flickedhisbic

Yeah payton don't shut out any form of support you can get.

lol Easyrider lazyness is the best reason not to drink.

Still having problems with slowing down today I went for a long hike this morning (and at least had some sense to bring water with me) I'm scared that if I take a moment to stop that I'll be overcome with all the emotional issues from the assault last month and then I'll drink.

HitRockBottom70

Payton, any one of us could write this at some point. That is why we all belong and deserve to be here. You have had a pretty rough couple of days, don't let it pull you down. You have strength, let us help you tap into it. You certainly have helped us!

Dee74

Easyrider

congrats on 30 days...sorry about the struggles tho...

have you read about PAWs?

PAWS | Digital Dharma

Soberjanedoe

Having a tough day today. My family are bugging me. I feel like they are treating me like the maid that can't do anything right. I've gone on enough walks this weekend to remove myself from the situation and keep my cool then the minute I come back they're on my back again.

I can't say anything to them about it because they're so defensive and my mum who's the main instigator is going through medical treatment for the next 6 months and a side affect is irrationality and grumpiness.

1month left till I'm off to University.

Payton

I drank an entire bottle of wine and a glass of bourbon. i love you all. i don't feel loved in real life. i hate myself. i deserve slaughter. i wonder if i will come back here again. i hope you all take care of yourselves.

Dee74

I hated myself for a long time too Payton.

Coming here helped me change that - so I hope you'll feel differently tomorrow and stick around

I'm sorry for your tough day too Jane.

D

flickedhisbic

2nd what Dee said Payton, I hope you come back tomorrow.

Jane - I'm sorry you're having problems with your family, keep getting out of your house and keep counting down the days until you're out of there. Just keep in mind that they have no control over your emotions, you do.


And yes new icon, I'm a huge Britney fan and I've got a picture hanging up that says "If Britney can make it through 2007 then I can make it through today." About to add that to my sig too.

FrenchPink

Hey, Payton. You are most certainly loved in real life by our class. I hope you stay with us. You are such an incredible member of our class and you are helping all of us with your strength, care, triumphs and trials.

Feel free to post more tonight. Otherwise, we'll look forward to seeing you right back here in the morning. Drink plenty of water and get some rest, sweetheart. We love you.

HitRockBottom70

I love it Flicked. It is so true.

SJane, sending a big hug. I hope that month comes fast!

Payton, I hope I wake up tomorrow and read a post that you are feeling better and are back on the May train to (not sure where yet but there's no alcohol).

Dee thanks for the paws link. Maybe it will shed some light on what I'm feeling lately

GingerBeer

Payton - I sorry you are going through a rough patch, and thank you (again) for your honesty (again) and for letting yourself out onto these pages.

Did you ever watch the Christmas Holiday Special from the 1960's "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer"? Do you remember when Rudolf runs away and gets lost and discovers the Island of Misfit Toys? Where all the toys that have a flaw stay until they finally find children who will love them?

In my life I often find myself with a collection of people who form a group...we come from here and there and all different walks of life. And in some ways we are misfits who you wouldn't necessarily match up together. And I always seem to feel the most comfortable with the misfits, with a hodgepodge, a concoction, a melange whatever the analogy, a quilt of personalities and strengths and weaknesses. I don't have to be a poser with misfits. I don't have to apologize for my flaws with the misfits. We can put all of our cards out on the table and then move on to deal with real stuff. And the most amazing things will come out of these kinds of groups!

They are real people, not cardboard cutouts. And real people aren't perfection.

No one is keeping score. For each person, each day sober is a victory. I am confident that tomorrow you will have a victory, and then another and you will keep putting together the pieces that add up to a healthy and happy you.

I neglected to thank you for something you wrote Saturday

You tried to keep your actions in line with your values. You succeeded so many times! We read you struggling. We saw that something wasn't right. And yes, after so many times that you knocked it on it's a$$ - it got you once. Aww Dang.

You can't change yesterday - let's look forward. Don't let this slip be an excuse to let it take over Payton. Put it behind you and start racking up the days again - before you know it you'll have something that you'll want to protect and defend.

Please keep posting to the board - there is absolutely no limit on the number of pixels you are allowed to use up. There are plenty more so post away...we want to hear from you soon, let us know that you are OK.

As 2Mags reminded us yesterday, if your emotions are going in a direction that you really can't control and you are thinking of hurting yourself please tell your husband, call the national suicide helpline at 1-800-273-TALK - or go to the ER. Or do all 3.

We are all misfit toys, with a lot to offer each other. Please take care and stay close.

GingerBeer

ThursdayNight

HRB , I'm sorry this is so late, but I wanted to thank you for the above advice. I know you are absolutely right.

Payton, I would gladly drink a glass of wine right now if I knew it would guarantee that you would stay with us. This situation reminds me of a book I once read (the name of which escapes me) where this couple was time traveling. They landed at some point in time utterly naked and obviously mortified at being without clothes. From my recollection, a taxi driver picked them up and planned on taking them to his house to help them. He phoned his wife and told her of the situation - they had no clothes. When the taxi arrived at the house, the wife was stark naked on the front lawn, holding clothes for the time-travelers to change into. She realized how embarrassed they were about being naked, so she herself got naked in order to make them more comfortable.

Although I don't remember the book, that particular scene has stuck in my mind for years. And that's why I say, I would gladly drink a glass of wine if I knew that in doing so, you would see that we are all here for each other.

I agree with GingerBeer's post above. So true.

I hope you hang with us Payton. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

And a PS to Dee - I'll bet you didn't realize you'd be coming back to such prolific writers....I'm sure it was like reading War and Peace to get up to speed with us! Glad you are back.

Jeni26

Payton, I've been exactly where you are. Exactly.
I did 49 days, and had a relapse. You were all here for me then, and I won't ever forget it.
You need to take really good care of yourself over the next couple of days. Drink plenty, take it easy.
DO NOT give up on us here. We love you and I'm telling you it's so much easier when you climb straight back into the saddle.
Keep reading and posting.
I'm now back on 21 days, and I'm learning so much about myself. I believe I can do this, and I believe you can too.
Take care, we are all here for you xxxxxx

Dee74

Thanks TN

to be honest I've barely scratched the surface today LOL...I'll go back and fill in the blanks over the next few days

D

Saskia

Payton, we've all been in your shoes!!! When I've relapsed after short and long periods of sobriety I feel just horrid. For me the key seems to be to just keep on trucking'. This is the time when you MOST need to be here.for support from friends who have all been there and, though of course we hope not, could go there again. I could be in your shoes any day. That's why we all come here.

We celebrate each other's successes and support each other when we slip. This is a journey together with all of its ups and downs.

Please, oh please stay with us. You are still just as valued a member of the great class of May as before and you are still the wonderful caring person you were before. So get back on your toes and keep on working and sharing with the rest of us :ghug3

Saskia

Dear Jane, It sounds like you've got a lot "on your plate"! What a geat way to handle your feelings by taking walks. It sounds like you've got some tough months ahead of you and I hope you will keep coming back here for support, celebration and friendship!

Saskia

GingerBeer, what an incredible post! Your description of misfit toys and all that goes with it touched me deeply. All of my life I've felt like a misfit even though people around me don't see it. Thank you!

MalkavianEmily

Don't deserve to be here? You belong here as much as any of us, believe me. Hang in there. You're too strong to just give up. Slipping isn't a disaster, falling over isn't the end of the world. Staying there, on the other hand...:ghug3

Iwant2

Ok......everybody gather around. Group hug.

Jeni26

Absolutely, great post Iwant2.
We all have our struggles, this is horrendously hard, and we all have each other xxx

Luling

Payton, take care of yourself. See someone about your depression if you need to. Keep posting here. Just be good to yourself.

I've screwed up a bit around here, and you were so understanding and supportive. You, along with our classmates, didn't tear me down; you built me up. You deserve to treat yourself with the same love that you show everyone else. Think of what you would say to one of us in your situation, and say it to yourself.

Stick around, we need you here. ((hugs))