Codependency and Beyond - Part 24
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Forgot to give my congrats to you, Amy! I'm soooo cranky today - I know it's cig related - and all my codie tendencies are coming out. I keep having these mini temper tantrums and thank goodness nobody can see or hear them. I really hope you're doing much better than me!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks ((Chino))! I think it's a combination of the not smoking, being broke, not working AND having an instructor tell us to do a team project but not giving us any info on what is expected.
Sm came home from paying another traffic ticket, eating lunch she had stopped to buy on the way home (somewhere I rarely eat as I don't want to pay that much) and I snapped a bit. I did find out dad's check came, which means he will pay me for the two trips, but asked if I could please use the card to get my cats some food?!?
I sound like a two-year-old, do not like it so am staying in my room. The brat came by, she and sm have gone for a while and dad is on a trip. I wanted to take a long walk, earlier, as I drove by my favorite park but ankle is really painful so that didn't happen.
I probably should buy a punching bag, ya think?
I wonder how long this irritability lasts?
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
p.s. - too funny. I just googled about the irritability and found an article that said people will often feel like an infant after quitting - temper tantrums, dependency, almost paralysis instead of doing things. It's supposed to be better within a month? Let me grab my lollipop "pacifier"
Sm came home from paying another traffic ticket, eating lunch she had stopped to buy on the way home (somewhere I rarely eat as I don't want to pay that much) and I snapped a bit. I did find out dad's check came, which means he will pay me for the two trips, but asked if I could please use the card to get my cats some food?!?
I sound like a two-year-old, do not like it so am staying in my room. The brat came by, she and sm have gone for a while and dad is on a trip. I wanted to take a long walk, earlier, as I drove by my favorite park but ankle is really painful so that didn't happen.
I probably should buy a punching bag, ya think?
I wonder how long this irritability lasts?Hugs and prayers,
Amy
p.s. - too funny. I just googled about the irritability and found an article that said people will often feel like an infant after quitting - temper tantrums, dependency, almost paralysis instead of doing things. It's supposed to be better within a month? Let me grab my lollipop "pacifier"
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
amy ~ if you get a little extra change ~ try to buy some citrius fruit/gum/hard candy ~ I have heard others say that the orange, lemon, pineapple helps with some of the cravings for not smoking ~ not sure & I know $$ is tight ~ just offering a suggestion ~ sending out lots of prayers!
PINK HUGS
Rita
PINK HUGS
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
p.s. - too funny. I just googled about the irritability and found an article that said people will often feel like an infant after quitting - temper tantrums, dependency, almost paralysis instead of doing things. It's supposed to be better within a month? Let me grab my lollipop "pacifier"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Rita)) - I think I'm getting paid tomorrow so will get the candies. I found out I have a lot of "mystery flavor" lollipops in the bag and it's definitely not my favorite.
((Chino)) - I figured it was the dopamine and just reminded myself that I went through this with the crack and got past it, I will get through it with the cigarettes.
I just went out and snuggled with the cats, and am now eating mashed potatoes Not exactly the healthiest thing but it's one of my comfort foods. 
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
((Chino)) - I figured it was the dopamine and just reminded myself that I went through this with the crack and got past it, I will get through it with the cigarettes.
I just went out and snuggled with the cats, and am now eating mashed potatoes
Not exactly the healthiest thing but it's one of my comfort foods. Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
These last 2 readings seem related to me. On one hand, you should detach and not become so involved that you hurt yourself. On the other hand, if you detach too much, you become unavailable.
This is a constant problem for me. I am controlling and codie and need to detach during an active relationship, then when I finally burn out and decide I've had enough self-torture, I shut down and detach completely. Sometimes, too, I vacillate between the two.
Here is an example. My bf has ongoing back issues that occasionally flare up. This creates all kinds of codie issues for me because on one hand, I want to wait on him hand and foot, even if it puts me out completely (i.e. break boundaries). On the other hand, I sometimes get annoyed and shut him out completely. Take today, for example. He was not exactly grumpy, but he was pretty quiet and a little irritable because his back hurt. Today, we were going to put together all of the yard toys we bought for our son's birthday, to have them ready in the morning when he gets up. (Tomorrow is his second birthday.) So today bf can't get up and help, and he also can't go with me to take our son to get his birthday pictures taken. So even though I know he can't help it, I am annoyed.
Bf says to leave the yard toys for tonight and maybe he will feel better after work and he can put them together then. I basically ignore him and start doing it myself. In all fairness, I was being a butt. I wanted to show my irritation at him for being unavailable. So anyway, my shutting him out and refusing to let him participate in the birthday preparations hurt his feelings, because he wanted to help too.
I wish I could find a balance. I am still working through detaching in a healthy way and not shutting people out in a passive-aggressive snit when they don't do what I want. I hate that behavior, yet I still do it unconsciously sometimes. Gah!
I think I am getting better though. But, I sure would appreciate any tips you all have for me!
This is a constant problem for me. I am controlling and codie and need to detach during an active relationship, then when I finally burn out and decide I've had enough self-torture, I shut down and detach completely. Sometimes, too, I vacillate between the two.
Here is an example. My bf has ongoing back issues that occasionally flare up. This creates all kinds of codie issues for me because on one hand, I want to wait on him hand and foot, even if it puts me out completely (i.e. break boundaries). On the other hand, I sometimes get annoyed and shut him out completely. Take today, for example. He was not exactly grumpy, but he was pretty quiet and a little irritable because his back hurt. Today, we were going to put together all of the yard toys we bought for our son's birthday, to have them ready in the morning when he gets up. (Tomorrow is his second birthday.) So today bf can't get up and help, and he also can't go with me to take our son to get his birthday pictures taken. So even though I know he can't help it, I am annoyed.
Bf says to leave the yard toys for tonight and maybe he will feel better after work and he can put them together then. I basically ignore him and start doing it myself. In all fairness, I was being a butt. I wanted to show my irritation at him for being unavailable. So anyway, my shutting him out and refusing to let him participate in the birthday preparations hurt his feelings, because he wanted to help too.
I wish I could find a balance. I am still working through detaching in a healthy way and not shutting people out in a passive-aggressive snit when they don't do what I want. I hate that behavior, yet I still do it unconsciously sometimes. Gah!
I think I am getting better though. But, I sure would appreciate any tips you all have for me!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
CJ, since I haven't found balance yet, I'm making do with counter balance.
I spend a lot of time 'confessing' to others what is going on with me, just like coming here and talking about my mini temper tantrums. I've had face to face convo's with others where I've literally said "I hate you because you won't ___ and I know it's my problem, not yours!"
If I never progress past this point, at least I'm honest about it all LOL
I spend a lot of time 'confessing' to others what is going on with me, just like coming here and talking about my mini temper tantrums. I've had face to face convo's with others where I've literally said "I hate you because you won't ___ and I know it's my problem, not yours!"
If I never progress past this point, at least I'm honest about it all LOL
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Rita-I think in time Kaleigh will grow to appreciate your presence in her life. Sometimes the pain of not having the person we want in our lives can blind us to the importance of the people we already have. 
Amy-Good job with the smoking cessation. Woo!!! I am cheering you and ((Chino)) on. You are both doing fabulous! Breathe and take it one step at a time with that class. Remember your peace of mind is your top priority. I am owning that statement and living up to it myself these days.
Chino-I love your posts. And again, awesome job with the smoking cessation! Woohoo!
CJ-I totally understand. I can also be very intense and super codependent and then totally shut down. It's all or nothing. I am learning to be more like Chino and just say it out loud in a respectful way when I am upset, instead of bottling stuff up and then shutting down. In my last relationship, I just totally withdrew. I just couldn't bring myself to process and work through what happened in our relationship. I felt so drained and beat up, I couldn't even deal with another argument. On the other hand, I know I made the right decision to let that particular relationship go. However, in the future, I would be able to see when I am shutting down and if I am in a healthy situation, maybe I can communicate and work through whatever it is with that person.
~~~~~
So, I withdrew from my on-line Psychology class. I am so relieved. It was way too much for me. I just felt so much pressure and the work load was too intense for me. Working 32 hour weekends and taking Intro to Stats is more than enough. I might have been able to handle another class, but not one that requires so much intensity. Last Friday, I felt myself slipping into heavy anxiety. I felt like I could not handle the coursework. Then after that thought came another one judging myself for being a failure. It was just way too much pressure.
I am really glad I let that class go. I finally realized that I need to have enough room in my life for me. School and work are important, but so am I. My need to relax, breathe, and enjoy my life.
Hope that makes sense.
Love and Light,
Lily
Amy-Good job with the smoking cessation. Woo!!! I am cheering you and ((Chino)) on. You are both doing fabulous! Breathe and take it one step at a time with that class. Remember your peace of mind is your top priority. I am owning that statement and living up to it myself these days.
Chino-I love your posts. And again, awesome job with the smoking cessation! Woohoo!
CJ-I totally understand. I can also be very intense and super codependent and then totally shut down. It's all or nothing. I am learning to be more like Chino and just say it out loud in a respectful way when I am upset, instead of bottling stuff up and then shutting down. In my last relationship, I just totally withdrew. I just couldn't bring myself to process and work through what happened in our relationship. I felt so drained and beat up, I couldn't even deal with another argument. On the other hand, I know I made the right decision to let that particular relationship go. However, in the future, I would be able to see when I am shutting down and if I am in a healthy situation, maybe I can communicate and work through whatever it is with that person.
~~~~~
So, I withdrew from my on-line Psychology class. I am so relieved. It was way too much for me. I just felt so much pressure and the work load was too intense for me. Working 32 hour weekends and taking Intro to Stats is more than enough. I might have been able to handle another class, but not one that requires so much intensity. Last Friday, I felt myself slipping into heavy anxiety. I felt like I could not handle the coursework. Then after that thought came another one judging myself for being a failure. It was just way too much pressure.
I am really glad I let that class go. I finally realized that I need to have enough room in my life for me. School and work are important, but so am I. My need to relax, breathe, and enjoy my life.
Hope that makes sense.
Love and Light,
Lily
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Surviving Slumps
A slump can go on for days. We feel sluggish, unfocused, and sometimes overwhelmed with feelings we can't sort out. We may not understand what is going on with us. Even our attempts to practice recovery behaviors may not appear to work. We still don't feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as good as we would like.
In a slump, we may find ourselves reverting instinctively to old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving, even when we know better. We may find ourselves obsessing, even when we know that what we're doing is obsessing and that it doesn't work.
We may find ourselves looking frantically for other people to make us feel better, the whole time knowing our happiness and well being does not lay with others.
We may begin taking things personally that are not our issues, and reacting in ways we've learned all to well do not work.
We're in a slump. It won't last forever. These periods are normal, even necessary. These are the days to get through. These are the days to focus on recovery behaviors, whether or not the rewards occur immediately. These are sometimes the days to let ourselves be and love ourselves as much as we can.
We don't have to be ashamed, no matter how long we've been recovering. We don't have to unreasonably expect "more" from ourselves. We don't ever have to expect ourselves to live life perfectly.
Get through the slump. It will end. Sometimes, a slump can go on for days and then, in the course of an hour, we see ourselves pull out of it and feel better. Sometimes it can last a little longer.
Practice one recovery behavior in one small area, and begin to climb uphill. Soon, the slump will disappear. We can never judge where we will be tomorrow by where we are today.
Today, I will focus on practicing one recovery behavior on one of my issues, trusting that this practice will move me forward. I will remember that acceptance, gratitude, and detachment are a good place to begin.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Surviving Slumps
A slump can go on for days. We feel sluggish, unfocused, and sometimes overwhelmed with feelings we can't sort out. We may not understand what is going on with us. Even our attempts to practice recovery behaviors may not appear to work. We still don't feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as good as we would like.
In a slump, we may find ourselves reverting instinctively to old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving, even when we know better. We may find ourselves obsessing, even when we know that what we're doing is obsessing and that it doesn't work.
We may find ourselves looking frantically for other people to make us feel better, the whole time knowing our happiness and well being does not lay with others.
We may begin taking things personally that are not our issues, and reacting in ways we've learned all to well do not work.
We're in a slump. It won't last forever. These periods are normal, even necessary. These are the days to get through. These are the days to focus on recovery behaviors, whether or not the rewards occur immediately. These are sometimes the days to let ourselves be and love ourselves as much as we can.
We don't have to be ashamed, no matter how long we've been recovering. We don't have to unreasonably expect "more" from ourselves. We don't ever have to expect ourselves to live life perfectly.
Get through the slump. It will end. Sometimes, a slump can go on for days and then, in the course of an hour, we see ourselves pull out of it and feel better. Sometimes it can last a little longer.
Practice one recovery behavior in one small area, and begin to climb uphill. Soon, the slump will disappear. We can never judge where we will be tomorrow by where we are today.
Today, I will focus on practicing one recovery behavior on one of my issues, trusting that this practice will move me forward. I will remember that acceptance, gratitude, and detachment are a good place to begin.
Paradox, Humor, Change
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Naples, FL USA
Posts: 888
Ok ok ok ok. I have been gone for two days, and everyone said alot. I understand I am idealistic. I am indealistic, becuase I am idealistic. The sky is blue and I am not drinking or taking stimulants today. It is what it is. That said, I believe the "one" who really loves me loves me just the way I am. If a woman wants a cat, and I am a dog, she would be insane to stomp her feet and screaming and hollar to make me into a cat. I am what I am, and people see what they want to see. I am the main charater in my story and everyone else is a secondary character. What I see in my secondary characters are projections of my own assumptions about them. If my secondary characters or my projections about them bother me, I need to either change and love them just the way they are or I need to walk away (not run). Why blame somone for being a cat when I want a dog? My point is I need to modify the main character or me. As I modify the main character whoooosh....my secondary characters shift.
My issue was I did not like the main character or me. I had to rewrite my story and break my self limiting beliefs or negative assumptions about me. I dont want to be a drunk anymore. I dont want to be addicted to stimulants. And there is a price to pay to overcome my addictions and I pay it in full every day and then some. Now that my Story has changed, all my secondary characters are shifting as if by magic. I changed....whoooosh everyone shifted.
When other people are happy and playful I attach and enjoy it. When other people suck or are cranky I detach. When a woman I am interested tells me to call, and I call her and she does not call me back, it bothered me for a few hours and I thought "oh well, screwy woman whatever". I cant afford to let it bother me or eat my lunch, it will get my butt drunk if i let stuff like that overwhelm me.
It was all the horse crap and negative beliefs I had about myself that made me a slave to other peoples opinions and points of view. It was hell on earth, and I drank like a fish over it. I mean maybe its really that what I believe about my secondary characters is changing. What I am projecting on them is changing so my interactions with them is changing and thus the way they are percieving me is changing, and so it looks like they are changing. I dont know, its all very mysterious.
If there is milk in the boob, if it makes me happy I am attaching. If it makes me feel crappy I detach. I am a drunk, with major cocaine issue. Better off dead then drunk or high. I will do anything, I mean anything thing to be sober and happy. If a job, or a woman, or my family, or a friend or an enemy wants to get in a war of control I am gone. I am walking away. Insane people issue will get me drunk. I have been homeless a couple of times. Ill go live in a box in the woods before I let anyone run my life. If thats the price at that extreme level I got to pay to have peice of mind and stay sober I will cheerfully pay it. If somone doesnt love me and treat me with respect, there is always somone else who will love me the way I am. Thats the great part about life.
Warmly,
SM
My issue was I did not like the main character or me. I had to rewrite my story and break my self limiting beliefs or negative assumptions about me. I dont want to be a drunk anymore. I dont want to be addicted to stimulants. And there is a price to pay to overcome my addictions and I pay it in full every day and then some. Now that my Story has changed, all my secondary characters are shifting as if by magic. I changed....whoooosh everyone shifted.
When other people are happy and playful I attach and enjoy it. When other people suck or are cranky I detach. When a woman I am interested tells me to call, and I call her and she does not call me back, it bothered me for a few hours and I thought "oh well, screwy woman whatever". I cant afford to let it bother me or eat my lunch, it will get my butt drunk if i let stuff like that overwhelm me.
It was all the horse crap and negative beliefs I had about myself that made me a slave to other peoples opinions and points of view. It was hell on earth, and I drank like a fish over it. I mean maybe its really that what I believe about my secondary characters is changing. What I am projecting on them is changing so my interactions with them is changing and thus the way they are percieving me is changing, and so it looks like they are changing. I dont know, its all very mysterious.
If there is milk in the boob, if it makes me happy I am attaching. If it makes me feel crappy I detach. I am a drunk, with major cocaine issue. Better off dead then drunk or high. I will do anything, I mean anything thing to be sober and happy. If a job, or a woman, or my family, or a friend or an enemy wants to get in a war of control I am gone. I am walking away. Insane people issue will get me drunk. I have been homeless a couple of times. Ill go live in a box in the woods before I let anyone run my life. If thats the price at that extreme level I got to pay to have peice of mind and stay sober I will cheerfully pay it. If somone doesnt love me and treat me with respect, there is always somone else who will love me the way I am. Thats the great part about life.
Warmly,
SM
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Good Morning all ~ I'm sorry if I have given the impression that Kaileigh doesn't love or appreciate Mr.PINK or I ~ she does, very much.
She is a precious, loving little girl ~ I think the issues is that she is "safe" with us so she knows she can ask these questions, she can push the limits and she can seek answers ~
From experience with my other daughters ~ I know that there is a good chance I can try to do ALL the best for her and she can still become an adult and hate us. She could still resent us, think that we are the reason she didn't have her Dad in her life.
And because I already know how painful that is ~ that is truly what breaks my heart ~ I already KNOW how powerless I am ~
She is God's child and I must continually give her to Him ~ and pray that thru this process He is able to reach her and heal her pain ~
I never meant to give the impression that she doesn't show us love ~ she just misses what she remembers as her "family" with her mom & dad or I guess as we all do ~ what she has created as a memory ~
Yesterday was a good day, no tears, no questions, no heartbreaks ~ not even when her grandmother told her she couldn't come for a visit (her mom's mom). This morning she woke up with a sleepy smile and a sweet hug good morning ~
She is our sunshine & we love her!
Thanks as always for the love & support ~
PINK HUGS,
Rita
She is a precious, loving little girl ~ I think the issues is that she is "safe" with us so she knows she can ask these questions, she can push the limits and she can seek answers ~
From experience with my other daughters ~ I know that there is a good chance I can try to do ALL the best for her and she can still become an adult and hate us. She could still resent us, think that we are the reason she didn't have her Dad in her life.
And because I already know how painful that is ~ that is truly what breaks my heart ~ I already KNOW how powerless I am ~
She is God's child and I must continually give her to Him ~ and pray that thru this process He is able to reach her and heal her pain ~
I never meant to give the impression that she doesn't show us love ~ she just misses what she remembers as her "family" with her mom & dad or I guess as we all do ~ what she has created as a memory ~
Yesterday was a good day, no tears, no questions, no heartbreaks ~ not even when her grandmother told her she couldn't come for a visit (her mom's mom). This morning she woke up with a sleepy smile and a sweet hug good morning ~
She is our sunshine & we love her!
Thanks as always for the love & support ~
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
We're in a slump. It won't last forever. These periods are normal, even necessary. These are the days to get through. These are the days to focus on recovery behaviors, whether or not the rewards occur immediately. These are sometimes the days to let ourselves be and love ourselves as much as we can.
I'm so glad I didn't say or do anything I'd be ashamed of today. I owned my attitude and did my best. My reward is today and it's a beautiful one
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by Chino
I woke up today, took my coffee and joined the cat outside on the deck, then felt all of yesterday's angst just melt away.
life is good!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Off Topic: 
This is "fun week" for the nephew and I. His sitter is on vacation, sooo
Yesterday was universal studios, today MW will pick us up and take us back to paradise. Tomorrow we will take a 3 hour train ride back home, thursday is the Aquarium of the Pacific and friday is movie day
I live a charmed life and am grateful to Love
This is "fun week" for the nephew and I. His sitter is on vacation, sooo
Yesterday was universal studios, today MW will pick us up and take us back to paradise. Tomorrow we will take a 3 hour train ride back home, thursday is the Aquarium of the Pacific and friday is movie day
I live a charmed life and am grateful to Love
Paradox, Humor, Change
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Naples, FL USA
Posts: 888
Pink, Chino, Lily, Amy, Feet and the rest -
You are all so real with me and I appreciate that. I am way up in the clouds with idealism right now in my life. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy I am sober. I don't wont any of you to turn away bored or hurt by my high minded ranting. Its the woods I am walking in now. I don't want to feel bad about being where I am at, that said other people have feelings and I care about everyones here feelings. I want to be liked and appreciated as well. I am all fired up about recovery and life. I am feeling like maybe I am a little preachy, I feel like I have struck gold and am very excited in general.
I am saying I am doing my best right now. And all of you have been patient and supportive and I thank you for that. I am doing my best to be real as I know how with all of you.
Warmly,
SM
You are all so real with me and I appreciate that. I am way up in the clouds with idealism right now in my life. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy I am sober. I don't wont any of you to turn away bored or hurt by my high minded ranting. Its the woods I am walking in now. I don't want to feel bad about being where I am at, that said other people have feelings and I care about everyones here feelings. I want to be liked and appreciated as well. I am all fired up about recovery and life. I am feeling like maybe I am a little preachy, I feel like I have struck gold and am very excited in general.
I am saying I am doing my best right now. And all of you have been patient and supportive and I thank you for that. I am doing my best to be real as I know how with all of you.
Warmly,
SM
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SM)) there are days I am SO overwhelmed with gratititude, I just cry. There are days when I wonder when I'm going to "get it" and be okay with where I am. Regardless of how I feel, the people here get me and gently nudge me forward.
I don't have the codie recovery down pat, but damned if I am not a lot further than I used to be. That is because of everyone here.
I'm texting to my classmate that used to drive me absolutely crazy. She's actually pretty cool, my age and she has a huge garden with lots of fresh veggies and I can pick what I want.
There was a time when my resentment of her figuring out answers faster than me would have had me stuck in anger. There was a time (um, about 2 days ago?) that I was afraid to ask my instructor what we needed to do for our team project.
I have a new friend, my instructor adores me. How in the world can life get better than that? Oh yeah, a good job would be nice, but I have faith that that will work out.
Recovery rocks, whether it's addiction or codependency or both.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I don't have the codie recovery down pat, but damned if I am not a lot further than I used to be. That is because of everyone here.
I'm texting to my classmate that used to drive me absolutely crazy. She's actually pretty cool, my age and she has a huge garden with lots of fresh veggies and I can pick what I want.
There was a time when my resentment of her figuring out answers faster than me would have had me stuck in anger. There was a time (um, about 2 days ago?) that I was afraid to ask my instructor what we needed to do for our team project.
I have a new friend, my instructor adores me. How in the world can life get better than that? Oh yeah, a good job would be nice, but I have faith that that will work out.
Recovery rocks, whether it's addiction or codependency or both.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Achieving Harmony
When a pianist learns a new piece of music, he or she does not sit down and instantly play it perfectly. A pianist often needs to practice each hand's work separately to learn the feel, to learn the sound. One hand picks out a part until there is a rhythm and ease in playing what is difficult. Then, the musician practices with the other hand, picking through the notes, one by one, until that hand learns its tasks. When each hand has learned its part - the sound, the feel, the rhythm, and the tones - then both hands can play together.
During the time of practice, the music may not sound like much. It may sound disconnected, not particularly beautiful. But when both hands are ready to play together, music is created - a whole piece comes together in harmony and beauty.
When we begin recovery, it may feel like we spend months, even years, practicing individual, seemingly disconnected behaviors in the separate parts of our life.
We take our new skills into our work, our career, and begin to apply them slowly, making our work relationships healthier for us. We take our skills into our relationships, sometimes one relationship at a time. We struggle through our new behaviors in our love relationships.
One part at a time, we practice our new music note by note.
We work on our relationship with our Higher Power - our spirituality. We work at loving ourselves. We work at believing we deserve the best. We work on our finances. On our recreation. Sometimes on our appearance. Sometimes on our home.
We work on feelings. On beliefs. On behaviors. Letting go of the old, acquiring the new. We work and work and work. We practice. We struggle through. We go from one extreme to the other, and sometimes back through the course again. We make a little progress, go backward, and then go forward again.
It may all seem disconnected. It may not sound like a harmonious, beautiful piece of music - just isolated notes. Then one day, something happens. We become ready to play with both hands, to put the music together.
What we have been working toward, note by note, becomes a song. That song is a whole life, a complete life, and a life in harmony.
The music will come together in our life if we keep practicing the parts.
Today, I will practice my recovery behaviors through the individual parts of my life. I trust that, one day, things will come together in a full, complete song.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Achieving Harmony
When a pianist learns a new piece of music, he or she does not sit down and instantly play it perfectly. A pianist often needs to practice each hand's work separately to learn the feel, to learn the sound. One hand picks out a part until there is a rhythm and ease in playing what is difficult. Then, the musician practices with the other hand, picking through the notes, one by one, until that hand learns its tasks. When each hand has learned its part - the sound, the feel, the rhythm, and the tones - then both hands can play together.
During the time of practice, the music may not sound like much. It may sound disconnected, not particularly beautiful. But when both hands are ready to play together, music is created - a whole piece comes together in harmony and beauty.
When we begin recovery, it may feel like we spend months, even years, practicing individual, seemingly disconnected behaviors in the separate parts of our life.
We take our new skills into our work, our career, and begin to apply them slowly, making our work relationships healthier for us. We take our skills into our relationships, sometimes one relationship at a time. We struggle through our new behaviors in our love relationships.
One part at a time, we practice our new music note by note.
We work on our relationship with our Higher Power - our spirituality. We work at loving ourselves. We work at believing we deserve the best. We work on our finances. On our recreation. Sometimes on our appearance. Sometimes on our home.
We work on feelings. On beliefs. On behaviors. Letting go of the old, acquiring the new. We work and work and work. We practice. We struggle through. We go from one extreme to the other, and sometimes back through the course again. We make a little progress, go backward, and then go forward again.
It may all seem disconnected. It may not sound like a harmonious, beautiful piece of music - just isolated notes. Then one day, something happens. We become ready to play with both hands, to put the music together.
What we have been working toward, note by note, becomes a song. That song is a whole life, a complete life, and a life in harmony.
The music will come together in our life if we keep practicing the parts.
Today, I will practice my recovery behaviors through the individual parts of my life. I trust that, one day, things will come together in a full, complete song.
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