen just like that.

Anyway, The move has gone well. I however started isolating my child and me just like before. Alcohol zaps me of all my confidence. I have to start all over again with a schedule for her and friends and it's scary and overwhelming. I learned to be sober in Cali now I have to learn how to be sober in GA. I am determined though..

I am fighting the urge to drink tonight. I know if I can get to day 3-5 I will be safe again.

I feel you HFA, I am going to be here as much as I can.

DAY 1

lyddie

(( HUGS )) Beth. Stay strong. It's hard to move and start new - even when it's back home. I am thinking about you and sending you good SoCal healing and karma strengthening thoughts. Or do you need some good Southern Baptist prayers now? Let us know how you are doing.

alexvt

Hey Just wanted to give anyone reading this an update. It's been 8 days sober. I am Feeling a little stronger everyday. Not worried about drinking now. I know I made the decision to drink this last time. I was getting so overwhelmed with everything I planned it. I thought this isn't going to be good but I don't care. I needed to forget everything and not give a crap about the whole thing. I choose to drink. I had no cravings really, I just plain wanted out of life for a few weeks. Of course it was a bad move, and made it all worse but it's over.

I am just picking up the pieces of my whole life right now. My sober life and drinking life and figure out who I am. I don't want to drink so I won't. It's too stressful and I have a small child to take care of all alone and it's a bad idea all around. I got it out of my system and I am moving toward a new and better life for my dd and I.

Life goes on and mistakes happen.

Love you Lyddie! Thanks for the support. Thank you all for keeping tabs on me. You all are my 2nd family.

Take Care- I will check in again soon

DAY 8

Dee74

Sorry I missed the last post Beth - I'm glad you're back and sober

D

lyddie

Beth - Your post sounds grounded and positive. With that attitude, I know you can make the life you want for you and your dd.

HFA

Beth,
I didnt see your post either. Sorry you drank. Glad you are back and sober. Im back at over a month. IT doesnt matter that we faltered, it matters we picked our selfs back up.

alexvt

All good Guys!
It will be 2 weeks in a few hrs.
How is everyone?
Sorry if I was being self centered with my own problems.
HFA- How is everything?
Lyddie- How are you holding up with work and your mom?
Dee-How are things on your side of the world?

Much Love-Beth

HFA

Things are things. Works still a major pain. Are you posting anywhere else? Sept group maybe?

Dee74

busy but good Beth

I can recommend the Sept or October groups....or the under 30 days thread, if you want to spread your wings a little and get more support

D

alexvt

No, you guys know me. I feel safe here. I will always post here even if nobody else does. This is my honest, safe place. I know I am weird. LOL

HFA

your not weird. Thats why I still post here. Kinda like my first home.

lyddie

Beth - We all need at least one safe honest place. So if this is yours, so be it. But maybe it might be helpful to just read the September or October or less than 30 days group - maybe? I think HFA is finding it helpful.

This is my first home too and I am so glad you both still like posting here. I treasure our connection. I always feel sad when I have to scroll past lots of other threads to find our June.

It's hot in Sunny SoCal tonight and there's a full moon. Work goes by one day at a time and now I only have 8 months to go to make the date I gave myself permission to quit work. But there is just so much work to do ... I am working on a positive attitude though along with my diet.

lyddie

Beth, HFA? How are you both doing?

I spent most of the weekend crying. Tired, really tired from working 14 days in a row. And feelings of loss about my mother's dementia were a bit overwhelming the past couple of days. So I cried a lot. But I didn't drink. There were a few passing thoughts but I was able to quickly dismiss them because I know that the added stress of dealing with drinking again would be more than I could handle right now.

HFA

Lyddie,
Sorry you had a rough couple weeks. And I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Dementia is such a rough thing to watch happen to someone you love.

Yeah....work sucks. The massive end user software roll out is not going all that well. Been putting in lots of hours fixing issues. So with that I can relate. I Finally took a vac day friday, but now some big emergency has come up and I have to telconf in for a meeting...ugggg.

Its really good to hear from you again. Stay strong.

lyddie

HFA - thanks for the kind words. The sadness about my mother's dementia comes and goes. And sometimes when I am really tired, it just hits hard.

I would say hang in there, the big project will end and things will be easier, but as we both know in IT, it never ends - there's always one more (or even several) big project and issues never seem to really go away. So stay sane through the craziness.

HFA

Just swinging by to say hi. I think today is day 60 if I am not mistaken. Hope you guys are doing ok...

Dee74

Congratulations HFA

D

lyddie

Hey Congratulations HFA! Every day counts. Stop by more often. It gets lonely here.

I am hanging on - trying to not quit my job until next year. Some days are ok and others are not. I have a new boss who doesn't want us to do overtime unless it is pre-approved so I have to take Friday off which will give me a 3 day weekend because I worked Sunday installing upgrades into test versions. I wonder what she will do when she realizes that I can't finish my projects by only working 40 hours per week. That will be interesting.

HFA

I am surprised you get OT by working in IT. I dont get jack$$%$%. Dont know why I do it. I should just work my 40 and let the roll out fall on its face. sigh...