mirage

Good morning everybody. I am volunteering today at Field Day at the elem. school. It's where they set up games all over the playground and the kids go from event to event. They all have matching field day shirts, so it's a sea of hundreds of kids all in orange this year. Try finding your kid. haha. It's fun, tho. I'm working the shoe kick. (They loosen their shoe and see how far they can kick it off.) Parking is always a bear, so I'm thinking of riding my bike. Anyway, I'll chime in more later. I had some stuff to say to Lofty when I was laying in bed last night, I hope I can remember it. Hope the weather is as beautiful where you are, as it is here.

(LOL frances @ the quarter remark.)

frances2011

I want to say the following as a figuring-it-out idea for me.

I've entertained the "Could I drink moderately?" thoughts, just like everyone else.

If I were a normal drinker, I would be able to take it or leave it. I wouldn't have to drink alcohol every day. I wouldn't obsess about it. I wouldn't drink to get drunk.

My husband is like this. He drinks for the taste 90% and the buzz 10%.

I could not take or leave alcohol. I obsessed over it.

So therefore I am not a normal drinker. I am an alcoholic.

My life is better without alcohol. I never have to worry about buying, hiding, sneaking, lying, obsessing, guarding, or being ashamed about my alcohol use every again.

I wake up sober every day.

It's so much easier this way. It was really hard for the first few months. You guys remember.

I made it my top priority because I was scared of ending up drunk, passed out on the couch and then dead at 49 like my mom.

I realized recently that I'm actually proud of being a sober alcoholic. I bet lots of the successful people I know are like me.

Hugs to my Marchers and thank you for letting me share.

lookinforward

Good morning All! Sorry that I missed my check in yesterday.
I am only half the man I use to be and my wife is happier than she has been in years......
I sold my Motorcycle yesterday.
I know that it was the right thing to do.....but I feel like something is missing. I know that is kinda stupid but.....hey It was the one thing that was mine.

Lofty...I am sorry that you have been down. Dont throw in the towel. The regret that you will feel is not worth the one night of indulgence. I am praying for peace brother.

Dont go to the Arcade....It will overtake your life.....By the way....Does anyone have a token I can borrow? I am out. I will give you a sip of my Big Gulp!

PBC sorry about your loss. It sounds like you did the right thing.And yes work has taken over. I rarely get to post. They keep making me do stuff and giving me projects.....Whats up with that?

frances....you have your ducks in a row girl. Dont ever change.

mirage....You were thinking of lofty while in bed last night? I think that I am jealous.

Marchers
March
Dave

LoftyIdeals

Aww, Dave!? Did you have to say it out loud?! My imagination was running wild with that one. I was gonna let it marinate for a while before I called Mirage in on it. LOL.

I agree...Frances is in great order, and needn't change a thing. Thanks for your thoughtful post.

Hope Mirage is having a field day today! Literally!

Looking forward to seeing pics of your slice of heaven, Bryan. (You know I mean your land, right?)

Thanks, Dee, for your post. Perhaps I was a bit sharp, and for that I apologize. But, you are right in your message.

Today is back to normal day. My men's breakfast put me right, and the phone is ringing. It was an awesome message that those who stay in the Word live awesome, fulfilling lives. Not quite that simple, but that's the thumbnail of it. My new Life Recovery Bible came right on time, when I got home. I also talked to a fellow from my bfast about it and we are talking about getting together once a week to go over the steps using the bible.

I'm glad we've all checked in today. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Oh, wait, that's just my puppy. Nevermind! JK

Oh well, I need to get back to work. God is great, and so is sobriety. Thanks for coaching me through my slump, and for thoughts and prayers.

Giddyup!

mirage

Ok, I think what I was thinking earlier about this is..I think what we need to do is separate the "I'm unhappy" thoughts from the "..so I'm going to drink" thoughts. One should have nothing to do with each other, ideally. Like, we all get sad sometimes..we get sad, we get mad, we get in a rut, we get hormonal changes, we get frustrated, we expect growth and we don't get it, our recovery feels stalled, etc. But then turning that into "so I'm going to drink" should not be part of the equation. We don't drink. We DID..we have..a lot. But we don't do that anymore. We know rationally that drinking will not solve these problems, so it makes no sense. If you were tired and you needed to stay awake, you wouldn't take an Ambien. Ambien would make it worse and you'd kick yourself for being so stupid that you took a sleeping pill to help you stay awake..so you don't take it. That's logical, we get that. Well that's really how alcohol is. It's a drug that never helps our situation, and it no longer makes us happy. We're pickles, not cucumbers..we can't go back to being cucumbers, knowing what we know. So really that option is off the table. We've been sober long enough to understand that and to not want to go back to how we were, kicking ourselves all the time. So be sad, be frustrated, but drinking isn't the solution to that so there's no point in even thinking about it. Now what WILL help is different for each of us. Exercise, therapy, long walks and talks, whatever. But drinking isn't the answer for any of us anymore. We tried that..it didn't work. Move on to another solution.

Lol Dave..I thought about that way after I wrote it. I was happy to hear from you today, I miss you when you're not around. Aww..sorry about your cycle. I can understand you missing it. I'm glad that you're safer now tho.

What a great share, frances..thanks for that.

Hope everyone else is having a great day. The morning was really fun.

LoftyIdeals

Wow, Mirage. Thanks for that. You are right. I get down, and I lose the will to try. Maybe I'm manic. But, I haven't been that way for some time. I started my ADD meds again last week, and I'm thinking maybe that has something to do with it. So, I'm off them again. I agree with the alternative courses, including therapy, but we've already got a whole lot of family medical bills owed, and I hate to add to the pile, especially for a psych issue. So, I read and blog, and wait for the sun to shine again. Thanks again for thinking about me as you lay in bed last night.

Every day that I make it through to the next day without caving, I feel great. I just have been having trouble seeing through the moment as its occurring. I really do think this may be an issue that I'm stuck in my step work, and need to get cracking on it. My buddy from bfast is in a similar place. I don't consider the steps some kind of ritual that you must superstitiously abide by to "get to the next level". But, I do think they force you to look at your life candidly, and acknowledge your own participation in the good and bad of it with complete honesty. That is a humbling experience, which then changes your perspective. Once you call your deeds out, especially the misdeeds, you can then move past them, and the havoc they wreak on your psyche. That's where I'm stuck. I still have deep resentments, deep guilt, and deep bewilderment that cycles through my brain, often unbeknownst to me, which needs to be purged. I can do that through the steps. Then my mind is clearer and more open to the life I believe God intends for me. It's a classic repentance and forgiveness thing.

Thanks again to all for the insights, thoughts and prayers.

mirage

PBC..I don't believe it was a sale at Penneys..I think they're 6 bucks all the time.

Yeah Lofty..and I'm not trying to say something you have heard 100 times before. I know you know drinking doesn't solve anything, I don't need to tell you that. What I'd like for you, and everyone here, is for you to get to the point where you never really feel like chucking sobriety. I don't like to imagine your knuckles white. Now I know you're not miserable every day and that most days you are very happy and grateful to be sober, but it worries me when I hear you're struggling with things and that that makes you consider drinking again. Your recovery journey is quite different from mine, being that it sounds like you subscribe mostly to the AA model, but sometimes I just wish you could break it down into something simpler. Like you used to drink too much, you got addicted to it, then you realized you had a problem with it, and so you stopped 9 months ago. Part of me wants to make it as simple as that. (Now I'm not saying it was easy or that we should ever take sobriety for granted and not keep a mindful eye on it. Hence..we're all here discussing with each other a year after we started trying. My meaning is not to downplay it, but to simplify it. Kinda like frances' list she made, which was awesome.)

Yes, we have regrets, guilt, resentments and bewilderment. Who doesn't? People who've never been alcoholics have those. But it's in the past and we can't do anything about it really, so now we're moving onward and upward every day. I know that everyone's drinking life was different. You got drunk and I..well..I got drunk, too. Hey! They ARE the same!! haha. No..I know there are levels and variants in regards to how we all got here and what might work best for me, might not work for you. I just want more peace for you. Like less thinking, worrying, planning, praying, meetings, books, bibles..and just being happy being. I know you want that, too, and I'm not trying to imply these things are bad or don't work, I just hope you're not overwhelmed with them, that's all. Like maybe breaking it down into simpler terms would help. Anyway..I hope my ramblings have a point somewhere in there. They're done with love.

LoftyIdeals

Your words do make sense. Let me simplify: Analysis Paralysis. That's what I have, and thats what I always get, as I overthink most everything. Thanks, Mirage. You are right.

bryangt

aerialshot.jpg

tough to figure out how to attach a photo==here goes,,,

LoftyIdeals

Bryan...NICE! I hope you like to fish. I'd be on that dock daily.

Dee74

new thread time guys.
we continue here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-16-a.html

D