Class of March 2011 Part 14
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
mirage...I know that it was the leap year that through you off on days.....ME TOO!
You know ...when I hit my wall last year...I started hunting for him to ask him what I should do...that is when I found SR....Go figure. I have tried looking for Steve and I can not find him. He is originally from Ohio and was a transplant down here and the last place I traced him to was North Carolina. Come to think of it...there is someone else that kinda reminds me of him..... HMMMMMM........
Lovin it
DAve
You know ...when I hit my wall last year...I started hunting for him to ask him what I should do...that is when I found SR....Go figure. I have tried looking for Steve and I can not find him. He is originally from Ohio and was a transplant down here and the last place I traced him to was North Carolina. Come to think of it...there is someone else that kinda reminds me of him..... HMMMMMM........
Lovin it
DAve
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Thank you!!!!!PBC!!!!! Hugs your way.
Hey will you guys up north keep a look out for Steve for me.......funny thing is...you cant miss him....he looks ALOT like Steven Segal back in his prime. At least he did 20 years ago.
Dave
Hey will you guys up north keep a look out for Steve for me.......funny thing is...you cant miss him....he looks ALOT like Steven Segal back in his prime. At least he did 20 years ago.
Dave
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Well, I just got home from my therapist. She thinks that, since accountability seems to motivate me and I am such a people person, I should go back to being accountible to all of you on a daily basis. I'm pretty terrified of the idea, but she pointed out that this is good for my family, too, and am I going to avoid doing what's good for them because I'm scared? Because that's just weak. She knows me too well.
We also discussed your suggestion of AA. She used the same argument about my family. Her final thought was that I should try again with you all, and if I find I still don't do it, I should suck it up and go to a meeting. I really don't want to do that, so maybe that's just the motivation I need to get my tush back on board.
***very nervous about this***
We also discussed your suggestion of AA. She used the same argument about my family. Her final thought was that I should try again with you all, and if I find I still don't do it, I should suck it up and go to a meeting. I really don't want to do that, so maybe that's just the motivation I need to get my tush back on board.
***very nervous about this***
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Here to help however you want and need. *holds PBC's hand so she knows she's not alone*
Asking from a place of gentle loving questioning, Do you feel that being sober is what's good for your family and your girls? I ask because you said that this is what your therapist said. I think I know the answer but sometimes it helps me when I shine full light on why I'm doing or not doing something.
One of the things that kept me sober was that my sister's marriage EXPLODED about a month into this journey. She was calling often and sometimes in the middle of the night. Often she was hysterical.
I *needed* to be sober and straight and sane when she called. Thinking of her needs--and wanting to be a good support--carried me many nights when I wanted to drink. It was crystal clear.
*send words with love*
Asking from a place of gentle loving questioning, Do you feel that being sober is what's good for your family and your girls? I ask because you said that this is what your therapist said. I think I know the answer but sometimes it helps me when I shine full light on why I'm doing or not doing something.
One of the things that kept me sober was that my sister's marriage EXPLODED about a month into this journey. She was calling often and sometimes in the middle of the night. Often she was hysterical.
I *needed* to be sober and straight and sane when she called. Thinking of her needs--and wanting to be a good support--carried me many nights when I wanted to drink. It was crystal clear.
*send words with love*
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
I like your therapist. That means more PBC time for me.
In all seriousness. You know we are here for you. Heck I will drive up and hug you everyday if it helps.....or pay someone too. You will get all of the cyber hugs you can handle. If I annoy you...let me know....that is not what I want to do....I just wanna be here for you.
Hugs
Dave
Like I said in an earlier post....we are all in this together. We are all intricate parts of each others recovery.
In all seriousness. You know we are here for you. Heck I will drive up and hug you everyday if it helps.....or pay someone too.
You will get all of the cyber hugs you can handle. If I annoy you...let me know....that is not what I want to do....I just wanna be here for you.Hugs
Dave
Like I said in an earlier post....we are all in this together. We are all intricate parts of each others recovery.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Ditto from me. I can give you a virtual ass-kicking if I need to
Bottom line? Is it what YOU want? I still question myself on that front. Lately, I've been playing this game that "after the kids are out of the house..." or "when I'm back on my feet financially" or so on. In the end, we have to want sobriety more than we don't. There will always be a choice. And this is a hard one, but I heard somewhere we can do hard things.
I will tell you one thing, PBC. If I was working 11 and 12 hr days regularly, I'd likely be drinking, trying to maximize the little bit of down time I'd get in a day. But, that's a mind game too. Don't forget the danger spots...Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. HALT. And, I'll tell you another thing. If you decide that you can handle moderation, I, for one, will still be here for you. I'd just ask that you not talk about your drinking so I'm not enticed, unless it becomes a problem for you. I think this is an about face of what I felt one other time, but it is YOUR decision, and I want you to succeed at what YOU want, not what I, your therapist, or anyone else THINKS you should want. I know this doesn't sound like much of an accountability partner, but I want you to be true to you first.
I'm off again. Productive today, but not in a productive way. In a busy way. But, it's all gotta get done, right? Anyone know where there's a Procrastinators Anonymous meeting?
Bottom line? Is it what YOU want? I still question myself on that front. Lately, I've been playing this game that "after the kids are out of the house..." or "when I'm back on my feet financially" or so on. In the end, we have to want sobriety more than we don't. There will always be a choice. And this is a hard one, but I heard somewhere we can do hard things.
I will tell you one thing, PBC. If I was working 11 and 12 hr days regularly, I'd likely be drinking, trying to maximize the little bit of down time I'd get in a day. But, that's a mind game too. Don't forget the danger spots...Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. HALT. And, I'll tell you another thing. If you decide that you can handle moderation, I, for one, will still be here for you. I'd just ask that you not talk about your drinking so I'm not enticed, unless it becomes a problem for you. I think this is an about face of what I felt one other time, but it is YOUR decision, and I want you to succeed at what YOU want, not what I, your therapist, or anyone else THINKS you should want. I know this doesn't sound like much of an accountability partner, but I want you to be true to you first.
I'm off again. Productive today, but not in a productive way. In a busy way. But, it's all gotta get done, right? Anyone know where there's a Procrastinators Anonymous meeting?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
"Do you feel that being sober is what's good for your family and your girls?" Of course. I'm 100% present and able to handle emergencies and all that when I'm sober. And, it taxes Jim when I drink. He doesn't want to be the alcohol police and he doesn't judge, but it's obvious to me that he feels conflicted because he knows it's an issue for me. I think he feels a little helpless about it. He's always been the strong one between us, and I hate that I put him through that.
Dave, I'll take your hugs any time. It'll be a heck of a commute for you, though.
Lofty, your question is my BIG question, too. Do I want sobriety more than I don't? I think the obvious answer is, obviously not or I'd still be alcohol-free. I don't want to get plastered as a way of life, that's true. I don't want to be back where I was, for sure. In the interests of full disclosure, I had a drink both last night and the night before. One normal-sized drink. I have nights like that and don't feel too guilty about it ... but I know that, in my history, that level of moderation hasn't lasted. Though my head admits it, my heart hasn't accepted that moderation isn't an option. I know better!!! *said as I beat myself over the head**
Anyway. Thanks for listening and not calling me a loser out loud. I love you guys.
Dave, I'll take your hugs any time.
It'll be a heck of a commute for you, though.Lofty, your question is my BIG question, too. Do I want sobriety more than I don't? I think the obvious answer is, obviously not or I'd still be alcohol-free. I don't want to get plastered as a way of life, that's true. I don't want to be back where I was, for sure. In the interests of full disclosure, I had a drink both last night and the night before. One normal-sized drink. I have nights like that and don't feel too guilty about it ... but I know that, in my history, that level of moderation hasn't lasted. Though my head admits it, my heart hasn't accepted that moderation isn't an option. I know better!!! *said as I beat myself over the head**
Anyway. Thanks for listening and not calling me a loser out loud. I love you guys.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
"Thanks for listening and not calling me a loser out loud."
PBC- I have told you this many times....You are one hell of a woman. On the go...putting 3 days into one on many days. You are and will never be a loser in our eyes. You are battling yourself right now on what you really want. You will get there. One way or the other and I for one will still respect you.
Dang it woman. Do you realize that If I would have come on here 5 yrs ago....I would have had 100's of day ones. Quitting didnt take the first or 50th time I tried. I knew that I had a problem....but I wasnt quite there yet...I wasnt scared...and I thought that I was handling it. When it did take... I must tell you that I got down right scared...I wasnt ready to die and God heard me. The first time I came here...I found exactly what I needed...You guys!People just like me...I was not alone. Maybe AA is the missing piece of the puzzle for you? I dont know? I dont like to see you struggle with this because I know where you are.
I always see Dee ask people what there plan is. Sometimes we have to regroup and make a new plan. I am here for you. I will pray for peace in your heart!
Dave
PBC- I have told you this many times....You are one hell of a woman. On the go...putting 3 days into one on many days. You are and will never be a loser in our eyes. You are battling yourself right now on what you really want. You will get there. One way or the other and I for one will still respect you.
Dang it woman. Do you realize that If I would have come on here 5 yrs ago....I would have had 100's of day ones. Quitting didnt take the first or 50th time I tried. I knew that I had a problem....but I wasnt quite there yet...I wasnt scared...and I thought that I was handling it. When it did take... I must tell you that I got down right scared...I wasnt ready to die and God heard me. The first time I came here...I found exactly what I needed...You guys!People just like me...I was not alone. Maybe AA is the missing piece of the puzzle for you? I dont know? I dont like to see you struggle with this because I know where you are.
I always see Dee ask people what there plan is. Sometimes we have to regroup and make a new plan. I am here for you. I will pray for peace in your heart!
Dave
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I wish there were a magic pill or a switch I could just flip for you, pbc. Of COURSE we're here for you and we know you can do it..and we also know it's not easy and that you have to be ready, so we understand when falling short. Have you considered online AA meetings? That might be something to consider adding to your plan, too. Or posting in the new March group as well as here? Just thinking out loud of things that might give you incentive if you don't wanna go to meetings. Anyway..we'll be here for ya!! Go PBC!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup 
Though my head admits it, my heart hasn't accepted that moderation isn't an option.
Some things that are true for me:
1. If moderation worked for me, I wouldn't agonize and obsess about drinking. Normal drinkers can take it or leave it. Drink or not. No big deal. (My husband is like this.)
2. If I want to see if drinking is an issue for me, then I can try stopping for 30 days. If it's not an issue for me, then it will be easy. If alcohol IS an issue for me, then it will be impossible for me to go without alcohol. I needed to devote a significant amount of effort to get the right help.
3. Alcohol was turning on me and hurting my body. It was catching up to me.
For me, my previous quits (2 weeks or less) involved bargaining and deal-making and rationalizations about my "high functioning"-ness.
I love you.
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