Class of December 2010 Part 9
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by Lily 
I am still here, but didn't post much on here. (well, I didn't even know it existed for a while) I will have one year on Dec. 28th! Excited to hit a year, not my first time hitting a year on SR, but my first time hitting a year in RECOVERY! 
Lily
Lily
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Hmm, can't sleep, so I am going to dazzle you all with the story of a dream I had last night.
Basically, all of my friends got this new hobby - DIY heroin! I was walking around looking at everyone's garden full of poppies, and then ended up in a basement where people were making heroin by frying the blossoms in butter like an egg (Dreams are funny, aren't they? I am reasonably sure that's not how you do it.). Anyway, the best part was when I didn't cave in to peer pressure and Just Said No thanks to fried egg heroin. And then went home - to my mother. OMFG I laughed so hard this morning.
Dreams. Ya know? LOL
Basically, all of my friends got this new hobby - DIY heroin! I was walking around looking at everyone's garden full of poppies, and then ended up in a basement where people were making heroin by frying the blossoms in butter like an egg (Dreams are funny, aren't they? I am reasonably sure that's not how you do it.). Anyway, the best part was when I didn't cave in to peer pressure and Just Said No thanks to fried egg heroin. And then went home - to my mother. OMFG I laughed so hard this morning.
Dreams. Ya know? LOL
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Did I mention introducing my munchkin to the original munchkins of "Wizard of Oz"? We've watched it at least once a week for the past month. Anyway, the Wicked Witch of the West tries to put Dorothy permanently to sleep by placing a field of beautiful, poisonous poppies in her path. Fried or raw, it's an interesting metaphor...
Happy New Year, everyone. Glad to be ending this one free of poppies and other stuff.
Happy New Year, everyone. Glad to be ending this one free of poppies and other stuff.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
I love that movie, R&A! MGF, great job! How does one year feel, guys? VC, that picture made me hungry for a fried egg. Don't tell my vegan friends, but I am going to go make a fried egg sandwich... fried egg in butter, mayo, hot sauce on toast. It's how Elvis did it, lol.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Yep, the only days that matter to me are Day 1... and whatever day I happen to be in! It honestly doesn't feel much different than it did at 6 months or so. The newness is gone, so a little less gee-whiz feeling, but still a deep sense of gratitude (SR helps keep that going). The lack of newness also means things are more comfortable in a way too—it's slowly becoming the new "normal."
I say as long as you're running afoul of the vegans, go nuts GFCO, and throw some bacon on that egg sandwich!!
It honestly doesn't feel much different than it did at 6 months or so. The newness is gone, so a little less gee-whiz feeling, but still a deep sense of gratitude (SR helps keep that going). The lack of newness also means things are more comfortable in a way too—it's slowly becoming the new "normal."I say as long as you're running afoul of the vegans, go nuts GFCO, and throw some bacon on that egg sandwich!!
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
So when did everything start to feel normal for you, R&A & MGF? Or did it? I see life a lot differently now, and sometimes I still don't trust it to stay this way. Like something is going to jump out and bite me for being happy, lol. I always wear a smile nowadays. I still obviously have my past to deal with, but I feel like someday I can start to put it in the context of a bigger story of overcoming. I guess I'm hopeful - it's kind of weird to feel. I'm so used to feeling ugly emotions because of the way I was living.
I think I was happy for a short time between being powerless as a child and then being powerless over alcohol. It didn't last very long but I'm kind of getting deja vu all over again with each sober day and this idea is coming in to focus that it's all real. I really see this as a second shot at life and I am so grateful for the things & people that got me here. That includes you all too, big time. Dee, you should be getting paid millions for what you do here.
I started looking over the newcomers forums again after a long break, and I found myself saying some nasty things to new members because I just want to take them and shake them, tough love or something like that. I just want to scream when I read some of the threads, and other times they break my heart. I realized that I had crossed a line and tried to remember how hard it was being lost. The process seems so easy now and so obvious but it's not when you are going through it as we all know. I don't want my experience to turn me into someone who is intolerant of others. I have been avoiding thinking about how things were when I was actively drinking because it's painful to remember, but I need those memories to keep me compassionate. I feel like I need to give back some of the support that has been given to me, and I'd like to be able to do some of that here if I can.
I didn't realize that getting sober meant getting humbled pretty hard over and over again and learning to love it. I didn't expect the ways in which this would change me... and I thought I only had a drinking problem
I think I was happy for a short time between being powerless as a child and then being powerless over alcohol. It didn't last very long but I'm kind of getting deja vu all over again with each sober day and this idea is coming in to focus that it's all real. I really see this as a second shot at life and I am so grateful for the things & people that got me here. That includes you all too, big time. Dee, you should be getting paid millions for what you do here.
I started looking over the newcomers forums again after a long break, and I found myself saying some nasty things to new members because I just want to take them and shake them, tough love or something like that. I just want to scream when I read some of the threads, and other times they break my heart. I realized that I had crossed a line and tried to remember how hard it was being lost. The process seems so easy now and so obvious but it's not when you are going through it as we all know. I don't want my experience to turn me into someone who is intolerant of others. I have been avoiding thinking about how things were when I was actively drinking because it's painful to remember, but I need those memories to keep me compassionate. I feel like I need to give back some of the support that has been given to me, and I'd like to be able to do some of that here if I can.
I didn't realize that getting sober meant getting humbled pretty hard over and over again and learning to love it. I didn't expect the ways in which this would change me... and I thought I only had a drinking problem
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I don't know if it started to feel normal, per se. I probably shouldn't have used that word. More like I adapted to this new level. Definitely much happier. Sometimes the thought just comes on me—wow, I escaped that hellish cycle!—and it's the feeling of being a kid and waking up on Christmas. That happens several times a week. And when I have a terrible day, I think, "Well, I know for a fact things could be a whole lot worse..." I dunno if that is normal or not. Do people who never had an addiction feel grateful all the time?
I've seen some of your newcomer posts, and none struck me as harsh at all. Quite the opposite. But there was just a thread on this topic last week; what does "support" really mean, and does it include tough honesty? I feel sometimes we need a hug, sometimes we need a kick in the a$$, and sometimes we need both...though probably not in that order!
:ghug3
I've seen some of your newcomer posts, and none struck me as harsh at all. Quite the opposite. But there was just a thread on this topic last week; what does "support" really mean, and does it include tough honesty? I feel sometimes we need a hug, sometimes we need a kick in the a$$, and sometimes we need both...though probably not in that order!
:ghug3
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
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You know, speaking of tolerance, I will say this. I do not look at street people the same way. I now see shades of myself in the most down-and-out-looking back-alley wino. I never understood how "those people" ended up like that. Now, of course, I totally understand how it happens to us. And that's without adding a mental illness to the mix. I wish there could be a Dee on every street corner to help them.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
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She's lucky I didn't dial long distance to a farm somewhere upstate where all the other good dogs go to live. This is probably the funniest thing she's chewed, partly because it didn't cost very much. I will always bear the scars of that 1 week old cashmere robe... *sob*
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