Codependency and Beyond - Part 24
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
This is definitely a great reminder that practice is the key word. Perfection is not necessary at all. It all comes together in the end. And you know what? Every thing I have done to grow and change in the past counts. Even though it took me a long time to get to this point where I am comfortable in my own skin, every step counted before and counts now. *Even the times that I went backwards!*
My journey is not a straight path like a highway/freeway. It is more like a maze with tall bushes that often block my view. So, sometimes I go down the wrong path more than once. But eventually I backtrack. Every time I backtrack that lesson is reinforced and now I am totally sure not to go in that particular direction.
So, yes, I have stumbled, I have gone backwards but in the end, I have always moved forward in some kind of way. Here I am now. Beautiful. Gentle. Blessed. Wiser. Smarter. Stronger than I have ever been. Here I am now. Enjoying my time and space alone. Enjoying what life has to offer. Moving to the beat of my own drum. I always knew I needed to get to this point, so I made sure I didn't have kids until I reached an awareness of who I really am. I made sure I didn't get married. I knew I had a lot of healing and junk to clean up. And now, I am cleaning up the mess more efficiently than ever. Even if I had to back track over and over again to get to this point.
Here I am now. It all counted before, it all counts now.
Love and Light,
Lily
My journey is not a straight path like a highway/freeway. It is more like a maze with tall bushes that often block my view. So, sometimes I go down the wrong path more than once. But eventually I backtrack. Every time I backtrack that lesson is reinforced and now I am totally sure not to go in that particular direction.
So, yes, I have stumbled, I have gone backwards but in the end, I have always moved forward in some kind of way. Here I am now. Beautiful. Gentle. Blessed. Wiser. Smarter. Stronger than I have ever been. Here I am now. Enjoying my time and space alone. Enjoying what life has to offer. Moving to the beat of my own drum. I always knew I needed to get to this point, so I made sure I didn't have kids until I reached an awareness of who I really am. I made sure I didn't get married. I knew I had a lot of healing and junk to clean up. And now, I am cleaning up the mess more efficiently than ever. Even if I had to back track over and over again to get to this point.
Here I am now. It all counted before, it all counts now.
Love and Light,
Lily
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
SM, Amy, Lisa & Lily ~ all of your post have my eyes filled with gratitude to have such wonderful recovery people in my life ~ thank you for sharing your lives & recovery with me ~
I too am so very very grateful to have each of you in my life
This morning on my commute to work I again worked on preparing some of my story that I will share in a few weeks at the State convention ~ brought up some of the memories of what life use to be ~
This is a beautiful, awesome day and I am so blessed ~
May each of you feel a special blessing of joy from your HP as you walk thru this wonderful day ~
PINK HUGS,
Rita
I too am so very very grateful to have each of you in my life
This morning on my commute to work I again worked on preparing some of my story that I will share in a few weeks at the State convention ~ brought up some of the memories of what life use to be ~
This is a beautiful, awesome day and I am so blessed ~
May each of you feel a special blessing of joy from your HP as you walk thru this wonderful day ~
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
We work on our relationship with our Higher Power - our spirituality.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by Chino 
That is the only relationship I work on these days and, from there, all the rest falls into place. Or falls apart, the minute I separate myself from the Divine.
Hope you & yours are doing PINKfantabulous!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm getting more practice on setting boundaries and codie recovery. The classmate is pushy, a bit of a know-it-all and I'm constantly feeling like "whoa, slow the hell DOWN". I seriously thought of just not doing the project but there are a few hundred points tied to it so can't do that.
She hates to converse by e-mail, I hate being stuck on the phone or Skype, so it should be interesting.
Bratlette was here, cussing someone out on her phone and now she and sm have gone somewhere.
On a good note, it's absolutely gorgeous here, 81 degrees and nice breeze blowing. Have been out a couple times to hang out with the furbabies.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
She hates to converse by e-mail, I hate being stuck on the phone or Skype, so it should be interesting.
Bratlette was here, cussing someone out on her phone and now she and sm have gone somewhere.
On a good note, it's absolutely gorgeous here, 81 degrees and nice breeze blowing. Have been out a couple times to hang out with the furbabies.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
It sounds like everyone is having a great day - good for you!
Amy - 81 sounds lovely! It was 108 here today in my neck of the woods!
Lily - Very smart of you to take care of yourself first. I wish I had had your wisdom!
I am working on issues with relationships, so as always, this reading was timely.
One thing I realized is that in rl I haven't always been a good friend. I relied on people when I needed them, and I sincerely cared about them, but I was so anxious and focused on my own problems that I sometimes felt/feel incapable of helping others. I just never had it to give, if that makes sense. Now that I am feeling better and starting to get a handle on my issues with alcohol and recovery, I am wanting more. To be more and to do more - to be more present in not only my own life but in everyone else's life too. And, surprise surprise, some of my friends and family question my motives. I guess that is fair. It sure doesn't make me feel good though!
I am also working on setting boundaries. It seems that this is mainly an issue with my bf - he is the type that needs his SO to state exactly what they need. And he doesn't always like it either, but that is the only thing that works. It is sooooo hard for me to ask for anything though - I used to think I was such an upfront person but now I have realized that that isn't true. A lot of the time I used manipulation because I was scared to own my feelings and ask for what I needed.
Now I am in a place where I have to vocalize what I need. That isn't always easy because, like I said, my bf needs to have things spelled out but at the same time he tends to get defensive when I bring up a problem - even when I carefully state things to reflect feelings rather than accusations. So I am working on stating what I need and he is working on listening. It is going better though. The other night we successfully had an argument that resolved itself successfully with everyone feeling ok at the end. (In the past it usually led to one of us blowing up or him shutting down emotionally.)
I am making progress. I am just very tired today.....
Have a great night, everyone. Remember the small victories!
Amy - 81 sounds lovely! It was 108 here today in my neck of the woods!
Lily - Very smart of you to take care of yourself first. I wish I had had your wisdom!
I am working on issues with relationships, so as always, this reading was timely.
One thing I realized is that in rl I haven't always been a good friend. I relied on people when I needed them, and I sincerely cared about them, but I was so anxious and focused on my own problems that I sometimes felt/feel incapable of helping others. I just never had it to give, if that makes sense. Now that I am feeling better and starting to get a handle on my issues with alcohol and recovery, I am wanting more. To be more and to do more - to be more present in not only my own life but in everyone else's life too. And, surprise surprise, some of my friends and family question my motives. I guess that is fair. It sure doesn't make me feel good though!
I am also working on setting boundaries. It seems that this is mainly an issue with my bf - he is the type that needs his SO to state exactly what they need. And he doesn't always like it either, but that is the only thing that works. It is sooooo hard for me to ask for anything though - I used to think I was such an upfront person but now I have realized that that isn't true. A lot of the time I used manipulation because I was scared to own my feelings and ask for what I needed.
Now I am in a place where I have to vocalize what I need. That isn't always easy because, like I said, my bf needs to have things spelled out but at the same time he tends to get defensive when I bring up a problem - even when I carefully state things to reflect feelings rather than accusations. So I am working on stating what I need and he is working on listening. It is going better though. The other night we successfully had an argument that resolved itself successfully with everyone feeling ok at the end. (In the past it usually led to one of us blowing up or him shutting down emotionally.)
I am making progress. I am just very tired today.....
Have a great night, everyone. Remember the small victories!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Thursday, June 28, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
When Things Don't Work
Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way. When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same way.
We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.
That approach makes us crazy. It tends to get us stuck and trapped. It is the stuff that unmanageability is made of.
We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life. We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't flow, we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.
Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder. Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go, detach, and stop trying so hard.
If it doesn't work, if it doesn't flow, maybe life is trying to tell us something. Life is a gentle teacher. She doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us. Sometimes, the signs are more subtle. Something not working may be a sign!
Let go. If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path. Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate. Sometimes, a different path opens up. Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.
Learn to recognize when something isn't working or isn't flowing. Step back and wait for clear guidance.
Today, I will not make myself crazy by repeatedly trying solutions that have proven themselves unsuccessful. If something isn't working, I will step back and wait for guidance.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
When Things Don't Work
Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way. When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same way.
We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.
That approach makes us crazy. It tends to get us stuck and trapped. It is the stuff that unmanageability is made of.
We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life. We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't flow, we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.
Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder. Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go, detach, and stop trying so hard.
If it doesn't work, if it doesn't flow, maybe life is trying to tell us something. Life is a gentle teacher. She doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us. Sometimes, the signs are more subtle. Something not working may be a sign!
Let go. If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path. Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate. Sometimes, a different path opens up. Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.
Learn to recognize when something isn't working or isn't flowing. Step back and wait for clear guidance.
Today, I will not make myself crazy by repeatedly trying solutions that have proven themselves unsuccessful. If something isn't working, I will step back and wait for guidance.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Ha, I guess reading Jill's post and then this reading colored my thinking =)
MW gets rather defensive when we talk about problems as well. Which baffles me a bit, because he has 24 years in AA and really works hard at it. . .but anyway
My favorite issue is the remote control. He falls asleep within moments of turning the tv on, I cant sleep with it on at all. The MINUTE I touch the remote, he pops awake to enjoy his program. . .
We will go a few days setting the timer, which still means I get 30 minutes less sleep but its a start, then he forgets. He goes a few days handing me the remote after selecting a program, then doesnt. He goes a few days wearing headphones, you see the pattern.
When I remind him, he gets defensive. . .
Its been going on for a year hahahahha omg
I want to fall asleep listening to the crashing surf
my latest attempt is the tent.
Quality problems indeed. Nephew loved the beach, today we are off to the aquarium with my pop
MW gets rather defensive when we talk about problems as well. Which baffles me a bit, because he has 24 years in AA and really works hard at it. . .but anyway
My favorite issue is the remote control. He falls asleep within moments of turning the tv on, I cant sleep with it on at all. The MINUTE I touch the remote, he pops awake to enjoy his program. . .
We will go a few days setting the timer, which still means I get 30 minutes less sleep but its a start, then he forgets. He goes a few days handing me the remote after selecting a program, then doesnt. He goes a few days wearing headphones, you see the pattern.
When I remind him, he gets defensive. . .
Its been going on for a year hahahahha omg
I want to fall asleep listening to the crashing surf
my latest attempt is the tent.
Quality problems indeed. Nephew loved the beach, today we are off to the aquarium with my pop
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Lisa)) - given the choice of falling to sleep to a TV or the ocean, the ocean would always win!!!
Sm has gone back to old "tricks". She's fallen down 4 times, not sure what all she took (gee, she lies?). Have gotten her off the floor and out of the bathtub, yes I snapped as I am livid. Have checked to make sure she's breathing. Dad is on a trip, he saw her on the floor earlier. He did ask me to make sure she didn't leave the house in the car, so I've disabled her car.
I told her I wanted to see her prescription bottles and she said "in a while". What a dummy I am, she will protect her addiction. I said "never mind, you lie about that stuff anyway".
Dad made the comment about he's too busy "making a living" he's never had time to find out what she has filled (he pays for it) and I cut him short. Told him he's been home two weeks at a time, he writes in the checkbook when she goes to the pharmacy and obviously it's not a priority for him. Amazingly, he didn't lash back at me. He had said, the last time she did this, he was going to know what and how much of everything she took. More hot air.
Anyway, I got out of the house to run a few errands, am going to get back to focusing on school work and try my best to stay out of the drama rama. I really hate this ****
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Sm has gone back to old "tricks". She's fallen down 4 times, not sure what all she took (gee, she lies?). Have gotten her off the floor and out of the bathtub, yes I snapped as I am livid. Have checked to make sure she's breathing. Dad is on a trip, he saw her on the floor earlier. He did ask me to make sure she didn't leave the house in the car, so I've disabled her car.
I told her I wanted to see her prescription bottles and she said "in a while". What a dummy I am, she will protect her addiction. I said "never mind, you lie about that stuff anyway".
Dad made the comment about he's too busy "making a living" he's never had time to find out what she has filled (he pays for it) and I cut him short. Told him he's been home two weeks at a time, he writes in the checkbook when she goes to the pharmacy and obviously it's not a priority for him. Amazingly, he didn't lash back at me. He had said, the last time she did this, he was going to know what and how much of everything she took. More hot air.
Anyway, I got out of the house to run a few errands, am going to get back to focusing on school work and try my best to stay out of the drama rama. I really hate this ****
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
awww Amy.... 
just wanted to show some support.
Lisa, need my own space. I'd have to have my own room. I know that isn't your answer but that merry-go-round would drive me INSANE!
I am just cruisin today. It's a beautiful carefree day and I'm loving and appreciating it.
Love and Light,
Lily
just wanted to show some support.Lisa, need my own space. I'd have to have my own room. I know that isn't your answer but that merry-go-round would drive me INSANE!
I am just cruisin today. It's a beautiful carefree day and I'm loving and appreciating it.
Love and Light,
Lily
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
ha! We stay on a bus, so my own room would be the drivers seat :P
MW is sad today, his divorce just gets messier and messier. I hurt so much for him, and he would find this a strange notion. I want so much to be able to help or to be there with him. . . .uhg, is that really so bad? Mood sponge/codiecat
My sister is fostering 2 month old kittens til they can be adopted (found in a vets trash can). Annie the car dog is in foster mom heaven with her new babies hahah
MW is sad today, his divorce just gets messier and messier. I hurt so much for him, and he would find this a strange notion. I want so much to be able to help or to be there with him. . . .uhg, is that really so bad? Mood sponge/codiecat
My sister is fostering 2 month old kittens til they can be adopted (found in a vets trash can). Annie the car dog is in foster mom heaven with her new babies hahah
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Friday, June 29, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
God's Will
God's will most often happens in spite of us, not because of us.
We may try to second guess what God has in mind for us, looking, searching, hypervigilant to seek God's will as though it were a buried treasure, hidden beyond our reach. If we find it, we win the prize. But if we're not careful, we miss out.
That's not how it works.
We may believe that we have to walk on eggshells, saying, thinking, and feeling the right thing, while forcing ourselves somehow to be in the right place at the right time to find God's will. But that's not true.
God's will for us is not hidden like a buried treasure. We do not have to control or force it. We do not have to walk on eggshells in order to have it happen.
It is right there inside and around us. It is happening, right now. Sometimes, it is quiet and uneventful and includes the daily disciplines of responsibility and learning to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, it is healing us when we're in circumstances that trigger old grieving and unfinished business.
Sometimes, it is grand.
We do have a part. We have responsibilities, including caring for ourselves. But we do not have to control God's will for us. We are being taken care of. We are protected. And the Power caring for and protecting us loves us very much.
If it is a quiet day, trust the stillness. If it is a day of action, trust the activity. If it is time to wait, trust the pause. If it is time to receive that which we have been waiting for, trust that it will happen clearly and with power, and receive the gift in joy.
Today, I will trust that God's will is happening, as it needs to in my life. I will not make myself anxious and upset by searching vigorously for God's will, taking unnecessary actions to control the course of my destiny or wondering if God's will has passed me by and I have missed it.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
God's Will
God's will most often happens in spite of us, not because of us.
We may try to second guess what God has in mind for us, looking, searching, hypervigilant to seek God's will as though it were a buried treasure, hidden beyond our reach. If we find it, we win the prize. But if we're not careful, we miss out.
That's not how it works.
We may believe that we have to walk on eggshells, saying, thinking, and feeling the right thing, while forcing ourselves somehow to be in the right place at the right time to find God's will. But that's not true.
God's will for us is not hidden like a buried treasure. We do not have to control or force it. We do not have to walk on eggshells in order to have it happen.
It is right there inside and around us. It is happening, right now. Sometimes, it is quiet and uneventful and includes the daily disciplines of responsibility and learning to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, it is healing us when we're in circumstances that trigger old grieving and unfinished business.
Sometimes, it is grand.
We do have a part. We have responsibilities, including caring for ourselves. But we do not have to control God's will for us. We are being taken care of. We are protected. And the Power caring for and protecting us loves us very much.
If it is a quiet day, trust the stillness. If it is a day of action, trust the activity. If it is time to wait, trust the pause. If it is time to receive that which we have been waiting for, trust that it will happen clearly and with power, and receive the gift in joy.
Today, I will trust that God's will is happening, as it needs to in my life. I will not make myself anxious and upset by searching vigorously for God's will, taking unnecessary actions to control the course of my destiny or wondering if God's will has passed me by and I have missed it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
Lisa - Wow - we must have parallel lives. My bf does the tv thing too. This was last night:
Me: "Babe.... I can't sleep. Can you turn the tv down? You were just snoring a minute ago so I think you are done watching anyway."
BF: "Huh? I wasn't sleeping. (Turns down tv).
Me: "Thanks."
BF: (pouting) "Now I can't hear it... snoooooore........"
lol
Amy - I am so sorry. That must be terrible to live with.
Lily- Glad you enjoyed your day!
Me: "Babe.... I can't sleep. Can you turn the tv down? You were just snoring a minute ago so I think you are done watching anyway."
BF: "Huh? I wasn't sleeping. (Turns down tv).
Me: "Thanks."
BF: (pouting) "Now I can't hear it... snoooooore........"
lol
Amy - I am so sorry. That must be terrible to live with.
Lily- Glad you enjoyed your day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I finally went in to hear the results from the mri on my elbow. I had that mri done quite a while ago, but I knew it wouldn't be good news and I didn't want to hear it. Well, my elbow is toast. Stick a fork in it. The ortho surgeon and my personal ortho surgeon both said the same thing. If I'm really really lucky, I may avoid a replacement but they said I'd have to be extremely lucky.
They said they can do 4 surgeries max to clean it out before replacement, and I can get a cortisone shot pretty much whenever I want. They said if anything was healthy in my elbow they'd not suggest the shots, but nothing is healthy. Bone spurs, bone chips, missing cartilage... the one surgeon used a tire as an analogy; said it's bald, the steel belts are exposed, and it's gonna blow out any minute now. Is the cortisone shot Fix a Flat? LOL
I've had fun beating the hell out of myself but I really wish there were no consequences
They said they can do 4 surgeries max to clean it out before replacement, and I can get a cortisone shot pretty much whenever I want. They said if anything was healthy in my elbow they'd not suggest the shots, but nothing is healthy. Bone spurs, bone chips, missing cartilage... the one surgeon used a tire as an analogy; said it's bald, the steel belts are exposed, and it's gonna blow out any minute now. Is the cortisone shot Fix a Flat? LOL
I've had fun beating the hell out of myself but I really wish there were no consequences
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Saturday, June 30, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Change
One day, my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plant for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a larger container; then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were transplanting them again.
Inexperienced as a gardener, I turned to my green-thumbed mother. "Isn't this bad for them?" I asked, as we dug them up and shook the dirt from their roots. "Won't it hurt these plants, being uprooted and transplanted so many times?"
"Oh, no," my mother replied. "Transplanting doesn't hurt them. In fact, it's good for the ones that survive. That's how their roots grow strong. Their roots will grow deep, and they'll make strong plants."
Often, I've felt like those small plants - uprooted and turned upside down. Sometimes, I've endured the change willingly, sometimes reluctantly, but usually my reaction has been a combination.
Won't this be hard on me? I ask. Wouldn't it be better if things remained the same? That's when I remember my mother's words: That's how the roots grow deep and strong.
Today, God, help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Change
One day, my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plant for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a larger container; then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were transplanting them again.
Inexperienced as a gardener, I turned to my green-thumbed mother. "Isn't this bad for them?" I asked, as we dug them up and shook the dirt from their roots. "Won't it hurt these plants, being uprooted and transplanted so many times?"
"Oh, no," my mother replied. "Transplanting doesn't hurt them. In fact, it's good for the ones that survive. That's how their roots grow strong. Their roots will grow deep, and they'll make strong plants."
Often, I've felt like those small plants - uprooted and turned upside down. Sometimes, I've endured the change willingly, sometimes reluctantly, but usually my reaction has been a combination.
Won't this be hard on me? I ask. Wouldn't it be better if things remained the same? That's when I remember my mother's words: That's how the roots grow deep and strong.
Today, God, help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Chino-I'm so sorry about your elbow. I hope it doesn't cause you too much pain.
Sounds scary to me that it's so damaged.
SoberMan-Congrats on five months! Woohoo! That is awesome.
~~~~
Nice reading Lisa. I feel like I'm transitioning right now. Today I am 90 days single and celibate. I feel good about that, but I want more time alone with myself so my roots can grow stronger.
These past few days I've been doing a good job fighting off depression and being thankful for what I have and where I am in life. Things are tough with me having to pay tuition out of pocket but next year this time I will be so close to graduating. It will be absolutely worth it. I'm distancing myself from negative friends, working the steps, and I'm feel like I'm really growing as a person.
It's not always the best feeling ever, but I believe it's worth it and it will get so much better.
Love,
Lily
I hope it doesn't cause you too much pain. Sounds scary to me that it's so damaged.
SoberMan-Congrats on five months! Woohoo! That is awesome.
~~~~
Nice reading Lisa. I feel like I'm transitioning right now. Today I am 90 days single and celibate. I feel good about that, but I want more time alone with myself so my roots can grow stronger.
These past few days I've been doing a good job fighting off depression and being thankful for what I have and where I am in life. Things are tough with me having to pay tuition out of pocket but next year this time I will be so close to graduating. It will be absolutely worth it. I'm distancing myself from negative friends, working the steps, and I'm feel like I'm really growing as a person.
It's not always the best feeling ever, but I believe it's worth it and it will get so much better.
Love,
Lily
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