Saskia

Luling - you've been doing so well!! Those gyrations will happen but should damp down after awhile. A year from now (or could be much less) you'll hardly remember the cravings!

Emily -you sound much happier tonight. I hope you have a good night's sleep ...and same to all!

Soberjanedoe

47days. Yay. It's a sick household at my home,my mum got a chest infection and I now have a cold so Im in bed drinking tea and popping vitamin c.

Leemzer, she may have soaked it in baileys after the cake was baked or used baileys in the icing and any uncooked alcohol doesn't burn off that way.

.....
I just realised no more cakes or sweets flavoured with alcohol no rum balls, trifle or christmas pudding Christmas is going to suck.

Oh well my waist line will love me, but we need to make sure this thread is still active by christmas, I'm an Australian and christmas is all about alcohol in my family.

Dee74

sober Christmasses are good too Jane
You'll be able to manage it

D

OneLessLonely

I have had some food issues too. I definitely had balsamic dressing the first week. I hate wasting food though so I finished it. But I have avoided it since. Didn't think of sweets though!
And I hope this thread is active forever! Hahah

Soberjanedoe

I didn't know balsamic dressing was alcoholic? I've been having it on my salads every day?

OneLessLonely

Some I have heard use a red wine. I could taste it on one and not on another.

OneLessLonely

I may be wrong. I dunno.

Deserto

Actually I am freaking the eff out at the moment, pacing the still-dirty house, having a total panic attack Feeling terrified of abandonment, old old abuse issues, the earliest emotion I can recall.

Luling

(((Deserto)))
You'll get through this, you're so strong and you're doing so well. I've really admired the way you've been handling this. Is there anyone you can talk to over the phone? Would it help if you could get out for a walk or something?

OneLessLonely

Deserto, the best thing you could have done was post here and the worst thing you could do is drink. So keep doing the best thing by talking here. Everyone here cares about you and your happiness and your sobriety. This is a new experience for you and with change and the unknown comes fear. Feel it and breathe and stay close right now. It's normal and its ok to feel scared.

FrenchPink

Hey, Dweller. Hang in there, buddy. Do something physical to expend some of that energy. You'll pull through this. We love you!

Dee74

I know it's hard Des, but a lot of folks here got your back

D

Payton

Maybe take a nice shower? Or take the dog for another walk? Put on some uplifting music? Play a computer or mobile game - I love bubble spinner and bejeweled for zoning out. (Deserto)

Payton

Lee good choice on that cake!

FrenchPink

Ok, so, no big mystery here, but this is the story behind the "elements" of my yesterday: I had received a panicked call that a close friend had suffered a major accident and was being transported to the hospital. Several of us arrived and comforted her while she was in excruciating pain. After numerous intravenous hits of pain killers and a series of tests that revealed little about the nature of her injuries, she could find no relief and was quite literally screaming in agony. This lovely, feisty, highly intelligent woman is well into her 90's, and over the years I've often referred to her affectionately as my second mother.

Before I continue, my intent is not to offend anyone. I am a relatively conservative and quiet pachyderm, but do support the idea of live and let live. The alternative lifestyle choices of other consenting adults is their business. Share the same planet in peace. That said...

In the middle of this maelstrom, her only child arrives. Makes an entrance, actually. This manly man, tall, strong, barrel chested, in his late 60's. He's wearing a string of pearls with earrings to match, neon pink lacquer on long manicured nails, long and thick raven hair pulled back in a satin bow, tight and brightly colored ladies' blouse designed to enhance his suspiciously ample bosom, and face makeup to tan his suspiciously stubble-free complexion.

Having seen this gradual transformation over the years, it would have made no big impression on me. His elderly mother, however, has not been able to cope with or understand this side of her son without shedding tears. And this is where my protective anger kicked in. Would it have killed this guy to show a little respect for the crisis at hand and his mother's feelings? At least throw on a sweatshirt, leave the jewelry in the car, etc., instead of flaunting. Practice impulse control and dress with some propriety for a tiny span of time. Geez.

The numerous doses of narcotics suddenly overwhelmed my second mother. Right then, she went into massive cardiac arrest as we tried to revive her and call for help. Several emergency techs arrived and stabilized her, thank God. She lost lucidity from the double trauma of the accident and pain killers. Today, she is more comfortable, but not quite the same. Her son called me last night and asked me to "let him know" if anything important happens at the hospital, since he doesn't want to "have" to go back there unless he's needed. Ugh.

So, other than having to field questions from friends and neighbors at the scene about Mr. Rocky Horror Show, my close friend is okay for now. Suppose I should be grateful that he didn't show up in hot pants and platform heels.

He did relent and stop by the hospital today, and thankfully was wearing a bra this time. And in the interim, I'm taking over feeding second mom's 17+ indoor/outdoor cats. Yes, yes, I know.

Thanks, everybody. Made it to Day 45 today. Hugs to all.

HitRockBottom70

Deserto,
You are dealing with so much right now. I just know we have good things in store for us if we keep pushing forward. We may not know the answers now, but in time they will be revealed.
I am wishing you some peace tonight. Big cyber-hug sent.

HitRockBottom70

FP,
Damn, I thought it would be a happy Pricilla queen of the desert sequel. That one must have been hard to be a part of.

I am so lucky to have the love and acceptance of my family. I know it could be much different. My dad just had heart surgery today and the thought of him seeing me and giving him a heart attack is too much. Surgery went well and his heart is in a normal rhythm now.
Thanks for sharing. It lets me know how lucky and truly blessed I am.

And no offense taken here, just in case you're wondering.
Way to go on day 45.

pink62

Deserto, so sorry you are feeling so off tonight. Will you be continuing to stay in contact with your wife while she is away. Would it make you feel better to talk to her? My heart is aching for you, hugs to you Deserto. Stay strong tonight. Tomorrow will be a little better.Keep on moving forward, no hurry, just one foot in front of the other.

Luling

FP, God bless you for being such a wonderful, stable presence in the life of your 2nd mom. And her cats. You're an angel, or as my 13-year-old would jokingly phrase it, you da bomb diggety, fo sho.

Deserto

Thanks everyone. Went outside and bawled for a moment over the dog's grave (he died a year ago June 17th and I still miss him every day) and then decided to pull some weeds in the long-neglected garden. I didn't get them all but it felt good. Unfortunately now that I've started I realize that poor little patch of dirt and bindweed needs some serious loving. So, a weekend project. But who or what ate my one strawberry? I suspect the dog. The living one.

I never thought I suffered from anxiety but that was an interesting process... to just experience the emotion. How messed up is this? My first thought is obliteration (drink/suicide -- but I'm sober and blowing your head off would be quite the overreaction), then anger (blame whoever is nearest -- shoot, there's no one around), then panic (Pace, then post on SR! Consider calling someone), then realization (you're scared, this is bringing up old old stuff for you), then tears.

I suppose somewhere in this world there are normal people who would just recognize at the outset that they are sad and scared, and not go through such destructive mental gymnastics to avoid acknowledging a natural emotion. But there's no one like that in this house. She left.

This Be the Verse.