aussieblue

"Oh thank you" for the laughs.

I have been back tracking and reading, so miles of catching up as I have been flat out with work and have been soooooo tired at the end of the day and only had time to breeze through the posts in the morning so no posting.

Huge congrats to PBC and Frances on your milestones.

Sorry for not answering everyone but I had to go back so far I forget all I want to say ( the old brain just aint the same as it used to be) but I do want to say if it weren't for you all I would be doing it a whole lot harder than I have . Huggs to you all.

Dee74

have a good weekend everyone
I intend to do some of this lol

D

LoftyIdeals

Dee...as usual, you've hit the nail on the head. Thank you. You are wise beyond your years. I'm glad to know you. Sorry I didn't reply to this yesterday, but I was pondering your comments, and slept on them.

What you describe is what I've been flirting with; my fourth step, in AA terms. I think about it, and I get overwhelmed. It's not that I have to come to terms with my entire life. Most of my misdeeds were self-destructive, and not toward others. But, certainly others were affected. My biggest amend must be made with God, since it was Him I have most offended. I've not become the person He made me to be. Instead, I've selfishly ignored my gifts and talents, and used them and my time for my own indulgences. On occasion, He did still use me in others lives, despite myself and my behaviours. I hope and believe that quitting drinking will allow space in my life that can be filled with joy in service to others. But, I must admit that my mind is still set on self; though in recovery, rather than indulgence.

You are right, my friend. I can only regain the sanity and centeredness in my life by realizing, understanding, atoning, forgiving, being forgiven, and accepting forgiveness. From there, will come joy. I am at a loss on how to do that, and must give it over to Him. In fact, lost is probably the best way to describe me in life right now. And somewhat conflicted, about a lot of my life.

Thank you for your words of hope. They mean more to me than you can imagine. And they bring me hope.

Dee74

I hope I didn't make it sound easy, cos it's not, lol...

but yeah - we all have to do a 4th step, whether we call it that or not....and I think we all find it darn hard...I know I did.

we're all with you Lofty
D

frances2011

Want to thank you Lofty for the issues you are bringing up. I feel sure that each of us can relate in some way and benefit from your share.

How's everyone today?

QOTD: Weekend plans!

I am HOME this weekend for the first time in 5 weeks. Next weekend I'm going to Miami Beach for a half marathon with 2 girlfriends. I'm stressing about the money, a little, but since these plans were made 6 months ago, I'm going to go and I'm going to enjoy myself.

This weekend: Long run tomorrow AM, garden and plant spring bulbs (for Northern Hemisphere peeps--it's not too late if the ground isn't frozen where you are.) Sunday AM I am setting up a photo shoot to get a new professional headshot. Cross fingers I get something good!

My younger sis is moving to a small rental house this weekend. She didn't ask me to come help. I didn't suggest it to her--I "waited for the question" and it didn't come. I am whipped from so much travel but I would have gone if requested. I am very out of touch with her right now but I am trusting it will all sort out.

Husband and I are buying a larger condo in Maine in the same building and selling our unit to his brother. The paperwork is complicated. But I Can Do Hard Things! This will be an EXTREMELY positive financial move for me and husband. I haven't shared any of it with my family. I feel "guilty" that I am spending money on my future, considering that it's Christmas and my sister is in such dire straits. (I have given her money for her lawyer.) This means that my Christmas budget is small this year because I am spending money on the real estate lawyer and closing costs. My dad is terrible with money. I come from a family with poor financial skills. It is really a leap and a jump up for me to be making smart financial choices.

The family programming tape I have is that I am being "selfish" by going to Miami and moving on this financial deal and focusing on my own happiness instead of everyone else's. Just one more thing to work through in Recovery.

March it!

frances2011

P.S.--The whole French Fry Sex is HYSTERICAL. I was giggling the whole time.

PeanutButterCup

"Instead, I've selfishly ignored my gifts and talents" -- Lofty, I'd thought about this very thing when you were talking about wanting to be happy. Maybe there are some gifts and talents that you have that have laid dormant, and if discovered and exercised would begin that path to joy? What do you remember being passionate about in the past? What things capture your heart now? Sometimes we don't even know we have certain gifts, and they could be our strongest ones! My whole life I had no idea I was a teacher ... but I am. And, not to sound braggy, but I do believe that I'm a very good one. I was in my mid-thirties before I figured that one out, and it's become one of my greatest strengths and passions.

Also, I do believe that our "gift mix" isn't stagnant ... God lets some things fade and others grow to fit the seasons in our lives and the needs around us.

Frances, I have the same exact thing in my family with money issues (well, just with my parents, and only my mom is still alive). It's exhausting. I am crazy-blessed that many years ago Jim helped me establish boundaries. My sister and her husband didn't do that, and she is now in therapy and on meds trying to deal with all the dysfunction and abuse that my mom heaps upon her daily. I think your choices are absolutely fine. I learned many years ago that handing over money to someone who refuses to change does more harm than good.

I told our friends that we weren't coming to the party, and why, and they are wonderfully supportive of that decision. She even said she was proud of me ... awww! So now I still need to narrow down a plan for the night. Jim is thinking maybe Christmas shopping in GR. I'd love to tag on the comedy place ... we'll see.

I've spent the morning being so productive! I got up early and made cinnamon rolls and blackberries (well, I didn't make the blackberries) for our family as a wake-up surprise, and have been cleaning and doing laundry all day (and last night). I had a bit of a meltdown last night about how over-busy I am with all my jobs lately and how I am simply not able to keep up with all the housework and laundry and dishes and cooking and all that on top of working well over full-time hours. Jim said I could call a housekeeper to try out ... just an hour or two every other week, but if she could even just take care of the bathrooms it would ease my burdon a TON. I've been wanting this for a long time, and I'm so excited to get started with her! Of course, saving money that I used to use on alcohol is a big part of how we'll afford it. Totally worth it!

I'm off today, so I'm sure I'll be super-posty. Talk to you soon!

frances2011

I feel Grace shining out of your post, PBC.

In my mind, Grace is courage we didn't know we had, but appears when we need it most.

lookinforward

KEEPIN IT REAL:
frances and PBC you are two of the busiest women I have ever met. Kudos to both of you! I guess the pace down south is slower or less interesting. My goal for next year is to be as productive as you two, heck if I get to 50% I will be busy as heck.
It is not that I am lazy....just the stuff I do doesnt seem half as interesting as what you two are up to. I drive kids to school, work, read, hunt and fish a little and take Mrs. Dave to dinner on occasion. I am kinda in that place in life where its nice, but you regret... a little.... the choices made when you were younger. I dont want a lot of "what ifs" when I cant do stuff anymore.
SOBRIETY IS GOOD:
I guess I am kinda at a crossroads.....wondering what in the hell I did with my life. I am happy but most of my past is a blurrrrrrrr. I am happy not having hang overs. I am happy not pissing off the wife. I am happy knowing what is going on with my kids 24/7. I am happy not going to work drunk or callin in sick. I am happy that my drinking days are behind me. I kept telling myself in the back of my head that I was just trying to make a year and I would drink again......it helped at that point and time. Somewhere in the last 3 months that has changed. I am too happy to go back to that life. I actually see the reactions if I talk about drinking with my family members....The what the hell look. My father is the most surprising. My wife is second. Then I tell them I am just joking and I see a genuine sense of relief. That is real. That speaks to me. They like sober Dave. You know what.....I do too.
TEMPTATION:
I am not going to my wifes christmas party this weekend because there is this guy there that always rides my case about not drinking and being a downer.(I always in the past 10 years have tried to quit drinking around christmas for the kids.) He is that guy that does not stop. I caved most of the time in the past and regret each time. I am miles beyond where I was in the past,but I mentioned this to my wife and she was great about it. She understood. She never wants me to go back to that guy. I understand temptation and how it works. I am getting smarter in my sobriety in that aspect. If you are not feeling strong....do not put yourself in that situation. Plain and simple.
NOT SURE WHERE I WAS GOING:
Thanks for letting me get that off my brain. I see each one of you as my friends and I like to share my ideas with my friends. This sobriety thing is wild..... it is changing my life. I think differently. I act differently. The things that I thought were so important before somehow seem trivial. Artistic Dave is coming back. I want to learn how to make things create and Do! Ok I will leave you all alone for a while. thank you for being here!
Peace Love and Happiness
Dave

lookinforward

Wow! PBC I was typing while you were and I think that we were hitting on the same feelings and thoughts. Kinda weird. You expressed it much better than I did though.
Keep on keepin on.
Dave

lookinforward

Reread my post. Ladies when I said busy=productive. Just sayin.

lookinforward

Re read PBC's post. I aint made any cinnamon rolls or blackberries, but I sure would eatum. So I guess what I am sayin is that I aint done nothin that is in her last paragraph. That is excluded from our comparative analysis.
DAve

lookinforward

PBC you better cover up your Grace is showing!

lookinforward

I am trying to get us to the next page because I am with mirage...the french fry sex thing needs to get out of my mind and it dont help when it stares you in the face every time I come back here.

lookinforward

I keep thinking about chocolate milkshakes and french fries.

lookinforward

When I said in my OP that I had regrets....My wife and kids are not what I am talking about. I was talking about the some of the paths I took. If that makes sense.

frances2011

Helping move us along.

DAVE ROCKS! DAVE ROCKS! DAVE ROCKS!

lookinforward

how in the heck are we not on page 5 yet?

lookinforward

forget it.....french fry sex it is.

PeanutButterCup

Dave, I KNEW IT!!! We're long-lost twins, separated at birth! That's the only plausible explaination.

And tell me more about "artistic Dave" ... did you know that I was an art major in college? Of course, I only did 2 years. But there was a time when I had a little bit of talent in that area.