sarah1414

You are not alone. That's what brings us all here. I can completely relate to you "needing to get it out of your system." That's my problem too. What are we trying to get out of our systems anyway? The desire for alcohol or the quick fix of nothingness it gives us? It's really strange to stop and think about that.

Dee74

welcome back Patty and vinyl - you too R4R

D

InsertNameHere

Get it out of my system HA! thats a laugh, I am not trying to mak fun of you personaly Vinyl just the "reasoning" of an alki can sometimes be ridiculious, I have thought along those lines before as well.

I hope that I am wrong with this but I wonder if it ever truly "gets out of our systems". The one night seems to lead to the next for me. I have read threads where people say that the thinking never changes it just gets less and less often, on the other hand I have read about people that still struggle on a daily basis for years. I don't know which it will be but I hope not the latter.

I'm glad your back Vinyl.

I would love to post about my sucess but I can't. The party was no problem as I seem to have less of an issue with drinking now in social situations then I did before. Now the issue is drinking when i am bored by myself with things to do that I really don't want to. I have the next two days "off work" I say it like that because i will be working out of choice, as things need done. That does however mean that I can get some good nights sleep without having to wake up at a certain time and I can work on getting some of the things I need to get done accomplished. I think that would help alleviate that desire to drink, because the fact that I have all of these things to do that I don't want to points me in the direction of drinking again. My habit is to not deal with the world by drinking it away and entertaing myself when bored with beer, I figure if I deal with things putting on your pants style (one leg at a time) then I might be able to manage better. The bordome issue will just have to be solved with work for the mean time. maybe once I get my computer up and running I can fix that issue as well.

Also looks like I might be losing internet at work, so you all won't see me posting as much, I will still be around though.

stillsleeping

I really hope you find some other way of posting - you're drinking fairly regularly and now you won't be able to access SR - tough times hun. I really hope we don't lose you.

Still
xx

InsertNameHere

oh I still have internet at home that is somewhat reliable I say get my computer fixed I mean my desktop I still have a laptop at least untill it decides to finally die. Its on its last leg. Also I have a second desk at work that won't have the internet pulled off of it, so I have that. I am not going anywhere, for a while so you can still look forward to teasing me SS.

Leemzer

Are you still with me on day #4?

It is good to have had a sober weekend. Here we are at day #4. I remember my last day #4, and I could tell a difference then and I can tell a difference now. I feel better rested. I got lots of good sleep this weekend and just really cherish the rest. I am such a lover of sleep that I am surprised I ever drink at all because it gives me such poor sleep.

I am wrapping up my year at work and have 4 more weeks exactly to go. This is a stretch of no holidays and lots of assessments so I need to work hard and rest plenty. I think this is the perfect time for me to be exactly where I am.

I had lots of very interesting dreams lately. A lot of them have focused around my mom. She worried about my drinking a lot, and was one of the only people who ever voiced her opinion about it, and very privately. I quit 6 months before she died and she was so proud of me. She made me promise to never start again. I made that promise and broke it, and this dream had some odd parts to it but I made her the promise again. I know dreams are just dreams, but sometimes they just seem like "more" than that...even so, even if it was "just a dream", I think the message is clear. I think I am finally ready to be sober again. I think this time I will go a really long time, if not forever, I am hoping, without drinking again. I feel it in my bones. It is the same way I felt when I had that last cigarette on April 7, 1997. Same way I felt 41 days ago when I had that last horrific hydrocodone pill and then signed up on here only to get that prescription error that tempted the HELL out of me...yikes.

I wish everyone a happy Monday. Mondays are tough for me but I always treat myself to a nice nap when I get home. That makes them way more tolerable. =)
lee

hypochondriac

I think getting it out of our systems is very similar to my very successful 'one last time'. For years I'd say daily that this would be 'the very last time I'd drink', 'just one last time', 'if I don't die tonight I'll stop drinking tomorrow'. I'm still incredulous that I actually stopped because before it seemed impossible. You're right INH, one night will lead to the next and the only thing that will alleviate the desire to drink is to stop drinking. It will never get out of our systems in the way that if we have just one more drink we'll be back at square one. Alcohol or any addictive substance messes with your thought processes. I really thought I could solve my alcohol problems without stopping drinking and getting counselling to deal with the 'issues' why I drank. That was the alcohol talking. Now I've stopped the cravings get less everyday and I know it will get better down the line if I just keep working at it and make sure I don't slip into thinking that I 'need' alcohol to have a good life (I'm finding this hard in the UK right now, bank holiday and all). Things will get better.

Lee, I don't think we've given you enough kudos for getting rid of monkey no.1.... Bloody good job x

And welcome back Patty xxx

hypochondriac

Lee, I can relate to what you said about your mum. I see my dad in my dreams and it is very real feeling. *Hugs* I'm glad you're feeling positive x

Jeni26

Hi everyone.

Just wanted to say how much I admire everyone's honesty here, it is what keeps us all strong xx

pattylulu

I like the idea of treating myself on a monday......I agree they can be rough sometimes Enj0y your nap!

InsertNameHere

Leemzer unfortunatly no, this is yet again one for me. It is starting to seem like it was before I managed to quit for the 5 weeks, meaning four months of trying like hell only to give in each and every night. I know tonight is going to be hard as I can already feel the "pull/AV". I don't have to be in at a certain time tomorrow so I can do whatever I want right? Its bull$hit I know, but its still there. I know what i should do is go home and clean my nasty room, but once I set foot in that thing I am going to start having thoughts of drinking so for now I am in the office, finishing up some reports.

I think I am going to hit up the arcade and try to win me a high score. I want that title under my name.

sarah1414

O.k. class. I am back at day one and there is no turning back. I am running this sober race with every bit of muscle and faith I have. I am determined to NEVER return to the mire of alcohol. Yes, I have spoken like this before but there has to be a time that sticks and this will be the time. It has to be.

I'm going to go treat myself to a nap too, Lee! It's a rainy day here in the midwest. Perfect for a snooze. Then I get to go to the dentist...yeah.

sarah1414

INH, were right there together. Let's do this once and for all this time.

Really4Real

Welcome back Patty and Sarah...

I'm with INH about the 'getting it out of my system'... uhhhh, I think that it doesn't ever get totally out of our 'system'. For me anyway... or maybe it does but needs a re-fill the next day and the next and so on and so forth. Very glad everyone keeps trying though.

I agree, Jeni... great bunch of people here.

Good going Lee, keep it up

Still have that headache thing going on... taking it easy today before going back to work tomorrow. Probably too much junk food... have to get back on a good eating regimen tomorrow also

Leemzer

Sarah, you are always willing to admit when you relapse and that was very hard for me to do. Just keep fighting the good fight and keep posting with us. I am convinced it is doing me more good being on here than anything else in my day-to-day life.

INH--Just keep trying, man. I know it is hard when you live by yourself. So hard to occupy the mind. Good that you are still posting and promise you won't leave us. I beat myself up a long time privately that today would be 42 days (I still count, see, can't help it), but I feel better this 4th day than before...I feel less like I am likely to mess up. It is almost like I needed the relapse(s) to realize how far I had come when I signed up here.

Hypo--thanks about the other monkey. I have never wanted to really face that monkey because I considered it more abuse than dependence, but after feeling so much better now 41 days later I realize it was dependence indeed. Just gotta keep shedding monkeys! And thanks about my mom. She was a powerful force in my life and she was so proud when I quit my other time. I did it for her, really, and now I realized, much as I loved her, that I needed to do it for ME, not her. That is why I realized.

I am taking nothing for granted on this 4th day. Just feeling the support and fuzziness from you guys. Glad we are all back and posting, even if we are having difficult times.

INH, I know you don't want the credit, but look at how your post of honesty brought us all back on board..that took a lot of courage. I swear I was doubtful I would ever post on here out of shame. Then Sarah did. Then Vinyl...our silence indicated there was something, INDEED that was wrong.

Let's all make a pact to post nearly ever day if possible, both our struggles and triumphs. We have to share our struggles with each other. Every day sure as hell isn't peachy, and we can be there for each other!

Off to nap time...I told myself I earned it this Monday, and I did! Until tonight, crew!
lee

hypochondriac

Hope everything goes well for you today INH and Sarah.

I'm feeling pretty good this weekend (Monday is still the weekend for me). I have had family visiting and it has been a relief not to have to hide anything. Normally after they'd gone to bed I'd stay up drinking and having a crafty fag out the back door. So pathetic for a 30 yr old. It was the first time that someone has drank beer in my place since I quit though and I did not like that But I suppose there's a first for everything and I'll eventually get used it all.

Hope everyone else is doing well x

Leemzer

Just doing my last check-in with everyone. Hope everyone is enjoying a happy, sober night. I had a zombie, 2 hour nap but it was great. So nice to wake up without a headache and to be going to sleep in a couple of hours without beer on my breath, a headache to look forward to, and being edgy tomorrow at work. Also, I'm a hell of a lot nicer to be around as a husband and a dad sober. Imagine that? LOL Seriously, my family deserves a lot more from me. I'm not nearly the husband or dad they need...yet they put up with me and love me and know I try........Hope to hear a check-in from INH and Vinyl and hope you are doing well, too Sarah! Everybody have a good evening and I will do my morning check-in tomorrow. Can't believe tomorrow is already the 8th of May....where has the time gone since Christmas?
lee

Leemzer

Uggh, whole message erased. Oh well, thought it would double-post and didn't want to do that. Hope everyone has a safe, sober Monday night. Thoughts going out to all of us and especially for INH and Vinyl to have strength and Sarah too. We are all in this together and have been fighting really hard. Tomorrow is day #5 for me. I can't wait to go to sleep and be the sober husband and dad I need to be...the goofiness my family puts up with from this bear-man should not be tolerated, LOL. peace all. Will check in tomorrow a.m.

Leemzer

And there would be my first post...LOL. OK, I'm going now......*scuffles off*

Leemzer

Doh.