Class of May 2012 pt 3
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 100
Payton
Over the last few weeks, I've read everything you have written to the May group. Through your introspection of your current habits and your history (to which you are the only primary witness to ALL of it) it was clear to you that you have a problem with drinking. It's your mind, your body and your life. I SO respect the strength that you have shown. Your commitment to your health and well being and to your daughter has been so positive and impressive - and you have withstood your doubts and challenges for the past weeks and returned as sure as ever of your resolve when the urge has passed.
It's odd, but I think that given the upending that you've described of your lives over the last couple of years (finances, home, relocation, young child) I think your husband wants to assert that everything is 'fine', That your little family unit is "normal".
When one person makes a change in a small group (family, circle of friends etc) the dynamic is that other member want to pull them back to the way things were. They resist because they want to keep things the way things were because it serves them in some way...he wants things to stay the same. maybe he likes a role as caretaker for you when you are tipsy or your less inhibited behavior...who knows.
Your husband doesn't have the alcohol dependency problem, but if he insists on not respecting your evaluation of YOURSELF and decision for YOURSELF, then he has other problems: he has control issues, he is not listening to you and he is being extremely thoughtless and selfish (in my opinion).
I understand when you say that you have continued to not tell him the whole of your thought process and the extent to which you have committed to abstinence. You can see that he is "not getting it" and you are still not sure if you want to share more details of what you have held back so that he might get it.
I say F-that! You don't have to prove this to him. YOU have decided not to drink. Does he question your judgement on all of your personal habits (that really don't need his approval?) Would he want you to eat meat if you chose to be a vegetarian or vegan? How would he respond if you suddenly started questioning his decisions that don't effect you?
I hope HE doesn't choose to continue to behave this way. If he does and it escalates into conflict on your anniversary that is also too bad, but it is HIS ISSUE, not yours. You should not be guilted, charmed or convinced that what he thinks is best for you is more important than what you have decided.
We care for you Payton. It's clear that you have the brains and the backbone to stand up for yourself. Best of luck
GingerBeer
Seeing clearly since May 7, 2012
Over the last few weeks, I've read everything you have written to the May group. Through your introspection of your current habits and your history (to which you are the only primary witness to ALL of it) it was clear to you that you have a problem with drinking. It's your mind, your body and your life. I SO respect the strength that you have shown. Your commitment to your health and well being and to your daughter has been so positive and impressive - and you have withstood your doubts and challenges for the past weeks and returned as sure as ever of your resolve when the urge has passed.
It's odd, but I think that given the upending that you've described of your lives over the last couple of years (finances, home, relocation, young child) I think your husband wants to assert that everything is 'fine', That your little family unit is "normal".
When one person makes a change in a small group (family, circle of friends etc) the dynamic is that other member want to pull them back to the way things were. They resist because they want to keep things the way things were because it serves them in some way...he wants things to stay the same. maybe he likes a role as caretaker for you when you are tipsy or your less inhibited behavior...who knows.
Your husband doesn't have the alcohol dependency problem, but if he insists on not respecting your evaluation of YOURSELF and decision for YOURSELF, then he has other problems: he has control issues, he is not listening to you and he is being extremely thoughtless and selfish (in my opinion).
I understand when you say that you have continued to not tell him the whole of your thought process and the extent to which you have committed to abstinence. You can see that he is "not getting it" and you are still not sure if you want to share more details of what you have held back so that he might get it.
I say F-that! You don't have to prove this to him. YOU have decided not to drink. Does he question your judgement on all of your personal habits (that really don't need his approval?) Would he want you to eat meat if you chose to be a vegetarian or vegan? How would he respond if you suddenly started questioning his decisions that don't effect you?
I hope HE doesn't choose to continue to behave this way. If he does and it escalates into conflict on your anniversary that is also too bad, but it is HIS ISSUE, not yours. You should not be guilted, charmed or convinced that what he thinks is best for you is more important than what you have decided.
We care for you Payton. It's clear that you have the brains and the backbone to stand up for yourself. Best of luck
GingerBeer
Seeing clearly since May 7, 2012
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Indeed, just remember, it's not worth it. If there's one thing I've learnt over the last couple of weeks, that's it. That listening to the AV... isn't a good option. It's cost me two days, maybe three to find that one out. Days that I have no memory of. 
So hold on, ok?
So hold on, ok?
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Hey, Payton. Happy Anniversary. 
If your husband is taking you out to a nice dinner tonight to celebrate, it's unlikely he'll want to ruin it by starting an argument over your gentle, but firm, refusal to drink. If he brings it up just try to be casual about it and say something like, "No, thank you, honey," or "I'm way too full for wine," and then be prepared with other topics. Wishing you strength, patience, and a delicious meal.
If your husband is taking you out to a nice dinner tonight to celebrate, it's unlikely he'll want to ruin it by starting an argument over your gentle, but firm, refusal to drink. If he brings it up just try to be casual about it and say something like, "No, thank you, honey," or "I'm way too full for wine," and then be prepared with other topics. Wishing you strength, patience, and a delicious meal.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 137
Payton, I understand that we are just seeing a tiny glimpse into your life, your relationship with your husband, but..what the he!! is your husband thinking. I could feel my blood pressure go up as I read your post. You must have the patience of an angel. What part of "I don't want to drink" does he not understand…ugh! I am so sorry you are having to struggle with this!!
Keep up the good fight Payton, you are so worth it!!
Hope you have a wonderful evening, Happy Anniversary!
Keep up the good fight Payton, you are so worth it!!
Hope you have a wonderful evening, Happy Anniversary!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
Hey friends, thank you for all of these heartfelt replies. I really appreciate it.
I made my first good decision and bought Godiva and an In Style magazine for our babysitter. Maybe I was making it bigger in my head, because I told my husband and he thought it was nice, no complaints.
I need to remember that *I* have control over this. I give alcohol too much power.
At dinner tonight I'm just going to say no thanks. He isn't the type to start an argument over it or care that much.
Ginger Beer, I think you hit the nail on the head, very much. I additionally truly believe that he thinks I'm fine - he just does not understand functional addiction. I don't want to make him out to be some terrible person, in fact he really is an incredible husband who is very good to me. In fact he remodeled half our house over the weekend for me and planned this surprise dinner for a type of food he hates but I love, just to be nice. And the way he suggested things or asked me to do things was in a casual, nice way, with me responding "ok" back. I think he just doesn't get it and sees me like he sees himself, and doesn't really understand, and gosh how could he because I am partially withholding my true feelings.
And let's just be brutally honest here, I am withholding my feelings not only because I really struggle with revealing my true struggles, but also because I am not 100% committed to this. I am afraid to commit 100%, I feel like I am engaging in some kind of experiment and I don't truly believe in this or I'm not ready. Someone else is doing this, testing it out, not me. I hate to say it and admit that to everyone but it's true.
I am confident that I will not drink tonight and now I won't have it in my house. Thank you all for giving me the push to find the rational solution. I was truly in a panic earlier and unable to see what the heck to do. Seems so simple now, doesn't it.
I made my first good decision and bought Godiva and an In Style magazine for our babysitter. Maybe I was making it bigger in my head, because I told my husband and he thought it was nice, no complaints.
I need to remember that *I* have control over this. I give alcohol too much power.
At dinner tonight I'm just going to say no thanks. He isn't the type to start an argument over it or care that much.
Ginger Beer, I think you hit the nail on the head, very much. I additionally truly believe that he thinks I'm fine - he just does not understand functional addiction. I don't want to make him out to be some terrible person, in fact he really is an incredible husband who is very good to me. In fact he remodeled half our house over the weekend for me and planned this surprise dinner for a type of food he hates but I love, just to be nice. And the way he suggested things or asked me to do things was in a casual, nice way, with me responding "ok" back. I think he just doesn't get it and sees me like he sees himself, and doesn't really understand, and gosh how could he because I am partially withholding my true feelings.
And let's just be brutally honest here, I am withholding my feelings not only because I really struggle with revealing my true struggles, but also because I am not 100% committed to this. I am afraid to commit 100%, I feel like I am engaging in some kind of experiment and I don't truly believe in this or I'm not ready. Someone else is doing this, testing it out, not me. I hate to say it and admit that to everyone but it's true.
I am confident that I will not drink tonight and now I won't have it in my house. Thank you all for giving me the push to find the rational solution. I was truly in a panic earlier and unable to see what the heck to do. Seems so simple now, doesn't it.
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Good Monday evening, boaters! Very rainy here for the last two days. Makes me want to snooze late. Upping the coffee intake, instead.
Pink62: Congrats on 2 weekends, my "two pinks in a poke" buddy.
Emily: We're rooting for you on your Day 1.
Jeni: Nice job on the 9 days.
Tanja: Great goal to attend daily meetings. Sounds like it's working well for you.
Luling: Cranking out a Day 2. Way to go!
Saskia: Hang in there, May mate, on your Day 1. Those 3-drink Tetrapaks were a huge downfall for me, too. Way too easy to just grab 'n go. Always felt like poop the next day, too.
Iwant2: Congrats on your Day 7. And are you really okay with that bug bite? Starting to sound pretty gruesome. Be well and be safe, classmate.
Crewisms: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Super-Crew! Awesome on your 10 days, new you.
OneLess: Congrats on your 2 weeks. Jamming to your sober theme song from the other thread.
Rock: Thanks for the AVRT link. And I agree that SR is #1 in helping me stay sober, too. Keep up the good work.
Lilac: Where did ya go? Give us a post when you can.
Deserto: Chore, bore, more...geez louise. NOW what am I supposed to rhyme with on MY day 24 tomorrow? Dad-blasted desert jack rabbit. Jumpin' all over my game. (Love the poem, classmate. Try to keep up with me, k? )
Easyrider: Love your slang "rellies" for relatives. Good job on staying sober.
GingerB: How was the camping trip? Doing okay on the sober front? Hugs, buddy.
Payton: Please let us know how your anniversary date with hubby turns out.
Thinking of making it an early night tonight. Missing sleep from staying up late posting with my wonderful Class of May sobermates, and it was so very worth it. Catch you in the A.M.
Pink62: Congrats on 2 weekends, my "two pinks in a poke" buddy.
Emily: We're rooting for you on your Day 1.
Jeni: Nice job on the 9 days.
Tanja: Great goal to attend daily meetings. Sounds like it's working well for you.
Luling: Cranking out a Day 2. Way to go!
Saskia: Hang in there, May mate, on your Day 1. Those 3-drink Tetrapaks were a huge downfall for me, too. Way too easy to just grab 'n go. Always felt like poop the next day, too.
Iwant2: Congrats on your Day 7. And are you really okay with that bug bite? Starting to sound pretty gruesome. Be well and be safe, classmate.
Crewisms: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Super-Crew! Awesome on your 10 days, new you.
OneLess: Congrats on your 2 weeks. Jamming to your sober theme song from the other thread.
Rock: Thanks for the AVRT link. And I agree that SR is #1 in helping me stay sober, too. Keep up the good work.
Lilac: Where did ya go? Give us a post when you can.
Deserto: Chore, bore, more...geez louise. NOW what am I supposed to rhyme with on MY day 24 tomorrow? Dad-blasted desert jack rabbit. Jumpin' all over my game.
(Love the poem, classmate. Try to keep up with me, k? )Easyrider: Love your slang "rellies" for relatives. Good job on staying sober.
GingerB: How was the camping trip? Doing okay on the sober front? Hugs, buddy.
Payton: Please let us know how your anniversary date with hubby turns out.
Thinking of making it an early night tonight. Missing sleep from staying up late posting with my wonderful Class of May sobermates, and it was so very worth it. Catch you in the A.M.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
Hey guys, Just thought I'd pop in and say hi. The reason I don't really hang out in here much is because I don't think I'm really worthy of hanging around a bunch of people who are actively trying to stay sober when I'm just waiting for the next time to drink.
The thing is, I'm about 3 weeks sober now. It's almost the longest I've ever gone sober. But the main reason I'm so dry is my work. I'm working about 60 hours a week right now. I run my own business and it's doing very well, so bailing to get drunk just isn't an option these days.
I have to get up the next morning because people are counting on me. I have 13 employees now and over 300 clients. Getting wasted would literally leave hundreds of people wondering instantly what's going on. I have a lot to lose and so do the people that count on me.
However, I'm totally counting down the days to my next break, and you can bet your arse I'm going to grab a pint. See what I mean? I'm not even fighting to stay sober anymore. My AV has convinced me the next window of opportunity I have will be at the bar with friends to unwind. I have that terrible, "boy did I earn a beer" problem and I just can't shake it anymore.
So that's why I haven't been around. You guys are fighting the good fight while I'm just waiting to get loaded in a week or two when I get a few days of.
I'm lame, and I'm sorry.
The thing is, I'm about 3 weeks sober now. It's almost the longest I've ever gone sober. But the main reason I'm so dry is my work. I'm working about 60 hours a week right now. I run my own business and it's doing very well, so bailing to get drunk just isn't an option these days.
I have to get up the next morning because people are counting on me. I have 13 employees now and over 300 clients. Getting wasted would literally leave hundreds of people wondering instantly what's going on. I have a lot to lose and so do the people that count on me.
However, I'm totally counting down the days to my next break, and you can bet your arse I'm going to grab a pint. See what I mean? I'm not even fighting to stay sober anymore. My AV has convinced me the next window of opportunity I have will be at the bar with friends to unwind. I have that terrible, "boy did I earn a beer" problem and I just can't shake it anymore.
So that's why I haven't been around. You guys are fighting the good fight while I'm just waiting to get loaded in a week or two when I get a few days of.
I'm lame, and I'm sorry.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 137
aww Payton, glad you figured things out for tonight. So nice that your husband wants to spoil you, hope it is a wonderful evening. Glad you are not drinking tonight.
Thanks FrenchPink Hope you sleep well tonight.
Thanks FrenchPink
Hope you sleep well tonight.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm really sorry that you're not even fighting this Vinyl - I get it though - you convince yourself that periodic blowouts are ok, or at least less bad, and better than drinking all the time?
The problem is that situation just doesn't last - I'd find myself drinking more and more when I shouldn't....and when I worked out I could still pretty much fulfill all my responsibilities...I was off to the races.
Of course soon enough my addiction consumed me & I lost everything
I'd really hate that to happen to you. You're in a great position to stop that happening now.
Although you might not think it now - you really are worth fighting for, V, and I hope you will.
D
The problem is that situation just doesn't last - I'd find myself drinking more and more when I shouldn't....and when I worked out I could still pretty much fulfill all my responsibilities...I was off to the races.
Of course soon enough my addiction consumed me & I lost everything
I'd really hate that to happen to you. You're in a great position to stop that happening now.
Although you might not think it now - you really are worth fighting for, V, and I hope you will.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Hi this evening!
Another challenging day - came close to making it but had 1 glass of wine. I spent a good deal of time both in therapy and on my own strategizing. My therapist reminded me of how I quit smoking successfully and I'm going to try something similar. When I quit smoking, I still had my daughter at home and I use the letters FFF whenever I needed a reminder - they stood for "faith, family, finances" - my 3 main motivators for quitting. All day long when I felt any desire to smoke, I would repeat those letters over and over until they reverberated in my head and drowned out all cravings.
I'm working on a new one for drinking and think I may have one:
CLAP:
C: clarity/contentment/commitment
L: Life
A: At
P: Peace
Most of the day this worked well but I had that one slip. So tomorrow I plan to start this at the beginning of the day and try my darndest to make it through the whole day.
Please wish me luck and good fortune. I feel like I'm getting very close and am determined to make this work.
Thank you for all of your inspiring posts and for those of you suffering from low feelings, you're worth it and will feel much better when you stop. In the meantime, keep on trying and even if you make it for one day you've made progress. I will do this somehow!
Any suggestions for other acronyms are most welcome. They need to be very easy to remember!
I don't want to let down any of you who have been so supportive or myself.
Another challenging day - came close to making it but had 1 glass of wine. I spent a good deal of time both in therapy and on my own strategizing. My therapist reminded me of how I quit smoking successfully and I'm going to try something similar. When I quit smoking, I still had my daughter at home and I use the letters FFF whenever I needed a reminder - they stood for "faith, family, finances" - my 3 main motivators for quitting. All day long when I felt any desire to smoke, I would repeat those letters over and over until they reverberated in my head and drowned out all cravings.
I'm working on a new one for drinking and think I may have one:
CLAP:
C: clarity/contentment/commitment
L: Life
A: At
P: Peace
Most of the day this worked well but I had that one slip. So tomorrow I plan to start this at the beginning of the day and try my darndest to make it through the whole day.
Please wish me luck and good fortune. I feel like I'm getting very close and am determined to make this work.
Thank you for all of your inspiring posts and for those of you suffering from low feelings, you're worth it and will feel much better when you stop. In the meantime, keep on trying and even if you make it for one day you've made progress. I will do this somehow!
Any suggestions for other acronyms are most welcome. They need to be very easy to remember!
I don't want to let down any of you who have been so supportive or myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
Vinyl -- I'm in Dee's court. My drinking steadily increased over two-plus decades, albeit like the stock market. Then in the past 2-3 years the consumption went up exponentially. I knew I had a problem 15 years ago and chose not to do anything about. Feeling a bit like superman, I was pretty sure I could stop anytime and weather any storm. But I lost everything in the past three years -- my mini real estate empire, my business, my wife (turned out to be a good thing), and nearly my life. And, like Dee, my addiction consumed me. Radically, in the past few years. It seemed to come out of nowhere, but I know now it had been preparing to take me down for a decade.
The beast, that AV, doesn't control me anymore. I can't think of a single, truthful-to-me-reason how a drink would do anything positive for me. But I can think of a thousand ways it can harm me and everyone in my life.
Like you said: You have a lot to lose and so do the people that count on you. Even if you're on a break. Spit on your AV and walk away. You and everybody you touch are worth it!
The beast, that AV, doesn't control me anymore. I can't think of a single, truthful-to-me-reason how a drink would do anything positive for me. But I can think of a thousand ways it can harm me and everyone in my life.
Like you said: You have a lot to lose and so do the people that count on you. Even if you're on a break. Spit on your AV and walk away. You and everybody you touch are worth it!
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Howdy Miners,
Wow lots of new folks around really a good thing to see.
I have been around for awhile but rarely get on much these days.
Hope everyone finds what they are looking for because you all deserve to be happy.
Wow lots of new folks around really a good thing to see.
I have been around for awhile but rarely get on much these days.
Hope everyone finds what they are looking for because you all deserve to be happy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Originally Posted by vinyl 
Hey guys, Just thought I'd pop in and say hi. The reason I don't really hang out in here much is because I don't think I'm really worthy of hanging around a bunch of people who are actively trying to stay sober when I'm just waiting for the next time to drink.
The thing is, I'm about 3 weeks sober now. It's almost the longest I've ever gone sober. But the main reason I'm so dry is my work. I'm working about 60 hours a week right now. I run my own business and it's doing very well, so bailing to get drunk just isn't an option these days.
I have to get up the next morning because people are counting on me. I have 13 employees now and over 300 clients. Getting wasted would literally leave hundreds of people wondering instantly what's going on. I have a lot to lose and so do the people that count on me.
However, I'm totally counting down the days to my next break, and you can bet your arse I'm going to grab a pint. See what I mean? I'm not even fighting to stay sober anymore. My AV has convinced me the next window of opportunity I have will be at the bar with friends to unwind. I have that terrible, "boy did I earn a beer" problem and I just can't shake it anymore.
So that's why I haven't been around. You guys are fighting the good fight while I'm just waiting to get loaded in a week or two when I get a few days of.
I'm lame, and I'm sorry.
The thing is, I'm about 3 weeks sober now. It's almost the longest I've ever gone sober. But the main reason I'm so dry is my work. I'm working about 60 hours a week right now. I run my own business and it's doing very well, so bailing to get drunk just isn't an option these days.
I have to get up the next morning because people are counting on me. I have 13 employees now and over 300 clients. Getting wasted would literally leave hundreds of people wondering instantly what's going on. I have a lot to lose and so do the people that count on me.
However, I'm totally counting down the days to my next break, and you can bet your arse I'm going to grab a pint. See what I mean? I'm not even fighting to stay sober anymore. My AV has convinced me the next window of opportunity I have will be at the bar with friends to unwind. I have that terrible, "boy did I earn a beer" problem and I just can't shake it anymore.
So that's why I haven't been around. You guys are fighting the good fight while I'm just waiting to get loaded in a week or two when I get a few days of.
I'm lame, and I'm sorry.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 114
Vinyl that's the place I've been in too just so busy that it's easy to stay sober because I have no time to drink and if I did I'd screw so many things up. Then I start looking forward to being able to take time off for a bar crawl to blow off steam. Which I have this weekend since I'm ending my may classes and starting normal summer semester.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
@Payton Do let us know how the dinner goes!
@Vinyl Sorry to hear you're struggling. Can I quote you back from your first post?
I've been a progressive drinker for about 20 years… I've been at the top of industries, ran my own businesses and completely destroyed each success with alcohol over the years. I happen to love my latest business which is doing very well but I'm close to sabotaging it again with alcohol.
And ask what's different now from 10 weeks ago? If you're a "progressive drinker" who's "destroyed each success with alcohol" then where do you think the "pint" you grab on your "next break" will inevitably lead?
I get the "I've earned a beer" feeling, I really do. But them's some rotten wages.
@Saskia stay strong!
@Vinyl Sorry to hear you're struggling. Can I quote you back from your first post?
I've been a progressive drinker for about 20 years… I've been at the top of industries, ran my own businesses and completely destroyed each success with alcohol over the years. I happen to love my latest business which is doing very well but I'm close to sabotaging it again with alcohol.
And ask what's different now from 10 weeks ago? If you're a "progressive drinker" who's "destroyed each success with alcohol" then where do you think the "pint" you grab on your "next break" will inevitably lead?
I get the "I've earned a beer" feeling, I really do. But them's some rotten wages.
@Saskia stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
@FP I'm sure you'll outscore when you get to twenty-four. You're a sober elephant! Try snore or foreswore. Bonus points if you can work in "amour." But I doubt you'll keep up with my desert rapport; for by the time you get to day twenty five you'll feel so deprived by this desert rat's jive that your bugling trunk will be fit to be tied.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
I did it!!!!! I got through the day without a drop of alcohol! I can't believe it. I'm so happy. Our babysitter appreciated the candy and magazine, and our dinner went great! I did not even look at the wine list and neither did husband - he didn't even mention it once. We just ate like normal people. We had a nice time and came home and had more fun and now we're going to bed early. Wow. At the start of the day I truly did not think I could do this. 
Thank you so much to everyone who responded to me. You were the extra push of strength that I needed to make this another successful day. You guys all made a huge difference in my life today. I am so grateful for you!!!!
Vinyl, Deserto as always makes a great point. How do you feel when you read the words you wrote ten weeks ago? Do you have any other ways in your life that you can relax and take care of yourself, other than drink? If not do you have any ideas for anything you might like to try?
God bless all of you tonight and may you all feel safe, content, and peaceful.
Thank you so much to everyone who responded to me. You were the extra push of strength that I needed to make this another successful day. You guys all made a huge difference in my life today. I am so grateful for you!!!!Vinyl, Deserto as always makes a great point. How do you feel when you read the words you wrote ten weeks ago? Do you have any other ways in your life that you can relax and take care of yourself, other than drink? If not do you have any ideas for anything you might like to try?
God bless all of you tonight and may you all feel safe, content, and peaceful.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: West Coast USA
Posts: 63
Dearest Class o' May,
I've reached 31 sober days today and I want to say again how much I appreciate sharing this experience with you all. I've been terrible at posting myself, sorry (I'm usually just able to read SR late at night then go to sleep). But, knowing that there are these sane beautiful people going through exactly what I am at nearly the exact same time has been a HUGE help that I had no idea existed before. So, thank you so very much. My heart goes out to each of you as we struggle. Please just continue to keep at it. For those of you in the very early days of recovery (single digits through the teens or starting over), I can say for certain that it feels SO GOOD, is SO worth it, and does get easier.
Payton,
Way to go tonight and good for you!
Just a note, if you don't mind, because our situations sound similar in a couple of ways. My live-in BF of many years is a very caring all-around wonderful man who loves me (sounds like your husband). He drinks occasionally but without any problems. I'm mid-30's and have drank every day for 15 years or so (like you, it was always wine). I knew I had a problem but figured I could stop when I needed to. I think my life looked fine- even very good- from the outside. Then everything started to slide and accelerate this past year. Physically I would show signs of alcohol withdrawal everyday and I had to drink more to keep up. Then I found wine wasn't enough and I started drinking vodka during the day, then in the mornings. Inside I was panicking but I guess I held it together on the outside because BF didn't suspect a thing. I quit twice- once last Nov, then again in Jan- choosing weeks when he was away on business and I could detox secretly and alone and be relatively okay when he got back. When he'd return, I'd tell him I was "on a break" from drinking. He'd respect it to a point but, not knowing the severity of my problem, would gently encourage me to enjoy myself and have a glass of wine again. I'd start to believe it myself and think that I'd made too rash of a decision. Of course I very much wanted to be someone who could drink and be in control of it.
Long story short, I had to call him from the emergency room a month ago where I'd walked into desperately that morning. I had to ask him to drive me to the detox facility, no questions asked. I spent two nights there (I knew I couldn't detox on my own again- feared the 3rd time it would kill me) and then he picked me up and I had to come clean with him about my drinking and its havoc on my life. I am an extremely private person and if someone had told me earlier that I'd have to divulge this incredibly shameful behavior to the one I love most, I don't think I'd make it through. But, it was fine. He was fine. I'm doing fine. No one else in my life knows (just that I'm not drinking- not the reason why). I'm convinced it was all for the very best and needed to happen. I also know that one of the main reasons I could not tell my BF the truth initially, was because he'd hold me accountable to truly quit drinking...that I'd have to really quit. I couldn't fully commit to stopping then but I'm soooo ready and committed now.
Anyway, I don't know if you can relate to that or not. It sounds like you are not as bad off as I was but I very much encourage you to follow your instincts and quit now, no matter what it takes. And I think it would be good to be completely honest with your husband. Even if it's uncomfortable...or more...and it doesn't leave you an "out".
I'm rooting for all of you. Sweet dreams and good night!
I've reached 31 sober days today and I want to say again how much I appreciate sharing this experience with you all. I've been terrible at posting myself, sorry (I'm usually just able to read SR late at night then go to sleep). But, knowing that there are these sane beautiful people going through exactly what I am at nearly the exact same time has been a HUGE help that I had no idea existed before. So, thank you so very much. My heart goes out to each of you as we struggle. Please just continue to keep at it. For those of you in the very early days of recovery (single digits through the teens or starting over), I can say for certain that it feels SO GOOD, is SO worth it, and does get easier.
Payton,
Way to go tonight and good for you!
Just a note, if you don't mind, because our situations sound similar in a couple of ways. My live-in BF of many years is a very caring all-around wonderful man who loves me (sounds like your husband). He drinks occasionally but without any problems. I'm mid-30's and have drank every day for 15 years or so (like you, it was always wine). I knew I had a problem but figured I could stop when I needed to. I think my life looked fine- even very good- from the outside. Then everything started to slide and accelerate this past year. Physically I would show signs of alcohol withdrawal everyday and I had to drink more to keep up. Then I found wine wasn't enough and I started drinking vodka during the day, then in the mornings. Inside I was panicking but I guess I held it together on the outside because BF didn't suspect a thing. I quit twice- once last Nov, then again in Jan- choosing weeks when he was away on business and I could detox secretly and alone and be relatively okay when he got back. When he'd return, I'd tell him I was "on a break" from drinking. He'd respect it to a point but, not knowing the severity of my problem, would gently encourage me to enjoy myself and have a glass of wine again. I'd start to believe it myself and think that I'd made too rash of a decision. Of course I very much wanted to be someone who could drink and be in control of it.
Long story short, I had to call him from the emergency room a month ago where I'd walked into desperately that morning. I had to ask him to drive me to the detox facility, no questions asked. I spent two nights there (I knew I couldn't detox on my own again- feared the 3rd time it would kill me) and then he picked me up and I had to come clean with him about my drinking and its havoc on my life. I am an extremely private person and if someone had told me earlier that I'd have to divulge this incredibly shameful behavior to the one I love most, I don't think I'd make it through. But, it was fine. He was fine. I'm doing fine. No one else in my life knows (just that I'm not drinking- not the reason why). I'm convinced it was all for the very best and needed to happen. I also know that one of the main reasons I could not tell my BF the truth initially, was because he'd hold me accountable to truly quit drinking...that I'd have to really quit. I couldn't fully commit to stopping then but I'm soooo ready and committed now.
Anyway, I don't know if you can relate to that or not. It sounds like you are not as bad off as I was but I very much encourage you to follow your instincts and quit now, no matter what it takes. And I think it would be good to be completely honest with your husband. Even if it's uncomfortable...or more...and it doesn't leave you an "out".
I'm rooting for all of you. Sweet dreams and good night!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Again, I'm on my phone and can't respond as I'd like to everyone. Payton, you inspire me. I don't know if I'll ever be that strong. Saska, you can do this, hang in there! Vinyl, I hope you stick around. I'm not as insightful and good at advice as others here, but I do know that whatever decisions you make, no one here is going to judge you.
As for me, I made it through day 2. I was thinking about this today: I have a hard time using the word "alcoholic" to describe myself. I still haven't said it, either out loud or on this forum. I have said "drinking problem" around here and "bad at moderation" to my husband. But I must be ...... an alcoholic, right? Am I in denial if I don't use this word?
The evidence isn't in my favor; just the amount I normally drink every night freaks me out when I see the empties the following morning. I had a secret stash of gin that I poured out last Saturday, after consuming a large quantity of it. Which might seem pointless when my husband keeps a mountainous pile of booze in the kitchen, but oh well. If I'm totally honest with myself, I'd have to admit that I'd start craving a drink at 3 in the afternoon, and sometimes I'd start drinking as early as 4. I'd drink anywhere from a bottle of wine (moderation) to somewhere in the ballpark of a dozen drinks in one night. That sounds like an alcoholic, right?
As for me, I made it through day 2. I was thinking about this today: I have a hard time using the word "alcoholic" to describe myself. I still haven't said it, either out loud or on this forum. I have said "drinking problem" around here and "bad at moderation" to my husband. But I must be ...... an alcoholic, right? Am I in denial if I don't use this word?
The evidence isn't in my favor; just the amount I normally drink every night freaks me out when I see the empties the following morning. I had a secret stash of gin that I poured out last Saturday, after consuming a large quantity of it. Which might seem pointless when my husband keeps a mountainous pile of booze in the kitchen, but oh well. If I'm totally honest with myself, I'd have to admit that I'd start craving a drink at 3 in the afternoon, and sometimes I'd start drinking as early as 4. I'd drink anywhere from a bottle of wine (moderation) to somewhere in the ballpark of a dozen drinks in one night. That sounds like an alcoholic, right?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
some great posts guys
Congratulations FindingSoleil
Luling I reckon if the label bothers you - don't use it...
I know there is a strong push to identify yourself as an alcoholic in some recovery methods, but personally I'm not sure that's as important as accepting you do have a problem, accepting it's not going to change, and accepting you need to make changes.
D
Congratulations FindingSoleil
Luling I reckon if the label bothers you - don't use it...
I know there is a strong push to identify yourself as an alcoholic in some recovery methods, but personally I'm not sure that's as important as accepting you do have a problem, accepting it's not going to change, and accepting you need to make changes.
D
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