Class of May 2012 pt 5
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Well, Day 14. And it was a good job I didn't go to the convention. I woke up at 3am to find the lights on. Mum was downstairs, fully dressed - and yes, she'd gone to bed earlier - because "it's not bed time." She used to work nights for a long time (cough) years ago, so I guess that had something to do with it.
Other than that, not bad so far, although I overslept this morning. Feeling more relaxed. Got shopping to do, and will be cooking later. Just for today, I seem to have managed to stop beating myself up. Which is good, I think.
And yes... Father's day. Brings back memories. My dad died about six years ago. In the last couple of years, we could barely stand to be in the same room. Our arguments got... really nasty. He seemed to enjoy pushing all the 'get me angry' buttons, because he'd keep at me till I lost it, and then grin like an idiot afterwards.
But for all that, he was my Dad. For a long time, the most important man in my life. We used to watch Dr Who together, and when I was little we'd go for walks in the countryside. He had his flaws, we all do. But he could also be warm, friendly and loving.
(sough) years ago, he'd commented on my drinking. I genuinely don't know how much I'd been drinking, or for how long. I know I'd ended up breaking the bathroom sink washing a bottle out. I wish I could ask him, but I can't. It was at that time that I made all the rules about not drinking at home, on my own, when I was miserable...
I'd like to think that he's been watching over me, and that he's happy.
Other than that, not bad so far, although I overslept this morning. Feeling more relaxed. Got shopping to do, and will be cooking later. Just for today, I seem to have managed to stop beating myself up. Which is good, I think.
And yes... Father's day. Brings back memories. My dad died about six years ago. In the last couple of years, we could barely stand to be in the same room. Our arguments got... really nasty. He seemed to enjoy pushing all the 'get me angry' buttons, because he'd keep at me till I lost it, and then grin like an idiot afterwards.
But for all that, he was my Dad. For a long time, the most important man in my life. We used to watch Dr Who together, and when I was little we'd go for walks in the countryside. He had his flaws, we all do. But he could also be warm, friendly and loving.
(sough) years ago, he'd commented on my drinking. I genuinely don't know how much I'd been drinking, or for how long. I know I'd ended up breaking the bathroom sink washing a bottle out. I wish I could ask him, but I can't. It was at that time that I made all the rules about not drinking at home, on my own, when I was miserable...
I'd like to think that he's been watching over me, and that he's happy.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by Soberjanedoe 
Having a tough day today. My family are bugging me. I feel like they are treating me like the maid that can't do anything right. I've gone on enough walks this weekend to remove myself from the situation and keep my cool then the minute I come back they're on my back again.
I can't say anything to them about it because they're so defensive and my mum who's the main instigator is going through medical treatment for the next 6 months and a side affect is irrationality and grumpiness.
1month left till I'm off to University.
I can't say anything to them about it because they're so defensive and my mum who's the main instigator is going through medical treatment for the next 6 months and a side affect is irrationality and grumpiness.
1month left till I'm off to University.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Happy Father's Day to all the dads around here!
It feels good to have made it through the weekend sober. You know, ever since my first screw-up, my confidence has been wobbly. I think I'm starting to get it back though.
I talked to my husband again, and I believe he's taking me more seriously about my drinking problem. He's still not ready to stop, but he's agreed to not bring any wine, vodka, or beer into the house, which were temptations for me. He now drinks whiskey only, which I think is gross and not tempting at all. He's drinking a lot less too, maybe 3-4 drinks each day. I know that's still more than what is recommended, but it's not nearly as bad as the amount he drinks when we're drinking together. I've realized that he drinks far less when I'm not drinking with him. Hmm ... maybe I'm the one who is a bad influence around here, not him. Only problem is I don't want to kiss him with whiskey breath, and I can smell that stuff from a mile away. Ew.
BTW Dee, Squidward,? I'm a huge fan.
Have a great day!
It feels good to have made it through the weekend sober. You know, ever since my first screw-up, my confidence has been wobbly. I think I'm starting to get it back though.
I talked to my husband again, and I believe he's taking me more seriously about my drinking problem. He's still not ready to stop, but he's agreed to not bring any wine, vodka, or beer into the house, which were temptations for me. He now drinks whiskey only, which I think is gross and not tempting at all. He's drinking a lot less too, maybe 3-4 drinks each day. I know that's still more than what is recommended, but it's not nearly as bad as the amount he drinks when we're drinking together. I've realized that he drinks far less when I'm not drinking with him. Hmm ... maybe I'm the one who is a bad influence around here, not him. Only problem is I don't want to kiss him with whiskey breath, and I can smell that stuff from a mile away. Ew.
BTW Dee, Squidward,? I'm a huge fan.
Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Well other than my finger being a purple sausage, luckily not broken, I have managed to have a decent weekend. Instead of going right to the liquor store after injuring my finger due to the severe pain, I stopped for pizza and buffalo chicken tenders for dinner, and my cocktail of the night was ice, ibuprofen, and elevation. Saturday, we killed two birds with one stone by going on a walk and stopping at the post office for stamps. On the way back we stopped at a farm that has sheep, ponies, cows, chickens, ducks, etc. Walked through the woods back home. I had plans of packing as we are moving in 2 weeks, but to pack up our "hobby room," I had been wanting to finish a scrapbook I was doing on our cross country trip a couple years ago. 5 HOURS LATER... I was finished. I felt very accomplished and loved looking through the pages again as I started it months ago. As I was cleaning that up, I started going through all my craft/hobby things, and really consolidated my crap, throwing out a ton of unneeded stuff. The room looks fantastic, but I think I only got two boxes packed. I drank lots of loose leaf iced tea and half water, half pomegranate-blueberry-cranberry juice all day and night. So I feel bad I wasn't around here much, but i needed a change of pace, focus, etc. I just woke up from my first drinking dream. It felt like I showed up late to a Christmas party, and I was starving, and there was nothing good left to eat. But I was also working because I was bringing clients in rooms who were having some pretty upsetting situations. I poured vodka into a wine glass and downed it. Hubby came in and I was just so upset. Then I woke up and for a second I think I thought I did, but I quickly realized I didn't and I wasn't sweating or anything. I used to have dreams that I was driving in the dark, but slowly my eyes were closing and I couldn't keep them open, and I could hear and feel the driving, and all of a sudden it would get very rough as if I were driving off the road, and I just felt regret and dread. I always woke up before I hit anything but I've had that dream more than once, none since I stopped drinking, though. Has anyone had a half-second thought/fear that they've actually died while drunk and all this is a purgatory/dream? Dreadful. Anyways, the rest of the day has cleaning and hopefully some packing for me. Going to a Christening. Don't know if I'll go to the church or just the party. I have rarely been drawn to organized religion. I want to be but I can't help feeling like I'm in the presence of a cult, does not matter the religion or the church. I'm a very analytical person and I always feel embarrassed if I looked like I'm blindly buying into something and following the masses. I don't want this to turn into a debate on religion. I'm just trying to get my thoughts out of my head. Today is my day 28. Tomorrow morning I will have not have drank for 4 full weeks. I've said it again and again, but I don't remember the last time I went this long without drinking. So I will probably keep saying it, haha, as long as I keep this up.
Payton, I am so sorry you had an awful night. All I keep thinking is your posts after drinking were way more negative than your worst sober post. Drinking turned you into someone you're not, and the voice saying right that this is who you are is the addictive voice and it's full of sh*t. I'm mad at it. How dare it try to take you away from us? If you feel better this morning than all your sober mornings combined, then by all means. But if you think of your recent 30 something mornings waking without a headache, without regret, without anxiety, and you like those mornings better, and you want to keep trying to beat this thing, then please come back. Plenty of people have slipped, come back, and are right back on track again. I need all the support I can get, and you have been instrumental in your replies to me this past month. You can consider this a lesson in knowing that the one month mark is a trigger and have a plan for the next one month mark. I'm curious what role if your husband was around during the last 24 hours, and if so what role he had it. Now so much that he caused it, but if he did anything to help prevent it knowing what you've been trying to do.
Luling, I hear you on the husband thing. My husband has by default been drinking much so now I feel like I've been a bad influence on him! And I hate to kiss him when he's been drinking because he's been drinking the beer I hate in support of not tempting me.
Have a great day fellow misfit toys and Mayans.. I couldn't be prouder to be part of this group!
Payton, I am so sorry you had an awful night. All I keep thinking is your posts after drinking were way more negative than your worst sober post. Drinking turned you into someone you're not, and the voice saying right that this is who you are is the addictive voice and it's full of sh*t. I'm mad at it. How dare it try to take you away from us? If you feel better this morning than all your sober mornings combined, then by all means. But if you think of your recent 30 something mornings waking without a headache, without regret, without anxiety, and you like those mornings better, and you want to keep trying to beat this thing, then please come back. Plenty of people have slipped, come back, and are right back on track again. I need all the support I can get, and you have been instrumental in your replies to me this past month. You can consider this a lesson in knowing that the one month mark is a trigger and have a plan for the next one month mark. I'm curious what role if your husband was around during the last 24 hours, and if so what role he had it. Now so much that he caused it, but if he did anything to help prevent it knowing what you've been trying to do.
Luling, I hear you on the husband thing. My husband has by default been drinking much so now I feel like I've been a bad influence on him! And I hate to kiss him when he's been drinking because he's been drinking the beer I hate in support of not tempting me.
Have a great day fellow misfit toys and Mayans.. I couldn't be prouder to be part of this group!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Hello all. Day 25 and I just got done running my first 5k in like 7 years. I finished way near the back of the pack but had a blast and feel like I could run some more still! Five more days until the big 30! Hang in there all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Well done uninvited, that's brilliant!
Guys, it really bothers me when someone is in trouble and thinks they have to leave. That's how I felt and I couldn't have been more wrong.
We need to make sure when we have our wobbles and our slips that we keep coming back. There is no shame. We all know how rocky this road is and care so much about each other.
Think we should make a pact to stick together, no matter what!
Xxxx
Guys, it really bothers me when someone is in trouble and thinks they have to leave. That's how I felt and I couldn't have been more wrong.
We need to make sure when we have our wobbles and our slips that we keep coming back. There is no shame. We all know how rocky this road is and care so much about each other.
Think we should make a pact to stick together, no matter what!
Xxxx
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Sunday morning, everyone. Happy Father's Day to all of our SR dads!
Payton: Grab some coffee and lots of water and get back in here with us, girl. You're one of the cornerstones of our May class.
Super-Crew: All good with you? Hoping you might check in with us last night, but I'm thinking you were enjoying a great time outside of cyberland.
Uninvited: Terrific to see you with us again! We missed you. Congrats on 25.
Emily: A full 14 days for you, wow! You are sounding so great. Keep it up!
I've got a new rhyme for the East vs. West Flopdown in the queue that you may enjoy. If it's okay with all of you, out of respect for our classmate in crisis, I'd like to hold off for a few hours and give our beloved Payton a chance to come back around.
Off to the races with my super-awesome Dad. Hoping to win more than I throw away on bets. Catch you later, May boaters. Have a wonderfully sober day.
Payton: Grab some coffee and lots of water and get back in here with us, girl. You're one of the cornerstones of our May class.
Super-Crew: All good with you? Hoping you might check in with us last night, but I'm thinking you were enjoying a great time outside of cyberland.
Uninvited: Terrific to see you with us again! We missed you. Congrats on 25.
Emily: A full 14 days for you, wow! You are sounding so great. Keep it up!
I've got a new rhyme for the East vs. West Flopdown in the queue that you may enjoy. If it's okay with all of you, out of respect for our classmate in crisis, I'd like to hold off for a few hours and give our beloved Payton a chance to come back around.
Off to the races with my super-awesome Dad. Hoping to win more than I throw away on bets. Catch you later, May boaters. Have a wonderfully sober day.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
I started thinking about it the moment I left work. When I hit the freeway the voice got louder. I changed into the slow lane so I could make the exit for Destruction Street. My willpower had me change back to the middle lane. The beast whispered in my ear and I found myself in the turn lane again, took the exit, drove straight to the liquor store, bought a bottle of tequila, got home, and took a long draw of the evil drink. And then another. The warmth that quickly spread through my body didn’t feel bad, nor did it feel good. It was simply, famously familiar.
This series of mini-reunions finally got to me. I didn’t drink at any of them. I drank before and after the last one. I’m asking myself what changes I can make in order to maintain sobriety, and the things I keep circling back to deal with the underlying reasons why I’m an alcoholic. I don’t know exactly what those are, but I know I need to find out.
I know with absolute certainty that I’m an alcoholic. I’m a little depressed that I drank after 22 days of sobriety. I’m not all that angry with myself, but I am a disappointed. There are some positives. I did make it 22 days and I know that’s not good enough. The red face that came with years of drinking hasn’t returned in a single day, but I know it will if I continue. The weight I lost is still gone. I know have to quit for good, otherwise it will kill me, I won’t be fully present in my kiddos’ lives and I won’t ever find the authentic me.
I didn’t finish this marathon, but today I start again with my first day of sobriety and resume my quest to stay sober for the rest of my life. It’s Father’s Day and I’ll pick my kids up in a few hours. That’s a good thing. What’s even better is the fact that I didn’t get back on this thread and lie to my new friends or disappear completely, both of which I’m entirely capable of doing. I’m here to stay, friends.
Please join me Payton. We can do this.
This series of mini-reunions finally got to me. I didn’t drink at any of them. I drank before and after the last one. I’m asking myself what changes I can make in order to maintain sobriety, and the things I keep circling back to deal with the underlying reasons why I’m an alcoholic. I don’t know exactly what those are, but I know I need to find out.
I know with absolute certainty that I’m an alcoholic. I’m a little depressed that I drank after 22 days of sobriety. I’m not all that angry with myself, but I am a disappointed. There are some positives. I did make it 22 days and I know that’s not good enough. The red face that came with years of drinking hasn’t returned in a single day, but I know it will if I continue. The weight I lost is still gone. I know have to quit for good, otherwise it will kill me, I won’t be fully present in my kiddos’ lives and I won’t ever find the authentic me.
I didn’t finish this marathon, but today I start again with my first day of sobriety and resume my quest to stay sober for the rest of my life. It’s Father’s Day and I’ll pick my kids up in a few hours. That’s a good thing. What’s even better is the fact that I didn’t get back on this thread and lie to my new friends or disappear completely, both of which I’m entirely capable of doing. I’m here to stay, friends.
Please join me Payton. We can do this.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 100
Welcome Back Crew! Enjoy your Fathers Day with your kids, that is a great gift, isn't it?
My kids gift to me was being allowed to sleep til 8...and they have just come up and announced that they have made me fruit salad and granola for my breakfast. I'm mpressed but wondering who did the knife work, the 5-yr old or the 7-yr old? Maybe it's a bowl of bananas...that's safe at least!
I gotta run...a good day wish to all of you!
GingerBeer
My kids gift to me was being allowed to sleep til 8...and they have just come up and announced that they have made me fruit salad and granola for my breakfast. I'm mpressed but wondering who did the knife work, the 5-yr old or the 7-yr old? Maybe it's a bowl of bananas...that's safe at least!
I gotta run...a good day wish to all of you!
GingerBeer
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 137
Super Crew. Happy Father's Day. Hope you have a wonderful day with your lucky, lucky kids.
I feel privileged to be in this May class with you. Your kindness and beautiful way with words creep into my heart, I am so thankful you are here.
I feel privileged to be in this May class with you. Your kindness and beautiful way with words creep into my heart, I am so thankful you are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
I'm glad you're back, crew. Sometimes that beast wins the battle, but you'll win the war.
Happy Father's Day! Have a good time with your noisy hooligans today. My noisy hooligans and I are taking my husband out to lunch here shortly. Have fun today!
P.S. Did you dump the rest of the whiskey? Edit: I meant to say tequila.
Happy Father's Day! Have a good time with your noisy hooligans today. My noisy hooligans and I are taking my husband out to lunch here shortly. Have fun today!
P.S. Did you dump the rest of the whiskey? Edit: I meant to say tequila.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northeast Florida
Posts: 334
Ok......everybody gather around. Group hug. 
Crew,: First off, I love the way you write. Secondly, thank you thank you thank you for your post and your insight.
As for me, I went to the movies last night (Moonlight Kingdom) with a friend who had been drinking beer most of the day at an outdoor festival. Before I picked her up for the movie she had couple of glasses of Chardonnay. She was red-faced, a bit loud in the line for the tickets, obviously tipsy, and I thought, "god, that used to be me." Anyway, she fell asleep in the chair next to me during the movie, which was fine with me. But I had to nudge her when she started snoring. After I dropped her off at her house and was driving home I thought to myself, "Jeezus I'm glad I'm sober."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 114
Happy father's day to all the dad's here.
I'm going out to dinner with mine tonight even though he hates fathers day lol. He usually forgets it unless I remind him and then he's like fine we'll go out to eat but I'm paying and you're not getting me a card. He's grumpy, and has been saying he can't wait to be a curmudgeon old man so he can yell at kids to get off his lawn and beat people with a cane since he was 30, but I love him.
Crewisms I'm glad you came back. It's not the bad days that matter it's what you do after them, and how you pick yourself back up. You're still here so I think you've conquered that one.
I'm going out to dinner with mine tonight even though he hates fathers day lol. He usually forgets it unless I remind him and then he's like fine we'll go out to eat but I'm paying and you're not getting me a card. He's grumpy, and has been saying he can't wait to be a curmudgeon old man so he can yell at kids to get off his lawn and beat people with a cane since he was 30, but I love him.
Crewisms I'm glad you came back. It's not the bad days that matter it's what you do after them, and how you pick yourself back up. You're still here so I think you've conquered that one.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
I'm here, I'm fine, I'm completely ashamed for posting drunk and depressed and cannot bear to read back over anything that has been said to me. I'm going to force myself to scan back and face it. I am so, so sorry to everyone. I was given recommendations for a new doctor (I don't like the GP I have now) and I am going to call Monday for an appointment. Please, please forgive me for this. I will not do this to you all again. I am so sorry.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Payton,
I'm glad you're seeing a new doctor, if you aren't satisfied with the one you're seeing now. Don't be ashamed of yourself for posting while drunk and depressed. It's good that even in that state of mind, you knew that you needed to reach out, and you did. I'm glad you came here and shared with us what you were going through; we're here for you, and you should never feel that you have to sit there feeling alone.
I'm so glad to see that you're back.
I'm glad you're seeing a new doctor, if you aren't satisfied with the one you're seeing now. Don't be ashamed of yourself for posting while drunk and depressed. It's good that even in that state of mind, you knew that you needed to reach out, and you did. I'm glad you came here and shared with us what you were going through; we're here for you, and you should never feel that you have to sit there feeling alone.
I'm so glad to see that you're back.
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