Class Of March 2011 pt 11
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Dave I am so sorry about your Lab. I know how it feels to bury a loved pet .
Thinking of you .:ghug3
Aussie, who are the puggy trio?
They are cute aren't they but I only got the pic of the net it was a toss up between this one and a really cute cat one but I thought Mirage won't like that one.lol.
Thinking of you .:ghug3
Originally Posted by frances2011 
Aussie, who are the puggy trio?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Happy First Day of Winter and First Day of Summer! May the returning Light bring you joy.
See, the whole "running at 5:30AM" makes sense when you realize that it's just as pitch black at 5:30PM (or 17:30 for those who count that way), but the diff is that it's beautifully quiet and NO CARS on the road.
Or so I'm telling myself.
How are my Marchers? I'm feeling good this morning.
See, the whole "running at 5:30AM" makes sense when you realize that it's just as pitch black at 5:30PM (or 17:30 for those who count that way), but the diff is that it's beautifully quiet and NO CARS on the road.
Or so I'm telling myself.
How are my Marchers? I'm feeling good this morning.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
What a night. My trainee did amazingly, and I came home in a great mood. And then my oldest daughter met me at the door ... to tell me that she'd flunked another semester of college. Now understand that she is a very bright girl ... she had mostly A's through high school, with a few B's thrown in. She just decided to not attend most of her classes, and thus flunked.
She did this her very first semester a few years back, too. She was at a big university that year, living in the dorm, and we moved her back home and put her in community college. She did fine for the rest of that year and all the next. And now we're back to this. When I ask her why, her response is that she just wasn't "into it" this year. WHAT?????????? She's always had a propensity toward laziness ... always liked doing the least amount to get by. But we've paid a LOT of money for this, and she knew it, and she'd made the mistake before and promised she'd never do it again.
Thinking back, I remember mornings that she was home when I thought she should be in class, and when I asked her about it she told me that she'd gotten texts and/or e-mails that the professers were sick and had cancelled class. I brought that up, and she just looked at me. She'd been lying the whole time. (she's got a big history of lying, too)
I have no idea what the next step will be. I suppose she needs to find a full-time job (with benefits, because our insurance will only cover a 20 year old daughter if she's a full-time student). She's quite adamant that she doesn't want to work in a factory, though we keep reminding her that she needs to do whatever she can at this point to move into the real world. And there's nothing wrong with working in a factory. She babysits 2-3 hours per day 3 days per week now, which she really loves, but that just might have to end in order to do something full-time.
What a night.
She did this her very first semester a few years back, too. She was at a big university that year, living in the dorm, and we moved her back home and put her in community college. She did fine for the rest of that year and all the next. And now we're back to this. When I ask her why, her response is that she just wasn't "into it" this year. WHAT?????????? She's always had a propensity toward laziness ... always liked doing the least amount to get by. But we've paid a LOT of money for this, and she knew it, and she'd made the mistake before and promised she'd never do it again.
Thinking back, I remember mornings that she was home when I thought she should be in class, and when I asked her about it she told me that she'd gotten texts and/or e-mails that the professers were sick and had cancelled class. I brought that up, and she just looked at me. She'd been lying the whole time. (she's got a big history of lying, too)
I have no idea what the next step will be. I suppose she needs to find a full-time job (with benefits, because our insurance will only cover a 20 year old daughter if she's a full-time student). She's quite adamant that she doesn't want to work in a factory, though we keep reminding her that she needs to do whatever she can at this point to move into the real world. And there's nothing wrong with working in a factory. She babysits 2-3 hours per day 3 days per week now, which she really loves, but that just might have to end in order to do something full-time.
What a night.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Glad your day started off well, frances.
So happy you're feeling a bit better, Dave. "Almost" is right! Yay!
Oh wow pbc, that stinks! I skipped my fair share of college classes too, but I was too scared to go so far as to flunk anything. Looking back, I wasted a lot of time and it's a regret, but I was immature about it I guess. She may just have to go back to school on her own time and her own dime some day when she's ready. I'm sorry, tho. This would be really hard for me, cuz we want the best for our kids and it's hard to see them not do what we think is best for them. On the flip side, this might make her grow up faster and appreciate the "real world" more. Who knows. But I'm sorry you have to go through it.
So happy you're feeling a bit better, Dave. "Almost" is right! Yay!
Oh wow pbc, that stinks! I skipped my fair share of college classes too, but I was too scared to go so far as to flunk anything. Looking back, I wasted a lot of time and it's a regret, but I was immature about it I guess. She may just have to go back to school on her own time and her own dime some day when she's ready. I'm sorry, tho. This would be really hard for me, cuz we want the best for our kids and it's hard to see them not do what we think is best for them. On the flip side, this might make her grow up faster and appreciate the "real world" more. Who knows. But I'm sorry you have to go through it.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
PBC - I feel for you and your daughter!!!!! I was your daughter. I had no idea why I was going to school. I really had no direction and no desire to go or finish school. If I made it to enough classes to get a grade it would be a C or B and the rest were F's because the professors didnt want to put up with my crappy attitude and lack of interest. I wanted to live and make money and be an adult. Wow did I figure out the hard way that life aint no bowl full of cherries when the cash flow stops.
I figured out a way to make a decent living tending bar. I thought all of my friends in school were chumps to suck it up and do what mommy and daddy said was best. Well a lot of money wasted and alcohol consumed I realized that my friends were buying houses and boats and going on vacations and I was still tending bar living week to week.Night to Night. I realized that this was ok for a 21 year old but I wasnt going to live like this as an adult. Besides I think I might have had a drinking problem........ When I went back to school and paid for it myself. I NEVER missed a class and I was a straight A student. I knew why I was there and what I wanted out of life. Unfortunately it takes some of us a lot longer to figure it out.
If I could have changed anything I would have finished school on the first go around. As a young adult I did not realize that I actually had life by the balls. Parents to help pick up the slack and push you along financially. I had no clue.
Ok this was not about me....It is about your daughter. My advice.....Show her the options. Put it on paper. Charge her rent if she wants to stay at home and work. Babysitting isnt going to go very far when you add in gas, food, water, utilities, cable, cell phone,(HEALTH,CAR) insurance, renters insurance. She is still under the lala land of mom and dad's financial blanket. OH how I miss those days. No vacations, movies, or dinners out.When you order out food....ask her if she is having anything and if she has cash for her food. Fun????There isnt time for fun in the real world without an education honey. Been there done that.
As for the Not that into it response.....I'm not that into producing gifts for Christmas this year or going grocery shopping, cleaning house, throwing party's or Coordinating 25 things an hour so you can sit around and eat bon bons and tell me how uncool I am. I'm not that into paying bills to keep a roof over everyones head. What if me and your father were not that into it?
Offer options, suggestions, career opportunities. The medical field is solid employment. Look into 2 year degrees. Something shorter term. If your daughter is anything like me....4 years of college seemed like 400 years at that age. Nurses make very good livings. There are many levels of nursing and you can specialize in multiple areas. Many nurses go on to become nurse practitioners or nurse anesthetists. Highly sought after and highly paid. Most major hospitals offer to pay for your remaining schooling
while you work for them if you choose to further your education. Alot of single doctors and Staff work in hospitals. Just sayin. Becoming a Dental Hygienist is a good career. If she likes babies. Pediatric hospitals are always in need of Pediatric nurses.
These are 2 year degrees that can get your foot in the door and your future improving. A 4 year degree opens doors and gives you more options. Keep adding on and you get more options.
That is how us simple folk have to make our way in the world. It isnt easy but it sure is gratifying.
Do you want me to handle this PBC....I am up for the job.
Can you tell that touched a nerve? When I was reading your post I was getting upset.....at myself. Dont let her drift...That is where the spiral begins.
PBC I know that you know most of what I said and then some, But i had to vent or my ears were going to explode. I hope that you can help her find a direction. Unfortunately, sometimes we cant.
Love her and pray that she remembers everything that you taught her. If she has an ounce of you in her she will do well.
Hugs
Dave
I figured out a way to make a decent living tending bar. I thought all of my friends in school were chumps to suck it up and do what mommy and daddy said was best. Well a lot of money wasted and alcohol consumed I realized that my friends were buying houses and boats and going on vacations and I was still tending bar living week to week.Night to Night. I realized that this was ok for a 21 year old but I wasnt going to live like this as an adult. Besides I think I might have had a drinking problem........
When I went back to school and paid for it myself. I NEVER missed a class and I was a straight A student. I knew why I was there and what I wanted out of life. Unfortunately it takes some of us a lot longer to figure it out. If I could have changed anything I would have finished school on the first go around. As a young adult I did not realize that I actually had life by the balls. Parents to help pick up the slack and push you along financially. I had no clue.
Ok this was not about me....It is about your daughter. My advice.....Show her the options. Put it on paper. Charge her rent if she wants to stay at home and work. Babysitting isnt going to go very far when you add in gas, food, water, utilities, cable, cell phone,(HEALTH,CAR) insurance, renters insurance. She is still under the lala land of mom and dad's financial blanket. OH how I miss those days. No vacations, movies, or dinners out.When you order out food....ask her if she is having anything and if she has cash for her food. Fun????There isnt time for fun in the real world without an education honey. Been there done that.
As for the Not that into it response.....I'm not that into producing gifts for Christmas this year or going grocery shopping, cleaning house, throwing party's or Coordinating 25 things an hour so you can sit around and eat bon bons and tell me how uncool I am. I'm not that into paying bills to keep a roof over everyones head. What if me and your father were not that into it?
Offer options, suggestions, career opportunities. The medical field is solid employment. Look into 2 year degrees. Something shorter term. If your daughter is anything like me....4 years of college seemed like 400 years at that age. Nurses make very good livings. There are many levels of nursing and you can specialize in multiple areas. Many nurses go on to become nurse practitioners or nurse anesthetists. Highly sought after and highly paid. Most major hospitals offer to pay for your remaining schooling
while you work for them if you choose to further your education. Alot of single doctors and Staff work in hospitals. Just sayin. Becoming a Dental Hygienist is a good career. If she likes babies. Pediatric hospitals are always in need of Pediatric nurses.
These are 2 year degrees that can get your foot in the door and your future improving. A 4 year degree opens doors and gives you more options. Keep adding on and you get more options.
That is how us simple folk have to make our way in the world. It isnt easy but it sure is gratifying.
Do you want me to handle this PBC....I am up for the job.
Can you tell that touched a nerve? When I was reading your post I was getting upset.....at myself. Dont let her drift...That is where the spiral begins.
PBC I know that you know most of what I said and then some, But i had to vent or my ears were going to explode. I hope that you can help her find a direction. Unfortunately, sometimes we cant.
Love her and pray that she remembers everything that you taught her. If she has an ounce of you in her she will do well.
Hugs
Dave
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
PBC...I'm so sorry about that situation. What Dave said. I had a wake up call in college too. I got to the end of year four, after having taken a couple semesters off over the years (for a variety of dysfunctional reasons), and my dad informed me that I was only on his dime for the four years after high school, and my time was up. I was only a junior at the time. By that point, I liked my college life (I went away, and lived there year round, due to my previous story of being kicked out), and wanted more dole, but there was none. What to do? I looked into the service, and almost joined. Ultimately, I was already working for my living expenses, so I split the remaining two semesters and spread them out over the next 1.5 yrs, including summer, and graduated with only $600 in debt. I worked a minimum of 40 hrs. It was what made me realize I was truly on my own by then, and that I could do it. It was probably one of the best learning experiences of my life. Of course, I didn't much care for my parents, and communicated very little with them, so that's the risk you take with a hard line. But, it can be done in love, even if its tough love.
Bottom line? The next move is yours, as you know. You may realize that she is burned out on school and needs a break, but, like you and Dave said, she should have to earn her keep. That may just straighten her up. I hope so.
I wish you the best of luck in the situation!
Glad you are doing better, Dave.
Still a lot to do before holiday. See ya later!
Bottom line? The next move is yours, as you know. You may realize that she is burned out on school and needs a break, but, like you and Dave said, she should have to earn her keep. That may just straighten her up. I hope so.
I wish you the best of luck in the situation!
Glad you are doing better, Dave.
Still a lot to do before holiday. See ya later!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
BTW...happy 2nd shortest day of the year to you too, Frances! From here on out the days get longer until late June!
I don't mean to be all about me, but if I'm not, who will be, right?
I've just gotta say that the rewards of sobriety are starting to show themselves in my life. For the first time in very long time, at least a year, my synapses seem to firing in the right order. I can actually plan and complete tasks. This may be just as much the ADs as sobriety, but in combo, I am actually starting to feel normal again. I think they call it Presence of Mind. It's like a sixth sense that most people have, but that I cut myself off from in reckless alcoholic behaviour. Yes, I've said things were not progressing as quickly as before in sobriety, and they really haven't but allofasudden I seem to be "coming back" to...I guess, lucidity. Thoughts aren't simply one step in front of the other; they are starting to be fluid. I've been getting monkeys off my back. All those warning lights that have been malfunctioning in the car? All 4 of them? Fixed. The garage door? Fixed. Papers? Partially straightened. Work systems? Well under way. This FEELS GOOD! I am rising from the depths.
I know its the ADs and working through sobriety together that are doing this, but it really is starting to feel like it did a few months out 28 yrs ago, and once since then, in the last ten years; I am really starting to feel sober. I'm getting my mojo back. I will not take it for granted or blow it this time. I'll nurture it, and make it my new groove. I am falling in love with sobriety, which means I am learning to love myself again, and from that I will be able to love others better. This is healing.
Okay...said it. Thanks for letting me air what is going right, so I can keep the momentum going, and maybe spread a little as well.
Peace out,
I don't mean to be all about me, but if I'm not, who will be, right?
I've just gotta say that the rewards of sobriety are starting to show themselves in my life. For the first time in very long time, at least a year, my synapses seem to firing in the right order. I can actually plan and complete tasks. This may be just as much the ADs as sobriety, but in combo, I am actually starting to feel normal again. I think they call it Presence of Mind. It's like a sixth sense that most people have, but that I cut myself off from in reckless alcoholic behaviour. Yes, I've said things were not progressing as quickly as before in sobriety, and they really haven't but allofasudden I seem to be "coming back" to...I guess, lucidity. Thoughts aren't simply one step in front of the other; they are starting to be fluid. I've been getting monkeys off my back. All those warning lights that have been malfunctioning in the car? All 4 of them? Fixed. The garage door? Fixed. Papers? Partially straightened. Work systems? Well under way. This FEELS GOOD! I am rising from the depths.
I know its the ADs and working through sobriety together that are doing this, but it really is starting to feel like it did a few months out 28 yrs ago, and once since then, in the last ten years; I am really starting to feel sober. I'm getting my mojo back. I will not take it for granted or blow it this time. I'll nurture it, and make it my new groove. I am falling in love with sobriety, which means I am learning to love myself again, and from that I will be able to love others better. This is healing.
Okay...said it. Thanks for letting me air what is going right, so I can keep the momentum going, and maybe spread a little as well.
Peace out,
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
PBC sorry about your daughter
Frances I love the early morning , no noise and peacefull. Enjoy!
Lofty nice positive post so happy things are going good!
Well done on the cigys.
Mirage I couldn't help myself here it is.
Attachment 16557
Dave and Dee
Frances I love the early morning , no noise and peacefull. Enjoy!
Lofty nice positive post so happy things are going good!
Well done on the cigys.
Mirage I couldn't help myself here it is.
Attachment 16557
Dave and Dee
Last edited by aussieblue; 12-28-2014 at 12:29 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Wise words folks who have been there, thank u Dave and lofty.
Love hearing all about your sobriety lofty because it gives me hope for me too! Thank you for sharing it.
Husband and I are helping out our friends tonight. The husband is at the hospital with his dad, who is near death. I helped the wife get the kids fed and my husband is taking the kids to a school wrestling match.
Xoxoxo
Love hearing all about your sobriety lofty because it gives me hope for me too! Thank you for sharing it.
Husband and I are helping out our friends tonight. The husband is at the hospital with his dad, who is near death. I helped the wife get the kids fed and my husband is taking the kids to a school wrestling match.
Xoxoxo
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
Hey Gang
A couple of you have asked me if I'm ok - I'm fine - just busy.
It's just a fact of life this time of year is amazingly busy here
PBC I have no parenting advice but I know you and your husband will have prayed on it - I'm confident you'll respond in the right way, whatever that is
D
A couple of you have asked me if I'm ok - I'm fine - just busy.
It's just a fact of life this time of year is amazingly busy here
PBC I have no parenting advice but I know you and your husband will have prayed on it - I'm confident you'll respond in the right way, whatever that is
D
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Glad you are doing well Dee! Thanks for checking in. Newcomers thread sure is busy. It's different to feel a little distance from the daily struggle and read some of the posts. Also a good reminder, which is why SR is such a great solution. Thanks for all you do here!
Well, wife and I went to dinner with our group of friends. It was fun. I was the only one not drinking, and swear I caught some attitude from the waitress about it. These were drinking friends I'd get together with a couple times a month. Actually, church friends, and part of a small group, which deteriorated to a drinking club. Conversation was very superficial. I know two of us are dealing with real issues in life, and Im celebrating my new biz, but none of that comes up. That's okay, but when it was time to leave, one of the guys, who brews his own beer (and does a great job) was having the after party. We came home to check in on the way, and I just got super tired, and then it hit me: why do I want to go watch these guys drink beer, if there isn't gonna be any substance to the conversation after that? So, I turned around the car and stayed home, and my wife went to go hang with the girls. It feels weird, but I've been ready, off and on, to move on from this group for a couple years. It's all me, but I've gotta be true to myself. It wasn't like I was gonna drink or anything, but I had no interest in watching them get tight. Does that sound weird? Selfish?
Anyway, I'm home, and beat, so I'm going to bed. Good night!
Well, wife and I went to dinner with our group of friends. It was fun. I was the only one not drinking, and swear I caught some attitude from the waitress about it. These were drinking friends I'd get together with a couple times a month. Actually, church friends, and part of a small group, which deteriorated to a drinking club. Conversation was very superficial. I know two of us are dealing with real issues in life, and Im celebrating my new biz, but none of that comes up. That's okay, but when it was time to leave, one of the guys, who brews his own beer (and does a great job) was having the after party. We came home to check in on the way, and I just got super tired, and then it hit me: why do I want to go watch these guys drink beer, if there isn't gonna be any substance to the conversation after that? So, I turned around the car and stayed home, and my wife went to go hang with the girls. It feels weird, but I've been ready, off and on, to move on from this group for a couple years. It's all me, but I've gotta be true to myself. It wasn't like I was gonna drink or anything, but I had no interest in watching them get tight. Does that sound weird? Selfish?
Anyway, I'm home, and beat, so I'm going to bed. Good night!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 73
Man.. for some reason this week was a struggle... I really need to review my list of triggers and keep them top of mind. I was really tempted today.. but made the right decisions and building on that tomorrow.
Lofty.. Doesn't sound weird at all and I'm admiring your strength... hang out with the ladies!
Lofty.. Doesn't sound weird at all and I'm admiring your strength... hang out with the ladies!
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