Class of March 2011 Part 15
7:day2:day1
:day6:
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Lofty I think your right about HALT applying to me and affecting my actions although I can't just use it for an excuse I knew what I was doing when I took that drink I just didn't care at the time. I was very angry at the time with the men drinking and felt like telling them all to **** off but instead I gave in myself. I spent a lot of yesterday here reading, sometimes it get's me down reading the posts as well so many people with so many problems and I read a lot of deaths here to , I probably should not read those posts because they are depressing but I think I need a bit of shock treatment to keep me straight as well ,for my health sake . Speaking of health I will be seeing a cardiologist this Wed I am having a Holter Monitor fitted which I have to wear for 24 hours it moniters my heart beats , I have been having irregular heart beats I was taking meds for this but doc took me off till we see whats going on, then on Thursday I have a stress test (walking on a treadmill) so I will be away for a few days again so don't frett.
Lofty I am with you on the weight thing also, it's so hard to loose that weight, giving up those treats makes me feel like I am hard done by, darn that H.A.T ........
Lofty I am with you on the weight thing also, it's so hard to loose that weight, giving up those treats makes me feel like I am hard done by, darn that H.A.T ........
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Aussie, thank you for sharing your slip and glad you are right back here with all of us. GOOD LUCK with this week's tests, that cannot be easy to have on your mind. ********}}}}
Thank you for the birthday wishes! I have been ridiculously celebrated beyond my comfort level. My running friends took me and husband out last night and presented me with team t-shirts they had made in my honor for today's race. *SNIFF* What a lovely present.
The race was ridiculously hard. Not my best race time-wise but the hardest course and hottest temps. The heat crept up to low 70s and just shut my legs down. I'm proud to have finished and got it DONE. I'm cooked and tired but I did a Hard Thing today.
Last year I happily holed up on my birthday because I was 6 weeks sober and a month from my first half marathon and knew the only safe and right place for me was safe and sound at home, no parties, no celebrating, just low-low-key. What a difference a year makes.
Thank you SR. Thank you Marchers. See you tomorrow!
Thank you for the birthday wishes! I have been ridiculously celebrated beyond my comfort level. My running friends took me and husband out last night and presented me with team t-shirts they had made in my honor for today's race. *SNIFF* What a lovely present.
The race was ridiculously hard. Not my best race time-wise but the hardest course and hottest temps. The heat crept up to low 70s and just shut my legs down. I'm proud to have finished and got it DONE. I'm cooked and tired but I did a Hard Thing today.
Last year I happily holed up on my birthday because I was 6 weeks sober and a month from my first half marathon and knew the only safe and right place for me was safe and sound at home, no parties, no celebrating, just low-low-key. What a difference a year makes.
Thank you SR. Thank you Marchers. See you tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
I believe in Floyd's omnipresence!
I am sore and slow today.
Feeling grateful for the privilege of feeling like this.
The Boston marathon is running today in extraordinary heat. The race officials gave runners the option to not run today and defer until next year. Can only imagine the hard choice that would represent for people who've trained for months.
I'm really inspired by the dedication and motivation it takes to train for the full marathon. A half marathon (20K) is a big deal but the full is exponentially more difficult, not just double hard, more like 10X. For today, I'm grateful for my accomplishments and ready to have a balanced day with work.
I am sore and slow today.
Feeling grateful for the privilege of feeling like this. The Boston marathon is running today in extraordinary heat. The race officials gave runners the option to not run today and defer until next year. Can only imagine the hard choice that would represent for people who've trained for months.
I'm really inspired by the dedication and motivation it takes to train for the full marathon. A half marathon (20K) is a big deal but the full is exponentially more difficult, not just double hard, more like 10X. For today, I'm grateful for my accomplishments and ready to have a balanced day with work.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
It must be the namesake. Which one is Pink? Lol.
A nice rainy day to finish the taxes today. Got the rough draft done enough this weekend to see that it's a refund rather than a bill. Now I'm motivated!
Good things happening in sobriety! And, I'm lovin' it!
Sorry you're sore, Frances, but glad you know why! I can't tell you how many bruise and sore mysteries I never solved while drinking. Ugh.
Making a few strides at getting the house in order each weekend. Got the master BR squared away yesterday with some new craigslist finds. The office is 95% done, and I'm seeing clients each week there, including a couple yesterday. Biz is picking up, and things are good.
Oh, and I've found the person to do my back office work. He's gonna start this Wednesday, and it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Hope we all have a fantastic day!
A nice rainy day to finish the taxes today. Got the rough draft done enough this weekend to see that it's a refund rather than a bill. Now I'm motivated!
Good things happening in sobriety! And, I'm lovin' it!
Sorry you're sore, Frances, but glad you know why! I can't tell you how many bruise and sore mysteries I never solved while drinking. Ugh.
Making a few strides at getting the house in order each weekend. Got the master BR squared away yesterday with some new craigslist finds. The office is 95% done, and I'm seeing clients each week there, including a couple yesterday. Biz is picking up, and things are good.
Oh, and I've found the person to do my back office work. He's gonna start this Wednesday, and it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Hope we all have a fantastic day!
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Day 2 here. One year, one month and six days and curiosity got the best of me. I am not making any excuses. Everything is right in my world. I had that..... I am missing out feeling and gave it a try. Everyone was having a blast and I wanted to join in. It involved a road trip/crawfish boil/beautiful day/friends and family. I had 4 beers over a 7 hour period.
I did learn something....I am not missing out on anything. I did not have the desire to go get more/ the thought did cross my mind, but desert sounded better to me. I do not see myself drinking again. I really did not get anything out of it. I was not more relaxed....I did not have more fun and did not get a buzz. What is the point? I hope if anyone was having any of these same thoughts or urges that I would let them know....It aint what it use to be and not worth your time.
No hangover....some regret...but I do not have that aching feeling that I am missing out on something anymore.
I am sorry for my decision...because I want to lead by example. I will always be honest with ya'll and myself. If your lying your dying.
Keep fightin the good fight
Dave
I did learn something....I am not missing out on anything. I did not have the desire to go get more/ the thought did cross my mind, but desert sounded better to me. I do not see myself drinking again. I really did not get anything out of it. I was not more relaxed....I did not have more fun and did not get a buzz. What is the point? I hope if anyone was having any of these same thoughts or urges that I would let them know....It aint what it use to be and not worth your time.
No hangover....some regret...but I do not have that aching feeling that I am missing out on something anymore.
I am sorry for my decision...because I want to lead by example. I will always be honest with ya'll and myself. If your lying your dying.
Keep fightin the good fight
Dave
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Ugh...I don't know what to say, Dave. Maybe that you're human? It sounds like you planned a relapse, and are now over it. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope you are back on the bus, and that you don't consider one year, one month and six days flushed. Rather, I hope you had a learning experience that you can remember in the back of your head, and keep on plugging forward like it didn't happen. I hope that for both you and Aussie. And, there's no reason it shouldn't be so.
Welcome back aboard. Glad it didn't suck you back in.
Me? I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know whether I have another recovery in me. But, I also don't know what temptations and issues life has to throw at me in the future, either.
Peace.
Welcome back aboard. Glad it didn't suck you back in.
Me? I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know whether I have another recovery in me. But, I also don't know what temptations and issues life has to throw at me in the future, either.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Sorry that happened Dave, glad for you being here. You are safe, you are sober, you learned something essential.
Did the folks you were with know you got sober? Did they know you were drinking? (Not blaming or judging, just wondering what happened.)
********{Hug}}}}}}
Buckling down to meet my work observations.
Did the folks you were with know you got sober? Did they know you were drinking? (Not blaming or judging, just wondering what happened.)
********{Hug}}}}}}
Buckling down to meet my work observations.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
frances It was all me. They actually said not to and I defied them. Well it is what it is. I have no desire to drink now....I cant really cant explain it. I dont condone it nor do I have any excuses other than I just did.
Lofty- I dont really know what happened. It just did. I could feel it building and it was like a valve blew. It truly was 4 not an alcoholics 4. I know that does not make it better. I can only learn from my mistake and move on. I never want to go back to the place I once was. That was no life. I did gain from the experience and actually talked to Kelly about it when we got home. I thought that I was missing something from not partaking with everyone else. wrong. Life has gotten way too good for me to go down that dark dusty road again and sobriety suites me. I am happier in sobriety and drinking the other day in no way enhanced my life. It did not bring the things that I thought that I was missing back to me and now I am just simply looking forward.
Dave
Lofty- I dont really know what happened. It just did. I could feel it building and it was like a valve blew. It truly was 4 not an alcoholics 4. I know that does not make it better. I can only learn from my mistake and move on. I never want to go back to the place I once was. That was no life. I did gain from the experience and actually talked to Kelly about it when we got home. I thought that I was missing something from not partaking with everyone else. wrong. Life has gotten way too good for me to go down that dark dusty road again and sobriety suites me. I am happier in sobriety and drinking the other day in no way enhanced my life. It did not bring the things that I thought that I was missing back to me and now I am just simply looking forward.
Dave
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I sort of have a theory on how it is when we drink again. Bear with me. The thing is, we know we have issues with drinking. Whether or not we label ourselves full fledged "alcoholics" or not doesn't matter. We know we had problems with drinking. So when we drink again, after a time sober, I'm not sure how it can be this great time cuz we KNOW too much. We might be going back to drinking, but we're not going back to the thinking we were doing when we were drinking. Do you know what I mean? We're thinking, "ok, I blew it" or "I know I shouldn't have more than these 4" or "I'm gonna have to tell my SR friends tomorrow". It's just not the same as it was 2 years ago when we were sorta turning a blind eye to the seriousness of what was going on. I really believe that once you accept you have a problem, there's sorta no way to be happy about going back unless you convince yourself you can moderate. And we all know what a slippery slope that is.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
When I sobered up in college and went through rehab, I became close friends with a guy who worked at the college, and was about 10 yrs older than me. He also worked part time as our doorman when we had a band, and he deejayed on other nights. He had been sober for years when I met him, and we used to tell each other our wild drinking stories. I'll never top the fact that he went to Woodstock, but had taken so many Quaaludes that he slept in the car for 3 days, and missed the entire event. He and I are still friends, mostly on Facebook, but have a special bond, not dissimilar from ours.
David, also his name, told me that once an alcoholic stops drinking, they can never go back to drinking like before, because they know in their heart the choice they are making. They can deny it, as I did for two decades, but, if they tell themselves the truth, it will always catch up with them. It's a river Rubicon; once crossed, cannot be undone. It's a bell that cannot be unrung. It's with us, no matter how much we may want to try to hide it. Accepting that, and not allowing it to make us feel ashamed in sobriety, is the only way to proceed in a worthwhile life. Otherwise, we'll spend our lives trying to find that worthwhile life. Besides, we now know a life better than we imagined it could be. We've found the narrow gate. What a gift we've been given!
I lost over two decades of my "real" life to that fight. I'm only now starting to regain my true self after those decades of drinking. For His reasons, God protected me from myself. I pray He'll make good use of my remaining sober years for His glory. But, my sobriety has already been good for my gain, and my family's. I know you know that feeling, Dave.
Peace, brother. We all love ya. Please don't hesitate to call on me the next time your AV calls on you. You've got my number.
David, also his name, told me that once an alcoholic stops drinking, they can never go back to drinking like before, because they know in their heart the choice they are making. They can deny it, as I did for two decades, but, if they tell themselves the truth, it will always catch up with them. It's a river Rubicon; once crossed, cannot be undone. It's a bell that cannot be unrung. It's with us, no matter how much we may want to try to hide it. Accepting that, and not allowing it to make us feel ashamed in sobriety, is the only way to proceed in a worthwhile life. Otherwise, we'll spend our lives trying to find that worthwhile life. Besides, we now know a life better than we imagined it could be. We've found the narrow gate. What a gift we've been given!
I lost over two decades of my "real" life to that fight. I'm only now starting to regain my true self after those decades of drinking. For His reasons, God protected me from myself. I pray He'll make good use of my remaining sober years for His glory. But, my sobriety has already been good for my gain, and my family's. I know you know that feeling, Dave.
Peace, brother. We all love ya. Please don't hesitate to call on me the next time your AV calls on you. You've got my number.
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