Class of March 2011 Part 15
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,316
I'm glad you're back too Dave.
I think the thing I finally learned is...what I'm missing out is not good stuff.
Other people can drink...then stop...and never give it a second thought.
I can't do that.
The thing that gives me pause is we can forget all we learned (apologies to Lofty's friend...)
I have a friend who stopped for 20 years - last year he went back. He literally picked up where he left off.
His families gone, his kids are gone...his job must be next...but he 'doesn't have a problem'. 'Life just sucks'....
Life doesn't suck
I wish my friend had SR.
I hope everyone of you has a great night
D
I think the thing I finally learned is...what I'm missing out is not good stuff.
Other people can drink...then stop...and never give it a second thought.
I can't do that.
The thing that gives me pause is we can forget all we learned (apologies to Lofty's friend...)
I have a friend who stopped for 20 years - last year he went back. He literally picked up where he left off.
His families gone, his kids are gone...his job must be next...but he 'doesn't have a problem'. 'Life just sucks'....
Life doesn't suck
I wish my friend had SR.
I hope everyone of you has a great night
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
I was 2 years old!
I'm sorry about your friend Dee.
I talked to a good friend today who shared that her ex-boyfriend got a DUI and somehow it's HER fault because she didn't text him from a business trip and TOTALLY UNFAIR that he got his car possessed by the cops. And if he lived in ANY OTHER state, the DUI wouldn't be "a big deal."
And now they are driving together to an event this weekend, in HER car, and she told him she doesn't want him getting high in her car. And he told her that this isn't fair. Because all he wants it to be able to relax and enjoy the ride and he likes driving high. She's being ridiculous. Right? It is so completely screwed up enabling an active addict, and she doesn't want to *make him mad.*
I shared that my opinion is that he is choosing his momentary comfort (getting high) over her life, her car and MOST IMPORTANTLY, and most simply, her stated request.
Sorry for shouting but SANE RESPONSIBLE GROWN-UPS do not drive high. imo.
I suggested to her that she could simply say, "Changed my mind. I will be driving down by myself. You'll have to make other arrangements." Who knows? Maybe she will. I'm letting go of the outcome but whoo boy that's a nutty one.
I'm sorry about your friend Dee.
I talked to a good friend today who shared that her ex-boyfriend got a DUI and somehow it's HER fault because she didn't text him from a business trip and TOTALLY UNFAIR that he got his car possessed by the cops. And if he lived in ANY OTHER state, the DUI wouldn't be "a big deal."
And now they are driving together to an event this weekend, in HER car, and she told him she doesn't want him getting high in her car. And he told her that this isn't fair. Because all he wants it to be able to relax and enjoy the ride and he likes driving high. She's being ridiculous. Right? It is so completely screwed up enabling an active addict, and she doesn't want to *make him mad.*
I shared that my opinion is that he is choosing his momentary comfort (getting high) over her life, her car and MOST IMPORTANTLY, and most simply, her stated request.
Sorry for shouting but SANE RESPONSIBLE GROWN-UPS do not drive high. imo.
I suggested to her that she could simply say, "Changed my mind. I will be driving down by myself. You'll have to make other arrangements." Who knows? Maybe she will. I'm letting go of the outcome but whoo boy that's a nutty one.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Wow..yeah, frances, that sounds like a teenage or early twenties scenario. Sounds really immature on both their parts. I hope they both can sort it out, yikes. Good advice you gave her!
Thanks Dee..it's important to hear stuff like that. I hope your friend sees the light, sooner rather than later.
Thanks Dee..it's important to hear stuff like that. I hope your friend sees the light, sooner rather than later.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Wow, Frances. It sounds like you are in a great position to provide some good, objective friendship. I'm sorry your friend is going through that, but glad she has you. And, I have to admit that I was that kind of jerk at the end of my using. My marriage sometimes still ails from my addiction behaviors. All I can think of when I read your story was how selfish it was, and then remember how selfish I was.
Dee, I don't disagree that any length of sobriety can be in danger when we make the decision to deny our reality. I'm sorry about your friend. It sounds like my father-in-law, who started drinking again about 10 yrs ago, after a 26 yr period of sobriety. I was drinkig, but knew, from my own experience, how big a deal it was for him to pick up after such a period of sobriety. When he did for the first time in front of my wife and I, my stomach sunk, and it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. He puts away plenty of wine to this day, and I can hear it in his voice when he speaks. He's had 3 heart attacks, and his body is failing him. And there was a job scandal of some kind that doesn't get spoken of. It's a strange dynamic, but the family is still together, and will probably remain so.
Anyway, I agree that one can decide to pitch sobriety and say WTF to it all. But, I think its a decision. What happens thereafter is the disease. And my heart goes out to those who make that decision and give up.
Mirage, I didn't know what you were talking about with my friend stealing your theory for a long time after I responded to your post. Weird, huh?
Well, I just got back from my final Dave Ramsey class, and wife and I had a nice little fight in the car on the way back. Now to finish the taxes.
Good night, all!
Dee, I don't disagree that any length of sobriety can be in danger when we make the decision to deny our reality. I'm sorry about your friend. It sounds like my father-in-law, who started drinking again about 10 yrs ago, after a 26 yr period of sobriety. I was drinkig, but knew, from my own experience, how big a deal it was for him to pick up after such a period of sobriety. When he did for the first time in front of my wife and I, my stomach sunk, and it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. He puts away plenty of wine to this day, and I can hear it in his voice when he speaks. He's had 3 heart attacks, and his body is failing him. And there was a job scandal of some kind that doesn't get spoken of. It's a strange dynamic, but the family is still together, and will probably remain so.
Anyway, I agree that one can decide to pitch sobriety and say WTF to it all. But, I think its a decision. What happens thereafter is the disease. And my heart goes out to those who make that decision and give up.
Mirage, I didn't know what you were talking about with my friend stealing your theory for a long time after I responded to your post. Weird, huh?
Well, I just got back from my final Dave Ramsey class, and wife and I had a nice little fight in the car on the way back. Now to finish the taxes.
Good night, all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Good night!
I hope my post wasn't troubling or triggering for anyone. I was just venting but upon consideration it came across harsh. It's just hard to see her being used by this man. But its her path to walk and I do not know best.
I hope my post wasn't troubling or triggering for anyone. I was just venting but upon consideration it came across harsh. It's just hard to see her being used by this man. But its her path to walk and I do not know best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Whoops..I just re-read your post frances and I misunderstood. I thought the girl thought the cops taking the car was unfair and that the DUI wouldn't be a big deal if it were in another state, not HIM. My apologies, as I'm pretty sure I just called your friend immature!
Sorry! I read it wrong!
Sorry! I read it wrong!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Ya know, Mirage, b/t here and fb, I've noticed you have a real knack for the tongue in cheek vantage of life experience, a la Erma Bombeck. She left a void in American life. Ever thought about filling it? I think you could successfully chronicle life in a way the public could find amusing. Just sayin...
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