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This is a continuation thread, the old thread is http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-23-a-21.html

Impurrfect

((CJ)) - Sounds like you are doing well, I will say extra prayers that the biopsies show benign tumors.

I finally finished the school stuff that was due by midnight, but sheez...I am really irritable. It's the first time I thought I really would like a cigarette, but convinced myself that's not what I want. Will head to bed, shortly, as that's what I really need..some sleep and getting away from the books.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

SoberMan2012

Ok ok ok. I went to a meeting tonight and I came home to find lots to read on this thread.

Defo - Congratulations on going to Al-Anon. I would qualify for ACOA, or AL-ANON (all my friends are sober alcoholics or recovery drug addicts). From my point of view mental illness is very contagious worse than the flu. To deal with people in addict addiction and not get high over it amazes me. I mean really amazes me. You are the second person tonight to mention journaling to me. And both times it rang a bell. I like to write (as everyone can see from my frequent posts) and it may be a useful tool for me. As far as being scattered, I know that like the back of my hand. I too feel scattered, but I dont feel bad about it. I just have twenty five horses going in my mind at all times (and a hundred voices) that would make anyone confused.

Ok whos next?

Amy - I feel a kinship with you since we share the same chemical history and have some important things in common. You are an inspiration to me, that you have been sober so long. How on earth you are not smoking cigga butts blows my mind. Maybe I am prone to Tom Foolery but my thinking is, hey I am not getting high, whats a ciggarette. That may be five months of sobriety talking on me end. Maybe as time goes on, I will think more clearly.

Um...

Chino - I am a Warrior. I am a very sensitive man, and I can be fierce. In my personal relationships sharing my feelings with others rather than just my thoughts is very very rewarding. It helps me feel a bond with others. Maybe an empathic bond, hey I am SM I can relate right. When I share my not so nice feelings with others, and they react I feel confused. I am like, hey, I shared my feelings with you, why are you blowing up at me? Like I am immature that way, like hey this about me getting my feelings off my chest, you cant react until I am ready. Thats just silly, but to be honest, just the sharing of my real not ideal feelings has been progress for me.

And CJ - You just made SoberMans prayer list. I dont know what you are going thru is like. But I know you have feelings and you want to be happy. So I am going to pray for you. And I do pray for people when I say I do.

Am I the only man on this thread? Yipes. LOL

Warmly,
SM

DefofLov

Jill-I totally know what you mean about being used to being in a crisis and all up in arms about one thing or another. Good job on finding your center and letting the BF drama go. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. And here is a for the breast lumps. I had a lump removed in 2009 myself. It was benign and I knew it would be. We get them in our family too and it only becomes cancerous if we don't get rid of them. I'm confident that you will be okay too.

Amy-Here is a my friend. The irritability will pass in time. It's okay to be cranky now and then.

Chino-I am really glad you had a good session with your therapist.

~~~~

I am having a peaceful and productive night tonight. No reeling and being all over the place doing a million things at once. *whew* It is a good feeling. Now I am deciding between watching a show or writing in my journal. I think the journal wins. Also, before bed I will read a little blurb from my emotional dependency book and my Buddhism book.

for everyone.

Love,

~Lily

DefofLov

SM-Thank you for your encouragement. Friday will be my eighth meeting. I feel like I finally found a place where I belong. With the scatter-brained thing...it is just that I know where it usually gets me. I am watching out for my tendency to lose focus on myself and find someone else to focus on. This usually puts me in a really unhealthy situation. I just can't let that happen again.

Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing with us! I appreciate you.

SoberMan2012

Def-Where is the American Buddha? Where is the 21st century Bill Wilson? Where is he or she? Is my recovery mine alone?

DefofLov

SM-I feel totally dense but I have no idea what you are asking me or how to even begin to answer those questions. I have a lot to learn with my spirituality. Even moreso...I am way out of practice. Think I might join e-Sanga (sp?) That is a forum for Buddhists of all different kinds of denominations.

SoberMan2012

Lily - What I am saying in my own round about crazy way is where is the one who will teach us the road out of suffering and towards freedom? And what I am implying is that we are, are own best teacher of that. Meaning I am the American Buddha, you are the American Buddha. And my recovery is not mine alone it belongs to the whole world. Since I am not drinking tonight, that is one less problem everyone has to deal with.

My brains are on fire....i am only making sense in my own mind. Hahahaha. Pay no attention to my rants.

MSPINK if ye be out there, I pray for Ashley twice now.

SoberMan2012

Trying to stay consciously “awake” and not fall into the automatic reactions dictated by the programmed negative thoughts running through my mind is hard. It takes work to stay “awake.” I have to consciously focus my attention, be aware and mindful of what’s going on with my thoughts, emotions, point of view, and consciously choose if I am going to believe each thought or not. It is a mental discipline and it takes work to maintain this awareness. At least it is work in the beginning. (from Gary's happiness blog)


Its a shoot out...
War! Today I will honor the Four Agreements!

Impurrfect

Dad got home in the wee hours of the morning, said something is wrong with the van - drove all the way to northern KY with "no power" and back. He hasn't gotten paid yet for the recent trips, so no money to get van checked out or fixed. I, obviously, have no money, either.

So, tension is quite high in the house. I'm going to bury myself in school work Today is my 7th day of not smoking and I figure that I've kept going, regardless of stress and other stuff, so at least I feel really good about THAT!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Thursday, June 21, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
The Good Feelings

Let yourself feel the good feelings too.

Yes, sometimes, good feelings can be as distracting as the painful, more difficult ones. Yes, good feelings can be anxiety producing to those of us unaccustomed to them. But go ahead and feel the good feelings anyway.

Feel and accept the joy. The love. The warmth. The excitement. The pleasure. The satisfaction. The elation. The tenderness. The comfort.

Let yourself feel the victory, the delight.

Let yourself feel cared for.

Let yourself feel respected, important, and special.

These are only feelings, but they feel good. They are full of positive, upbeat energy - and we deserve to feel that when it comes our way.

We don't have to repress. We don't have to talk ourselves out of feeling good - not for a moment.

If we feel it, it's ours for the moment. Own it. If it's good, enjoy it.

Today, God, help me be open to the joy and good feelings available to me.

Chino

CJ, healing thoughts and prayers on the way for you

Amy, I know I passed withdrawals after the 3rd day, but once in a while I still crave the sedative effect I got from nicotine (it's the last thing I need!). I know most people get a stimulant effect from it, but I'm hardwired a little different I guess.

Hang in there, Amy! I'm hanging with you! I know for a fact it's a walk in the park after 3 months.

Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated... LOL

SoberMan2012

I am cooking corn dogs in the oven rather than the microwave. Hey, its a program of change. It makes me happy to change. Corn dogs, the thought of corn dogs coming my way hot out of the oven, makes me happy. Watching a movie and doing my hair this afternoon will make me happy. I went to the New Attitudes club for a nooner, and that made me happy. Happiness is contagious, it is very unselfish of me to be happy. If everyone in the world were very happy, most likely I would be very happy. If everyone in the world was cranky, and had one eyeball bigger than the other, then most likely I would be cranky, with one eyeball bigger than the other. So my happiness is a gift to all of you. My happiness is like to flu, it is soooo contagious.

May you all be happy, may your bellys be full. May you be at ease. May you be healed and whole.

Warmly,
SM

DefofLov

Ryan ((SM)) and Lisa ((Gypsy))-Your posts corresponds with my Today message that I recently started in the Friends and Family section. My today message is:

Today, I exchange as many warm smiles with passing strangers and loved ones as possible. It's amazing how good that tiny exchange of happiness feels.

I have learned over the years to exchange my worried frowny chaos face for a warm smile. Being a true codie, I was so used to crisis after crisis that even when everything was calm, I wore a sad/angry face. People used to tell me I look angry all the time. I used to have people ask me what was wrong even when I was actually pretty happy. I had to train my face over the years to look more serene and happy because it got so used to being in frowny mode.

So, when you make eye contact with people, be it passing strangers or loved ones...smile warmly. More often than not, people smile back and when they don't, it is not personal.

Ryan is right, happiness is contagious. Let's spread the today. I am having a peaceful and productive day. I got some reading done and now I am off to the beach with a good friend of mine. We are going to have a blast.

for everyone!

Love,

~Lily

SoberMan2012

Guess what? I just talked on the telephone with a friend. She stated she is happy today. She said she laughed this morning. And thats pretty good for her, she is a serious person, if you know her, you know she is serious. Maybe laughing will become a habit for her. Oh, I dont know, maybe not too. Well, I "suppose" with God all things are possible, maybe laughter will be her routine. Maybe her Native American name will become "Silly Goose". My Native American named is Winking Owl.

Warmly,
SM

Chino

I composed this earlier this morning and want to share:

For one brief moment, it was a perfect summer morning on my deck.

The sky was blue; the sun felt like a warm massage; the water sparkled; the wind chimes sang, and all the trees danced. I felt the same excitement and anticipation bubble up inside me, that I did when I was a young girl. Back then, I couldn't ride my bike fast enough, up to the park for summer softball.

I ran inside, changed into shorts and t-shirt, then back outside. And just like that, it was gone. The air was still and smothering, the sun oppressive. But I remembered the summer of my youth and, more importantly, I felt it again!

I'm wide awake now, and I'm ready. I've always said if I could go back in time, with what I know now, I'd rule the world. My world, and it's all mine for the taking.

Impurrfect

Love that ((Chino))!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

DefofLov

Very nice Chino. It is awesome when we can take the time to appreciate the perfection of a sunny morning.

Gypsy Feet

Friday, June 22, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Work Histories

Just as we have relationship histories, most of us have work histories.

Just as we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our relationship life, we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our work life.

Just as we develop a healthy attitude toward our relationship history - one that will help us learn and move forward - we can develop a healthy attitude toward our work history.

I have worked many jobs in my life, since I was eleven years old. Just as I have learned many things about myself through my relationships, I have learned many lessons through my work. Often, these lessons run parallel to the lessons I'm learning in other areas of my life.

I have worked at jobs I hated but was temporarily dependent on. I have gotten stuck in jobs because I was afraid to strike out on my own and find my next set of circumstances.

I have been in some jobs to develop skills. Sometimes, I didn't realize I was developing those skills until later on when they become an important part of the career of my choice.

I have worked at jobs where I felt victimized, where I gave and gave and received nothing in return. I have been in relationships where I manufactured similar feelings.

I have worked at some jobs that have taught me what I absolutely didn't want; others sparked in me an idea of what I really did want and deserve in my career.

Some of my jobs have helped me develop character; others have helped me fine tune skills. They have all been a place to practice recovery behaviors.

Just as I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself in relationships, I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself, and what I believed I deserved at work.

I have been through two major career changes in my life. I learned that neither career was a mistake and no job was wasted time. I have learned something from each job, and my work history has helped create who I am.

I learned something else: there was a Plan, and I was being led. The more I trusted my instincts, what I wanted, and what felt right, the more I felt that I was being led.

The more I refused to lose my soul to a job and worked at it because I wanted to and not for the paycheck, the less victimized I felt by any career, even those jobs that paid a meager salary. The more I set goals and took responsibility for achieving the career I wanted, the more I could decide whether a particular job fit into that scheme of things. I could understand why I was working at a particular job and how that was going to benefit me.

There are times I have even panicked at work and about where I was in my employment history. Panic never helped. Trust and working my program did.

There were times I looked around and wondered why I was where I was. There were times people thought I should be someplace different. But when I looked into myself and at God, I knew I was in the right place, for the moment.

There were times I have had to quit a job and walk away in order to be true to myself. Sometimes, that was frightening. Sometimes, I felt like a failure. But I learned this: If I was working my program and true to myself, I never had to fear where I was being led.

There have been times I couldn't survive on the small amount of money I was receiving. Instead of bringing that issue to a particular employer and making it his or her fault, I have had to learn to bring the issue to my Higher Power and myself. I've learned I'm responsible for setting my boundaries and establishing what I believe I deserve. I've also learned God, not a particular employer, is my source of guidance.

I've learned that I'm not stuck or trapped in a job no more than I am in a relationship. I have choices. I may not be able to see them clearly right now, but I do have choices. I've learned that if I really want to take care of myself in a particular way on a job, I will do that. And if I really want to be victimized by a job, I will allow that to happen too.

I am responsible for my choices, and I have choices.

Above all else, I've learned to accept and trust my present circumstances at work. That does not mean to submit; it does not mean to forego boundaries. It means to trust, accept, then take care of myself the best I'm able to on any given day.

God, help me bring my recovery behaviors to my career affairs.

SoberMan2012

May all of you have lasting peace and happiness. May you delight in being yourself. May you be healed and whole. May you have everything you want and everything you need. May you know unspeakable joy and freedom. May you come to know God in profound ways that blow your mind.

So be it...
SoberMan