jobei

I will be pulling for you Hypo.... you don't need to drink with them to have fun! Stay strong my friend!

stillsleeping

Hypo, I sympathise. I haven't spoken to my lovely wonderful dad for over 2 months, because the only things I've done in that time is quit drinking (he doesn't know I'm an alcoholic) and quit my job (he's going to be worried as hell). I don't think I have the strength yet to have to convince people that I really do have, yes dad, really, I do have a serious drinking problem.

A little avoidance I can handle at the moment...

Still
xx

MarkstheSpot

Sorry to have been a bit silent lately. Haven't really had much to say for myself and have nothing to report apart from what I suppose are the usual cravings, a bit of a sense of oh-is-this-it and the usual sighing ennui.

I keep telling myself not to be such a big baby. I can't have booze. So what? Big deal. Grow a pair. Better I can't have booze because I'm an alkie than because I've got a terminal disease. Plenty of people are allergic to it, and I don't suppose there are entire websites devoted to them.

That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Not that it's helping.

Leemzer

I'd say if you are not drinking, then whatever you are doing is working! I am off from work now and am meeting some folks after work. I don't feel tempted at all and if I eat something right away I would not even consider a beer. Even in my worst of worst days I have NEVER been able to eat and drink at the same time..not even beer and pizza in college. It was beer, THEN pizza. I guess I'll be eating more...then working out more...ha ha! Happy Friday eve, everyone!
lee

InsertNameHere

Wow no posts for a while then all of a sudden it explodes. Glad to hear everyone seems to be doing well, or at least sober. Part of the reason for tinight anyways that I was able to firmly say no was the face that I knew I was going to be back here regardless and I didn't want to have to post another "oh poor drinking me" post.

@X I understant the ennui (and thanks for the new word I had to look it up) I find life rather uninteresting and agravating without booze. True with booze it was easier, for those two to four hours inbetween when I picked up my buzz and passed out. After that however everything came screaming back and I felt like crap on top of it. Which of course only perpetuates the cycle.

@Leemzer, I wish that was the case with me, certain foods actually "trigger" (even though AVRT doesn't like that term) sushi being one and I love me some sushi, but it was almost always accompanied with Japanese beer and sake if I was feeling froggy.

@SS and Hypo, I have told most of my family but I haven't talked to any of them in a while so they don't really know whats been going on the last couple of months. But they all had thier suspicions anyway there wasn't much convincing required, I told them it was so, and therefore it must be. I guess I am lucky like that I haven't had to deal with the friends and family telling me "your not that bad" like the rest of you. Good luck Hypo and stick to your guns, like they say here if it is a problem to you then it is a problem, just like no one can tell you that you are an alki but you no one but you should be able to tell you otherwise.

Glad to hear from everyone again, anyone know what happened to Sarah, and some of the others we started out with?

hypochondriac

Thanks Jobei

SS, I think avoidance is probably a good plan. I don't want to tell anyone else I have a problem, and if that means avoiding them til I feel comfortable then so be it. I do feel a bit bad though as I've avoided seeing a couple of really good old friends.

Personally I think ennui is a dangerous word...you may end up like Madame Bovary doing all sorts of naughty things Maybe that's why people in recovery get hung up on being grateful. I have a friend who posts daily 'appreciations' on facebook...it's such a wonderful thing to do and it's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're always looking for things to be grateful for.

INH, I like what you said about people not being to be able to tell you you're not an alcoholic...I'll be repeating that to myself a lot this weekend.

Leemzer

I made it through my colleague thing with ease. It is amazing sometimes how we think others are so into staring at us and analyzing us..tonight not one person mentioned that I didn't have a drink...not that I don't have friends that do peer pressure. One thing I think is good is many friends haven't seen me drink consistently for a long time, so if I am not drinking it is not a big deal, at least not for now.

It was a little hard when I got here. My building had a full spread of Cinco de Mayo stuff and margaritas when I arrived...I had to run to our condo! The margaritas would have been a big temptation and I love Mexican food....that was a place I needed to avoid...and did!

Leemzer

Also, INH, I think we have YOU to thank for bringing this thread back to life. Your honesty got me to post again, and I am not sure I would have had the guts if you had not admitted what was going on with you.....we feel like a group again!
lee

hypochondriac

I'm just the same...but no one actually cares what we're up to because they're too concerned about what other people think about what they're doing

Well done Lee x

Leemzer

You know, most people really don't. If you don't announce, I have noticed they are so self absorbed they rarely even notice at all.....I breezed right through it and this was a pub situation....one thing I am VERY lucky about is I don't "crave" alcohol, which makes it all the more complicated for why I drink at all...never was my "drug of choice" but as I said a couple of days ago, it has accompanied all my other drugs of choice and has always been there.....it has GOT TO GO! I am past 24hrs now so I am psyched! lee

InsertNameHere

I don't know about all that, you still had to pull the guts out yourself. And I am sure these guys would have jumped in here in thier own time, I just tend to blather on because I have nothing better to do out here. Well nothing I actually want to do anyway I am a terrible procrastinator (doing it right now) and SR is my main crutch for that, drining was obviously. I need to get back to a job that I actually like doing. Oh well plug along one page at a time, have I mention my hatred of administrative work, gotta get used to it eventually though.

InsertNameHere

Yep tonight is another all nighter fun stuff, I should so be getting to work now and getting a few winks in that I can but oh well. As I have said before I am a champion at sleep deprivation.

By the way where you at Vinyl I know your still alive because we are playing chess, but how goes the sober battle.

sarah1414

INH, Leemzer, R4r, Jobei, StillSleeping, Hypo, MarkstheSpot, Dee, Jeni, and anyone else I'm forgetting (forgive me!),

I'm still here. I check this class daily. I was discouraged that it had gotten so quiet but I am motivated to see the activity again. I rejoice with those who have gone for long stretches of sober living. Well done! I relate to those who have been struggling lately because I am one of them.

I found one more excuse to drink the wine. My husband had to travel this week and I hate to have him gone. I can't sleep when he's not home and for that reason, I have once again turned to the wine at night. I already feel awful and hate myself. How quickly the self-loathiing returns. I told my husband the next time he travels, the family is going with him.

Dee74

I'm not beating on you but wouldn't it be better to learn to be ok (and sober) with being at home alone Sarah?

I used to have a list of things I didn't like dealing with...some I could avoid ...but others I couldn't.

I think having to be alone, or away from our partners sometimes, is something most of us face.

I never liked being alone either...I was not comfortable in my own company...but dealing with the reasons for that discomfort, hard as it was, was way way better than drinking on it.

D

InsertNameHere

My excuse was at first the uncomfortable and akwardness of saying no thanks I'll stick to my water like I should have when asked "Beer?". But that is what it was just an excuse, I even told myself "don't worry you'll just have it around and not drink it." I did that for a while, but eventually... well we know the end of that. I would agree with Dee on this one Sarah, its not like you are never going to be alone again (well I am not married so I am one to talk) maybe arrange some time for you to be alone for maybe a day or so so you can get used to it? Perhaps a week retreat somewhere the husband is not invited, (nothing personal of course) it doesn't have to be fancy and expensive but maybe a friends house or something like that just a time where you can be alone and get more comfortable with it. At least in that case if you felt tempted you could always throw in the towel and rejoin the hubby back home.

I am just throwing out random ideas there, and don't really know what I am talking about.

Jebus isn't it? I can't believe how fast I went from having 5 weeks to not thinking I could do it again sometimes? Not sure where that came from as I remember it happening I was there more or less hehe. That and the waking up going to work tired as hell thinking wait why is my dumb butt doing this AGAIN? Jump on the March bus again with me and Leemzer I don't know who is driving this thing but they seem very amicable to picking up stragglers that got off on the wrong stop.

sarah1414

Thanks Dee. Yes it would be better to be alone and sober. I wouldn't hate myself so much in the end if I were not drinking the stupid wine again.

Tomorrow is another day 1 for me. Husband is due home so no more excuses.

sarah1414

INH, LOVED your post...and that bus, you're making me smile! You know what you're talking about and I appreciate your encouragement. For me, it really is learning to be alone and productive; not using my husbands absence as an excuse to drink and be lazy because that's exactly what I have done and I am worse off than the day he left.

I can't believe how tired I am already. No desire to exercise. Not eating healthy. The whole downward spiral thing is alive and kicking in my life. No more. Back on the bus Gus. You don't need to discuss much.

InsertNameHere

"Just drop off the key Lee, and get yourself free."

Jeni26

Morning everyone x
Hi Sarah, I understand exactly how you feel, my husband works alternate weekends and my kids are teenagers and out for most of the time. I'm often without transport as we have one car which he uses for work. Am stuck at home with my alcoholic brain and it can be a real struggle. Especially as it seems to have been raining forever and I can't even get out for a walk!

The way I'm avoiding the usual battle is to plan my time out. Invite non drinking friends over, do some home cooking, read up on alcoholism, spend hours on SR, organise my daughters pit of a bedroom!!

I am dreadfully lazy by nature, I work so hard during the week I was able to justify drinking at weekends as my reward.

Good luck with everything and keep posting xx

hypochondriac

Sorry to hear that Sarah

Most of my drinking was done on my own so that was a huge thing for me, being sober and alone. But then I'm single and generally am. My mother even had the gall to nearly suggest that I drank because I was alone! But I do like pointing out that my worse time drinking was when I was in a relationship, and that most people just carry on drinking and hide it from their partners. This being alone thing is just one more hurdle, if you always go everywhere with your husband you'll never get over it.

Glad you're still here x