newleaves2012

HF. been there too lol! sitting there thinking "now what"?
what kind of support system and plan do you have?

ewo

I'm starting day 4 sober today. I woke up with the mantra "Today I will not drink" in my head this morning - pretty cool! I even set my phone alarm to remind me of it but I was already thinking it! I hope everyone else in the March 2012 group will keep that in mind today as well!

Open your eyes wide, look around, take a deep breath and just take it all in! Having a fresh mind at the start of a new day feels great!

Have a good one everyone!

Healthyfood

newleaves2012

I have you guys as support. I don't go to AA or anything like that. The only plan I have is just don't buy any booze no matter how low is the mood.

I haven't found substitute to relax yet.

timetoflyclean

Well I guess I'm a March baby too. Have not taken an oxy in 2 days. Feeling crappy but I plan to see this thru to the other side.

Good luck to everyone else who is kicking this Month!!

daffyneedsme2

Here I go again, another day 1.

Quit for 11 years back in the 90's, had one drink and have drank almost every day since. I did manage a 3 month break an 11 day break and a couple of one or 2 day layoffs but never more than that. I plan my whole life around where I am going to get my next bottle and being sure I have a drink to wake up to. It consumes too much of my time, I have to stop and decided after knocking off a whole fifth yesterday, (which I do on a regular basis) that today had to be the day. I'm ready for the challenge and I am sure I can do this!! I will be hanging out here on SR alot, reading the posts really help me see I am not alone in all of this.

newleaves2012

HF. I slipped up last summer and my thought process was a lot like your's. there is a difference between won't drink and don't drink. I totally missed it first time around. you can read the big book in private for awhile if that works.

phoebe64

Ugh. So, I guess I have to hop into March, but am glad to see HF posting here, even with a sober February under her belt! A familiar name.

I have to not beat myself up over the failures this past month. I mean, rather than drink daily, as I nealry was, I went 11 days, then did some controlled drinking(well, one night was alot of wine, after dad's funeral. I was just exhausted and had no willpower). Then just one beer Tuesday night and nothing until last night. But, I had a beer with dh before dinner. That is such a weak spot for me. Friday and Sat. eve before dinner. Then, if I start, well, it always ends with a bottle of wine. So, I had one beer and moved onto the bottle of wine. I intended on one or two glasses, but of course finished it, and have a headache. Skipped church so I can feel better to go to a girl scout thing with dd later.

I do think I am learning with these slips. Each time it reinforces how crappy I feel when I do drink. It wastes time the next day and I wake after a few hours of sleep with a pounding hear, hot, and insomnia. Even with just 3 glasses of wine, I seem to get this insomnia thing. I used to sleep and sleep, when I was really bad for a few years. This last year, after some sober time, when I do drink, I feel extra crappy in the night.

So, where is the fun in it? Ugh. Right now it seems so easy to say I don't even want to drink again. And I am not terribly hungiver. Really just a headache and mad at myself, and the headache is nearly gone.

I thin dad's death has hit me harder than I thought. He had been failing for a long time, and really, it should be a relief, as some say. But I just feel so low. I am not blaming that for the drinking. I just do not have alot of energy and resolve and strength right now. I just feel defeated, in general, so it is making it harder for me to find the strength to be sober.

Am I making sense?

I need to get my butt to the gym this week and find a new hobby in that. Last time my few months of success was born out of really enjoying healthy cooking, eating, and exercise. So, I did not want to mess it up. Then as I hit a plateau, the honeymoon was over, lol.

I have alot of books to catch up on too. I will keep picking up a book instead of a glass of wine. It works most nights.

I feel like such a loser.

Healthyfood

newleaves2012

Why there is difference between won't and don't drink? For me they are the same, just not having it.

Healthyfood

rochele

Yes I am posting here otherwise I can't cope with thoughts that attack me.

I hope you are feeling better after what you have been through.

newleaves2012

HF this is the difference for me. "won't" means that I'm pushing it away. I'm fighting it, trying not to drink.
"don't" means I've made a decision and turned my back and walked away from alcohol. when this clicked in me it was very important. I don't know why. to remind you, I only have 64 days. there are people who know WAY more than me here. but toss it around in your head.

Healthyfood

newleaves2012

Actually true what you said. I prefer to think that I don't drink. I remind myself everyday to stay sober, even emotions get so high.

newleaves2012

HF
cool. you know, it's a substance. an inanimate object sitting on a shelf. whatever you need to tell yourself to keep putting days under your belt.

Healthyfood

newleaves2012

Being sober for 35 days feels amazing. And I know what to do if urge appears. Its just a feeling that will eventually go away.
Its not worth enjoy the substance for a short time and then deal with long term consequences.

newleaves2012

it gets better too. once you start replacing the time spent drinking with other activities life really improves. people tell me that and I believe them. there was a gap for me. in between right after I quit and now where I struggled to fill the time void. you gotta be careful cause alcohol would easily fill the void again. spare time can be dangerous.

Healthyfood

newleaves2012

Im not struggling to fill free time. Im struggling when people invite me to the parties.
I can't go yet.

loudog430

I was doing so well in the February class, that I decided I want to help the March class by slipping last night due to a game of beer pong =(. Honestly, I am not going to beat myself up for it. I made it 30 days prior to last night. Time to try and go for 60.

ewo

I'm having a wonderful day 4! Spent the day with the family - lunch, movie, shopping - and not once thinking about having a drink! Normally I would be in a big rush to get back home so I could start drinking (assuming I even had the energy to leave the house because I'd usually go on a drinking binge on Saturday night). But not this weekend! And I'm enjoying every moment of it!

Question: has anyone else found themselves super sleepy since quitting drinking? I can barely keep my eyes open past 6pm

ewo

Rochele - I'm starting back at the gym tomorrow and have healthy meals planned for the week. It's 12 weeks until Memorial Day and my plan is to be as fit and healthy as possible by then. I hope you are able to get back to it too! Best of luck to you!

phoebe64

Ewo, just yesterday, 4 days sober(before I drank last night), I was also thinking I was exhausted. The whole week. But I also lost my father and had his funeral last Saturday, a week ago. So, I think I am suffering some appropriate depression over that. I had not gone into those 4 days with months of drinking, but actually only after some controlled drinking after 11 days sober. So, it did not make sense I was so exhausted.

But, again, maybe something emotional is at play.

I have had some anxiety blocking me from getting into the gym. I had a weird spell with my heart thumping and nearly passing out when I was actually feeling great, but working *really hard* on an elliptical. I have been seen by the doc and she said I worked too hard for being out of shape and if I just control my heart rate a bit I should be fine. I had a normal EKG that day and have had echos and stress tests a year ago, all normal.

But it just gives me the willies now! Ugh. I do have a new heart rate monitor to keep a check on my rate to not go too high. So, I will give it a try this week. Anxiety gets me like this, wrt my health. I need to get over that anxiety by going for a bit.

jobei

daffyneedsme2 - Im in the same boat... we have to try to use our energy on other things... ANYTHING else because otherwise this booze will take even more. I'm going through DT's as i type this and I'm terrified. Tommorrow WILL BE BETTER!!!!!