MagnifiedStar

Had an absolute epic meltdown this weekend/week. A friend came into town and I made it until Saturday evening (day 42). Then I pretty much drank straight through to yesterday night. My friend was horrified and scared (never seen me like that). I missed a girl's dinner, slept, looked like a zombie, my have put my job at risk, didn't pick up my phone. Her ex was an addict and just died in January, and then I put her through this ****? I am so sick of myself right now. I am ashamed, in physical pain and just feel absolutely devastated. I can't imagine what I was thinking. I thought the suffering was over and it seems it's just all beginning again

PurpleCat

(((MagnifiedStar))). Please pick yourself up and use this as a learning experience so it doesn't happen again! Was your friend aware that you had quit drinking?

MagnifiedStar

I didn't tell her, so that probably didn't help. Not sure why I felt the need to keep it a secret (probably so I had an 'out' if I wanted to pick up). I don't want any outs now though - I just want to feel better and prove myself again.

katrinka

Nel, thanks so much for the song, it's one of my husband's favorites but I never realized how inspirational it is so thanks! I know how you feel in social situations, I hate trying to make conversation with people I don't know or see that often. I think it will be hard but better without the alcohol, you won't have to worry about behaving foolishly! I would always look back and think I acted stupid or silly and feel embarrassed.
MagnifiedStar, you are brave to post about your relapse, it sounds like it was scary and maybe dangerous, too. I hope you'll try again, you can do it!!

Limbo75

Star, I hope you will feel better. Stay here with us and post and share, if we can do it then there is no doubt that you can as well. My thoughts are with you.

Dazee, big congrats!

For me, got over my regrets and my struggle and called and told my mum as well, nothing but love and support there as I knew there would be :-) Feel like I am on the right track....

BillyPilgrim

Hi all
I am six weeks in today, and loving being sober. Only I feel detached, just been to my AA, and agreed with all the wise words ,but didnt feel part of it. Does anyone else get those feelings?

Dee74

hugs nel

I'm really sorry Star - I can identify with picking up again and having things very very rapidly become a run away freight train.

I'm glad you're back

BP, I dunno about anyone else but I felt detached for a while, for sure - it got better tho

D

Purplecatlover

Coming up on 8 weeks sober & 11 days no smokes! Going on vacation to a cabin in the mountains! I'm so excited. And so looking forward to being sober. Not fretting about what to drink, when I can drink.
Was it me or was there constant anxiousness surrounding the planning, obtaining, hiding & withdrawing of alcohol?
I have so much peace now. I feel calmer than ever.
No white knuckling here. I just accepted I will never drink again & I am MORE than good with that.
Keep strong class! Sobriety rocks!
And those that have stumbled, get back on the horse, the race ain't over yet

Limbo75

Cat, lovely post

Hope you have a wonderful time!

DarkDays

Excited for you purpleCat !

Day 57 , checking in and feeling fine, very very up and down at the moment, but had 6 hours solid sleep, really amazing sleeping from 1am till 7am without waking up, when i was drinking I never ever slept through always woke up at 2/3 am and lay tossing and turning with morbid thoughts.

This alone will keep me off alcohell for ever.

iceteaplease

PC, have a great vacation! Enjoy packing "light".

DD, sleep is the BEST. It is free, healthy, and very theraputic. I'm so glad you are enjoying your newfound rest. I know what you mean about tossing and turning...2 and 3 in the morning are just not good hours of the day to think or be awake in general, in my opinion. I haven't seen them in a long time.

We made it through another week! What are everyone's plans for a sober weekend, besides going on vacation?

Happy Friday, everyone.

Limbo75

Hi Icetea

My plan is to go to my first AA meeting tonight, I look forward to it :-) Then I plan for a bit of tourist exploration of Ireland where I currently live but have been to busy sitting home alone drinking so I have not seen much...

What are your plans?

Dazee

Morning all,
Much better today, fewer thoughts/cravings. I am going to celebrate my mom's birthday this weekend. No alcohol will be around so I'll be good. I had a thought about drinking beer yesterday and it actually seemed gross to me, first time ever!

nonblondechef

Double nickles here today and feeling very proud of myself. I am ready to Spring ahead and reach 110! March on, class - we are awesome

nel68

Purplecatlover that is great 8 wks /11 days! Have a great vaca sounds wonderful! Nonblondchef thanks for the kind words yesterday Billy six weeks awesome!!Katrinka, glad you enjoyed the song, I love that song makes you realize that life is worth living for. I got my social awkward on last night..lol....my gawd I hate that!!! It was a nice memorial dinner tho♥ Dark days congrats on your 57 days, way to go!! Limbo glad your doing good, Star, you can do it just don't beat yourself up, just get back on that horse Dazee I hope you have a good weekend you can do it!! Iceteaplease I love your user name....well gonna pick up my new car tomorrow, it's a 2008 Ford Escape a pretty green I will have plenty of room for my garage sale stuff...lol Can't wait for the sales, gonna be so nice to go garage saling not being hung over. Class it is a struggle to fight are alcoholic thoughts but we can do this, even if it is minute by minute! Some days that is how it is for me. Okay those are my words of encouragement to my wonderful-fantastical class!!...p.s. Dee you are just awesome for sure!!

PurpleCat

I had a skating lesson this morning, and my brain was definitely AWOL. I felt like the biggest space cadet out there lol. I'm out there with national and olympic medalists, and I'm all "la la la la" instead of actually working.

I'd love to say forget it and go home and back to bed, but I already missed six hours this week with Humphrey so I will have to come in this weekend to work. Don't really want to use any leave hours - so I guess I'll muddle through. Wonder if there's any filing I can do or if anyone needs me to paint any easter eggs for the kiddie event we're holding next month, or anything like that.

BillyPilgrim

I have a pile of filing to do PC, have just finished month end, so that is waiting for me on Monday unless I can delegate
Looking forward to sober weekend 7, am mending bikes for me and Ms Billy this weekend in training for her triathalon
Have fun everyone

PurpleCat

I don't even have that much filing - almost all of my stuff is electronic now. I did get to play with wiping clean the hard drive on an old computer to see if it's something we can reload Windows on to and then sell. I like doing things like that. I also invested $365,000 (not my money - I wish it was lol) with a new investment firm. That's always fun. I'm avoiding something I have to do, though - I'll do it this weekend.

whynot4856

Hey all! Ive been so busy at work. Then everyday after work Ive been working on my friend's wedding dress. My eyes are starting to cross, but I work best under pressure!

I feel like ive been away forever! Just a few days. Read over all your posts & they are inspiring, the tough ones & happy ones alike. It's cool that even though it's harder on some of us, we are all taking steps in the right direction.

Can't wait for 5:30pm. Going to my friends "soda party" with a few close friends and then visiting my mom, brother & old friends tomorrow.

Dee74

time for a new thread

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-5-a.html

D