Class of May 2012 pt 4
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
I'm really proud of everyone! Be careful as your day 30 approaches and keep your guard up. I had a car accident in late April of this year and blew it on day 29.....still pissed about that, LOL. Keep strong!
Lee
Lee
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 64
Wrap up
So I am in this private room where people have to wear gowns and gloves to see me. I never would have thought 11 days ago when I noticed a pimple on my nose would lead to this. I guess there is a lesson to be learned somewhere. I would like to take the opportunity and try to to figure out how I got to where I ended up with my alcohol abuse.
Jim Beam. One of my new found tastes thanks to the Atkins diet. Economically I learned that the price of a 1.75 liter bottle was only a few dollars more than a 750 ml bottle. Obviously it made economical sense to get the larger bottle which meant I had to put it someplace. This is when I really started hiding my drinking habits from my wife. It would be one thing to just drink from it when it was drinking time (5:00?) but the problem was that if I saw the bottle while I was Idoing something else the other voice in my head said "go ahead. Have a slug or two. No one will know and what can it hurt. It will make you feel good". So this became my pattern over the last 5 years. Unfortunately as we all know it only gets worse,
Soon the tolerance level became higher. It would take more and more to catch the desired buzz. Also at this time I was going through some difficult times in my life. I learned later through a therapist that most of what I was encountering where just negative thoughts in my head that were not valid. But there were some legeimate issues. Mostly with my job.
Things really started coming to head two winters ago. I remember there was a snow fall at night and pretty much everything was cancelled the next day. I drank rock gut scotch the night before and when I heard about the cancellations in the morning, I continued to drink. Keep in mind these were drinks directly from the bottle. It was at this point that my wife said I needed to get therapy.
I had my annual physical with my Dr. about a month after that at which point I I told him I needed help. He asked why I drank and I told him it made me happy. He suggested a therapist and I started seeing her on a regular basis. Many of the sessions were not so much focused on alcohol but how I viewed thoughts. Stopping negative thoughts and creating positive thoughts. My therapist asked what I wanted from drinking. My response was that I would like to be able to have one or two in a social setting or relaxing while hanging out in the hot tub or watching a sporting event. So we worked on ways to do this.
I began counting drinks and allocating how many drinks I would have in a day or a week. Initially this worked and I felt real good about myself. I would measure the shots of scotch and enjoy them. However as time went on I would not measure and would stop counting. Why? I am not sure. But when I did this I was always thinking about alcohol. I did get to the point where I only drank on certain days but I would look forward to these days and dink more. I know my job plays a lot into it and for several months I concentrated on this. One thing about my job is there are always changes. I teach at the college level. We have 11 week terms. So I would go for 11 weeks then I would have a break..go for another 11 and have a break. This was the pattern. It seemed that once the pattern changed my drinking pattern changed with it. Things really started to come full force over the last few months.
While I did drink a lot it was usually reserved for the afternoon. I soon found myself waking up and having a drink. It was easy to hide. I knew the patterns of my wife so I knew when she would exercise or shower. I would have several "gulps" and go back to bed. The drinking at night got worse. While she was thinking I was a having a glass or two of wine or beer I was sneaking downstairs and gulping vodka or scotch (whatever was stashed away). I believe the end really started to come on St. Patrick's day.
My daughter had a dance competition downtown. I drank before we left, had some things to do at work and told them I would meet them, drank some scotch at a bar prior and basically fell a sleep for most of the competition. My wife did not say anything because it was St. Patrick's day and wanted to go out afterwards. We went out I drank beer, more beer, gulped scotch had corned beef and cabbage at home. All I remember that night is my 20 year daughter crying and begging me not to drink anymore. You would think that should end it but I still had it in me that I could control it. The gulping of bottles continued ( I controlled the best I could). It was finally on memorial day that I told my wife I cannot continue. I have no off switch. I would prefer to not drink. The problem was I used this as an excuse to have my last hurrah. I probably drank about 3/4 of a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka that night. The next morning while she showered a finished the bottle. That has been my last drink so far.
My stories could go on and on and as I am sure many of us can do as well. This has been a very basic story of my journey. When I was counting drinks and refraining from alcohol for 3 and 4 days at a time I really enjoyed life. This is what I want permanently. I know there are many labels for us. I prefer to known as someone who simply does not drink. I know it is not easy. I will be seeing my therapist again when I get out if the hospital. This time my goal will to be a non drinker as opposed to a part time social drinker. I could go on and on but I think it is time to put and end to this story. I hope this helps someone. I know it helped me by putting it in writing. I feel very fortunate to come across allof you in this group. I know if we all pull together we can beat this.
God Bless and have a sober weekend.
Jim Beam. One of my new found tastes thanks to the Atkins diet. Economically I learned that the price of a 1.75 liter bottle was only a few dollars more than a 750 ml bottle. Obviously it made economical sense to get the larger bottle which meant I had to put it someplace. This is when I really started hiding my drinking habits from my wife. It would be one thing to just drink from it when it was drinking time (5:00?) but the problem was that if I saw the bottle while I was Idoing something else the other voice in my head said "go ahead. Have a slug or two. No one will know and what can it hurt. It will make you feel good". So this became my pattern over the last 5 years. Unfortunately as we all know it only gets worse,
Soon the tolerance level became higher. It would take more and more to catch the desired buzz. Also at this time I was going through some difficult times in my life. I learned later through a therapist that most of what I was encountering where just negative thoughts in my head that were not valid. But there were some legeimate issues. Mostly with my job.
Things really started coming to head two winters ago. I remember there was a snow fall at night and pretty much everything was cancelled the next day. I drank rock gut scotch the night before and when I heard about the cancellations in the morning, I continued to drink. Keep in mind these were drinks directly from the bottle. It was at this point that my wife said I needed to get therapy.
I had my annual physical with my Dr. about a month after that at which point I I told him I needed help. He asked why I drank and I told him it made me happy. He suggested a therapist and I started seeing her on a regular basis. Many of the sessions were not so much focused on alcohol but how I viewed thoughts. Stopping negative thoughts and creating positive thoughts. My therapist asked what I wanted from drinking. My response was that I would like to be able to have one or two in a social setting or relaxing while hanging out in the hot tub or watching a sporting event. So we worked on ways to do this.
I began counting drinks and allocating how many drinks I would have in a day or a week. Initially this worked and I felt real good about myself. I would measure the shots of scotch and enjoy them. However as time went on I would not measure and would stop counting. Why? I am not sure. But when I did this I was always thinking about alcohol. I did get to the point where I only drank on certain days but I would look forward to these days and dink more. I know my job plays a lot into it and for several months I concentrated on this. One thing about my job is there are always changes. I teach at the college level. We have 11 week terms. So I would go for 11 weeks then I would have a break..go for another 11 and have a break. This was the pattern. It seemed that once the pattern changed my drinking pattern changed with it. Things really started to come full force over the last few months.
While I did drink a lot it was usually reserved for the afternoon. I soon found myself waking up and having a drink. It was easy to hide. I knew the patterns of my wife so I knew when she would exercise or shower. I would have several "gulps" and go back to bed. The drinking at night got worse. While she was thinking I was a having a glass or two of wine or beer I was sneaking downstairs and gulping vodka or scotch (whatever was stashed away). I believe the end really started to come on St. Patrick's day.
My daughter had a dance competition downtown. I drank before we left, had some things to do at work and told them I would meet them, drank some scotch at a bar prior and basically fell a sleep for most of the competition. My wife did not say anything because it was St. Patrick's day and wanted to go out afterwards. We went out I drank beer, more beer, gulped scotch had corned beef and cabbage at home. All I remember that night is my 20 year daughter crying and begging me not to drink anymore. You would think that should end it but I still had it in me that I could control it. The gulping of bottles continued ( I controlled the best I could). It was finally on memorial day that I told my wife I cannot continue. I have no off switch. I would prefer to not drink. The problem was I used this as an excuse to have my last hurrah. I probably drank about 3/4 of a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka that night. The next morning while she showered a finished the bottle. That has been my last drink so far.
My stories could go on and on and as I am sure many of us can do as well. This has been a very basic story of my journey. When I was counting drinks and refraining from alcohol for 3 and 4 days at a time I really enjoyed life. This is what I want permanently. I know there are many labels for us. I prefer to known as someone who simply does not drink. I know it is not easy. I will be seeing my therapist again when I get out if the hospital. This time my goal will to be a non drinker as opposed to a part time social drinker. I could go on and on but I think it is time to put and end to this story. I hope this helps someone. I know it helped me by putting it in writing. I feel very fortunate to come across allof you in this group. I know if we all pull together we can beat this.
God Bless and have a sober weekend.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
Headaches and Sleepness Nights. With copious amounts of tequila in my system, my blood sugar was borderline diabetic. When I quit, my blood sugar plummeted like the world's stock markets. I also put myself on a super-healthy diet, which took most non-natural sugar out of the equation. My nights were without sleep and the aches pounded my head. I changed things up by drinking sugared vitamin water and eating some fine dark chocolate by day (not much, but enough to raise my blood sugar) and I ate a high fiber (read, low-glycemic index) bars during the day and before I went to sleep. Everything changed for the better. But that is me...my system, my body.
When I visited my doctor, he said, "You dumb sh$t. You should have called me." I like him a lot. I walked away with my proverbial tail between my legs.
When I visited my doctor, he said, "You dumb sh$t. You should have called me." I like him a lot. I walked away with my proverbial tail between my legs.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
Day 15 was my best, yet. Stayed productive all day, only a few "urges", and slept like a rock. I know they won't all be like this, but I'll take 'em when I get 'em!
Iwant2. I'm so sorry you have MRSA (the hospital virus), but glad they caught it! Hang in there buddy and get well fast.
Lee. Thanks for the 30 day warning. It's nice to know the trigger-events of others.
SoberJane. I'm glad you made it through the night sober. I don't think I could have done it, even if they had me in a straight-jacket and my mouth was taped up with duct tape.
2mags. I love your pre-six-weeks diet! Could we add some dark chocolate, too?
Tanja. Congrats on 26 days! Now get some sleep, would ya!
Jeni. 14 down and a lifetime to go! Thanks for the heads up on luling. I'll seek her out.
On to day 16 with vigor and commitment. I'm 15 days sober thanks to my May buddies.
Iwant2. I'm so sorry you have MRSA (the hospital virus), but glad they caught it! Hang in there buddy and get well fast.
Lee. Thanks for the 30 day warning. It's nice to know the trigger-events of others.
SoberJane. I'm glad you made it through the night sober. I don't think I could have done it, even if they had me in a straight-jacket and my mouth was taped up with duct tape.
2mags. I love your pre-six-weeks diet! Could we add some dark chocolate, too?
Tanja. Congrats on 26 days! Now get some sleep, would ya!
Jeni. 14 down and a lifetime to go! Thanks for the heads up on luling. I'll seek her out.
On to day 16 with vigor and commitment. I'm 15 days sober thanks to my May buddies.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
I could be happy, at least fairly,
to live as a simple folk singer.
I'd set aside my rhyming dictionary
and not work too hard to find the zinger.
I'd simply sing:
Day 29 (la la la la la la)
It's lookin' fine (la la la la la)
to live as a simple folk singer.
I'd set aside my rhyming dictionary
and not work too hard to find the zinger.
I'd simply sing:
Day 29 (la la la la la la)
It's lookin' fine (la la la la la)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Hello class of May.
I just woke up and am feeling good. Slept well. Thats a good thing because I work the weekend.
Iwant-please don't let the MRSA and isolation precautions get you down. The bacteria is all over the country now. The bug bite you got on the trip, then traveling... All it took was touching the wrong thing and scratching the bite and bam. It is good you went to the hospital so quick and were started on IV antibiotics, hopefully they started with one that treated it before they waited for cultures to come back. I wish you a speedy recovery.
I love reading you story. I can certainly relate to the last part.
2M and flicked- I'm with you on the cravings. Right now the only thing I am never having again is alcohol. If I want a pizza, I'm getting one. It's funny the cravings for alcohol have really subsided.
Lee- I guess this lack of cravings is why you say to stay on gaurd around this point. I will.
I wish you all a wonderful weekend. Stay strong friends.
I just woke up and am feeling good. Slept well. Thats a good thing because I work the weekend.
Iwant-please don't let the MRSA and isolation precautions get you down. The bacteria is all over the country now. The bug bite you got on the trip, then traveling... All it took was touching the wrong thing and scratching the bite and bam. It is good you went to the hospital so quick and were started on IV antibiotics, hopefully they started with one that treated it before they waited for cultures to come back. I wish you a speedy recovery.
I love reading you story. I can certainly relate to the last part.
2M and flicked- I'm with you on the cravings. Right now the only thing I am never having again is alcohol. If I want a pizza, I'm getting one. It's funny the cravings for alcohol have really subsided.
Lee- I guess this lack of cravings is why you say to stay on gaurd around this point. I will.
I wish you all a wonderful weekend. Stay strong friends.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 100
I guess I shouldn't have said that the only thing that I've changed in my diet is getting rid of the microbrews and wine...I added Ginger Beer which is pretty sugary...and spicy V8 for its electrolytes.
Crewisms
Hmmm. Blood sugar. I know nothing about that! I'll do some research. I did call my doctor and they suggested taking the Tylenol. Uh, Gee thanks.
tanja
thanks for the idea about the spinich smoothie. I wonder what's special about spinich? It's rich in anti-oxidants....but so are a lot of things. Maybe the Vitamin K?
French Pink Yes, the caf in coffee helps, but I years ago I cut down from double espresso shots etc. to now where I usually have just a strong cup of Italian Roast at about 7:30-8 AM. The trouble is the time from right when I open my eyes...until the Tylenols and caf hit. I am drinking that spicy V8 in the evening for its electrolytes, mostly Potassium and Sodium (thanks Flicked!).
Thanks to all for the suggestions and good wishes.
Hope all are having a great Saturday! It's RAINING AGAIN in Portland...this is supposed to be over by now...grrr....my tomatoes will never produce fruit before fall if we don't get some relief.
Crewisms
Hmmm. Blood sugar. I know nothing about that! I'll do some research. I did call my doctor and they suggested taking the Tylenol. Uh, Gee thanks.
tanja
thanks for the idea about the spinich smoothie. I wonder what's special about spinich? It's rich in anti-oxidants....but so are a lot of things. Maybe the Vitamin K?
French Pink Yes, the caf in coffee helps, but I years ago I cut down from double espresso shots etc. to now where I usually have just a strong cup of Italian Roast at about 7:30-8 AM. The trouble is the time from right when I open my eyes...until the Tylenols and caf hit. I am drinking that spicy V8 in the evening for its electrolytes, mostly Potassium and Sodium (thanks Flicked!).
Thanks to all for the suggestions and good wishes.
Hope all are having a great Saturday! It's RAINING AGAIN in Portland...this is supposed to be over by now...grrr....my tomatoes will never produce fruit before fall if we don't get some relief.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 100
A belated thank you to 2Mags for this link to information about PAWS (below) . I would have never thought that the effects can linger that long. I'm feeling relatively good except I keep having memory fade outs which before I was blaming on being 1/2 lit much of my free time. Now I'm stone sober and things that happened yesterday seem so foggy and lacking in detail. It feels worse than when I was drinking.
The recent past gets very fuzzy, very fast.
The recent past gets very fuzzy, very fast.
Originally Posted by 2magnolias 
My psychiatrist told me that six weeks is the GOLDEN date...that after six weeks of complete abstinance, the brain has reached equilibrium. YES you can still have PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) symptoms for months or years afterwards (generally end around one year sober, she said) but that the feeling of psychosis/schitzophrenia/mania will generally be over in six weeks.
This site gives great indepth info about PAWS
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
but you can google it and find tons of info. I've found that so far I've got memory problems...can't think of a word in the middle of a conversation/writing....will be in the middle of a presentation and completely forget what I'm supposed to be talking about (I laugh at myself...tell people my Alzheimers is acting up...which, of course, is very wrong to say.)
This site gives great indepth info about PAWS
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
but you can google it and find tons of info. I've found that so far I've got memory problems...can't think of a word in the middle of a conversation/writing....will be in the middle of a presentation and completely forget what I'm supposed to be talking about (I laugh at myself...tell people my Alzheimers is acting up...which, of course, is very wrong to say.)
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Saturday afternoon, boaters! Hope all are celebrating another sober day today.
Sorry to miss the morning May Class greeting. Instead, I'd started the day by visiting a thread from our respected member, Luling, and my thoughts wandered into the void of wistful reflections on yesteryear.
Afterward, figured it best to attend to the yard before ambition waned. Completed curling the grass into long smooth ringlets, ensured proper springiness with holding gel, and set it firmly with finishing spray. Wouldn't you know it? A heavy rain is predicted within the hour and the lawn will be all wild and frizzy again. Geez.
No cause for delay, now the weekend is here.
Tall weeds gone to seed, the mower's in gear.
Hayfever allergies causing such grief,
this elephant trumpets for posthaste relief.
Trunk drips and sneezes, yet respite must wait,
for the yard must be finished this Day 28.
Congratulations to all on continued sobriety and to those making today their first sober day. I'll be around periodically this weekend, so post away classmates. I'll be looking for you.
Sorry to miss the morning May Class greeting. Instead, I'd started the day by visiting a thread from our respected member, Luling, and my thoughts wandered into the void of wistful reflections on yesteryear.
Afterward, figured it best to attend to the yard before ambition waned. Completed curling the grass into long smooth ringlets, ensured proper springiness with holding gel, and set it firmly with finishing spray. Wouldn't you know it? A heavy rain is predicted within the hour and the lawn will be all wild and frizzy again. Geez.
No cause for delay, now the weekend is here.
Tall weeds gone to seed, the mower's in gear.
Hayfever allergies causing such grief,
this elephant trumpets for posthaste relief.
Trunk drips and sneezes, yet respite must wait,
for the yard must be finished this Day 28.
Congratulations to all on continued sobriety and to those making today their first sober day. I'll be around periodically this weekend, so post away classmates. I'll be looking for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
All is well in Luling-Land today. My husband and I are getting along, joking around like we normally do, the older two kids are keeping us all entertained with their UFC style fighting (13-year-old is such a girly-girl, but she has skills), and the toddler is barking orders at all of us incompetent fools.
My husband will have some drinks later, but I won't be tempted to join him. Seriously, alcohol sounds unappealing right now. I'm just so spaced out. We went out to lunch today, and the new-fangled soft drink/ice dispenser technology was too much for my impaired brain to process. But now the fog is finally lifting, and I really just look forward to having a nice walk this evening.
My husband will have some drinks later, but I won't be tempted to join him. Seriously, alcohol sounds unappealing right now. I'm just so spaced out. We went out to lunch today, and the new-fangled soft drink/ice dispenser technology was too much for my impaired brain to process. But now the fog is finally lifting, and I really just look forward to having a nice walk this evening.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Hey everyone,
For the first time today has been a tough day for me. It has caught me out of the blue, but I found myself this morning wanting to drink tonight. I thought of what we have all talked about, about there being events leading up to a relapse, and it freaked me out. I was literally talking myself into a relapse tonight after 37 days of sobriety. I was saying things like, "You really can drink again here and there" and "there is no way you can go forever without EVER drinking again."
This really amazed me and really caused me to stand back. I think about how much work I have put into these 37 days and how one night of drinking could ruin it ALL. I have got to be vigilant. I think that is what I mentioned in my earlier post about 29 days, but my mind had been working on the idea of screwing up from the moment I woke up.
I think, for me, the main trigger, believe it or not is the stress associated with me starting a completely new, and rigorous, eating and exercising plan for the summer. For the past 2 days I have eaten really well and have been exercising because I kind of let myself do whatever for the past few weeks because of quitting drinking. I swear it seems like it is harder to quit EVERYTHING now that I am older. I am also more resistant to change.
I have to come to view my drinking and eating right/exercise as 2 different entities but each achieving the same result: making me a healthy and sober person. It is just so hard for me to be "so good" all the time. I have always been like that and need to explore that more. It is like with eating and exercise that triggered me wanting to be "bad" with drinking.
Please do not fear a relapse for me, I caught it. But in the past I do not think I would have...I would not have seen the signals that would have led up to tonight, and the horrible shame and regret that would be tomorrow morning.
Bottom line is I can never, and will never, drink again. Other bottom line is I must now, and forever, eat much better than I have and exercise again too. I don't see all the rewards now, but they will come.
Patience is hard for me in these early days...but I am learning.
Thanks for reading,
Lee
For the first time today has been a tough day for me. It has caught me out of the blue, but I found myself this morning wanting to drink tonight. I thought of what we have all talked about, about there being events leading up to a relapse, and it freaked me out. I was literally talking myself into a relapse tonight after 37 days of sobriety. I was saying things like, "You really can drink again here and there" and "there is no way you can go forever without EVER drinking again."
This really amazed me and really caused me to stand back. I think about how much work I have put into these 37 days and how one night of drinking could ruin it ALL. I have got to be vigilant. I think that is what I mentioned in my earlier post about 29 days, but my mind had been working on the idea of screwing up from the moment I woke up.
I think, for me, the main trigger, believe it or not is the stress associated with me starting a completely new, and rigorous, eating and exercising plan for the summer. For the past 2 days I have eaten really well and have been exercising because I kind of let myself do whatever for the past few weeks because of quitting drinking. I swear it seems like it is harder to quit EVERYTHING now that I am older. I am also more resistant to change.
I have to come to view my drinking and eating right/exercise as 2 different entities but each achieving the same result: making me a healthy and sober person. It is just so hard for me to be "so good" all the time. I have always been like that and need to explore that more. It is like with eating and exercise that triggered me wanting to be "bad" with drinking.
Please do not fear a relapse for me, I caught it. But in the past I do not think I would have...I would not have seen the signals that would have led up to tonight, and the horrible shame and regret that would be tomorrow morning.
Bottom line is I can never, and will never, drink again. Other bottom line is I must now, and forever, eat much better than I have and exercise again too. I don't see all the rewards now, but they will come.
Patience is hard for me in these early days...but I am learning.
Thanks for reading,
Lee
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 494
I'm in a really foul mood. No particular reason. What do people do when they're angry? I want to smash something and/or get absolutely off my face. I won't but it's still annoying. I'm just gonna have to sit here and stew.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by Easyrider
I'm in a really foul mood. No particular reason. What do people do when they're angry? I want to smash something and/or get absolutely off my face. I won't but it's still annoying. I'm just gonna have to sit here and stew.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 382
Originally Posted by Easyrider
I'm in a really foul mood. No particular reason. What do people do when they're angry? I want to smash something and/or get absolutely off my face. I won't but it's still annoying. I'm just gonna have to sit here and stew.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 494
I need to start exercising too leemer and I've used quitting smoking an excuse to eat crap. I need to stop drinking caffeine too. I was lying awake until 4am last night, possibly later. I need to write down a list of things I need to do otherwise I'll just sit and do nothing. I have an exam for work in 12 days and I've done absolutely no work for it. I procrastinated all the time when I drank, I thought it might go away by itself. But I'm going to have to work on it I suppose.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Easyrider, do you think it could be the quitting smoking? For me, the third day was always the hardest. I would agree with Luling and SoberJ, exercise and take a hot shower. Drink lots of water. I bet it is nicotine-related, at least partially.
SJD--congrats on 30 days! You make me want to keep my sobriety!
SJD--congrats on 30 days! You make me want to keep my sobriety!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 494
Originally Posted by Luling
What happened? Are you okay? I have a punching bag, which is kind of fun to beat up. If you don't have a punching bag of your own, I'll be happy to go beat up mine for you.:ghug3
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